Grey's Anatomy

Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?

Chapter Ten: Letting Go

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and has stuff from the newer episodes…not much but some littlish things. As I am writing this, I haven't seen the second half of the super bowl episode. It's slowly killing me, worse than the cold that I just got over. But I hope by the time I post this chapter, I will have seen the episode, unless I go all crazy like and post this tomorrow (Tuesday), but who knows? Crazy people who want to see the show, like me, might write loads of chapters in anticipation. And here's the me who has seen the episode. Maybe I shouldn't be writing what Derek is saying to Meredith after having seen the episode because I could never write a scene the way that end scene happened. Good lord I am getting stage fright…and too emotional over that episode where emotions were ALL OVER the map, to write. Ahh where's my journal?

Author's Note: You people are amazing. The show is totally amazing as well. Spain, while it's awesome, don't get me wrong, I love it here, it is not so much my friend right now since I am having loads of problems cashing travelers checks. Damn Spanish Bancos!

Artist: Sozzi

After Meredith cried as much as she could she sat there staring at the wall in front of her bed while Cristina sat next to her, staring at the same spot on the wall. Neither knew what to do. Cristina wanted to comfort her, but she didn't know what to do. I don't like touching people, even my friends, hell, even my boyfriend. What do I do? I know she needs something but what? Cristina tentatively put her hand on Mere's shoulder and rubbed it. Then she pulled Meredith in for a side hug, they sat there, Meredith's head on Cristina's shoulder, neither saying anything, just sitting and taking everything in. After about 5 minutes, Cristina couldn't continue sitting there in silence so she tried to break it.

"So, I am ready to be entertained!" Crap! Usually smart things come out when I open my mouth. What the hell was that?

Meredith started laughing with the hoarse voice she gets when she is overemotional. Luckily the laugh did not turn into a hysterical one, and Meredith answered, "What? This isn't entertaining?"

Cristina couldn't help but join in laughing. She was expecting for Meredith to start crying again at any moment but that moment never came. "So, do you want to talk about what he said?"

Meredith stopped laughing abruptly. "I need to talk about it. I know right now I am in major shock. I don't know what to do. Is it real? Am I living this life?"

Cristina winced and said, "Well I can't tell you if it's real or not, unless you tell me what happened."

Meredith took a big deep breath but before she could start, Izzie burst through the door and said, "Hey guys. I was really worried about you both since you were so quiet for such a long time. Is everything ok?" When Meredith nodded, Cristina gave Izzie a 'Not so sure' look and Izzie replied, "Good, well I brought you both something completely necessary." She went back outside the door and came back in with a large tray. The tray had three large glasses of milk and a huge plate of brownies. "They are still warm. Eat." She sat down on the edge of the bed. When both Cristina and Meredith had taken huge bites of brownie, Izzie told Meredith, "Now that you have sustenance, you need to tell Cristina what you told me, then continue on from there. I take it he called?" When Meredith nodded Izzie continued, "Good, so eat then tell," and she sat back on the bed, waiting for the action to begin.

Meredith cleared her throat and turned to Cristina. "Well he did call me while I was at the hospital," when Cristina went to interrupt Meredith put up her hand and said, "Yeah he called again after I talked to you. He called me while I was talking to Addison. ADDISON. Do you know what she wanted to ask me? If I had talked to her husband since he left the day before. Yeah he was STILL on the PHONE with me. So I told her the truth, that he called me, to talk about a patient. Well I sort of told the truth. I told her that I talked to him today, about a patient, whatever she wants to take from that is up to her. Then I am talking to him, yelling at him for calling me and not his wife. I know I know, why do I do this to myself. I should be thinking of me and not her. What I am thinking about is what would make him the happiest and since he's with his wife…damnit I don't know! I told him that he shouldn't call his ex-girlfriend when his wife was worried about him. His wife shouldn't have to ask said ex-girlfriend if she's heard from him. That's lower than low. I feel bad for Addison because of that. Oh the kicker is: he tells me that he doesn't want me to drive and talk on the phone because he's worried about me, because he's in LOVE with me." She paused and took another deep breath. "Did he ever say that when we were dating? NO. Granted, neither did I but I did say it before he went back to his wife. But now he's with her and tells me he's in love with me. Can I just beat his ASS?"

"What?" Both Cristina and Izzie exclaim at the exact same time. They look at one another and start giggling. Izzie hands Mere another brownie to cover up her laughter.

