CHAPTER TEN
:x:
You can get what you want as long as you want nothing.
:x:
"Fuck this lighter."
Everybody, pull forth your history books. Grab a pitch black waterproof marker. Write down this date, and this epic happening.
Allen just said fuck. Like, blimey, man.
"Where did you buy this, anyway? Honestly," he said while repeatedly pressing the igniter and trying to produce a flame.
I held up my hand so as to shield the lighter from the wind, and answered with a grin: "In the city, the porn shop behind Magasin mall."
"Lust? That explains the graphic decoration, I guess, " he mumbled, and gave the naked lady on the lighter a faux shocked look.
"Aye!" I barked a laugh. Of course I'd buy that lighter, it was so "Lavi". I considered it a great appendage of my character. Or the character I wanted to be, anyway. And, hey, she wore bunny ears!
We'd walked outside, past the smoking smokers, the girl vomiting in the bush, and the two guys staggering off to catch a bus home.
I mentioned that Al was good at obtaining cigarettes, didn't I? Being a non-smoker, even. With his pretty face and polite manners and precious accent. Yeah, we were plentifully supplied. I had already smoked two, Al had smoked one of those gross menthol ones, we'd used one to roll a joint, and we had two to spare. Which was good, because in my haste to leave my apartment this evening, I'd forgotten my package of red Cecil. So okay the two last might be menthol, but little is better than none.
Allen hunched his shoulders. It made me realize that is was actually cold out here. Strange, since I felt warm right now. And even though it was supposed to be dark, I felt as if I could spot an eagle a mile away, even with one eye. Nothing could touch me now. I was fucking invincible. Why did I hear a subdued James Bond soundtrack somewhere in my head?
Al finally managed to light the lighter. And the joint. And then he jointed the joint. Uh, I mean dragged a drag from the joint. And I dragged the lighter. Into my pocket.
He'd been sober up until now, that Brit. (How the hell did he manage? Did the food make him high? Does sausage work as antabuse, the anti-alcoholic medication? We don't know.) I myself had held my alcohol consumption at a sane level, since being drunk and high at the same time is seriously not a good idea. Not if you want to not be a zombie the next day, at least. Experience, shut up.
Beer mostly did the thing for me at parties; I'd brought the hash for Allen's sake. Depending on the type, hash can ruin your party mood, since it makes you unable to enjoy others; the only thing you enjoy when you're high is yourself. But I could control this.
The characteristic hazel eyes were immediate on Allen's face. His gaze wandered off to somewhere off this round earth, he was currently in a place no one could reach. Hopefully a place that was flat, since being on a round earth will give you trouble standing straight. That's just logic. Was it my imagination, or was the ground tilting?
And just how sane had my alcohol consumption been? Testing, one, two, three… Can I say Mississippi?
"Mississippi."
Allen burst out laughing.
"Give the joint heeeere, Ally!"
"You have no restraint!" Ally (what, Ally?) giggled violently.
"I do!" I said and snatched it from his white hands. "Yoink."
Allen wanted to make a crestfallen expression, but apparently his facial muscles were not taking orders from a beansprout right now, no way babe. So he ended up making the mildly offended 'uuuuhh'-face.
With two fingers I carefully held close to the tip and brought the joint to my mouth.
Close eyes. Drag in. Slowly breathe out.
I could feel the drug running from my head all the way through my body to my legs and feet. Like a wave of… illegal drugs, really. It felt great. Pulsating. The world stopped turning around, everything was good now. I looked around. Everything was friendly. And the music from inside was calling me! Come, Lavi! Come shake yer booty! You are amazing! Like a fruit so ripe it's about to rot!
We finished it, we failed at saying Mississippi, we laughed hysterically, and then I swung my arm around Al's shoulder and pulled him inside.
