Was It Out of Pity?
Chapter X
June 29, July 2, and August 17, 2005
Edited: June 23, 2007
(Again: December 4, 2007)
A small sob in the night; dark tresses hung down and absorbed the tears.
"Don't cry," the soft voice pleaded. "You really do sparkle like a gem when you cry, but it's tragic beauty. Please stop, or I may start making the salty sadness myself."
The moon radiated an aura that penetrated the rubble, bathing portions of the room in a soft, milky silver light. It caught the movement of a body shifting, illuminating the skin and making it a lustrous color. The figure rose to its feet, the lunar glow exaggerating the contrast between dark hair and pearly skin.
"I won't hurt you," the voice said in that same soft tone. "I think I love you, you know, and I am no Sadist. Despite all the murky desolation, please just know, if you can comprehend it, that I could never, ever bring myself to cause you harm."
Hiei was still asleep when Kurama awoke. Dawn had just broke, but he couldn't fall back asleep so he gave up and, as quietly as he could, slid out of bed, pulled on the jeans he'd worn last night, and crept out to the living room.
He felt horrid, and shocked with his behavior last night. He thought it'd be nice to consummate the relationship on the first night in their new home, a sort of double-celebration. He'd been eager to do it, to know Hiei and to let Hiei know him, but suddenly he was overcome by some dread, an intense fear. Had he not been ready just yet?
It took him a while before he finally did go to sleep, but even then he had no peace. Dreams had plagued his slumber. The details escaped him, but the mood lingered all too vividly. They were night mares, and made him wake feeling just as shaky as when he laid down and shut his eyes last night.
Reflecting all of this right now did not suit Kurama—he'd rather do so when he'd recovered his normal composure.
Right now he needed something to keep his mind occupied. He decided he would put some of the groceries purchased last night to use, and had just completed making an omelet with all the extra fixings when Hiei wandered in. "Good morning," Kurama said, smiling and hoping he appeared as collected as usual.
"Are you alright?" Hiei asked immediately.
Kurama forced a laugh. "Of course. Does something have to be wrong with me for fixing breakfast? You take that omelet, I'll make another one."
"That's not what I meant," the Koorime said as he accepted the food.
"I know what you meant," he said, focusing on his cooking. "Last night." He needn't say more.
"Yes. Are you okay?"
The Fox didn't answer, instead directing his attention to the omelet. When it was done, he placed it on a plate, poured some orange juice, and sat down at the small table and offered Hiei a glass. "I suppose," he said finally. "Just more embarrassed than anything else, I think."
Hiei took a bite of his breakfast, wondering whether or not he was being lied to. "You work today?"
Kurama nodded, realizing he should hurry up and get ready. "Thanks for reminding me," he said, wolfing down the rest of the omelet, and then the orange juice. He gave Hiei a brief smile, and then disappeared to the bathroom to shower.
Hiei's eyes followed him as he walked away, and then shifted his gaze to study the grain work of the table. After Kurama informed him that they were indeed moving into their own place, the two had bought some basic furniture and appliances: a microwave, stove, a small table, a small refrigerator/freezer, a few chairs. Everything else that they had—the bed and desk and bookshelves and the like—were Kurama's from his former home.
He took his time eating, not sure if Kurama desired his company while preparing for work. He feared that if he ventured back to their bedroom right now, he might happen upon the Fox in the middle of dressing. Taking last night into account, Hiei strongly doubted that an accidental glimpse of Kurama naked would be the best thing right now.
After a while Kurama reappeared, freshly showered and clothed and brushing out his hair. "Do you want anything specific for dinner?" he asked.
"I can cook," Hiei replied.
The Fox blinked. "Oh." The thought had never occurred to him before, that Hiei might know how to cook. When they were in each other's company and Hiei was hungry, it had always been Kurama who found him something to eat. "You know how to use the kitchen appliances?"
"I've seen you do it before, I can read instructions, and I occasionally cook for myself when no one's looking," Hiei replied, slightly sardonic.
"Oh. Uh, okay, if you want to."
"Do you want anything specific for dinner?" Hiei now questioned him.
