A/N: This is fast moving into crack fic territory, and I have absolutely no apologies for that at all. I am having a little bit of fun writing this, and it is taking out the sting when things happen in my day that don't make me smile too much.

It will end at some point... but for now ... I need the levity that comes with writing this. Here's today's post ... Anyone got any suggestions for what they want to see? That could be fun ... prompt me ... I'll pick one that makes me bounce excitedly in my seat.

~~oooOOOooo~~

"There will be no getting over Rose, Donna," the Doctor corrected flatly. "For the rest of my lives I'll have Rose Tyler ingrained in my soul." He nestled his cheek into her hair. "My love. My mate. My hearts. My soul."

"Because I haven't already seen that," Donna muttered with an eye roll. "Bloody miserable pining alien." She then pointed to Rose with a sharp flick of her finger. "So you'd better stop this whole but the timelines, Doctor, we must preserve the timelines malarkey and come back to the other universe with us."

"Well I haven't been that bad, Donna," he defended with a pout. "Time Lords do not pine."

"Oh yes they do and you have," she fired back. "Rose this and Rose that and …" she put on a tearfully broken voice. "Her name was Rose."

"Donna," he pleaded in an embarrassed whisper. "Please?"

"Really," she continued. "The universe doesn't need a pouting Time Lord swanning about creating ways to off himself to stop the misery."

"Oh now you're just being ridiculous," he growled.

"Go with me on this, Dumbo," she snapped in return. "You want Rose to come back, then she needs to know what you get reduced to when you're not around."

He lifted his head to the Vortex in the sky and inhaled a sigh. "Carry on then."

"It's not like you could stop me anyway," she gruffed in reply with a flick of her hand and movement of her eyes toward Rose. "He needs you, Rose."

Rose bit at her lip and nodded in short, slow movements.

Donna's eyes flicked toward Jim, who had remained rather quiet throughout all this. "And I suspect that you need him just as much, too. Especially if you intend on rebuffing anyone who shows an interest." Her eyes slid back to Rose, but she gestured toward Jim with a tip of her head. "This one's really not all that bad you know. Better than this skinny streak of nothing who'd break if you tried to get frisky with him."

"Oh, Donna, come on," the Doctor growled impatiently. He then huffed and looked down at himself as best he could with Rose Tyler held against his chest. "My lithe form is essential for running."

"Well…"

"Sprinters, I'll have you know, aren't bulked up Herculean beasts like the specimen to my right." He tipped his head in the direction of Jim. "They actually have lean and well developed forms shaped appropriately for maximum thrust, speed and endurance."

"Thrust and endurance," Donna repeated slowly with a shift of a conspiratorial eye toward Rose.

"Yes," the Doctor huffed. "Carrying the extra weight that is possessed by a body builder would be rather detrimental to my … uh … way of living."

"You mean continually running for your life."

"Something like that," he acquiesced flatly. "And just because I'm lithe…"

"Skinny," she corrected.

"Fit," he argued. "And lean. Doesn't mean that I couldn't possibly keep up and break if my Rose Tyler thought to get frisky with me." He gave her a smug smile. "In fact, I believe that I possess far greater strength than even Hercules over there and would probably be capable of withstanding any or all…"

"Don't give me the image," Donna moaned dramatically as she covered her eyes with the back of her hand. "We've talked about images today already."

Rose shifted against the Doctor's chest in a shudder that may well have been a chuckle.. "Oh, TARDIS must love listening to you two bickering all the time." She shook her head as she peeled herself from the Doctor's hold and slid out sideways to escape his grasp when he reached for her. "Poor old thing."

"Which is precisely why you need to come back," Donna half pleaded. "TARDIS needs you. She misses you…"

"Okay," the Doctor interrupted with a snark. "If you saying that me missing her didn't work, Donna, then I don't think you saying the TARDIS does…"

"Okay," Rose said with a cheeky smirk as she moved to stand beside Donna. "I'll come with."

"Hold on," the Doctor gasped. "What?"

"She's the last of her species, Doctor," Rose said with all the concern of a protesting environmentalist. "And if she needs me, then I'm there." She bumped her hip against Donna's and winked. "We girls have to stick together, don't we?"

Donna's brows lifted into her hairline. "Oh. Yes. Yes! You're right. TARDIS is a woman, she feels it. Oh does she feel the soul shattering pain of loss."

The Doctor knew he was being toyed with. He could tell by the grins splitting the faces of the two women. His eyes narrowed and he shifted a pointed finger in the air between them. "This isn't going to fly."

Rose blinked innocently and smiled with her tongue caught cheekily in between her teeth. Donna shrugged.

"What are you on about, Spaceman?"

"The two of you ganging up on me," he answered flatly. "Oh, but you think it'll be all fun and games and playing about trying to tease the Time Lord…"

"Which Rose calls dibs on."

"Indeed, Rose can…" He gasped. "No. Just. No. No no no no no. No." He rubbed at his brows tiredly with his fingers. "If you two form an alliance then the TARDIS will definitely follow – Rassilon knows she's good enough with it on her own – and then I'm in a universe of trouble."

"Well," Rose sang with an innocent shrug in her shoulder. "I can always just stay here, you know. Live my life. Telly. Beans on toast. Tea. Sleep. Work."

Donna rushed him to lever a hearty slap on his shoulder. "You big Dumbo! All that convincing it took for Rose to agree to come back, and you mess it up with your little tantrum."

