A/N: I decided to have The Breaking Point in the same story rather than starting a new one cuz yeah. Enjoy.

So Holly J and Sav were standing around in the least sexy school uniforms ever. "Damn this blows," Sav said.

"I know," Holly J said. "I mean, how long can they really keep this up? No one is going to keep watching the show if we don't look hot anymore."

Mr. Simpson coughed loudly. "AHEM."

"Sorry I did a strip tease," Holly J said. "It'll totally never happen again."

"It was good for ratings though right?" Sav asked.

"Could you please read these rules on the announcements?" Mr. Simpson asked.

"Woah come on," Sav said. "If you watched the actual show instead of just reading this parody you would've heard Alli or Clare or something mention that there was already a note home explaining all the rules. Wouldn't reading them over the announcements too kind of be overkill?"

Mr. Simpson shook his head. "Yes but the audience didn't get that note. You have to let all of the teens, tweens, twenty-somethings who remember Spinner's adopted sister, and occasional forty-year-old perverts at home know what's changed since they last saw Holly J stripping for a guy in a fugly Elvis suit."

Holly J nodded and looked into the camera. "Okay everyone. Starting today, sex and violence should only happen off school property. No sexual behavior at school, no screwing in the school building, no oral sex in secret corridors, no getting pregnant on school property, no arson crimes, no killing each other with weapons..."

Choruses of groans echoed throughout the school. "Well what are we supposed to do at school?" an extra asked. "Attend classes and prepare our college applications?"

"Those are the things that make Degrassi what it is," Clare objected.

"Wow and just two seasons ago you would've loved all of this especially the uniform," Alli said.

"Yeah well they changed my character to make me more likable," Clare explained.

Alli smiled. "This is the perfect chance for me to reinvent myself and stop being such a slut."

Clare started a stopwatch to see how long that would take.

They're all back from break

and some of the intro's new

A woo

We kicked Leia out

so Zane could be in the preview

A woo-oo-oo-oo

Be depressed

'Cuz it makes for good TV

They're all back from break!

But none of the plot is new!

Dun-da-dun-da-da-da-dun-da

"You know you really shouldn't parody the intro," Clare said. "I mean after all, how long have people been saying that stupid Leia needs to be kicked out of the intro so Zane can get a spot?"

"Good point," I said.

The camera zoomed in on Jenna who was wearing a large trash bag on stage so no one would notice she was pregnant.

"I'm exactly like that redhead chick on that other show!

And I was hoping you didn't know!

Hope none of you remember Instant Star

based on how young you are...

Hope that you don't get to know

This plot is totes unoriginal!"

It was a beautiful song that the suddenly talented Jenna wrote herself.

"Great job, Jenna," someone said.

And then some slut showed up. "Hi Jenna. I'm going to ruin your hopes and dreams."

"DANGIT!" Jenna whined.

So then the people from Next Teen Star followed her to school. "Geez," the agent said. "If only you were hiding something shameful under your big ugly oversized jersey someone might care about you."

"People DO care about me!" Jenna said. "Why don't you talk to my best friend Chantay?"

"Since when has Chantay been your best friend?" the interviewer asked. "I've been watching Degrassi since season one when your school was grainy and had shitty video quality and the lockers weren't neon colored and I have never heard of Chantay being your friend."

Eager to prove the woman wrong, Chantay jumped in front of the microphone. "I LOVE JENNA!"

"You're just saying that because you're desperate for actual screen time," the interviewer said.

"OH MY GOD YES YOU ARE RIGHT!" Chantay screamed frantically. "Please help me I'm desperate! They cut Leia out of the credits...they did that...I'm next...I'm ne-he-hext!"

Someone shoved her out of the way because she was boring. It was sad.

"Wow, Jenna," the interviewer said. "Just because you're friends with Chantay you are officially too boring for our show. Either do something cool or drop out."

"DANGIT!" Jenna yelled as the interviewers left.

Chantay sulked out of the bushes where she landed when someone pushed her. "Need some advice?"

"Desperately," Jenna said.