"We're gonna' rock this party," I whispered, not noticing how much I was leaning on him. When he started to look uncomfortable, I felt an urge to tease him. Just because he was easy. "You with me or not?" I breathed into his ear. He shook lightly, trying to shrug me off, but at the same time not really being able to do much. Or maybe I was just being heavy. Get oooooff, heavy Laviiii-
In the dining room, the music was nice 'n loud, just enough for people not needing to worry about conversation. I stood in the doorway, like a king with an Ally-knight under his arm, letting my sight behold the splendour of a thousand tight asses moving somewhat simultaneously to the beat. Or, not thousands, but you know the feeling.
And then, in the best pop music video manner, it was like the crowd moved away (like a wave of asses!) and led my sight to the prettiest person in the room. In the country. In the universe, including other dimensions! Like in slow-motion (for the second time tonight, what) his hands moved as he threw something unidentifiable after someone else. And it was beautiful.
I was enchanted.
And I was enchanted while unconsciously strangling my ally. Ally. What, Allen! A cough and two feeble tugs made me look down at his tense face.
"Whoops, sorry," I said, and remembered to let go.
If you get high, the giraffe will come and eat you. Santa Claus said so.
Somebody yelled behind my shoulder, what's up? From beside me the knight said just dallying arouuuund! But I was wasted, and I had wasted too much time on this. I heard them speak, but I didn't hear the words. I needed to go dance. Now.
My boots hit five centimetres above the ground every time I took another step, I was tall, levitating; every movement of fibre was made to get me to the dance floor. I surged forward -
Wait! Peripheral observation! Cookies! I did a pirouette and faced the kitchen. "Well okay, fuck the dance floor for now, I want cookies." Whoever said I'm irresolute? "I'm steady as a rock," I mumbled and tripped.
In the kitchen I met Lena. Not looking at me she said: "What the fuck, are you drunk!"
"Yeah, that too." Why so incredulous?
"You should have stayed in the tight jacket!"
"Ti…" wait what?
"Where's Cross?"
Somewhere in Germany? Not until I really looked at Lenalee did I see she was on the phone. "Oh."
She kept making livid gestures and sounding angry in a sort of upset way. I plodded over to the kitchen counter where Noise and – most importantly – the cookies stood. I could have said something witty to Noise, but I filled my mouth with sugary factory-pastry instead. Live for the lovely. Dozens of chocolate flavoured cookies will stop me from blurting stupid words.
I managed to munch down a total amount of six cookies before Lena hung up and turned to us, saying: "Cross is so the mother of all douchebags, man!"
Noise nodded and said "Totally," and I concentrated on eating and said "Mmh phmmph." Blame the munchies. (It is seldom that speech is overrated, but this is one of those moments.)
Lena furiously grabbed her cider (because Lena hates beer) and said: "Oh my god, the dude is whacko! Like, first thing he does is break the speed limit and get a ticket-!" she abruptly halted her rant to take a swig from the bottle, "- because the policeman was some old fart he couldn't seduce!" While she talked I noticed my mouth was strangely dry, so I went to drink some water straight from the faucet. "So instead of going directly to the hotel like he promised, suddenly he takes brother to some Society Partay for Kaisers with sun-punished leather skin! For real, mister Cross? Do you seriously want to fight me?" When she's drunk she insults people in funny ways. I wiped the crumbs from my face with the back of my hand. "So now bro is stuck somewhere in Berlin's suburbs and he can't get a taxi because it's past bloody midnight!" She turned to me and looked me in the eye. "And he's dead drunk!" Both her hands were in the air above her head, her knuckles were all white from squeezing her mobile.
"So you help him by yelling at him over the phone?"
BEEP! Wrong reply, Lavi my drunken boy!
"Laviii, shut up! Say something!" she wailed and rumpled her hair with her fingers.
"Lena, hot chick, he's a grown man, he can take care of himself, I swear. Komui worries for you all the time –"
"Yes, but now I'm the one who's worried!" she shook her hands illustratively in front of her.