Meredith give them a mean look. "What? You don't think I could?"

Cristina gives Izzie the ok to explain, "I don't have any doubt that you could take him but I don't think we have ever heard you say something so, so…crass and Cristina-like before."

"Hey! I resent that. I do not talk like that. Much." When both Meredith and Izzie laughed Cristina harrumphed. "So can you continue with your story, or do you want my input now?"

"No no. Be quiet," Izzie said to Cristina. "I want to hear what the next conversation was about."

"Actually that's true I want to hear why you were bawling on my shoulder for the last oh long time."

Izzie turned to Meredith, "You were crying? That hardcore? You need another brownie." And she shoved another brownie in Mere's direction.

"Stop eating! I want to hear what happened!" Cristina whined.

With a mouth full of brownie Mere replied, "Both of you STOP it. Are you my mother?" she said to Izzie, when she turned to Cristina she asked, "Now are you 5? Chill out and let me tell you my story in my time ok? But thanks for the brownie and the support."

"Oh you are definitely never allowed to say 'beat his ass' again because you just apologized to us for telling us like it is. Mere, you need to grow a pair or put yours to use. You know that they shrink if you don't use them?" Cristina laughed.

"Fine. You don't have to hear my story. Out of my bed!"

Cristina laughed harder, "So is this how you get men to leave your bed?"

"I don't like you very much right now," Meredith laughed. "In fact, you should be nice to me. I just cried on you. You need to be supportive. Do you know what that means?"

Cristina pretended to think about the word, "Actually you should be nice to ME. YOU just cried on ME for the past hour or so. I deserve sympathy. I don't do touching."

"I am not even going to begin trying to be the ref here. Mere just continue your story."

A few hours before, Meredith was sitting on her bed, waiting for the phone call. Izzie had just left her room and Mere didn't know what to do with herself to occupy time. He's going to call. I don't know when but he wants to talk to me. I mean really talk. He has already called me twice today…what is he going to say? I don't know if I can handle anymore emotional outbursts, honestly. I really want to believe that I enjoyed my life before I met him. I was going along fine, not unhappy with my life, but not altogether thrilled to be living it. Granted, who really wants to be in med school? That's not fun, it's the years after school that are the fun ones. Learning how to be surgeons…but that is unimportant in my love life. So I picked him up just like most men I pick up, for a random hook-up. I am not going to lie when I say I thought there was something different about him, other than the fact that he was probably one of the better looking guys and had a great personality, but other than that, my heart didn't cry out to me 'this is the one, don't let him go.' But after we got back to the house, he distinguished himself from the rest. Hands down one of the best I've ever had. Meredith smiled at the thought. We were great together there, and everywhere else we tried, for that matter. But as important as that is, it's not the most important thing, I've tried to make it the most important thing and it's definitely not. Before him, I didn't know what I was missing and I was fine. After him, I realize what I could have and how happy I could be, and I don't know if I can ever get that kind of happiness back.

He got to me. It's as simple as that. Telling me that I have tiny ineffectual fists that I know completely shocked Alex out of whatever sexist comment he was making. Not taking my half-hearted no's, no matter how many times I tried to tell him that I wasn't half-hearted…he pushed me. He still pushes me. To be better, to take what I want, to fight for what I want, and to search for the truth in life and work. As much as people said our relationship affected work, it definitely does not as much as Cristina and Burke's…Derek has always treated me preferentially, but has never come to my beck and call…I shouldn't do this. I should not and do not need to compare the relationships, for all our faults and good points, Derek and I are not together while Cristina and Burke are, not that I am jealous, because I am not necessarily, I just want him, I know no one else will suffice. Since I have had him literally and as the boyfriend, emotional significant other, I know what it's like and I know what I am missing. As cheesy as this sounds, well these are my thoughts, no one else will hear them so I can be cheesy, I know what all those people who I thought were pathetic were talking about. I mean those sappy love songs and poems. They talk about this perfect thing of love and I thought, that's crap, depending on someone else, you are bound to get hurt, and I did, but not because he was a crappy guy, but because he was him and wonderful McDreamy, who had to do the right thing. It made it hurt just a tiny bit less to know that he acted within his character by going back to his wife and trying to make it work. But where does that leave me? Here on my bed, trying to remember the last time we kissed, waiting for him to… the phone rang. What are the odds? Now if that didn't signal something, then someone up there is just playing with my head. I have enough people doing that, thank you very much!

