CHAPTER TEN

"No."

"Is that the only word in your vocabulary?"

"No," I added a smile this time.

"You are making this so damn hard, Bella."

Alice was visibly annoyed. If she were a cartoon, they would be steam coming from her ears right about now. I'd been a little surprised and skeptical when Edward said he wasn't going to stay with me through my chemo today. I didn't mind of course, I always told him to go and do other things because it was just so depressing sitting in that room with 20 other sick people tied to a tube of chemicals. He always refused though and sat with me through the whole thing. He would read me books, or play 'tic tac toe' (after much confusion on my part as I had always called the game naught and crosses). He told me stories of his childhood or we would just sit there; together.

But today was different, he was nervous and edgy when he told me, "I'm going to go do some stuff today… some errands," as we walked through the hospital glass doors.

"Sure… Are you okay?"

"Yeah, do you want me to stay? Cause I will, the stuff can wait," he stopped to turn to me in the hospital lobby.

"No, Edward it's fine really. I don't like you being stuck with me here anyway. You just seem a little edgy, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just feel bad leaving you alone." He looked sad as his eyes dropped to the floor.

I put my hand on his soft cheek to lift his eyes to mine. I'd become more comfortable with these kind of actions now. I wasn't as awkward or nervous with him.

"Edward, I'll be fine. I promise. I know you want to show me – prove something to me, but you don't have sit through everything with me. I know it's not pretty and depressing. Go and have some time off."

He pushed my hair behind my ear and trailed his thumb across my cheekbone, leaving a tingly trail there, "I told you, I don't care how ugly it gets."

"Yeah, but I do. Go. Go and do something else. Work out or something," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

He smiled my favorite crooked grin suddenly, the light in his eyes shining even more, "That a hint? You saying I need to get in better shape?"

I smiled in return, my only genuine smiles being for him lately, "Yes, that's exactly it. You're slacking," I patted his stomach.

He smiled and leaned down then to give me one his heart stopping kisses. It was too brief as always, and when he pulled back my eyes were still closed.

"I'll see you later. Be good." He always said this to me right before we would walk in the treatment centre. Mainly because I'd been more than a little bit stubborn on my first treatment. I really didn't want to be there and I'd picked faults with absolutely everything. The nurse was clearly getting more and more annoyed with every comment I made, but I didn't care at that moment. I wanted them to kick me out and tell me not to come back. But, unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Edward had told me, firmly, to pull myself together and behave because this was happening whether I liked it or not.

"I will," I sighed. He stepped back but looked at me again, uncertainty in his eyes.

I gave him a soft push towards the door, "Go!"

I heard her voice from the behind the glass doors and I knew exactly why Edward hadn't stayed now. Alice was the only other person who knew about my illness. She was such a big part of Edward's life, and now that I was too, he didn't know how he was going to keep it from her. Alice also wanted to get to know me a lot more because of this, and so she had promised not to tell anyone else.

She was asking the nurse at the reception where she could find me very loudly and the nurse gently ushered her to lower her voice and pointed through the doors to where I was sat. I gave a little wave and motioned that she should wait in the lobby. The nurse must have told her I was almost done because she smiled and not so subtly motioned that she'd wait outside. I was giggling as the other nurse unhooked me from everything and kindly told me how good I was today. I always felt about 5 years old when they said that to me.

I told them I'd see them next week, and went out to find Alice, grabbing my belongings on the way.

"Hey sweetheart!" She greeted me as soon as I stepped out with a hug. It was shocking sometimes just how warm and kind Alice was. It was hard to get used to.

"Hey Alice," I said with a smile, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I told Edward not to tell you, but I arranged to pick you up from here because we're going shopping," she said with a sly grin on her face.

My eyes immediately narrowed at her smile, "Shopping for what?"

"Your dress for the Everglades Charity Ball," she deadpanned.

My face dropped. I had completely forgotten about that. Edward had asked me if I wanted to go with him and that it would be a great opportunity to meet doctors that might be interested in giving me treatment. We never really mentioned it since though. I just didn't want word to spread and then I'd be the centre of interest for all these different doctors wanted to try treatments on me. I did not want that.

"Now, don't get all moody with me and try to argue because it's not going to work. We are going shopping today and you are getting a dress for the ball. I don't care how much it is or how long it'll take. Let me worry about that. And if you think you're not going to even to at all then think again. This is the first time Edward's ever been excited about a school event. He never went to one before. Not because he had lack of dates, he always had plenty of those. He just never thought it was special enough to share with someone like that. Dances; he hated them but only because he didn't have someone he wanted to take. Now he does and he wants to share it with you. Don't ruin it. Please."

She ended with a tentative smile. Now Alice was a chatty person, but I'd never seen her talk so much in one go before.

I sighed, defeated. "Ok."

I know now why you were edgy before.

Alice is enough to make anyone nervous.

Haha, B x

I quickly sent Edward a text as Alice dragged me out of the hospital.

And now here we were; sat in one the most expensive boutiques in Florida while Alice kept pulling gowns off the rails and into my face. They were all so long and intricately designed. They looked heavy and much too expensive for just one dance.