"You're the most boring person I've ever met," Chantay said. "Even boringer than Leia."

"I know,' Jenna said. "It sucks."

"You need a scandal or something," Chantay said.

"But I don't HAVE one," Jenna whined. "I'm just a normal everyday slut."

"Trust me. Have I ever been wrong?" Chantay asked.

"Well you probably answered a lot of questions wrong on your freshman year final exam considering you're a super senior, but other than that, not really because you don't have enough actual screen time to make a mistake," Jenna said.

"Exactly," Chantay beamed.

So then Adam was all, "Alli, take Drew back."

And Alli was like, "you'd really think they could give you a better plot line. Everyone's dying to see you kiss a girl and is sick of your character being wasted."

Adam sighed. "Yeah I know. But give Drew another chance. He's a pathetic blubbering mess without you."

"O-kay!" Alli said.

On her way to wherever it is Drew hangs out, Mr. Simpson went, "HEY ALLI you have shit self-esteem, take a class."

"What?" Alli said.

"Shit self-esteem is the PC way of telling you you're a big whore," Mr. Simpson said.

"WHAT?" Alli asked. "I'm not nearly as big a whore as Bianca."

"Well you and she are going to take Don't Be A Slut Class together then," Mr. Simpson said.

So then Clare showed up. "Gee, that's one hell of a double standard that only girls have to take this class."

"I know," Alli said. "I hate Bianca. I think I'll do something immature to her."

Clare shook her head. "Stay away from Bianca and Drew. They're both idiots."

"Drew is NOT an idiot. Besides if he's an idiot then so is Eli. So...why don't you tell the audience whether or not you're going to stay with Eli considering most of them are at the edge of their seats and panicking because he hasn't appeared in this episode yet," Alli said.

"Oh right," Clare said. "Well I guess I'm staying with him but I'm only doing this for Xanath."

"Right," Alli said.

"And since your relationship with Drew has no bearing on Xanath's health you should really leave him."

Alli rolled her eyes. "Please Clare. You really think I'm going to leave a complete loser who kind of treats me halfway decently sometimes but the rest of the time is a complete jackass? That's my TYPE Clare."

"I've noticed," Clare said dully.

So then Drew popped out of nowhere. "Alli I am SO sorry! If I could take it all back I woulda worn a chastity belt to school every single day forever. So are we cool?" Drew asked.

"Sure whatever," Alli said.

"SWEET!" Drew exclaimed.

So then Alli went to the class. "You're a slut," Alli said.

"You're dating a man whore," Bianca said.

"You're slutty," Alli repeated.

"You're slutty!" Bianca yelled.

"Girls," the teacher said. "It's harsh words like this that killed Xanath."

"I didn't know she was dead," Alli said.

"That's not the point," the teacher said. "Do you want her fragile angelic unicorn heart to break?"

"Good point," Alli said. "Let's stop fighting."

So they stopped fighting and then when Bianca randomly left her bag on a desk, Alli fished out her iPhone and looked at sexy pictures of Bianca.

"HOT," Alli blushed because some people like Alli/Bianca and I want to make those people happy.

So then Alli sent the pictures to everyone and their mother's dog. So Love Queen opened her e-mail and saw a new message entitled, "Underage Hotty."

"OH BOY!" she said, hopping up and down in her chair. And then she saw it was a girl and went, "EEW how dare someone non-consensually push something I didn't want on me?"

And then Karma was like, "fuck you."

So then Bianca was like, "you like seeing me naked?"

And Alli was like. "Not really."

And then they started rolling on the floor groping each other in an angry way that will inevitably be slowed down and used in femslash videos, especially at the end.

"WOW enough fan service! There is a STRICT rule against fan service this season." Mr. Simpson yelled. "Alli, my office now. Your parents are here."

"Damn," Alli said. "How in the seven hells did you get them here THE SECOND I did something wrong? I mean, they're doctors or something. It's not like they're Mrs. Torres or something who basically lives behind Mr. Simpson's desk."

"Well Degrassi is a police state now," Mr. Simpson said. "We record thought crimes."