"Uh…" He was still registering the fact that Hiei could cook. "I don't care." He shrugged. "Anything's fine."
"Hn." He watched Kurama lace up his shoes and gather his things into his briefcase.
"Well, I guess I'll be going now."
Hiei nodded, watching him head for the door. "Have a nice day, Kurama."
"You too," he said, closing the door.
A restless feeling took hold of Kurama while he drove. He really didn't want to be in this car right now, he really didn't want to spend today cooped up in an office building.
Someone's horn brought him back to Earth—he'd strayed into the wrong lane. He quickly corrected himself. 'Concentrate,' he commanded his brain. However, his brain retaliated, and his head began throbbing. "No…" he groaned, rubbing his forehead. Naturally, atop everything else, this was his cherry for today. 'Don't do this anymore,' he told himself. 'Don't let Hiei, last night, or anything else distract you at work.' Over and over, he repeated this in his mind as he arrived to Yusuke's apartment and waited for his friend to get in.
"How's it going?" Yusuke asked. Kurama didn't answer. "Kurama?" Silence. "Hello?" He snapped his finger before the redhead's eyes.
Kurama blinked. "What?" he asked.
"What's up with you?"
"Huh?"
"That!" Yusuke exclaimed, pointing at nothing in particular. "That. What is That?"
" 'That'?"
"Yeah."
He studied Yusuke a moment. "I'm not sure what 'That' you're referring to, but I think you're being overly dramatic. Do you mind driving?"
"What? Why?"
"I don't feel well."
"Uh, okay." He switched places with Kurama. "Are you sick?" His friend shrugged. Yusuke attempted conversation a few times more, but Kurama barely said a word, only giving him an apologetic nod as they parked and got out.
"Uh, how's the new apartment?" he asked on their way into the building.
"It's fine." Kurama's tone lacked any emotion.
"What about Hiei?"
"Hiei's fine. I'll see you this afternoon." Kurama boarded the elevator.
'And, uh, how are you?' Yusuke wondered, staring at the closed elevator doors.
"Your mother wanted me to ask how your first night in the apartment was," Kazuya said.
Kurama donned a flight attendant's smile. "It was fine." A lie, perhaps, but no one else needed to know that.
"And she wanted to know if you needed any help unpacking still."
"I believe Hiei and I have that covered."
"And if you need more furniture or anything."
"I think we're set."
"And she wanted to know if you're eating well."
"As well as ever." He probably should have gone lighter on breakfast, though; his stomach was doing a performance that wasn't entirely in sync with the rest of him.
"And does your phone work?"
"What?" He furrowed his brow. "Yes. Why?"
"Because she'll probably call you tonight and ask you the same questions," Kazuya answered, gripping Kurama's shoulder and chuckling.
However, his good humor faded when he felt his step-son's body go rigid and shrink back from his touch.
"Shuichi?"
The Fox sprang to his feet, attempting nonchalance. "Thanks for the warning, Kazuya, I'll be prepared for if she does call at all. I should be getting back to work now." He quickly fled Kazuya's office before he could offer any words of comment or protest or question. Somebody brushed past him as he escaped into the hall, their hand grazing his bottom. He tensed and lurched forward, away from the passerby, his actions completely unnoticed, for which he was grateful. "Calm down," he muttered.
"Why? Edgy?" He whirled around, startled.
Akira quirked an eyebrow. "Well, perhaps that answers my question," he said mildly.
"H-hello," he said, running his fingers through his hair. 'Is this how I make the others feel when I sneak up on them?'
"Hello yourself. Are you sick?"
He shrugged. "I might be. Why?"
"You should take a peek into a mirror. You look it."
The sheer bluntness made him smile a little. "I've been avoiding mirrors as of late, thank you. Are you working?" Akira had his tools with him.
"Well, I'm here, aren't I? Just finished. Thought there really wasn't much I could do, and of course the guy starts yelling like it's my fault."
"What broke?"
"Computer."
"Oh. His is possessed?"
