PART 10: LOCKING THE CAGE (AN EPILOGUE)
AS HINTED AT BY MY CLOSING NOTES ON 'TRAINING THE SHADOW', I HAD AN IDEA FOR A NEW PART OF PADME'S PERPETUAL NIGHTMARE EXISTENCE. THIS MAY HAVE WORKED AS A STANDALONE STORY, BUT I FELT THAT IT WORKED BETTER AS AN EPILOGUE TO THE MAIN STORY, NOW THAT I'VE COMPLETED 'TRAINING'. IT ALLOWS ME TO GET IT OUT OF THE WAY, SO THAT THE NEXT PROJECT I WORK ON WILL BE A NEW STORY FEATURING 'THE EMPEROR'S SHADOW'.
THIS CHAPTER MAY MAKE FOR GRIM READING, BUT I HOPE THAT IT GETS ACROSS HOW EFFECTIVELY PADME' HAS BEEN TRAPPED.
I have described in detail the situation that I am currently in. I have been turned into a brainwashed nightmare that stands in the shadows, watching over the Emperor. I have been transformed from a senator into a remorseless killing machine, should he require one. He has destroyed my identity, cruelly faking my death in the process, and crafted a new one in his image. He has encased me in fearsome black armour that completely hides any trace of who I am and who I was. He has reminded me that my husband is truly lost to me and is now the galactic nightmare known as Darth Vader. I am fully controlled through layers of conditioning and am guided mentally by the Emperor through the powers of the Dark Side of the Force.
Throughout all of this, I still had the sanctuary of my own mind, and the dreams of what I could do if I had free will-if the serum ever stopped working and I regained control over myself again. Those dreams allowed me to remain as what I saw as me inside my head, to prevent the endless Imperial propaganda I see and hear all around me from eroding my sense of self, and to prevent the limitless despair of my perpetual existence from finally breaking me.
Unfortunately, the Emperor saw to it that I was deprived of even that.
He sensed my thoughts on the issue, one day in the Throne Room of the Imperial Palace. I have learned that certain thoughts should be buried deep, such as those of my children, because he can sense what is immediately on my mind, or at least get a reading of emotions through the Force. This leads to interrogation from him, and under my conditioning I am forced to tell him. I will not allow him to find out about my children in this way, but in this case, with my dreams of free will, I got sloppy and allowed the dream to cheer me.
"Is something appealing to you, my servant? You may speak freely…"
"No, Master…" I replied. I despised the idea of calling him Master, but I felt that I had to keep up appearances to avoid potential punishments for the odd slip, such as not using his proper title.
The Emperor, however, knew that this was not true…
"You were feeling optimistic about something…I could feel it positively…glowing in you." He said the last three words with a disgusted tone of voice, as if it was anathema to him. "Tell me…what were you so happy about there, my servant? I want the truth…"
At this, it triggered the conditioning, so I was helpless to stop an answer.
"I dream of free will-the day that the device stops working or the serum stops being effective, so that I can finally enjoy the privilege of free will once again…" the delivery was like a robot, but it betrayed how I was feeling at that moment. At the same time, could he really deprive me of such a dream-the dream of freedom, of free will?
It was about to turn out that he could…all too easily.
"So, you desire free will…the opportunity to think your own thoughts and to be able to act on them?" He cackled. "You lost that long ago, my plaything…but if you want to enjoy a few days of free will, based on the good service that you have done for me so far, then I am inclined to give it to you. You will be confined to your quarters, but you shall have free will. I shall turn off the serum injector for a period of a week. Does that satisfy you, my servant?"
I bowed. "Yes, Master…"
In my head, however, I sensed that there was something very wrong here. The Emperor was giving me free will and turning my serum injector off!? He had had made his personal mission to bury me, to enslave me…and now he was setting me free!? It would be in a gilded cage, for certain, but even so…something about this whole situation felt wrong.
I left the throne room, as per my conditioning, and went to my quarters.
