Title: "Loving Fear"

Author: Youko-sama

Category: angst/general

Rating: R, for language, violence, and abuse; also for shounen-ai and related innuendoes.

Notes: Pairings—Youko Kurama/Shuuichi Minamino; for any Japanese words I use, they will be in italics. Please see the bottom of the page for the definitions. Whenever "Kurama" is mentioned, it's his youkai form. Shuuichi is his human form, respectively.

Disclaimer: Youko-sama does not own any rights to Yu Yu Hakusho. All rights and related characters are copyrighted to their respective owners.

So wow. It's been almost two years. Surprised to see an update? I certainly am. Give thanks to my good friend Noelle who bit me with the fanfiction bug once more. I adore this story, and I have always planned to finish it. Which I will.

I have certainly matured in these past two years, along with my writing style, and I hope it shows. Enjoy.

Youko-sama

----------------

"The sweet feeling of Immortality

I'll gourge myself with it till l hurl

As with this perverted Sentiment will

Gnaw away at your willing new lips

Such long, thick lashes

My beloved slave too

Everything! Everything!

His hair, his voice, will be mine soon

Hey, you want to hold me, don't you?

That's right, everything's been a bad dream

But I'll smash apart your past for you

So come here, dear, come to me my dear..."

-(translated) "Succubus" by Schwarz Stein

Chapter 10: "Visitation, part 2"

Shuuichi slunk down against the back of the closed door, his face buried into his knees, red locks sweeping around his shaking legs. He didn't believe what he was about to do next. He didn't. He couldn't.

His face lifted slightly, his eyes glazing over as he became lost in thought. He abruptly shook his head, obviously discarding an idea that he had formed. It would only create trouble. It would do more harm than good. It was forbidden. Don't do it, don't. The idea was, however, so appealing...

The redhead scrambled up off the floor, opened the door to the bedroom frantically and went to put on his shoes. He didn't have much time. He still denied to himself that he was actually doing this. He tugged on the last shoe and ran out the back door to the balcony.

-----

Yusuke looked at the fox demon inquisitively as the two walked down the sidewalk, his mouth forming a playful pout. "So why'd you move out?" he asked.

Kurama turned his head and looked down towards the black-haired boy. "One reason, really," he said, facing forward once more.

The youth playfully punched Kurama's arm. "Don't leave it off at there, you ass, tell me."

Kurama merely glanced towards Yusuke out of the corner of his eye. "You wouldn't value its worth even if I did. It never applied to you."

"Just tell me, damn it!"

Kurama stopped, and turned to Yusuke. The youth's attention was completely focused on the youkai's answer, eyes wide and anxious.

"It was better for... my studies." The fox demon raised an eyebrow. "Happy now?"

Yusuke tilted his head, dumbfounded. "But you don't go to school..."

Kurama poked Yusuke's forehead with a finger and pushed back, knocking the youth slightly off-balance. "Idiot," he said, an amused grin forming. "It wasn't for me. For my human side. Who else?"

A look of sudden revelation came upon Yusuke's face as the detail sunk in. "Oh. ...You know," he said, embarking on another train of thought, "your nails really hurt." He put a finger to the aching spot and checked for blood. "They're just like weapons," he added, as he stuck out his tongue.

The fox smirked. "As juvenile as ever, Yusuke," he noted, continuing to walk on. A glimmer of red caught his eye, and he abruptly stopped, glancing over his shoulder.

Yusuke stopped as well and began to look around. "What's wrong, Kurama?" he asked.

The youkai faced back around to the confused youth and smiled. "Nothing," he said. "I just thought I saw a dog off it's leash."

-----

The redhead panted heavily as he ran down the street, continuously surveying his surroundings.

I've got to hurry, he thought frantically. This has to be quick.

He finally arrived at a building complex and stopped in front of it. Heart pounding, he took a deep breath to calm his heaving chest, taking in the nostalgic sights and sounds. However, he knew he was limited in his stay, so he hurried up the stairs to an oh-so-familiar door and knocked.

A woman opened the door and smiled brightly when she saw the redhead, her face beaming with happiness. "Shuuichi," she said, starting to tear up, "how I've missed you so." She laughed a little as she wiped her tears. "I would have never thought that I'd miss you this much. Come in, come in; Father and your brother will be glad to see you again. How are your studies coming along?"

Shuuichi grinned at his mother, hardly hearing her. "Splendidly," he replied.

-----

"Oh, um, hi, Shizuru," Yusuke laughed nervously. "Is your brother home?"

The female psychic took a long drag on her cigarette and stepped aside, waving the two inside. "Yeah, sure, he's upstairs."

She nodded a greeting to Yusuke, and started to say, "Nice to see you again" to Kurama before she stopped short, watching the youkai pass in front of her into the house. "Kurama? You're..."

"Stunning? Gorgeous? A fox?" Kurama laughed as he took off his hat for Shizuru to take. "I merely became bored; needed to stretch my muscles, you know." He grinned and gave her a wink.

Shizuru coyly grinned at the demon. "That 'fox' attribute can be applied in more ways than one." She shook her head, smiling. "But yes, Kazuma's in his room. Studying. Studying! Can you believe it?"

Yusuke laughed. "So how's his new girl?" he asked, nudging Shizuru with an elbow.

Shizuru shrugged. "Same old, same old. She's up there with him; he doesn't want to lose sight of her." She smiled in spite of her brother. "Now go on, I'll start up some tea."

The black-haired youth bounded up the stairs, Kurama following shortly—but more gracefully—after. Yusuke banged on Kuwabara's bedroom door, obnoxiously loud.

