Disclaimer: everything is SM's, except what isn't hers. I believe you can figure out what is what.

Chapter Nine-

im staring out into the night.

trying to hide the pain.

im going to the place where love.

and feeling good dont ever cost a thing.

and the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Nessie's POV:

"He just left without saying goodbye?" I looked at my dad.

"Its his father Renesemee, how would you feel if it was me possibly dying, he's hurting, he did ask me to give you a hug though," my dad shrugged. I got up from the table not taking the hug, how can he leave a hug for me with my dad.

I locked myself in my room doing my homework, once finished with that I sat at my piano and I tried to loose myself in a much needed practice session.

The melody soothed me a little bit, but I was still overwhelmed with worry and sadness for Jake and Billy. The pain of leaving them behind in Forks was nothing compared to the thought of them not being there, if I were to visit.

I didn't really realize how exhausted I was until I laid down. I didn't wake until the next morning; I looked seeing Alice rummaging through my clothes. "About time you woke up, you've had your dad worried, thought you slipped into a coma or something, your poor Uncle had to go for a run to escape the worry feeling, Esme has started breakfast for you, and your dad's got an update on Billy." I jumped out of bed and hurried downstairs, skidding to a stop as I reached the kitchen.

"You should be starving, you missed eating dinner," Grandma placed a plate of food on the table, I looked at it, I wasn't hungry, but then again I hadn't thought I was sleepy so I'd have to at least try and eat. I scooped a spoonful of eggs into my mouth waiting for my dad to update me.

"You've spent too much time around Jacob and Seth, you're table manners are deprecating," I looked to my dad, mumbling sorry, he nodded, "Everyone arrived just fine, and Billy is in a stable condition, they'll stay a couple weeks though just to be sure,"

"A couple weeks?"

"Yes, maybe sooner if Jacob can be assured Billy will be okay," he reached over brushing my hair out of my face just before Alice entered the room, "They'll call after you get out of school to talk to you and update us on Billy's status."

"I have to go to school?"

"Yes, why wouldn't you go to school?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I just don't feel well," I looked down at my plate starting to push the food back and forth on it.

"School will distract you, and you wanted to go so you've got to stick to your commitment."

"Fine," I mumbled taking another bite feeling Alice start to pull my hair into an up do. I wished I could wear whatever to school today, I felt so uncomfortable in my skirt and button up shirt. Alice allowed me too at least wear flats today; she sensed my irritation with the clothing.

I wanted to trade my skirt and leggings for sweat pants. I'd deal with the shirt and this annoying under wire bra if I could just wear sweat pants. I grabbed my book bag following Aunt Rosalie to the car.

"I know you know I don't like Jacob, but I don't like you being sad either," Aunt Rosalie broke the silence as I drove to school, "Ive thought a lot about this and I know you cant always talk to your mom and dad about Jacob..." I could hear the forcing of the words in her voice, "We're close, and I like to think of you as my best friend."

"I thought Alice was your best friend?" I stopped the car in front of the school.

"Alice is my sister, as is your mother," she stopped for a second, "Youve got Alice to be your aunt, she has no issues with that as long as you play Barbie," she smiled. "I just know it can get kinda lonely not having anyone understand what your feeling; or having someone to just share those feelings with, so I wanna drop the Aunt title, and just be Rose to you, someone you can come to and not be afraid that Edward will find out what you've said."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me," I pulled her into a hug.

"Alice is gonna kill me, but hop into the back and pull these on," she pulled a gray pair of sweats off the back seat handing them to me. "I checked the dress code and as long as you wear school colors there's nowhere in there that says you cant wear sweats." I grinned at her hopping into the backseat of the Volvo. I pulled the leggings off, and pulled the sweat pants on and then pulled my skirt off.

I sighed, a sigh of relief and comfort as I stepped out of the car. "I also had Esme call and talk to your principal just in case."

"Thanks so much, you are the best," she smiled hugging me once more.

"I'll see you after school," she walked to the drivers' side getting in heading home. I walked to my locker getting the proper book and other needs for the first class.

"Sweats, Ness?" I turned to see Sarah, Mia, and Lillian. I wondered where the other three were.

"Yeah, its a comfort thing," I shrugged.

"I think its a cute match up," Lillian smiled at me, Mia agreed with her, and then Sarah smiled agreeing too.

"Hey Ness, who was the blonde girl who drove away in your car?" Becca appeared by Sarah's side. Lillian, Mia, and Sarah looked to me waiting for my answer.

"My sister, Rose; I don't have my license yet so my parents agreed to let her drive with me until I get it, Im hoping to get it by the end of the week,"

"How many siblings do you have?" I counted in my head quickly. I wasn't sure if I was counting Leah too or not. Eh, if it came up I'd explain Leah later.

"Six, well actually one that's biological, and the other five,"

"So the others are like step siblings?" Mia asked.

"No we're all adopted," they nodded accepting my answer, I figured to save them the trouble I'd finish telling them the rest of the story, "Were all home-schooled, or rather all of us were, now only Rose, Alice, Bella and Edward are, I wanted a school experience, and Jasper and Emmett are in college,"

"It must be so awesome to have so many brothers and sisters, are you the youngest?" Sarah asked I nodded.