"No, his is abused. He should have expected it to quit working. The sadist pounds on his keyboard like—Shuichi?—Hey! Somebody help me, he's fainting!"
Kurama fell backward, his body suddenly free of all sensation. 'This is me unconscious,' he thought distantly, right before he blacked out.
"No!!!"
A sickening sound, cracking, followed by silence, and then shattered by a hysterical wail. It bounced off the stone walls, coming back in a series of echoes. High-pitched, a woman's sobbing. No, the pitch lowered. He was the one crying.
"Why do you turn away?" a cold baritone jeered. "Look at it!" Fingers dug into his scalp and forced his head about. He winced, closing his eyes until they were mere slits. He didn't want to see.
"Leave him alone," a soft voice said brusquely.
"What's this now? Tomonari, the authoritarian? Since when do you give me orders?"
"Never. This is a suggestion. Why don't you finish your work? Go deal with the mother, it's evident that you've already broken her, she won't make a sufficient toy for you now."
He felt something wet under his hand, lifted it up and looked. His stomach lurched, had he eaten anything recently he would have thrown up right there, but commenced dry heaving instead. And then he collapsed, a crumpled form on the cold ground, weeping.
Fingers ran through his hair, gentle ones this time, massaging his scalp where the other fingers had dug in. "Put it out of your mind. We can't do anything for it now."
The fingers messed with his hair, combing out the tangles. It had a calming effect on him. "This is it," muttered the fingers' voice, soft and absent-minded. "I can't stand by anymore. I won't. This must stop. This blood, this liquid life. Innocent. This is the last. I won't let the Sadist spill anymore. Do you hear me? I promise."
"Tomo-"
Dim yellow light greeted emerald eyes; he blinked, looked around. He lay on a couch in a small, dark-fixtured room, light spilling through glass double doors, casting shadows over the floor. He narrowed his eyes—he'd never been here before—and narrowed them more still upon seeing a human-shaped shadow on the other side of the doors, and hearing a woman's voice uttering words he didn't understand. What was that? The Fox pondered over it …
Portuguese?! Where was he?
The glass doors opened, his hostess appeared. "You're finally awake. Would you like something to drink?" She spoke in Japanese this time, of course, but her voice had some sort of accent that he could not identify; this, combined with her brownish-hued skin and the texture of her hair, gave him the impression that she was foreign. He relaxed when he saw her eyes, though—green like his, only more olive than emerald, and he saw no trace of malice or deceit there.
"Water, please," he managed. "Thank you." She nodded, gave him a reassuring smile, and left him on the couch to ponder just what was going on. He remembered blacking out at work, but where was he now? How long had he been out? He looked around the room again. There were two large windows in the room, covered by shades. He pulled on one, revealing a late afternoon fruit-bowl sky.
"You've been out for a while."
Kurama turned around in his seat. "Akira?" Indeed it was. He blinked, thought of something the other had said—"my girlfriend's black and talks with an accent." "This is your house?" Akira nodded. "And that woman—your girlfriend?"
Another nod. "Lucrece—the best thing I got out of attending college—Well, she's not a 'thing,' of course, but you know what I mean." He grinned. "She's done and over with school, and when I graduate—"
"You're still in school?"
Akira shrugged. "I didn't go from the high school to the university immediately. I'll be done this time next year, though, and then I'm going back with Lucrece to Rio."
"de Janeiro?" Yet another nod. Brazil—well, that explained the Portuguese he'd been hearing. "Love knows no boundaries, eh?" he said, a little sardonically.
Akira waved one hand. "Of course we're in love, but we do have real plans; this is reality, not some romantic fairy tale."
At least Akira was not another Yusuke, Kurama thought.
Lucrece returned and gave him a glass of water, and then asked bluntly, "Do you often faint at work?"
"Ah, not usually," he said, uncomfortable. "I don't know what happened." He looked outside again. "It must be getting late. Thank you for taking care of me, but I'd better go home."
"Shuichi, I don't think you should…"
"I appreciate your concern, but Hiei will be wondering where I am—"
"He shouldn't," Akira interrupted. "I called earlier and left a message for him. When he gets it, won't he come get you?"