"Ok, here we go… Hello?" Meredith answered the phone. She didn't want to look at the caller id. Her heart was already racing too much to handle looking at his number, or for that matter, anyone else's number. Disappointment would be horrid if it wasn't Derek on the other end of the line.

Luckily for her, disappointment wasn't in the cards for her that day. "Hey Mere. Are you home safe and sound?" Derek asked in hushed tones. His voice sounded so melodic to her. It sounds so smooth and warm, like silk or chocolate, enveloping and comforting me all at once. Good lord I am a doctor not a hokey poet. Get over yourself Meredith!

"I'm home. Alive, check. Sound, well, we never did know if that were true or not."

"Hey I always vouched for your sanity, I mean you picked me right?"

"Picked you? More like you followed me home because I was nice to you." She liked this bantering and fun Derek. For so long he had been sad and moody. Now he sounded like he was smiling.

"Even if I was the sad puppy you make me out to be, you let me in the house and fed me. Therefore, you chose me."

Meredith laughed, her nerves easing a bit. "More like took pity on you."

"You aren't even going to give me an inch are you?"

"Never, you have to earn it."

Derek smiled into the phone, "That's what I've always liked about you, you never back down from any fight, you don't give anyone anything unless they deserve it." His voice took a more serious note, "Another reason why I don't ever deserve to talk to you again because you gave me your love and I…"

"Hey is this me calling you? You're doing the puppy thing, calling and calling until I just give up and finally talk to you," Meredith said, trying to lighten the conversation.

"That's true, I would keep calling. Always had to prove to myself that I was worthy of you, actually I had to prove that to you as well." He laughed, "You are work you know that. Getting you to notice me, then convincing you to let me buy you a drink, and finally trying to date you even though we both knew it was one of those wrong time wrong place things, but definitely right." Hey, that's right, I did make him work extra hard to buy me a drink. I don't think I have ever played that hard to get. Mere smiled at the memory.

"Hey, I am worth it," she laughed.

More than you will ever know. You don't even know what I gave up to try and be noble… "Completely worth it, worth more than you will ever know. That's why I am so in awe of you. You are this life force that I have to have in my life as many moments as I can. You are just…incredible and I don't deserve for you to answer the phone and let me talk to you, especially after the way I have treated you…" he paused, but Meredith sensed that he was going to continue, and she was right. She could always read him well. "I really was going to tell you that night about her, the night she showed up. It made me really nervous when you kept getting all those secret phone calls so I waited a little longer and when you told me about your mother, I felt like a heel. I wanted to tell you right then, at the nurses' station where you told me about your mom but I wanted it to be private. I shouldn't lie, I wanted to tell you at the trailer so you couldn't easily get away from me so I could tell you the whole truth. For that alone I don't deserve to talk to you. You deserve the truth, hell you demand it. I wanted to give it to you, I really did, but I was so afraid. Afraid to be hurt again, afraid that I would be hurt worse than before… And when you came to the trailer so I could tell you my side of things after Addison told you why I left. …and I explained what you are to me… a breath of fresh air, something to help me from drowning, something I needed and still really need in my life and you told me that wasn't enough and left. …I don't think I have ever felt that much pain, physical and emotional in my life… Seriously …but I don't think I am being clear." He paused and took another deep breath to strengthen his resolve to continue.

Meredith took this pause as an opportunity to talk, "Honestly, if I could take back one time…"

He interrupted her, "Remember when you rant at me, you expect me to try to interrupt but then bulldoze me over? Well I am trying to make an emotional revelation here and I expect the same. Don't interrupt me."

Meredith was taken aback by that statement because he had never before been so forceful with her, in such a way, he was usually much more roundabout when he was trying to get his way. "Continue."