"Oi! Kuwa-chaaaan, open up!! You've got vistors! What a way to greet us, I'm ashamed! Didn't your sister ever tell you to—"

The door swung open to a glaring Kuwabara. "UREMESHI!! Some nerve you have!!! Could've broken my door, you know! A couple of knocks are fine, my god!"

Yusuke laughed as he patted his friend on the back. "Heard you were studying. New inspiration?"

"Trying to change the subject on me, eh? I'll have you know that—what's this?! Kurama? Is that you?" The curly redhead looked past his friend towards the youkai. "What's the, uh, what's the occasion?"

"Got bored," the fox said. "That's all."

"Uh huh..." Kuwabara mumbled, cautiously looking over the demon.

"So where's Moe-chan?" Yusuke asked, looking past Kuwabara into his room.

Kuwabara looked over his shoulder and let out a small shriek. "Moe-chan! Off the desk, I'm doing homework!"

He rushed over and picked up a small brown kitten from the books and papers, scolding her by tapping her nose.

Yusuke looked over towards Kurama. "Cute, ain't she?" he grinned.

The youkai looked back down towards the youth with a puzzled look. "That's his 'new girl'?" He glanced towards Kuwabara. "Urameshi mentioned a new girlfriend."

"WHAT?!" Kuwabara dropped Moe off on the bed and stormed toward the laughing Yusuke, picking him up by the collar. "Urameshi!! That's a new low!! You know that my only love is Yukina!!!"

Yusuke laughed as he easily unhooked Kuwabara's hands off his shirt. "I know, I know! She's your eternal love! I know!"

Kuwabara snorted. "Darn right she is. And don't you ever forget it."

"How can I when she's all he ever talks about?" Yusuke playfully muttered to Kurama. The fox grinned, which only flustered Kuwabara even more than before.

"Hey boys," Shizuru's voice called from downstairs. "Tea's ready, you want some?"

The three looked at each other and nodded in collective agreement. Kuwabara turned off his light and led the way, Yusuke and Kurama following him; the two cats brought up the rear.

-----

"So, Shuuichi," the redhead's stepfather started, "how's the independent life treating you?" He asked, taking a sip of his tea.

Shuuichi smiled politely, replying, "It's wonderful for my studies. But, of course,"—he looked at his mother—"I miss eating meals with everyone."

His mother beamed, delighted. "Well, you know that you're always welcome anytime, Shuuichi. Why is it that you don't visit more often?"

The redhead slightly paled and looked down towards his tea. "I'm sorry, Mother. It's just that I get so caught up in my studies that I forget about everything else."

"He sure is a diligent worker, isn't he?" Shuuichi's stepfather said, his chest puffed out and his voice filled with pride. "Oh, it's almost time to meet with some guys for work," he said suddenly, checking his watch. "We're going out for drinks tonight; I nearly forgot."

Shuuichi snapped his gaze to his stepfather."What time is it now?" he asked, becoming frantic.

His stepfather checked his watch, a bit confused. "Why it's... almost six. Ten 'til."

The redhead felt his heart sink, and he started to gather his things. I've been here too long, I've been here too long!

"Shuuichi, dear, whatever is the matter wrong?" the redhead's mother worridly asked.

Shuuichi looked up towards his mother and tried to reassure her. "It's nothing much, but I promised some friends that I would meet them. I don't want to be late."

"Oh... Well, we wouldn't want to keep you, now would we?" she replied, a bit downhearted.

"I'm really sorry," the redhead apologized, bowing profusely. "I'll come visit again!"

And with that he hurried out the door.

-----

Kurama finished his tea and gently set it on the table. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall of the kitchen: 5:40pm. "Well, friends," he said as he rose from the table. "I do believe that my human side has some studying to do."

Yusuke—his mouth stuffed with onigiri—nodded his head. "Yeah, sure," he managed to say.

Kurama looked towards Shizuru and smiled amiably. "The tea was delicious. Compliments to the chef," he said with a wink.

"You sly dog, Kurama," Shizuru smirked. "Go on, get out of here."

Kuwabara and Yusuke waved as Kurama said his goodbyes and left the house. He slowly walked down the street, taking his time.

-----

Relieved to find he was the only one home so far, Shuuichi quickly shook off his shoes and grabbed his bookbag, taking it into the bedroom. He unloaded his schoolbooks on top of his desk in their place he stuffed a pair of pants and a shirt. Breathing heavily, he hurried down the hallway and scurried into the bathroom. He quickly overturned the clothes hamper, dumping the clothes onto the floor, and tossed the bookbag into its bottom. He grabbed an armful of spilled shirts and pants and threw them back into the hamper, his heart all the while feeling like it was going to break free of its confines. He closed the hamper lid and sighed, leaning on the counter for support. His whole body shook, and in an effort to calm himself down, he splashed water onto his face.

No sooner had he wiped his face dry than the front door opened, and that familiar voice rang out. "Tadaima," it called.

Shuuichi stepped into the hallway and bowed slighty—enough to show respect—and returned the greeting. "Okaeri nasai." He lifted his head and held onto the doorframe of the bathroom. All these nerves were making him nauseous. He watched the youkai slip off his shoes, walk into the living room, and turn on the television with not even a glance at the redhead.

Maybe... he doesn't know? Shuuichi thought, wary of Kurama's seemingly odd behavior. Sensing it was safe to move, he walked across the hall into the kitchen. "...Have you eaten?" he asked as gathered a couple pots and cooking utensils.

There was a long pause before Kurama answered with a short, "No."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'll make dinner for both of us, then."