The moment that I had done so, the communications terminal locked itself so that I would not be able to use it, and the doors locked, sealing me in. I could still feel the Emperor in my head, however.
"Enjoy your freedom…my puppet." He said, before I could sense the device switching off. I removed my helmet, delighted to be able to show my face again. Over the next few minutes, I slowly removed the armour, changing instead to a simple jumpsuit. I then prepared myself a drink using the machine in my quarters, and sat on the floor slowly enjoying it-a sensation that I had thought long lost to me.
However, as time went on, it all began to go wrong.
I started to feel ill, nauseous, and lethargic. I also felt a headache starting to build up. I hoped that this was a situation that would soon pass, that I had picked up some sort of illness, but it did not. Hours later, the symptoms were getting worse. The headache had progressed to a migraine, the nausea had induced near-constant vomiting, and I was now sweating and developing violent shakes too. These symptoms kept going and were driving me crazy. What the hell was happening to me!?
This went on for an entire day. One day where I simply lay on the floor of my quarters, barely able to move out of exhaustion. Shaking, sweating, vomiting into a nearby container, and my head felt like it was splitting. It was the worst sensation in the world-and I had no idea why it was happening. The drink was spilled on the floor, staining the carpet within.
Finally, my communications array switched on as it received a message. This had to be a deliberate one from the Emperor…I slowly crawled over to the array, every second being swathed in uncontrollable pain and nausea. I finally dragged myself up to the 'Accept Call' button, before my body gave out and I collapsed onto the floor, barely conscious.
"Are you alright, my servant?" the Emperor asked.
"What the hell have you done to me…? I asked, my voice wracked with shakes.
The Emperor laughed.
"You asked to be taken off the serum…so that is what you got, my plaything! You have been on that serum constantly for over a year…and have gained power from its properties. Over time, however, it has got its hooks into you and now you cannot seem to function without it! You have become dependent on the substance…"
I was utterly horrified. I was addicted to the serum…?
"Those feelings of euphoria you felt when under the more intense doses of the serum? That was the serum slowly drawing you in. You now need it to continue to survive…if you stay off it too long, I fear that you may do irreparable damage to yourself." He laughed, a sound that sickened me more than the withdrawal symptoms-for that is what I knew them to be now-did.
"There is a way to make all of this go away, however…you know what it is."
"What?" I struggled to breathe out, near bereft of energy.
"Submit yourself to the serum…become my servant. Abandon your free will, for it is clearly making you ill now, and function as my personal agent within the Empire…" he proposed, evil tainting every syllable as he spoke. "Submit…"
I was wracked all over, but I still had my pride. "Never…"
"So be it…" the Emperor declared, before ringing the comm device off.
It went like this for nearly a week. I was being subjected to even worsening symptoms over the course of the week as my withdrawal intensified, including some that I do not wish to discuss. I slowly felt like I was going mad, as I struggled to focus my thoughts. Every day, the Emperor contacted me on the comm array to demand that I submit to his serum and his conditioning, for the sake of my deteriorating health. I just wanted to curl up and die…it would finally end my suffering, set me free…
"You think that letting yourself die will set you free, don't you?" he murmured on the second to last day of my 'freedom'. "Well, let me point out the delusion of that belief. The withdrawal will culminate in you going mad as your body slowly fails you. At that moment, I will re-administer the serum, retaking control of your body. You will no longer be a factor in your destiny, not even an observer-merely an insane woman locked away in her own mind while I take control of your body, ensuring that you do as I command. You will not die…your sense of self will die first. Is that what you really want, my servant?"
"No…" I breathed out, struggling to focus amidst the onslaught of physical and mental problems.
"Submit…" he commanded.
"No…" I whispered, from my spot flat out on the floor.
On the last day, the withdrawal was the worst it had ever been. I was now starting to hallucinate, seeing Anakin, my family, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Yoda, even Jar Jar Binks…all in addition to the other previously described symptoms, which were all now at their height. I was now completely drained from the ordeal, and my thoughts were all over the place and becoming increasingly deluded. I was indeed losing my sense of self…soon I would become that which I feared most, the insane former senator locked away in her cage while the Emperor forced her body to commit all sorts of horrific actions. Become a monster with her past identity a witness but not a participant, or become a monster with my personality utterly insane, unable to understand or comprehend what I was being forced to do…
The call came in. I was too weak to answer it.