"- and doesn't that annoy you? If you're allowed to have a party, isn't he?"
"Yes, but he is so not sober right now."
"Well, are you?"
"… No."
"Which one of you called, anyway?"
"… I did." She glared unhappily at the floor, her arms hanging at her side.
This gal was strange. She hated others worrying about herself, but she worried about everyone else. Or the people she cared for, at least. I guess it was a part of her insistent personality. She by no means meant to be pushy, but she always kept an attentive eye on everybody around her. She kept her friends the closest. She demanded they did what was best for them. In that way, she was sort of egoistic.
But at the same time, she was extremely adorable.
"Hey," I said. She looked up at me, and I smiled reassuringly. At first she stared back with knitted eyebrows, but subsequently she gave a despondent sigh. Then, with determination and speed rarely seen, she activated the blitz on her mobile and flashed the light in my face.
I immediately grimaced and shielded my eyes with my hands.
"Ruby, you smoked weed."
I laughed. "Sure thing. You should go see Allen now, he's so stoned you can hardly understand him because of his accent," I told her with a grin. She gave me a this-guy-can't-be-helped smile that made me feel like a kid caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar. Though I honestly couldn't eat anymore cookies right now, no thanks man.
Noise who stood beside me gave a these-guys-can't-be-helped chuckle, and the room was filled with mercy and love, I tell ye. Love love love is easy to feel when you're fucking shitfaced, and we are nothing but young humans with hearts like motors and an unhealthy liking of intoxicating shit. So let there be lovin', even for the heartbroken. I might not strike you as a heartbroken guy, but I've woken up alone in my flat a Tuesday morning with a hea(rt)dache so big I couldn't even count the empty cans on my table. Ugh, never again…
"By the way, Ruby –" Lenalee started saying, but she got interrupted by a noise from the hall, and someone almost walking into the frame of the kitchen door.
"Ow!" Scratch that, someone just walked directly into the door frame.
"Miranda?"
"Lenalee? You were here?" Miranda rubbed her forehead a bit and smiled that ever apologetic smile. She ought to be more evil. It'd suit her.
Lena and Noise hurried over to her, and she said oh it's okay it is but a scratch, and they said you just walked into the fucking wall, girl.
Behind her in the hall, I saw Yuu and some others walk past; Kanda looked at me, but then disappeared again. I didn't follow him.
A while later Johnny entered. He was being depri-drunk, so I gave him cookies and persuaded him to ask Miranda to dance. Miranda giggled in a slightly madly way, and then the two of them and Noise went.
I couldn't help but think, at least you have someone to dance with. I wanted to dance with Kanda. I wanted it so badly I was about to throw myself on the ground and fucking cry and be a nuisance. I was never allowed to be a nuisance, dude.
Lenalee came over and stood beside me. I straightened up. "I want to dance with somebody, too," I said dramatically, acting as if acting was all I ever did. God, I wish Tyki was here right now. He was hot, and he whispered things in my ear. Ear whispering seemed like a nice thing at the moment.
Lena sniggered. I noticed her bra was showing on her back. I didn't say anything.
"So, Lavi, what did you do with your mobile?" Well at least she wasn't totally hung up on her bro anymore.
"I put it in my bag, it's in the cloakroom. Luckily the memory card is intact. Not sure if I can reuse the awesome bug stickers, though…" I answered a bit sadly. (Those stickers were awesome, I swear.)
"Pff, I'm sure you can find some new ones," she smiled and took the last cookie. I stared at the empty package. Things were weird, things had funny colours. Things had outlines, contour. I looked at Lena while she spoke to me, and I knew she was saying a lot of things, but I couldn't really concentrate on the words. Blah blah bartender blah blah favourite shoes blah blah pink condoms blah. I nodded.
Then, however, she suddenly put a hand on the tip of my shoulder. It was a tentative move, only enough for me to barely sense. "By the way, Ruby. You're in love with Kanda, right?"