"Oh, I get it," Alli said. "Shucks."

So then she went to the office where her parents were.

"A-lli we are so very disappointed in you," Alli's mother said.

Mr. Simpson smiled. "THANK you for not screaming your heads off at me. I kind of have parent-phobia these days thanks to Mrs. Torres."

"Actually," Alli who is sometimes smart despite being stupid interrupted. "You don't get a phobia as a result of a traumatic event. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a much different psychological condition than a phobia because one of the marks of a phobia is that it has no clear basis and can be treated with behavioral therapy. It's one of the few things behavioral therapy is good for even though it likes to act like it's the absolute shit in the psychological world. In any case, even behaviorists have to admit that they're about as useful against PTSD as a Kleenex against an oil spill."

"Too soon," Mrs. Bandhari said.

"Sorry," Alli said.

Mr. Simpson sighed. "I'm sorry it's just, I'm under a lot of stress and Ms. Sauve is not enough."

"Really?" Alli asked. "Because I'm pretty sure she's famous for being able to cure eating disorders, rape trauma, and anorexia in a single episode each. That's one hell of a counselor."

"Do you realize what I'M sitting on though?" Mr. Simpson asked. "I'm raising a son who hasn't been mentioned for five seasons and an autistic god son who was nearly raped by the ugliest woman ever to appear on Degrassi. Okay and besides that, I'm suddenly the principal of a school with low test scores and gang violence because they couldn't hire enough actors to let me stay a teacher. And then...THEN...I'm still watching my every move since Darcy accused me of sexual harassment and nearly got me fired and that happened when I was still reeling from having cancer which no one remembers and somewhere in the midst of all that my step-daughter daughter got anorexia after getting gonorrhea after almost getting shot in a SCHOOL SHOOTING that destroyed the self-esteem of a kid who really looked up to me, oh yeah and then I had to basically raise her slutty best friend myself because her traditional parents threw her out so for the love of CHRIST Mr. and Mrs. Bandhari do NOT throw your daughter out into the streets and make me deal with another Manny...ple-hease!"

"We do not love Christ," Mr. Bandhari said.

"Oh right, you love Muhammad sorry," Mr. Simpson said.

"Actually, that is a common misconception," Mr. Bandhari said. "In Islam, only Allah is worthy of praise. Muhammad was merely his servant."

Mr. Simpson nodded. "Gotcha. Thank you for that relevant piece of Islamic education. But please don't throw her out."

"Throw her out?" Mrs. Bandhari asked. "Why? What did she do?"

Mr. Simpson leaned back in his chair. "She got in a bitch fight."

"A bitch fight?" Mrs. Bandhari asked. "What is this bitch fight, Alli."

"It's when two girls roll around on the floor together in a way that would look gay if you slowed the video down a little bit," Alli said.

The Bandharis looked at each other in terror. "This is not our Alli."

"Oh and she also sent porn of herself to her ex-boyfriend and had sex with him next to some dump," Mr. Simpson said.

"It was a ravine," Alli pouted.

"This is not our Alli," Mrs. Bandhari replied. "Our Alli is an innocent pure virginal princess."

Mr. Simpson sighed. "Mrs. Bandhari, I have some concerns that you might be suffering from Stupid Personality Disorder. One of its primary symptoms is being unaware that Alli is a complete slut."

"I do not believe this," Mr. Bandhari said.

Mr. Simpson pulled out a copy of the DSM IV TR (the psychiatry bible) and pointed to Stupid Personality Disorder. It totally exists.

"Yes but rather than examining our own failings as parents and the fact that we are completely inaccessible and impossible for Alli to talk to, we'd rather just punish her," Mr. Bandhari said.

"Suit yourself," Mr. Simpson said.

"NO!" Alli said. "God. Why are you a dick?"

So then KC went up to Jenna and was like, "YOU BETTER NOT TELL ANYONE YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

"Are you ever going to tell your super understanding mother who won't be mad in the slightest?" Jenna asked.