"Uh … yes, of course." Kurama smiled, but his confidence wavered.
Did Hiei know how to use the answering machine?
"Hello? Hello?! Are you guys in there?" Yusuke pounded on the door.
It finally opened, and Yusuke found himself face to face with an annoyed Hiei. "What?" the Koorime growled.
"Uh, I brought Kurama's car—Are you crying?"
Hiei wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I was cutting up an onion. Your point?"
Yusuke laughed. "Yeah, right, an onion. That's one of the oldest excuses—" He stopped, and took a whiff. A rather delicious aroma was coming from the apartment. "What's that?"
"Dinner," said Hiei bluntly. He held up a knife. Yusuke backed up (it was Hiei, after all), but noticed that the blade had bits of onion on it.
"You were cutting up an onion."
"No, really?"
"Wait—you can cook?"
He rolled his eyes. "Is that some sort of miracle? Where's Kurama?"
"Uh … Huh? What do you mean, where's Kurama?"
"You came here in his car, right?"
"Yeah … but he's not with me." Hiei narrowed his eyes. "I was just bringing it back here for him."
"Why can't he?"
"He fainted."
Hiei blinked. "What? When did this happen?"
"I don't know," Yusuke said, stepping inside. "I wasn't with him at the time. Akira was—uh, he's this guy from work—"
"I know who he is," Hiei snapped. "This used to be his apartment. What happened to Kurama?"
"I don't know. Akira came up to me, told me Kurama fainted and that he'd bring him here on his way to his place, and then he gave me Kurama's keys and asked if I could bring the car home. Akira didn't bring him here?"
"Do you see him? When was this?"
"Uh … earlier this afternoon."
The Jaganshi thought a moment. "I went out earlier."
"So you weren't here when Akira came," Yusuke deducted. "Okay, maybe he left a message or something."
"Message?"
"Yeah. You know, on the answering machine?"
"The what?"
"Okay, maybe you don't know." Yusuke looked around, and spotted the phone and answering machine. "Here." He hit the button on the machine. A message began playing.
"Hello, Hiei. This is Akira Shimizu, I work with Shuichi. Ah, Shuichi fainted at work—but don't worry, nothing appears to be wrong; he just hasn't regained consciousness yet. I brought him to your place, but no one was home, so I'm taking him to my house, and you can come get him whenever you get this." Akira gave his address, and then the message ended.
Hiei was silent, debating. He didn't know how to drive, but he had no idea if he should travel in his normal fashion while carrying Kurama, if the Fox was still unconscious.
"Need a ride?" Yusuke piped up. He glowered, but reluctantly nodded.
Neither of them conversed in the car for a while. Yusuke sighed; this was almost as uncomfortable as riding with a moody Kurama, but granted, Hiei was almost always this way. "Hey, Hiei?"
"What?" he asked, sitting slumped in the passenger's seat, arms crossed over his chest.
"When did you…" he trailed off, the rest of his sentence inaudible.
"What?"
"When did you and Kurama, uh, realize you … liked each other?"
Hiei quirked an eyebrow. "I've always liked him," he said coolly. "He's a better companion than the rest of you."
"Gee, thanks. But that's not what I meant. When did you decide that you liked him … romantically—loved him?"
"What does it matter to you?" Hiei demanded. "Is it necessary to know?"
Yusuke should have expected malice for asking him such a question. "Well, no, I don't need to know, but—"
"Then why ask?"
He didn't back down. "Well, you guys didn't get together until after—"
"Shouldn't you pay attention to where we're going? I'd like to see Kurama."
The driver heaved another sigh. "Yeah, okay. Fine."
Yusuke sounded somewhat irritated. Good. He didn't care. Hiei stared out the window, watching the scenery pass by in a blur.
"Do you usually talk in your sleep?" Akira asked Kurama.
"What? Not to my knowledge. Was I earlier?"
"Yeah. You were saying a name—Tomonari—Is that someone you know?"
The redhead furrowed his brow. "No. I don't know anybody by that name."
