A/N: NSFW
A couple of months have passed and Amell, Hawke and Isabella were laughing and drinking wine during their monthly girl's night.
"So how is the knight captain in bed? I've always wondered," Isabella asked.
"He's fine."
"Fine? Just fine? How disappointing."
"No, I mean, ugh we haven't…"
"Really? It's been two months and he's here all the time," Hawke said.
"I still can't be touched."
"Oh you poor thing."
"I try to take care of his needs and he says it's enough but I can tell he wants more." The whole thing made her feel miserable. She loved the time they spent together, she just wished she didn't feel so broken about it.
"He probably just wants to please you as you please him."
"I'm broken."
"No you aren't. You are having a normal reaction to what happened to you."
"But what if I never can? What if he gets sick of waiting around for me and moves on?" It felt good to get all of this off of her chest. She still didn't have a solution though.
"He's not going to do that. He loves you."
Amell sighed unconvinced.
"Well in my experience it depends on what she's doing for him. I've got some techniques that would blow his mind," Isabella offered.
"From the sounds I've heard him make, she's got it covered. But it has to be frustrating for you. Can you touch yourself?" Hawke asked.
Amell blushed. "Yes."
"In front of him?"
"That would be awkward."
"No honey. For him it would be a show he wouldn't forget. And it may loosen you up."
"I don't understand how."
"I feel your intimacy block is because you feel unworthy of him. You feel tainted."
"Okay, that makes some sense."
"This way you're letting some of the barriers down that you've erected to protect yourself. This lets you be vulnerable without too much risk."
"I guess."
"It's just something to try. It may not work but at least you would be getting something out of it."
It was an idea. Even if it made her uncomfortable even thinking about it, it was worth a shot.
"Isabella what do you think?" Amell asked.
"You wouldn't like my suggestion."
"What is it?"
"Adding someone to the bedroom to discover if it's just a block with him or if it's universal."
Hawke scoffed. "You just want to have sex with them."
"I didn't say me. But I wouldn't be opposed. Are you saying you wouldn't want a chance to bed the knight captain?"
"Maybe, before Alistair." A familiar pang of jealousy hit Amell. No way in hell was she sharing Cullen.
Isabella stared. "He means that much to you?"
"He means everything."
"I don't know whether to coo or vomit."
"Cooing is less messy." Amell smiled. "I'm so glad he found you."
"It's still a bit weird that you both have bedded him."
"You're just jealous." Hawke winked.
"I'd have sex with the two of you too."
"If I could get Alistair on board…"
Amell groaned. "Warn me ahead of time so I can find somewhere else to sleep."
"I'm sure Anders has room for you."
"I'm not sure he'd appreciate me dragging Cullen along."
"Who knows maybe they could share you."
Amell blushes. "I don't think Cullen would ever agree to that."
"But you don't sound opposed."
"Well it's not an unappealing thought but I can't handle Cullen on his own. What would I do with two of them?"
"Oh the things I could teach you."
# # # # #
Cullen opened the bedroom door and found Amell already naked on the bed. He took a deep breath. He had seen her naked plenty of times in the past couple of months but it still took his breath away.
"I want to try something new tonight," she said, her eyes casted down. She looked nervous.
"Okay." He was a bit cautious. Last time he had tried to touch her, she had sobbed. It broke his heart seeing her in so much distress over it. He'd rather they abstained completely than see her so distraught. He didn't want her to think the only reason he stuck around was for sex. He loved her. He just wanted to be with her, regardless of what they were doing.
"I'm going to touch myself while you watch." She blushed as she said the words.
His cock stirred at the thought. Maker was he lucky. "Okay." He had a hard time saying the word, saying anything. "What would you like me to do?"
"Get naked."
He cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because I need something to look at."
It was his turn to blush. He shrugged out of his armor and the rest of his clothes and came to the bed. She watched him with hunger in her eyes. There was no doubt that she wanted him. He just wanted to make her feel as good as she made him.
"Come closer," she breathed.
He settled on his side. She ran her fingers across his chest, tracing the lines of muscle. Her other hand dipped between her legs. He watched enraptured as she began to stroke herself. She rubbed herself and moved her hips to get better traction.
"You have no idea how wet it makes me watching you watch me."
His throat ran dry. He glanced up at her face seeing her reddened cheeks. She licked her lips and he moved forward to press his mouth against hers. She tasted sweet, familiar and it didn't take long for the kiss to deepen. When he pulled away, her breathing came faster and her eyes were glazed over.
"Keep watching, love."
He looked back down, studying like there was going to be a test. He memorized just where she touched to make her breathing ragged and her thighs shake. He wanted to touch her so badly. Instead he began to stroke himself.
"Oh," she moaned, her eyes on his member. "Yes, keep doing that."
She was close, he could tell by the clouded look in her eyes. She grabbed his hand and placed it over hers. Then she removed her own hand and it was just him touching her. He looked to make sure she was okay and saw her eyes closed, her mouth open and her head back. He continued to touch her just as she'd shown him.
"Oh Maker, that feels amazing."