"One," he shot back quickly. "That was not a tantrum. In fact, that was about two solar systems away from a tantrum. That was me," he swallowed and lifted his brows. "Taking a stand against the obvious budding alliance between three women against one man." He circled his finger in the air. "And don't think I am not aware of the potential of three women for nefarious deeds."

He looked to Rose and let a smug smile steal position above his chin. "Now two: as for Rose backing out on her agreement to come back to me." He held out his hand and wriggled his fingers in invitation. "Well. To back out on that would break a promise, and my Rose Tyler is not the type of woman to break a vow, is she?"

Rose looked at his hand, but didn't take it. She folded her arms across her chest and dragged the tip of her tongue across her top lip. "I didn't promise to come back."

"No," he admitted quietly. "But you did promise me forever, and me leaving you here really doesn't add up to forever, now, does it?" He pumped his fingers open and closed in a continuing request for her to take his hand. "Not only that. In agreeing to become my mate, you vowed a foreverness…"

"Not a word, Doctor."

"Donna," he growled in warning. "Give me a go, will you? English is not my first language, remember."

"Well. What is your first language," a voice grumbled in question from behind him. "Because you seem to have a decent grasp of it."

"TARDIS translation for the most part," the Doctor answered with a turn on his heel to look toward the other male in the room. "I can get by well enough without it I suppose. Don't let the Estuary drawl fool you, though, this isn't my real accent. My native tongue is fairly melodic, lyrical, with burr sand trills, and even sometimes an abrupt brogue with the accents and inflections. That makes rounding out the English tones in the British mother accent quite difficult. My true accent might make me sound more like a Scotsman who's been in America for far too long…"

"You're Scottish," Jim asked blandly. "Yeah. I can see where you think you don't speak English. Can't understand a bloody word the Scot's say."

"Not Scottish," the Doctor corrected. "I'm from Gallifrey."

"Ahh," Jim breathed. "Irish. So you're a bloody Celt, then?"

"If I was from Ireland," the Doctor drawled with a moan and a shake of his head. "Then I'd have an Irish accent, wouldn't I?" He thrust one hand into his trouser pockets and lifted the other one, palm up, in front of him in a lecturing-type gesture. "Look. You called me a – oh, what was it?" His eyes lifted and his jaw lengthened. "Oh that's right, an Imaginary Martian Boyfriend."

Jim glared at the Doctor with an unreadable expression, but said nothing.

So the Doctor continued. "Which means that you already think I'm an off-worlder."

Jim's eyes flared and he immediately reached for his gun – a taser. "You're an alien!"

The Doctor's brow arched. "Yes," he answered slowly as his eyes shifted to where Jim's hand sat on his taser. "I'm not from this Earth."

Jim held his taser up and carefully held it to aim with both hands. "Then put up your hands," he warned. "You're under arrest." His eyes flicked to Rose and Donna. "Come stand with me ladies, I'll protect you from the Martian invader."

Rose shook her head. "Jim. Really?"

"Commander Tyler. Behind me please."

"Have you been asleep this whole time, Jim, because I think we've pretty much proven that the Doctor's not a threat."

The Doctor slid his other hand into his trouser pocket and rolled his eyes. "Well. Let's not be too hasty about that, Rose. I mean the guy did try to proposition you." His eyes darkly moved toward the large fellow with the taser. "And, considering you attempted to move on the mate of a Time Lord…"

"Which means what to me," Jim snarled.

"Which means that you're extraordinarily lucky that I'm a friendly sort and didn't fall into my baser instincts of dropping you where you stand because you dared breathe the air surrounding my mate," he strode a step forward and levered his head low to look through his brows at him. "And trust me. The Time Lords have a bit of a reputation when it comes to any marauding male that tries to proposition our mate."

"Yeah," Donna said with a deep chuckle. "They go skulk off in a corner and pout for a millennia."

"Oh we do not," he snapped in reply.

"Tell me otherwise, Doctor. Please."

"I'd be lying if I did." The Doctor straightened up out of his light hunch and chuckled. "Sometimes it scares me how well you know me and my people, Donna." He looked at her with a grin. "Have you been looking at the books in the library on the TARDIS like I suggested?"

"It's all in that circle scribble," she huffed in reply with a wave of her hand. "Looks like someone went to town with a spirograph."

"It's the most complex and ancient language in the known universe," he admonished with affront. "How can you compare it to the … You know what? Never mind." He huffed. He looked back to Jim. "Now do us all a favour, my good man, and drop the weapon. No need for any of us to start shooting the other."

"Yeah, Jim," Rose urged softly. "He's not a threat. He's a friend and here at the invitation of the Board."

"There haven't been any notifications to the security teams, Commander."

The Doctor scratched at his sideburn. "Well. That's probably because I'm a bit late to the party." He looked to Rose. "How long. One? Two years?"

"Four," she answered sadly.

His breath escaped him in a sympathetic sound and he let her name whisper past her lips as he moved quickly toward her, both arms open in a request for her to fall into them.

"Stop where you are," Jim demanded. "Until I have verification from the security office that you are here on a legitimate invitational request, I'm going to hold you."

The Doctor ignored him completely and continued toward Rose.

Jim called out again for the Doctor to stop in a sharp and booming demand.

There was a pop, and then a sizzling crackle. And then the thump of a thrashing body on the ground.