"Why can't I just wear a normal dress? It's one night and I'm never going to wear it again after this," I asked.

"Well that's the great part; you're the same size as Esme. She goes to my dad's balls and events all the time so when you're done with it, she can have it. I'm sure she'll love it. I pick out all her dresses too," Alice gave me a wink.

Esme was Alice and Edward's stepmother. They're father; Carlisle was a very respected and recognized doctor in Florida. I'd stiffened as soon as Edward had told me this, but he quickly added that he was a brain doctor; although he would most definitely now people, the best people, who could help with my illness. I immediately refused. I was getting sufficient treatment here. The last thing I wanted was the first thing I ask of Edward's parent to be whether they'd be able to hook me up with special treatment. I hadn't even met them yet. I didn't even know if they knew I existed.

Alice pulled out a gown just then and gasped.

"Oh my god… this is it. This is the one." She stared at it in disbelief.

"Jesus, Alice. It's not like you're picking a wedding dress."

"You could wear this for your wedding. Bella, it's absolutely stunning!" She feigned a British accent. It made me giggle when she did it, "Look, it could be your something blue too."

She showed me the dress properly, and I couldn't help but think it was beautiful and perfect.

It was floor length with the pale blue fabric full in the skirt. It was strapless with intricate beading all along the neckline that curved all the way around right down to the floor. The silk was pleated and folded over itself along the bust, where there was a simple thin sash tied in a bow around the waist. I had to admit, it was stunning.

I must have stared at it a second too long, and gave myself away because Alice thrust it into my hands and told me to try it on.

I had never felt such luxurious fabric against my skin. My mother was always invited to my grandfather's events and pretty dresses were always available to me; but I was never into any of that sort of thing. But this was different. I looked really good; really elegant, classy. I pulled my hair from my ponytail and let it fall on my bare shoulders. I couldn't believe what a difference a dress could make to a person.

I didn't even hear Alice open the dressing room door; I jumped slightly when she gasped as she saw me in the mirror.

"Bella, it's so beautiful," she said gently.

"I like it," I said, still trying to believe that I was the person in the mirror.

"Finally!" Alice shouted, lifting her arms in the air. "I'm a fucking genius…" she mumbled as she left the dressing room with the dress's code.

I gently took the dress off again and placed it back into the plastic covering. Alice took it from me as soon as I stepped out of the fitting rooms and replaced it with a very expensive looking paper bag lined with tissue paper and tie up with a bow.

"You bought it already?!"

"Yes, well there was only one left," she lied.

"Alice, how much was it at least? I don't even know if I can afford it!"

"Don't worry! It's Edward's gift. He told me I was under no circumstances allowed to let you pay for it," she smiled.

"What? Why?" I asked, quieter this time.

"Because, honey, he wants to give you things. It's what guys do for people they care about. He wants to make you happy; it's his thing. He's always been that way…" Alice had a look on her face that made me think she wasn't telling me everything.

"What is it?" I asked.

Alice looked to me for a second, before thanking the store assistant and ushering me out of the shop. As we walked along the street I waited for her to continue.

"I don't want to say anything if he hasn't already told you himself," she started, "It should come from him; the full explanation. Edward had a hard time growing up."

"He has a hard time? Why?" Edward had never divulged a lot about his childhood. It seemed to me to be fairly regular. All he had said to me was that he was raised in mainland Florida by his father and stepmother, Esme.

"Our mom died when Edward was 5 and I was 7," she said quietly, looking to the ground.

I was stunned silent for a second, "Oh my god, Alice, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay; it was a long time ago. It hit us pretty hard, we were a close family. My dad was crushed; my mom was his first love and they'd been together since they were 16. It took us a long time to get over it – but it was the hardest for Edward," she fell silent again.

I didn't want to push, but my curiosity was unbearable, "Why?"

She took a deep breath before she continued. We'd reached a little park and Alice sat down on a bench. I followed and waited for her to carry on.

"It happened one day in the summer. My dad is originally from a little town in Italy called Martellago, and we used to go there every summer and stay in my grandmother's old summer house there. My parents loved it because that's where they met, and Edward and I loved running around in the fields and going swimming in the lakes.

My mom used to be big on exploring and she'd take us out to discover a new part of the lakes and fields every year. She would make a big deal of it and bring back souvenirs, pretending we were discovering lost ground, like we were Christopher Columbus or something," Alice paused for a second, "One day, I had hurt my knee playing with Edward and I didn't want to go exploring, but Edward looked forward to it more than anything on the trip and cried for Mom to take just him. We always did it together so she promised me that we'd go again tomorrow all together; that today was just 'making sure that the area was safe for human life'," She made quotation marks with her hands as a sad smile spread across her face.

"She left with Edward, and they went across the lake onto the rocky beaches on the other side. I don't know what happened along the trip but they walked so far that they reached the cliffs that overlooked the sea. My mom was always so careful with us along cliffs and boardwalks; she always thought we would fall in. That day though she was the one who lost her footing along cliff and fell off."