He grinned feeling some male pride that he was affecting her like this.
"Use your fingers," she commanded.
He wasn't sure what she meant so he teased at her entrance with a single digit.
"Yes, Cullen, more."
This was new territory for him but he wanted to please her so he slipped the digit inside her wet heat. They moaned together. His cock ached, jealous of his finger.
"More Cullen. I need more of you."
He slipped in another finger, curling them so they rubbed against her upper walls. She bucked her hips. He used his thumb to rub the spot he knew made her moan. Her breathing came much faster so he did something he'd always wanted to do. He bent his head down and tasted her.
"Cullen!"
The tone in her voice startled him. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked concerned.
"Maker no. Keep doing that."
He grinned as he went back down. Her hands found his hair and she tugged on it gently.
"I'm close. Cullen, I'm so close."
He swirled his tongue around the places that made her squirm, delighting in her. He had never been turned on as much as he was right then. She arched her back and he felt her walls pulse. He kept moving his fingers as she came back down. She pulled his hair a little bit harder and he looked up at her. He moved up to claim her mouth. She opened her mouth to him and their tongues met.
She pulled away. "I need you inside me."
"Are you sure?" Everything was moving fast and he didn't want her to suddenly regret things. He really didn't want to hurt her.
"Yes. Make love to me."
He didn't need to be told again. He positioned himself at her opening, rubbing against her wet sex. Finally he thrust his hips forward and plunged inside of her. The feeling of her around him was like nothing he'd ever experienced. Her hand was nice, her mouth even better, but this, this was bliss. She wrapped her legs around his waist and urged him to move by digging her heels into his ass.
He slowly withdrew and then slammed into her hard, causing the bed to smack into the wall. He continued his slow but hard pace, cued by the irresistible noises she was making. Her fingernails dug into his back. Her walls squeezed him, breaking his concentration. He wanted to enjoy every second inside of her. He wanted this to last forever. She was far too impatient. She moved her hips to meet his with a smack of their bodies.
"Solona, you feel too good. I want this to last."
She giggled. "Darling this won't be the last time. I want you to make me scream."
How could he say no to that? He rolled his hips faster, feeling that familiar build up that told him he was close. But he refused to finish before she did, before she screamed his name. He held tight to his templar training as he pounded her. Her face spoke of the pleasure he was giving. They locked eyes and the moment was perfect.
"Cullen," she cried out, her walls pulsing around his cock.
He buried his head in her breasts as he spilled his seed deep in her womb. She continued to pulse, milking him dry.
"Solona," he murmured into her skin. "I love you."
She pulled him up so she could kiss him. "I love you too."
They soon fell asleep but when they woke in the morning he took her again, waking the rest of the household with her cries.
# # # # #
"I can't believe him," Alistair said, hearing Amell cry out.
"Love, I know we've kept them awake with our love making."
"That's not what I mean."
She wrapped her arms around him from behind. "What's bothering you?"
"He is. He couldn't wait, couldn't give her the time she needs to heal."
"I think she knows when she's ready."
"Not if he's pressuring her."
"You're making assumptions."
"I know her. I know how far she's willing to go to make him happy."
"Were I a jealous woman, this conversation would start to bother me."
He turned to face her, wanting to reassure her. "Hawke, love, I just worry for her."
"Worry is one thing, you sound jealous."
"I'm not. I just don't think he's good enough for her."
"She loves him."
"I'd rather she be with Anders."
Hawke snorted. "Anders is not the most available of men."
"Then someone else."
"Which you'd find some fault in. Admit it, the only man good enough for her is you."
"That's not fair. I only want what's best for her."
"You put her on a pedestal. You treat her like she's too weak to take care of herself. You treat her like a child and one of these days she's going to hate you for it."
He didn't know what to say.
"She's my cousin and I've grown to love her but there is only so much of this I can take. You are no longer her lover, you're mine. Stop acting like she's the most important person in the world."
He went to touch her but she recoiled away from him. "She's not. I love you more than anything, anyone."
"Then why don't you act like it?"
"Because you can take care of yourself and she can't."
Hawke scoffed. "It's not your job to take care of her. It's Cullen's. And from what I hear, he's doing a damn fine job of it."
Alistair ran his fingers through his short hair. "This is our first fight."
"Yes. I don't like it."
"Me neither. What can I do to make you feel better?" He expected a crude comment. What she did say surprised him.
"Just hold me."
As he held her close, he reexamined his own feelings. What was it about Cullen and Amell bothered him so much? He should have been happy for her as she was for him. But it felt like Cullen had won and he had lost even though he had the most wonderful woman by his side. He was going to lose her if he didn't stop acting like Amell mattered more. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of lilies on her hair. Losing Hawke wasn't an option. He would fight to the death to keep her, even if the person he was fighting was himself.
I'll try and accept Amell and Cullen. It's not like he's going anywhere, he thought. He didn't own Amell, she was her own woman. And she loved Cullen, had always loved him. He vowed to respect her wishes and never mention how it made him feel. Because he couldn't control how he felt. He snuggled against Hawke. He couldn't have them both.