Blah blah Kanda, right? I nodded.
She gave a sympathetic "tsk'aw," and moved her hand to stroke my neck. I felt strangely deprived. I looked to the floor, inwardly slightly distressed, because for the first time I didn't know what to say. Lenalee's pity was a terrible thing to receive. Pitiful didn't go well with happy-go-lucky.
Lenalee stepped closer; I could feel her chest on mine, and then she stretched up and kissed me. On the mouth.
She didn't close her eyes or anything. She just kissed me, actually. No big deal. I didn't move away. I didn't open my mouth. She didn't really try to.
Then I put a heavy hand on her shoulder and said: "Partybladder. I need to go take a piss."
She smiled and said, sure, and then I left.
:x:
Alistair now sold five shots for three and a half's price, so I shared some with Johnny and danced with Miranda and a girl named Susan. The lights were flaring and blaring like it wanted to send a thousand ships to safe shore. As a boat I sailed through a mass of sweat, salt and beer.
When the DJ turned down the volume and my knees started to shake, I decided it was time for a smoking break.
In the room next to the cloakroom people were noisy and talkative. In there the lights were on and the music wasn't so loud. I was looking for Allen, and this was the last room he could be in.
"Qalab wighek, yalla," Seriously, fuck off, I said in Arabic as I pushed my way through a snuggling couple that just couldn't go somewhere else with their love affair. "Take it outside." They looked at me with furious glares. "Guys, guys, guys… If you have unsafe sex you will lose your puppy to a truck. I'm sorry, that's just how it is."
The girl huffed haughtily and left, the boy soon hurrying after her with both their jackets.
"Al!" I said when I spotted him; he was rooting for some guy playing at the table football.
"Ay-up, Ruby!" he waved at me, and I couldn't decide, whether the fact that he'd picked up my nickname that fast, was a good thing or a bad thing.
"Sup, pal?" I nodded and pounded him a brofist. We're so fucking ghetto.
"Just being astounded as to why the bloody 'ell drunk peeps are so good at table football," he lifted his chin and grinned. "How about you?"
"Just being my awesome self," I smirked. "Give me a cigarette."
Allen pulled two from his breast pocket and said: "Here, lad, take them nicotine rolls and wait for me outside, savvy?"
"Savvy, old salt."
I walked out to the hall again, where I leaned against a wall. I tried to guess what hour it was. Maybe two? Three? It didn't matter. The only thing open now was the grill, probably. Bitch all up in that grill. 'Cept he doesn't like fries, does he? Fuck, I could eat some fries right now. And boiled eggs.
Speaking of boiled eggs and bitches, how's my personal bitch doing? Not that I establish any particular comparison between Yuu and eggs, but whatever.
I should go tell Yuu he reminds me of an egg. I should go whisper it in his ear. Ear whispering seems like a perfect idea.
I pushed myself off the wall with fortitude and went to the dining room. There weren't nearly as many people as earlier, but I guessed many had gone home already. A group had moved some chairs over to the DJ stand and were talking; Johnny looked like he was explaining something in great detail to some other guys, and Miranda was sitting so close to Noise she was practically on his lap. Nice score, DJ Noise.
On the fringe of the semi-circle sat Kanda beside Daysia. Even from the doorway I could hear Kanda swearing in Japanese, but then Daysia told some joke and Kanda burst into his hoarse laughter, the one where he throws his head back and shifts his position a bit. The room was dark, but I could see - almost feel - his hair fall over his shoulders, and he pulled his one foot up to rest on the seat. He looked so careless, like the world could go fuck itself for all he cared. I felt an incredible urge to pull his hair back with all my strength and bite his exposed neck till it bled; I wanted him to fear for his fucking jugular.
Sometimes I wish I could be you, Kanda. Sometimes I wish I could be you so I wouldn't have to see these ugly sides of myself. It must be nice to be the sun itself. Since when were there so many shadows? Step around them, Kanda. Avoid what's grim, the grim doesn't deserve you.