"Oh. Well, it was kind of weird watching you. You were having a rather fitful sleep."
"Nightmare," he replied, shrugging.
"Shuichi," Lucrece called from the front room. "Is Hiei average-height with short black hair?"
"No."
"Okay then, is he kind of short with freaky spiky hair?"
Kurama cracked a smile at the description. "Yes, that sounds about right."
"Okay, because two guys just pulled up outside in some junky car, and he must be one of them."
He laughed. "That happens to be my junky car, thank you very much." The first guy sounded like Yusuke.
There was a knock on the door, and then Lucrece could be heard answering it. Moments later she led Hiei and Yusuke back to the small room with glass doors. "Hello," Kurama greeted.
"Are you okay?" Hiei asked, for the second time today.
"Yeah," he nodded. "Just embarrassed. Again."
"Huh?" Yusuke asked.
"Nothing." He looked to Hiei. "I should probably go home and call my mother. If Kazuya told her what happened she'll be worried until I do. Thank you, Akira and Lucrece."
"Yeah." Akira shrugged. "Just promise not to do it again. You scared the crap out of me."
"Yes, Mother, I'm quite fine."
"Did you eat breakfast this morning?" Shiori asked.
"Yes. And lunch. I didn't skip any meals. The fainting wasn't hunger-related."
"And this Akira man took care of you?"
"Yes, he took me to his home. And he left a message for Hiei."
"Well, where was Hiei during all of this?"
"He wasn't there when Akira came by."
"So he comes and goes all day while you work?"
"Mother, you make him sound like a slacker. He got a lot done today—he unpacked and arranged everything," he said, looking around the living room. "And he cooked dinner. He made spaghetti, you know, and we're getting ready to eat—"
"Is he abusive?" Shiori asked abruptly.
Kurama widened his eyes. "What?"
"Has Hiei hit you or anything? Kazuya told me you flinched when he touched your shoulder today."
'Oh, I do loathe gossip,' Kurama thought. "Hiei's not abusive!" he exclaimed.
"What?"
The Fox looked up. Hiei apparently overheard, for he was giving Kurama a very bewildered look. "Never mind," he told him. "It's just a misunderstanding. I'll fix it."
Hiei stared at him, but shrugged it off and went into the kitchen.
"Mother," Kurama continued, "I assure you, Hiei's done nothing to me. I felt ill earlier. That'sall."
"You're sure?"
"Yes. And if you still don't believe me, I'll … I'll strip naked and let you do a full search for any bruises and the like. Will you be satisfied when you find nothing?" From the kitchen, Kurama could hear a sudden, sputtering cough. From the other end of the line, he heard a sudden silence. "Mother, are you okay?"
"Uh . . . I believe you, Shuichi," she said quickly, sounding quite sincere.
He grinned. "Thank you, Mother. We'll have to arrange a dinner date soon, you know, and decide whose home to have it at. Speaking of which, dinner's ready now, so I must be going. I promise to call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes, okay. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
"She thought I was hurting you?" Hiei asked.
"No … I was jumpy at work, Kazuya noticed, and he must have told her … she was scared. She likes you," he assured, "I can tell. It was just momentary fear. Don't let it offend you, please."
"Hn." He was actually more amused, hearing Kurama's end of the conversation, than anything else. "Are you hungry?"
"Yes, actually." He joined Hiei at the kitchen, discovering that the Koorime had already dished him up a plate. "Thank you," he said, grabbing a bread stick and slathering it in butter. "I was thinking," he said, between mouthfuls. "Would you like to go away for a while? Leave the city for a few days?"
"Huh?"
"It could be just you and me. No distractions or anything. A little vacation to enjoy ourselves."
Hiei chewed his food thoughtfully. "Okay," he finally said, swallowing.
Kurama smiled, and got up to get another portion of the spaghetti. As soon as his back was to Hiei, he let the smile fade, and in its place was an expression of deep thought.
Tomonari. Akira said he'd called out the name in his sleep. He didn't know a Tomonari—did he? He filed the name away in his mind, promising himself he'd figure it out later. And then he returned to the table, and to Hiei.