"Thanks, ok. I became a doctor so I didn't have to deal with my emotions, let alone explaining them. So this might be disjointed and confusing, bear with me. I was afraid to tell you about her because I knew it would change things between us. I didn't mean to lie to you. Honestly when we first met at Joe's all I was thinking about was talking this pretty lady into bed. I am not going to be that guy and say that from the moment I saw you I just knew… because I honestly didn't. To be completely honest, I didn't really even know myself. I had only been in Seattle for what, a day or so at the most. I had been driving cross-country trying to get as physically far away from New York as I could. It wasn't just Addison I was getting away from, I was trying to run away from the life I had been building myself since day one. I wanted to venture off on my own without any safety net and find my way back to who I really am. I wanted to get away from my parents and my gaggle of sisters because every single one of them was so happy in their lives and couldn't even begin to understand what I was going through. I also didn't want them to have to see me like that. Again, it wasn't just Addison that drove me away. She was a very large part of the reason, but not all of it." He moved the phone from one ear to the other. "Remember when we had that first surgery and you were so excited, actually we just talked about that, the whole high feeling after completing or even being in the same room as a successful surgery? Well somewhere along the line, I lost that euphoria. It was before Addison cheated on me. I just became complacent in every aspect of my life. I stopped loving her, stopped enjoying my job, and having any fun. I don't know why. All I knew is that I wanted to do whatever I could to enjoy life again. So I left everything I knew to venture to the other side of the country where I knew only Richard. I seriously debated finding another hospital to work at because even one person from my past way too much. But he needed me. It had been so long since I felt needed. I know you are probably thinking, 'he does surgeries everyday on people that need him,' but in New York, they can get a dozen people to fill my place. Here I am somewhat of a commodity. I needed to be depended upon.

So that's why I came here. Just driving across the country with only myself to keep me company is enough to drive a normal person crazy and I was already battling my demons, so I learned a lot about who I had become and didn't like it one bit. The drive and move to Seattle were selfish, both of them, I know that, I always have. That was the point. I couldn't remember the last time I had ever done anything I wanted to do. Actually, I couldn't remember, if I had a choice to do as I chose, what I would choose to do. That's just sad. I know that. So I get here, with no place to live, I actually bought my property here sight unseen, and all of my stuff piled in the back of my Jeep…what do I do? Go to a bar right next door to the hospital. Why? Because I knew that the only place I was going to get to know in Seattle for a while was the hospital. Then I meet this amazing woman who swept me off my feet. She also took advantage of me. I bet you didn't know that part of the story. She did indeed. Boy do I love being taken advantage of by this one. She's smart and funny. Lord, you should not let me get started about this one. She made me smile. She actually made me do a lot of things that first night I met her, no and not necessarily in a sexual way, I can see your face." Meredith looked at the phone and then around her room, confused. "I didn't mean I was actually in the room with you, silly. I meant that I know you and can read you. I know how you are going to react to certain things. It's really nice to be able to read you but at the same time it really hurts because I'll think about you at times when I really shouldn't. I think about how you would react to certain things when honestly, I shouldn't be thinking about you at all. You are so distracting, even when you aren't there with me."

Meredith spoke up, "I know exactly what you mean." She closed her eyes to bring up a memory and smiled at the thought. "Yesterday morning for example, I could just see your reaction. I was eating cold pizza and I just remember you asking me about breakfast one morning at the hospital. And then when you would stay over at the house…all the time because you obviously liked my bed much better than yours, and you had your muesli cereal. You would never make me eat a healthy breakfast, but those encouraging looks to eat better, not to forget those tsk noises you made when I would eat a brownie for breakfast. I mean it was just a little dorky moment but I have so many of those and they are nice to know that I can know someone so well that you don't even have to be somewhere and I would know your reaction." He's sharing so much. So much more than I ever expected him to and it's almost daunting because I don't know what this means. Why is he telling me all of this? Well, there is only one way to find out, ask. "Derek? Why are you telling me all of this?" Meredith made a wincing face, unsure if she should have asked that or not.

"You are entitled to ask that. Don't worry about it. I'll answer you, it just might take some time. I have to get there first. I have been preparing for this talk for a while, and a better part of today." That doesn't freak me out at all, thanks McDreamy, you aren't scaring me at all about the outcome of this little talk you have planned.

Trying to inject more playfulness into the conversation she said, "Well now you have piqued my curiosity, I am just dying to find out what you want to tell me. Or we can just have phone sex. Is that cheating?"

Derek, who had been thinking about how he was going to say what he was about to say stopped, half hearing her and catching the words phone sex, laughed. "Phone sex is a maybe, just not right now ok?" What? Who is he? He isn't allowed to play like that. That is against the rules. "Wanna continue?" When she murmured yes, he took a deep breath and started up again. "So I was talking about this great woman I met before I got sidetracked…she made me enjoy life again. She brought me back, not as a savior type because that would make for an unhealthy relationship, but her presence in my life made me open my eyes and see that it wasn't life that was not working for me, I was working against everything. I wanted to be miserable. I wanted to walk around moping all the time just because my life wasn't perfect, and that's partially my fault. I lost the fun and she brought it back to me with her laughing eyes, strong will, and really limber body. What? You wanted me to be truthful. The body was a major perk. Not absolutely necessary, but the whipped cream and cherry on top of the sundae. Oh whipped cream brings back memories huh? Wait! We should NOT get into that right now. It's time to be serious." He said as Meredith quietly laughed on the other end. "She was a challenge, hell, she still is a challenge to this day. She would never give me anything, I always had to work for it. For her attention, for a date, not so much for sex but if I was being an ass then I did have to work for that too. She quickly got under my skin, her scent always around me even when she wasn't there. She never let me be in control, we had to share it, be equal partners, and that's something I had never experienced wanting to be with another person. I had always been the "head surgeon type" in the relationship, taking control…she wouldn't let me. She also inspired me. I wanted her to be the first person I shared anything with, whether it be good or bad. Now she's not perfect, which makes her so much better in my eyes. She has faults but none of them detract from who I love, they just make her more interesting and complex. I wanted to open up, when I had been closed off to everyone for so long, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about her that makes me want to open up…it just must be the amazingness that is she.

Another thing I can't pinpoint was when I fell in love with her. I can remember realizing that I did love her, that was when I brought her to the trailer the first time and really opened up. Not that she had been pushing me to share stuff about myself with her or anything. She had let me be, not asking questions for a while and then when we were at a serious point in the relationship, she justly wanted to know stuff about me. When we got out of the Jeep and I showed her the trailer and told her all that land was mine, that smile is something I will never forget. She was proud of me and happy that I had finally shared this simple part of my life with her. That's when I realized I was so in love with this woman. Of course I didn't want to scare her by telling her, but it changed me. It healed me more. But seeing her that first time on my land, I could picture her living there for the rest of our lives playing with our dogs and children out there. I saw it all and instead of scaring me witless, it calmed me. I knew then that she was the one. I shouldn't have let anything get in the way of that, but my past caught up with me and I got confused. I made the wrong decision. Life got blurry and I felt I needed to go back to at least attempt to right my wrongs. But it's clear now. You are clear now. Mere, it's over with Addison."

Meredith was silent for a moment. What is he telling me? I just I…confused. I am happy, but sad, and hurt, but I want to jump around and cry at the same time. What's going on? She started breathing heavier. "Have you…have you told her?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. I wanted to tell you why I did what I did and all my reasons behind everything. But really I had a hard time deciding when I had to choose, but when the pressure wasn't on, I knew there was only one decision to make, and that was to be with you." He sighed. "But that doesn't mean any of this will be easy. I need time to do this right. I can't just dump her and run to you. That's not fair to any of us. You have been hurt all these months and need time, I bet. I also want time to get to really get to know this woman I love before we jump into this epic relationship I know we will have. Can you give that to me? You have all the rights in the world to say no. But I also don't need your answer now, you probably have a lot going on in your head so I am going to go and I'll give you a call tomorrow ok?"

Meredith sounded far away when she said, "Ok, that works."

"I miss you. And I'll talk to you later. Bye bye." And Derek hung up, not waiting for Meredith to say she missed him too, he didn't want to expect it, that wasn't fair of him and he knew that. Luckily, so did she.

After she hung up the phone she laid back down on her bed and rolled onto her side. She stared out the window, where the rain was slowly hitting the pane. What am I going to do?

"So he's going to dump her?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well I have a question, if he said all that great stuff like he loves you and is going to end it with Addison, then why were you bawling when Cristina got in the room?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah, I don't get it either."

"Think about all the emotions that have been going on inside of me during these past months with him and Addison back together, especially after I realized I was in love with him. Yeah and then to hear him say that it was over and he is ending his marriage with her to, in time, to be with me, it's really a lot to take. The crying jag was more of cathartic experience for everything I have been living with for as long as Addison has been here. I don't know if I had ever really cried over him and losing him. This was a really delayed reaction. I wouldn't let myself show weakness to myself by crying, but when I am in the clear, I bawl like a teenager losing her first boyfriend."

"Couldn't you have written me a note or something to warn me because I was preparing all these scathing McDreamy comments. Now I have all this pent up bitch energy and I don't know where to put it. DAMNIT!" Cristina yelled.

"Why did you let her in the house? She's obviously crazy. But thanks Cristina and you too Izzie for being there for me, and for being here for me now and when all this shit is going to hit the large large fan." She grabbed both of their hands. "You two are great friends."

"Nice moment, can we go look at what I brought you to cheer you up? It's downstairs and GLORIOUS…well not just 'it,' they are amazing." Cristina led a confused Izzie and Meredith downstairs to her array of magazines. SHOE magazines. George could hear squeals of delight as he got out of the car in the driveway. Oh crap, have they gotten into the alcohol already? It's going to be a LONG night, he thought as he walked up the stairs to the front door.

Author's Note: I am absolutely dying to read what y'all think of this chapter…it's my most emotionally challenging and risky to date. So I am REALLY nervous about what you think about it. Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I know I confused you all but I hope this one made the last one make more sense.

Minorcadence: you said LOO! I need to call my friends in Scotland so they can infuse me with all the fun words that I am going to forget being in a land where they don't speak English! And fantasmic with the explanation was grand. I thoroughly enjoyed that. I mentioned the shoes here too! I was almost going to leave it at the end of the talk where he said it was over with Addie, but I decided the girls needed to react too. And to also explain the confusion from last chapter. I hope it all makes sense. I am SO waiting impatiently to read what you think of this one because you are honest and great. Yay for you!

D0RKY GiiiRL: AHH you are amazing. World rocking even! Dorky ducks are yeah me. Not going to lie. Spain is great now that the cold is gone. There is this one cute guy who works at starbucks. I KNOW! It's American, SB at least, not him, and I shouldn't go there but it's right next to the university and he's so so good looking. Now I just need to get money to be able to go and spend it. And not go in right after I have run and look not so dewy but more gross…cuz that'll attract him. The men here, much cuter than the ones I went to school with in Scotland. You should try spain sometime, it's quite nice, especially if you are blonde. You get much more attention, it's sometimes nice, but other times not. I digress, you are totally the most amazing person for reviewing and liking ducks and dorks and yeah.

luv24+Alias: thanks so much! Is this soon enough for you? What do you think of this one? You rock for always reviewing. There is a plaque somewhere with your name on it for being the greatest person ever! Yep, just for reviewing, you are the greatest person ever.

Flying-pink-llamas-attack: love love LOVE the screen name. it is SO unique that you stand out completely. I like it A LOT. Thanks for reviewing again. 3rd time! That is MAJORLY HARDCORE and awesome at the same time. I really need to think up better words than hardcore and awesome…they are even getting tired to me! I will be watching it 3-4 times with other Americans here in spain who I have gotten re-hooked onto the show. My emotions aren't ready to handle another dose of that episode quite yet. Thanks for having faith in me even if I am confusing at times and I really can't wait to read what you think of this new one.

Trunina: Thank you SO much for reviewing. I am SO SO very glad you like the story and the last chapter. I really hope you like this one too. It's a stretch for me writing but I hope you like it. please tell me what you think, and I am really glad you did tell me what you thought about the previous chapter. You are a 10!

Lightning Lindy: makes a wincing face did you want him to choose Addie? Cuz if you did, don't hate me. I just couldn't. I like her, but after this most recent episode…NOBODY PUTS GEORGIE IN THE CORNER! Or talks to him like that. She needs a slap across the face! But you are TOTALLY LOVED, all the way from Spain. Look at that. Lots of time zones! WOOT! My dad was saying he can tell people his kids span 9 times zones, and I told him yeah that's because I am 6 of those 9 puffs out chest (not that that really matters or anything, I am just weird). He just need to pick on the show man. I mean Derek. Cuz he still hasn't even though in practice he has. Emotionally, that man/character is on the fence. Thanks for the review!

PatEllen: You are a doll for reviewing. I really just wanted to call someone a doll, it had been a while. I know the ending was confusing but I really hope this made sense. And I really hope you liked this chapter too. I am REALLY nervous about that. It was a hard chapter to write, let me tell you. Thanks so so much for reviewing so regularly it's great. You are great. And a doll. Man you get all the new words of praise I wanted to use to expand the vocabulary from AMAZING and hardcore. So you rock. Crap there I go again. Thanks!