I gasped. Alice said it so softly that I didn't think it'd heard her right.

"She didn't fall off right away, she managed to hold on to the edge and she was trying to pull herself back up. Edward was only 5 but he laid on the ground trying to pull her hands up and over the edge. He wasn't strong enough though and in the end she couldn't hold on anymore," She breath caught as she just stared off ahead of her, as if she was talking to herself, "She fell 60 feet on to the rocks beneath." A silent tear rolled down Alice's cheek and my heart broke. I put my hand on hers, not knowing what to say.

"It was awful, but Edward was the one who watched her hand slip out of his and we watched as she fell all the way down. It was hours and hours after they'd left when we finally found him there on the cliff and he hadn't moved an inch. He was still lying on his stomach arms stretched out as if he was reaching for something, staring down at the rocks. When my father looked down and saw my mother's body laying there… it was the worst scream I'd ever heard. Worse than any horror movie.

Edward wouldn't speak for a year after that. My dad put him in therapy, and he had to see a psychiatrist until he was 8. It destroyed him. He thought that mom had left him because he couldn't save her."

A tear fell my on hand and I didn't realize I had been crying until I noticed my vision had become blurry. I squeezed Alice's hand and whispered gently when she didn't carry on, "I'm so sorry Alice. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like."

She nodded, "It was horrible."

We sat like that in silence for a few minutes before Alice sighed deeply and turned to me with a kind smile, "After Edward started becoming himself again; he always had this thing of protecting everything. Me especially for while. He felt like he needed to since he couldn't protect mom. No matter how much we told him it wasn't his fault, and he couldn't do anything more, he wouldn't listen. In the end we just let him do it. We let him obsess over extra precautions and let him do things his way because that's how he was coping.

That's why he loses his temper when things go wrong. He told me once, if he can't control a situation, he bursts."

"He bursts?"

"Yeah. He says it feels like he creates a bubble around himself, and when he can't control what's happening, he feels like his safety bubble bursts and he doesn't know what to do, so he attacks. I guess it comes down to animal instincts really," she explained.

I suddenly remembered the night at the diner with Mike. When Edward had seen red and taken Mike into the car lot.

"What just happened?" I finally asked.

"I burst."

"You burst?"

"Yeah."

I understood what he meant now. He hadn't hurt Mike though; he hadn't been at all violent.

"I could have punched him until he stopped moving." He seemed shocked that the words were coming out of his mouth.

I hesitated, wondering what he was actually talking about, "What stopped you?"

He smiled, still looking straight ahead, "You."

It had already meant so much to me, but now that fact that he'd stopped himself had a whole new meaning.

I turned back to Alice, "Thank you that must have been really hard for you to relive."

She smiled softly, "You mean a lot to Edward, I've haven't seen this side of him since before it all happened."

"He means a lot to me too. I have never felt so much for someone before."

Alice's smiled grew wider, "Good."

We both decided to go back to the dorms after that. I thanked Alice again as we got out of the car and she left towards her own dorm building. I walked up to my room in a daze, thinking about the horror that they'd gone through as a family. I couldn't even pretend to know what it felt like.

I turned the corner and jumped when I bumped into someone standing right there at my door.

"Hey beautiful"

I smiled and relaxed when I realized it was Edward. His green eyes glimmered as he smiled at me, arms outstretched. Something suddenly pulled at me as I looked into his eyes; my heart broke again as I thought of all that I had just learnt about him. My eyes started watering and I felt my brows scrunch up.

He stiffened right away and stepped towards me, "Bella? What's wrong?" He lowered his eye's level with mine and I couldn't take it anymore. I threw my arms around him and buried my face into the crevice of his neck.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, so quietly I barely heard myself.

I felt him relax slowly and he sighed, putting his arms around me.

"Alice told you."

He didn't ask me, he already knew.

I nodded, and gently pulled away, trying to pull myself together.

"I'm so sorry. I can't even – I don't even know what it must have been like, it's just so –" I sniffled uncontrollably.

"Bella, Bella, its okay. It was a long time ago," his hands were on my face, wiping away the tears there.

"No," I pulled his hands from my face and took them in mine, "It's not okay. You're stood here comforting me when you're the one that's gone through such an awful – it's just so – I can't even think of how horrible it must have been."

He stood there, looking down at our hands and I'd never seen him so vulnerable and broken as he was in that moment. I put my hand on his cheek and winded my fingers across the nape of his neck, into his hair, making him look at me. I whispered forcefully through my tears, trying to make him believe me,

"Edward, I want you to know that I'm always here for you. I will never leave you. What happened is truly awful, and I think you are bravest person I have ever known for pulling through it. I want to do anything I possibly can to make you happy because you deserve it," tears streamed down my face and I saw one escape from Edward's closed eye. He stepped closer and leaned his forehead against mine.

"I love you so much," I whispered.

"I love you," his voice broke as he sighed.

I don't know how long we stood like that out in the deserted hallway.

It could have been forever and I wouldn't have cared.

I've uploaded Bella's dress on my profile – go and take a look.

I hope you enjoyed, please review.