"Do you have the big brother issues?" Lillian asked.

"Yes, they're all way to protective," the bell rang and we all headed to class. Talking to my friends had made me feel slightly better, and with the chat with Rose earlier, I was feeling a little lighter then I had when I first woke. It also helped majorly that I wasn't stuck in a skirt and skin tight leggings.

Jacob's POV:

I stared in disbelief at the doctor.

No. No. No!

I looked seeing my sister collapse in Paul's arms.

I pulled away from Bella as she tried to pull me into a hug.

I pushed pass everyone who tried to stop me on my way out of the hospital.

My dad, no he... no.

I sat in the rental car. That doctor was lying, my dad wasn't dead.

No, he wasn't dead.

I banged my fists against the steering wheel, surprised that I didn't break the steering wheel off. I then put the car in reverse pulling out of the spot before pushing it into drive speeding out of the hospital parking lot.

I didn't stop until I was out of La Push, I wasn't sure how many signs I had passed. I pulled to the side of the road turning the car off; I put the keys in the glove department, tore my clothes off, and rushed into the woods. I phased a few feet away from the car.

I took off running; I felt the rain hit me hard against the back soaking my fury back. I finally grew tired; I stopped under a huge tree, curling into a ball whimpering myself into a sleep.

Jake! JACOB BLACK! ANSWER ME! I groaned opening my eyes, I was still a wolf it wasn't raining, and the sun was shining through the tree tops. JACOB!

Fuck, Leah get out of my head. My head was pounding and she wasn't helping by screaming inside of it.

You've had everyone scared shitless, we found your car. Where the hell are you?

Im out. Just get out of my head, Leah, I don't care what everyone else thinks, or feels right now, I need to be alone.

Thats completely selfish Jake. Ugh. Why wont she just fucking listen.

Leah, get the fuck out of my head NOW! And don't send Seth. I commanded. A few seconds later, she was gone. I sighed. I didn't know how to deal with this empty feeling. I howled, no tears came, and I wondered if maybe they'd make me feel better, but they never came. I couldn't phase back into human form if I wanted to. I hadn't felt anything close to this empty feeling since Bella choose Edward.

And in that moment I knew exactly what or rather who I needed, Nessie. I ran half way back to La Push before stopping myself. I couldn't put this on her.

She wouldn't understand it the way I needed her to. I howled again, angry because now I was alone.

I'd lost my dad.

And I couldn't confide in Nessie.

I never felt so alone before.

I sobbed dry wolfed cries until I couldn't any longer. I curled myself back into a ball willingly myself into a sleep.

Jake. I stretched hearing voices. It was Seth this time. I know you told Leah to stay away, but we couldn't allow you to miss the burial for your dad.

When? I closed my eyes, painful daggers stabbing into my heart.

A couple hours. We left your car in the spot you left it, with some fresh clothes. Jake its a terrible feeling, I know. But you aren't alone. I just about started to break down into a dry sob again.

Thanks Seth, phase back, I'll be there soon. He quickly said good-bye, and then I was alone again. I howled as I broke into another dry sob. I ran back to where I'd left the rental car, I phased back into human form, dressing.

I felt numb as I drove back to La Push. Everyone looked to me as I stepped out of the car. I didn't say anything to them. Bella stood from her seat walking over to me. She pulled me into a hug.

I closed my eyes, lightly patting my hand against her lower back. She pulled away, slapping me. "Fuck Bella," I rubbed my cheek.

"You had me out of my mind worried; Edward almost took a flight here to calm me down! That was so selfish of you!"

"Im sorry," was all I mumbled as she yelled at me as if I was a child. When she was finished, she pulled me into another hug.

The rest of the day was just a numbed blur of events.

Everyone paid their respects to my father, and then they left me alone with Rachel. I wrapped an arm over her shoulder; she turned into me burying her face into my chest sobbing.

I held my sister and I listened to her cry, and I didn't shed a single tear.

It was my father; I was allowed to at least cry in front of my sister. But my eyes just wouldn't tear up. The pain I'd felt a couple days ago was replaced by this non feeling.

Many days passed, I stayed in my old room mostly. Bella thought it best to get me back to Ness to see if that would help. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't want to go. She'd come all the way over here, stayed three weeks alone basically, besides whatever time she got with Charlie. She probably missed Edward.

We got to the airport and I stood at the bottom of the stairs ready to board the plane. And I couldn't move. "Jacob you don't have to go if you don't want to," Leah rubbed her hand over my back. It soothed me enough to get me on the plane. I didn't say a word to her though.

She sat by me this time on the plane. Bella and Seth had a conversation going, so I wasn't sure if she chose to sit next to me or was forced to. At least she didn't talk to me anymore and allowed me to sleep.

I was happy that I could at least sleep. If I could do nothing else, at least I wasn't sleep deprived on top of all the other million issues that were wrong with me at the moment.