"I'll do it when I'm READY JENNA!" KC bellowed, banging his fist into a locker. "THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME!"

"It seems like the only thing you've had to do since we broke up was give Drew advice about how he shouldn't get blow jobs from random sluts," Jenna said.

"WHATEVER. I'M GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH MY MOM AT THE ONLY RESTAURANT IN THE DEGRASSI UNIVERSE AND YOU BETTER NOT RUIN IT."

That night...

"Hello, welcome to the only restaurant in the Degrassi universe," Holly J chirped. "My name is Holly J and I'm the only waitress at that restaurant. Can I start you off with some greasy thing with a tacky name or some ice cold beverages?"

"Why do waitresses have to tell us that the drink will be ice cold?" KC asked. "It's so stupid. I mean, we kind of take it as a given that if you brought us Root Beef that was fucking ON FIRE, people would stop coming to this shit hole."

"KC," his mother said. "Be nice."

"If you've ever worked at a restaurant you know that restaurant managers actually believe they can seduce people into buying things by describing the perfection of their temperature," Holly J said.

"Oh," KC said. "Damn. That is STUPID."

"Not as stupid as you dumping Clare for Jenna only to later dump Jenna because..."

"SHUDDUP!" KC screamed.

So Holly J left. "Tell me," KC's mom said. "Why did you dump your hot slutty girlfriend? If I had a hot slutty girlfriend I never woulda dumped her like that."

"It's more complicated than basic arithmetic is for Drew," KC said.

So then the TV conviniently turned to the channel where Jenna was singing on TV.

"Jesus Christ," KC's mom said. "Even if she loses that competition she'll probably get a record deal and become richer than the queen of England. So WHY in the fuck did you dump her?"

KC thought about it, trying to remember the excuse he gave. "Well I think it was something like my life was hanging together by tape. Something like that."

"That's the stupidest reason I've ever heard," KC's mom said.

"Yeah well SHUDDUP," KC said.

So then Jenna was like. "Okay everyone, I'm pregnant. It belongs to KC. So KC if you're out there eating dinner with your mom, fuck yourself in the ass RIGHT NOW because you're a complete dick."

KC was seething. "How DARE she call me a complete dick?"

"Because you dumped her over a pregnancy and then didn't even TELL ME you were pregnant you dumbass," KC's mom said.

"FUCK EVERYONE!" KC said, beating the table into woodchips and storming off.

The next day, Jenna walked into school. "Perhaps today I'll actually go to classes and have a good day of education."

It was silly of her to even think that considering school is just a community center where single people go to hook up and has nothing to do with education.

"Okay Jenna WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU ADMIT YOU'RE PREGNANT?" KC bellowed.

Jenna sighed. "Well considering it's really hard to hide and you told me you wanted nothing to do with it I have to do whatever I can to try to raise it."

"You're filthy SCUM FOR USING YOUR TV GIG THAT YOU GOT ON YOUR OWN BASED ON TALENT, HARD WORK, AND DEDICATION TO HELP RAISE YOUR KID!" KC screamed.

"Uhm..." Jenna paused. "That's still the ONLY plan we have right now for how we're going to raise the kid and since you just dropped out, what was I supposed to do?"

"How am I supposed to know?" KC shook his head. "What kind of Degrassi girl would get famous partially because of her good looks and THEN use that to try to raise a kid?"

"Mia?" Jenna suggested.

"Yeah well SHUDDUP!" KC yelled.

"You're not a part of the kid's life so go to hell and die in a fire," Jenna said.

"FINE!" KC screamed. "I'll bet the girls are hotter there! DON'T YOU DARE THINK THERE WAS A PUN INTENDED IN THAT."

So then Alli was like. "Ugh my parents are so super mad at me."

"Why?" Holly J asked.

"Since when did you care about me?" Alli said. "Isn't it my fault that people wanted to kill you two years ago?"

"If Emma can forgive Jay for basically manipulating her into giving him one-sided antifeminist sexual favors that resulted in her getting gonorrhea and having her reputation completely ruined thus leading to her spiral into anorexia right after she nearly got SHOT and watched a guy who tried to sexually assault her in the hallway DIE right after her former boyfriend grabbed the gun then I can forgive you," Holly J said.