After a while, the doors opened…finally. The Emperor strode in, making a personal visit.
"Will you accept the serum now, my servant?"
I finally answered him, once I had focused my thoughts using every bit of strength that I had remaining in my withdrawal addled body and mind.
"I submit…please, give me back the serum…"
The Emperor smiled, and then gave a cackling laugh.
"I don't think so…you will be much more efficient after a few more days."
"No…please…I'll submit. I won't desire free will again…just please, make it stop…"
I was begging at this point, to my everlasting shame. He simply gave a low laugh, then replied.
"Of course...my Shadow."
He then sent the mental command, and I could finally feel the serum rush back through my veins. The headache, nausea and other symptoms slowly receded, and I started to return to my normal state of being. I had endured…but it had cost me my dreams of free will and forced me to debase myself by willingly having to beg to be put back on the serum. The worst of it was that I now knew that, after over a year of being on the serum, I was well and truly addicted and withdrawal would be a truly torturous ordeal that could shatter my mind and my body. At least, by submitting to the Emperor's conditioning, I could maintain my sense of self as I observed my nightmare alter ego's actions. In time, maybe my body and mind could acclimatise so that my free will could break through the conditioning without coming off the serum? It was a faint hope, but thanks to the Emperor, it was all that I had left. He had taken my dream of free will…and had turned it into a nightmare.
"Refresh yourself, clean this place up…then re-join me in the Throne Room."
"Yes, Master…" I bowed, before completing my orders.
After the cleaning, I stood before the full length mirror. My armour was on, and my helmet was being held in my gloved hands. I was under orders to don the full armour, but in my mind-the part that was not in control-I was feeling truly dejected, as it would represent me possibly disappearing for good. This time, as symbolised by my putting my helmet on myself, it would be because I had chosen to undergo this transformation. Free will…a painful delusion, it had seemed-especially with somebody as evil as the Emperor pulling the strings.
Goodbye, Padme' Amidala. Hello, The Emperor's Shadow.
I donned my helmet, picked up my Force Pike and walked back to the throne room.
My master awaited my presence…
AUTHOR'S FINAL (FINAL) NOTE:
THIS STORY IS PROBABLY NOW COMPLETE. I KNOW THAT I'VE REWRITTEN IT ONCE AND ADDED TWO ADDITONAL CHAPERS NOW, BUT TEN PARTS SEEMS LIKE THE IDEA PLACE TO LEAVE IT. IF YOU ADD IN 'TRAINING THE SHADOW' BETWEEN CHAPTERS SIX AND SEVEN, THAT ADDS UP TO 28 CHAPTERS SPENT TRANSFORMING PADME' AMIDALA INTO THE EMPEROR'S SHADOW. JUST THINK OF IT ALL COMBINED AS PART ONE OF A LONGER TALE, ONE THAT I INTEND TO TELL.
NOW THAT THIS HAS BEEN WRITTEN, I PLAN TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THIS OWING TO THE AMOUNT OF WRITING THAT I HAVE DONE OVER THE LAST FORTNIGHT. AS I SAID AT THE END OF 'TRAINING', I DO FEEL A LITTLE TIRED, SO GETTING THIS OUT WAS A NECESSITY TO BEING ABLE TO PAUSE FOR BREATH AND TAKE A BREAK-IT GETS MY LAST LITTLE IDEA OUT OF THE WAY. WHEN I COME BACK, I'LL BEGIN WRITING ON THE EMPEROR'S SHADOW, PART II (TITLE UNDECIDED AS OF YET...SPOILERS!). IN THE MEANTIME, IF YOU READ THIS AND ENJOY IT, LET ME KNOW IN A REVIEW AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO REPLY TO YOUR THOUGHTS.
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.