Why should I stand there like an idiot and care about something that was off limits? I turned around and walked outside, not caring whether he'd spotted me at the door or not.
:x:
Minutes later found me and good ol' Allen in front of the main entrance, having a good ol' fag. (Even if it was menthol.) (Yeah I freaking despise menthol.) Inhale, exhale. Oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen, frost, tar and nicotine.
Al finished his quickly and hurried inside with stiff shoulders, but I said I'd rather stay out here for a little longer. Fresh air never hurt anyone. Or, at least not anyone who didn't pass out in a snowdrift.
A while later the door opened behind me again, and when I turned around I was surprised to see Kanda standing there with his bitches-don't-know-about-my-ulterior-motives face. When he regarded me I turned my back on him (only screaming a little bit inside).
"Kuso, nani o yatteruka…?"
Sounds like somebody's so drunk they can't speak Danish anymore, hm?
I spit out the burnt-out stump and crushed it with my heel. The tricky part right now was to ignore Kanda long enough to get myself under control. And only bleed a little bit inside.
"You're avoiding me!" Kanda then yelled in frustration. Not that he's known for holding his frustrations back.
I turned to face him, thereby defeating my purpose. "Yes!" I yelled back, fifty percent mad offensive, fifty percent shamefully defensive. Lenalee says I'm paradoxical.
"Why!"
"Because!" Short pause… "I'm so drunk I might puke on you!"
"So! ?"
"Eh!"
Kanda slapped himself in his pretty face as soon as he realized what he'd just said.
Stop slapping your pretty face, love. That hand of yours could be put to better use somewhere else -
… SEE, I SHOULD NOT BE NEAR KANDA NOW.
"That...! Is none of your fucking business!"
"It's none of my fucking business if I fucking puke on you! What the fuck!"
"Fuck!"
Yes please. Fuck...
The two of us yelling at each other was about to become a bad habit. But right now, my heart was sprinting away like a Harley Davidson motorcycle with 200 kilometers per hour, and my mind was not following.
"I should just beat you up, right now!" He yelled.
"Violence solves nothing!"
"Well then I will use my powerful wit!"
"Come at me with all you've got!"
"I totally just farted!"
And then of course I couldn't do anything but fall down and laugh in tears, because Raven just said fart and it was the best joke ever. Sometimes I suspect he knows me better than I'd like him to.
"Oh my fucking god how drunk are you even?" I laughed (more like wheezed).
"Drunk!" And of course I loved him for his way with words. "Urusai, ketsunoana!"
I dried my tears and replied in Hebrew: "Ani ohev otcha, mamzer." I love you, bastard, I grinned.
When I'd pulled myself up and caught my breath, Yuu said: "Let's go home," and I answered: "Aye, let's."
30th December, 2010 - Author's Rant:
Groooaaarrr…!
Don't do dangerous drugs.
As your personal Aarhus guide, I feel the duty inform you where to find a sex shop. No need to thank me :^]
I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN MONTHLY UPDATES. But this fanfiction will definitely continue. It's looooong from over, man.
A BIG HUMONGOUS GIGANTIC THANK YOU TO MY BETA BOND, HEARMELAUGH/MUGEN_EDAMAME, FOR BEING (ALMOST) EVERLASTINGLY PATIENT WITH ME, AND ALSO SUPER AWESOME AND WISE IN GENERAL :D for real, you've taught me lots and lots.
Plugging: Harmony283! Oh, I really enjoy her writing; it's like, idek, something about her being able to put a lot of emotions into not much text. It's sincere. In "When Kanda Smiles" they're simply being idiots, really, but in a super cute way. "Mine & Yours" is something you should all go review so she will continue it, because Lavi is all emotional! And "Habit" is just purely amazing and touching.
Critique (as well as mindless babble) reviews always appreciated.