"Aww, thanks," Alli said. And then they hugged. "So I got this problem you should totally care about," Alli said. "This boy cheated on me and I took him back but I wanna make the bitch who did it pay."

"Why are you making her pay when HE cheated on you?" Holly J asked.

Alli shrugged. "Because feminism is for losers?"

"Sweetie, listen," Holly J said. "You should NEVER keep getting back together with the same guy over and over again. He's just going to keep doing whatever he was doing in the first place that was pissing you off."

"But then..." Alli paused. "You spent how long watching Anya do that with Sav?"

"Oh, couple years," Holly J said.

"And you told her she was an idiot," Alli said.

"Yep," Holly J said.

"And...now you're with Sav as if somehow he's going to be less ashamed of you than he was of her. You're a fucking idiot," Alli said.

"Yeah I know," Holly J admitted. "And next episode there's going to be a whole plotline devoted to that very concept. But break up with Drew. For serious."

Then Alli went home and her parents were super disappointed in her. "I demand to know what is in your diary!" her mother yelled.

"Oh just that I had sex with a guy and almost got an STD," Alli said.

Her parents were shocked. "We are SHOCKED Alli," Mr. Bandhari said. "You are not the daughter we used to love back in season eight!"

"Seriously guys? Are you fucking stupid?" Sav asked. "She's been a complete mess since she's been on this show. It's super obvious to everyone but you."

They considered this possibility. "Sav, you're grounded," Mr. Bandhari said. "Because that's what happens to children with opinions."

"Dad I'm eighteen," Sav said.

"No one cares," Mr. Bandhari said.

"Well that sucks because I really need to be in a movie soon," Alli said. "I mean, an actor's gotta work and Degrassi is small fry."

"You will not be in any movie," Mrs. Bandhari said.

"Fine, can I go to an all girl's school then?" Alli asked. "Because we all know that there is NO way in hell that I could get caught up in sex and rampant stupidity as long as there aren't boys."

"Indeed," Mrs. Bandhari said. "And I am very sure that there will be NO inappropriate fanfiction of any kind about this."

So then Alli went to school and was like, "Drew you're a piece of shit and I'm leaving Degrassi."

"Because of me?" Drew sulked.

"No but you're still a piece of shit," Alli said.

So then Jenna went to The Dot where KC and his mom were waiting. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOST NEXT TEEN STAR, YOU MUST BE A DUMB BITCH WITH NO TALENT OH AND BY THE WAY YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" KC screamed.

"KC's mom...will you help me with the pregnancy even though your son's a complete jackass?" Jenna asked.

"Of course," KC's mom said.

And then they shared a moment and for a brief second, there was a blip on Atlantaenea's heart rate monitor because the good will of the people had moved her tarnished golden soul just ever so slightly.

NEXT WEEK ON AN ALL NEW DEGRASSI...

"Why the fuck are you dating Sav?" Fiona asked Holly J. "It's whacker than whack."

"Because," Holly J whined. "I can't date you or else there'll be no one to pair Adam with and Declan's gone so yeah."

"Oh come on," Fiona said. "Declan's right here!"

"Where?" Holly J asked.

And then Declan popped out of the bushes and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

"Dude I broke up with you," Holly J said. "What are you doing in the bushes?"

"Holly J, you're the only person I love," he said. "Seriously...and you have NO idea how many OCs, Mary Sues, and guys you're competing with."

Holly J sighed. "Oh no. Now I must make a very serious decision. DANG IT."

WILL SHE PICK DECLAN? OR WILL SHE PICK SAV? OR WILL SHE PICK FIONA? OR WILL PETER START ACTUALLY BEING A CHARACTER AND NOT JUST SCENERY AND HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE OR OTHER? OR WORSE, WILL HOLLY J GET WITH THE NINJA DEMON NOT REALIZING HE'S A NINJA DEMON? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK!