A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you make my heart sing :o)

Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters are owned by the fantabulous Stephenie Meyer, the imagination in this story is all mine. :o)

Ch10 Clarity and Communication

"I love you. Those 3 words have my life in them..." Alexandrea to Nicholas III

Dr Townsend stepped forward from Edward's room, placing his hand briefly on Carlisle's shoulder he closed the door behind him and walked over to me.

I tried but couldn't peel my eyes off Carlisle. His entire posture resembled mine and I felt desperate knowing Edward was only ten steps away from me. I felt drawn to his room, almost magnetically, stepping forward until Dr Townsend stopped me.

"Bella, you can't go in there." The gentleness was back in his voice, so unlike the hostility from earlier that day but then Dr Townsend no longer had things to hide from me.

I looked up at him, trembling against my crutches. My eyes leaking more tears, I couldn't understand why everyone was trying to keep me away, hiding him from me, he was my lifeline, I'm sure I could be his too but there were so many obstacles, I just didn't expect his family or Doctor to be part of that.

"Please" I made no effort to disguise my look of anguish for surely he would look at me and finally get it? "I'll just go to the window, I won't go in."

"Bella, that won't help."

"How do you know?"

"He's on a ventilator, breathing through machines, numerous wires attached all over him, how can seeing Edward weak and comatose help?"

"Dr Townsend" I swallowed, that damn lump in my throat, it was almost a permanent blockage for me now.

"I have woken and wondered for weeks if the person who coaxed me back to life was real or a dream. I have believed at times he was real but is now dead. I have believed at times that I have lost my fucking mind. And yet here he is, not ten foot steps away from me. I need to see him; I need to feed myself with the sight of him."

"It'll be too distressing, you won't forget that image Bella, and it's not good."

I glanced towards the door and back at Dr Townsend, I knew what he was saying to me, it made perfect sense but it was best kept for those who had last seen Edward walking, talking and breathing.

"My last memory of Edward is of him slumped in his car, not moving-"

"Oh Bella" He placed his hand on my arm.

"How can seeing Edward- asleep...be any worse than that?"

"I could stand here all day trying to stop you, but I don't think you'd listen would you?"

I shook my head. "Come on" he gestured with his head, nodding towards the room. "Just to the window then back to your bed, Carlisle said he will come to you and he will."

"I hope so"

"I think he needs to talk about it as much as you need to hear it, he'll come."

Dr Townsend and I took the last few steps nearer. He seemed to sense my hesitancy but it wasn't for the fear of seeing Edward in this condition, it was simply because the answer too everything was within reach of me and I couldn't rush it.

Dr Townsend stepped to the side and left the entire window exposed to my view. I hedged closer, taking in the sight of the blinds ahead of me on the external window, they were slanted closed, casting an eerie shadow about the room. There was a sofa under the window. The cushions dented and flat as if used recently as a mattress for some weary visitor.

The bed was central to the room, with a cupboard placed either side of the head. On one cupboard surface were pictures of family and friends, cards from well wishers and a vase of flowers. The second cupboard surface was littered with medical paraphernalia, Edward's medical chart resting precariously on the edge, no doubt recently perused by Carlisle for if it had been by another Doctor they would have replaced it at the foot of his bed.

Under the window that faced the nurse's station were 2 chairs, not plastic like most visitor chairs but soft and reclining like those found in one's own lounge at home. A chair was occupied by Carlisle, his head back and his eyes closed. He was positively exhausted, his breathing broken by the staggered attempt to calm his nerves.

My gaze drifted to the bed. I began at his feet, covered lightly with a standard hospital blanket, white and stamped with the hospital and ward name. His legs were slightly askew, relaxed in the position of sleep. The blanket rising slightly as it curved over his knees, widening over his hips. His hands were resting atop the covers and had tucked them closer to his body. It was thin and more like a second skin, I worried that Edward would feel chilly. I could see the bulge of his genitals and swallowed quickly as I hurried my eyes onwards and upwards, I blushed and hoped Dr Townsend was not watching me.

Edward's chest was naked. The thin blanket folded just under his waist. There were 4 small white pads stuck to his chest in various places and their wires trailing back to a monitor. The beeping rhythm sounding just like my own heart monitor had.

Edward's chest was clear of any other markings, no bruises or cuts, just pale and rising and falling with the primitive instinct of breathing.

Fed out his mouth was a plastic tube. It too was attached to a machine.

Edward's hair was messy and appeared darker against the whiteness of the pillow, it was slightly longer and I reached out my hand as if to push my fingers through it and ease some of the tendrils away from his forehead, but my fingers touched the glass instead. Flattening my palm against the cool pane, I pressed my nose onto the barrier between us, as close as I could possibly get to him. No air between the wall, window and my body. Only the space inside the room was separating us.

"What's the tube for?" I asked Dr Townsend.

"It's an endotracheal tube. It protects the airway and helps Edward breath. It's essential with coma patients who may not be able to breathe unassisted. Edward's coma, like yours, is induced by a barbiturate, Pentobarbital."

I didn't really understand any of it, but I appreciated his information. All I could utter was "What?"

"Bella," Dr Townsend gripped my arm and turned me to face him "I can't discuss Edward with you anymore, I know your close but you're not family and I'm breaking confidentiality. Carlisle will come see you, he will explain everything and I mean everything. Please, just go back to your bed and wait, the answers will come."

"It feels like all I'm doing is waiting." I whispered. "When will you know if he has an infection?"

"His blood tests will be back this afternoon, we think its Pneumonia, its usual when a patient has been immobile for extended periods."

"If it's clear, can I come back?"

"I can't answer that."

"But Carlisle can?"

He nodded.

"Ok, I'm leaving. I'll go and wait-again!"

"Do you need me to assist you?"

"No, thank you though Dr Townsend"

He smiled and patted me on the arm.

"Dr Townsend" I called after him, turning back to me, he raised his brows "Thanks" I muttered again, it was a small word but I really wanted him to know how much I meant it. Repeating the sentiment was all I could think off.

Dr Townsend nodded then continued on his way and I made the slow and tedious journey back to my bed.

Xxx

"Hey Bells!"

My Dad was sitting in the nurse's station, chatting with Matron and looking suspiciously guilty when he noticed my approach.

"Hey Dad" I looked up from my foot work; I was obsessed with watching my feet as I hobbled along.

I had taken to walking whilst leaning into the crutches rather than lifting and swinging my legs as some others preferred. It seemed too sporty for me and being incredibly uncoordinated and having experienced the humiliation of sports, I decided I didn't fancy trying that method.

He jumped to his feet, spilling some of the coffee from the cup he had cradled against his thigh. I took note that his coffee was not served in Styrofoam as usual but in a mug. I peered around me, expecting to see the tea lady waddling away down the corridor with her trolley in front of her. There were no other "conscious" occupants in the ward apart from Matron. She was also sat behind the nurse's station and I realised I had interrupted something rather cosy.

Matron was blushing.

I couldn't help but smirk. They both looked like guilty teenagers.

"Did I catch you two smooching?" The temptation to tease was just too much too resist.

"Bella!" They echoed in unison.

Laughing I continued my walk towards my bed, it felt nice to laugh again. I suddenly missed Jake and Alice.

"Are you here to visit me or Matron, Dad?" I called over my shoulder.

Clearing his throat, I heard him apologise to her, place his cup on the counter and head in my direction.

Expecting some sort of rebuttal I was surprised and amused to see his hands in his pockets and his gaze averted from mine. It was too cute.

"Ok" Sitting on my bed, I rested the crutches against the cupboard. "What's new?" I struggled to keep my laughter in check.

"Nothing. Nothing's new." He mumbled. I would not have been surprised if he had followed that statement with his foot sweeping across the floor in front of him.

"Dad"

He finally looked up at me.

"Do you like her?"

"Bella"

"It's ok Dad, you're allowed to like someone." I looked back over towards Matron who was now trying to give the impression of a person with of work to do. It would have been believable if the work she had to do wasn't paper shuffling and glancing in our direction. I laughed out loud.

"Of course, I would've preferred it to be someone nice! But whatever tickles your fancy!"

He laughed. "You know Bells, I should be insulted but I can't help but be happy to see you smiling again. It warms my heart, Hun."

"It's been a difficult few months eh?"

"Yup! Besides, "He looked over to Matron "Sue has been really kind to me, and for your information, she is nice."

"Sue?" I asked, feigning ignorance. "Who's Sue?"

He raised his brows at me, but he couldn't resist smiling along with me.

"Sue Clearwater or as you know her; Matron. But I can't call her that. It makes her seem too stuffy, all old English school teacher or something."

"Well, if the cap fits-"I joked.

He chuckled. "Sue is not stuffy. She is warm and funny and has been very helpful with regards to you!"

I lifted my palms "Wait a minute!" Looking between Matron and Dad I had to ask "She's funny?"

Sitting down beside me, he ruffled my hair and pulled me to him. It was a rather rushed embrace, more man hug than affectionate but I loved the sentiment all the same for Charlie and I had never been particularly close. My mum had swopped the constant drizzle of Forks for the constant humidity of Phoenix when I was 4 years old but I had adjusted quickly to life without him. Spending short holidays with him until my teenage years influenced me to find something more to do with my free time. I regretted being that little bit selfish, if I had spent more time with him maybe we could have been closer.

It was a shame it had taken an accident for us to find a middle ground, cuddles and jibes not often common place in our stunted conversations.

Today though, we seemed comfortable and I liked it.

I had experienced quite an emotional morning and although I felt relief that Edward was not only real but he was also alive and not too far away from me, aside from his wavering health which I would deal with later, finding him had also made me feel drained.

I needed something light hearted and happy to occupy my thoughts till Carlisle arrived and if the harmless flirtation of my middle aged father and my "stuffy" nurse was what was on the agenda, God help them I was going to use it.

"Why don't you introduce me properly?" I asked innocently.

He wasn't fooled. Eyeing me suspiciously he ventured "Really?"

I nodded. "I'll be good. I promise."

Without breaking his stare from his naughty daughter, Dad called out to Stuffy. Placing her papers down and smoothing her uniform, Stuffy made her way across the ward.

"Did you need something Charlie?"

I bite my lip to stop from laughing, she sounded like such a girl. It made me see her in a different light and I wasn't comfortable with the new image. Matron was not girly, she was stuffy by name and by nature and also direct and hard at times and – oh my God she was winking at him!

"Are you two in a relationship?" I burst out at them.

They both began to stutter their responses. Holding up my hands I stopped them mid flow. "One at a time, please."

"Bella, it was a very difficult time for Char-your Dad and I'm sure you can appreciate that-"She paused looking directly at me, the girl was gone and stuffy was back. I nodded in agreement.

"At times, it became so overwhelming for him and he needed a friend. I'm happy to say I was the one that offered him friendship, lucky for me." She was smiling at him again. "But that's all it is, Bella, friendship. You don't need to worry."

Crossing her arms, she waited for my reply.

Looking between them both, again, I realised that they weren't feeding me a line because they thought it was what I wanted to hear but because they hadn't established yet were their new "friendship" was heading.

"Matron, wipe your mouth, there's a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips!"

Matron stuttered and stared at Charlie as if to say "See! I told you she was a typical teenager!"

"Oh relax, will you!" I retorted. "I'm not being harsh. It's just that I don't agree with you."

"You don't?" They were confused.

"No. You say it's friendship only, but shit guys, you could cut the sexu-"

"Bella!" Charlie was red faced and suddenly standing he turned and asked Stuffy to give us a moment. Glaring at me, she granted us the privacy Dad had requested.

"Bella," Charlie ran his hands over his face, his smile smaller, I had probably embarrassed him. "I like Sue, is that ok?" He peeked at me sheepishly from between his fingers. I placed my hand on his knee.

"Sure it is, Dad." I was being honest. "It's nice to see you happy too."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, relaxed and sharing a father/daughter moment, he dropped his hands from his face and with them, covered mine. His touch was warm and it reminded me how cold Edward's hands usually felt. I shuddered at the memory of it. His touch was never unpleasant, just the opposite in fact. Edward's icy fingers trailing across my skin had felt like the caress of mineral diamonds. Soft and decadent.

"Are you cold?" Charlie stood up and placed my dressing gown across my shoulders. "Here, lie down."

"I'm not tired." I protested.

"I know, I meant so you can relax a little and get warm." Charlie lifted the blankets from my freshly made bed and I scooted beneath the covers. They were still tucked in tightly and despite the sheets feeling cool, it gave a sense of cosiness.

"There you go. Snug as a bug in a rug!" Charlie chanted.

I laughed. He hadn't said that to me in a long time.

"I found Edward today." I blurted out. I had wanted to tell him but regretted shouting it out like that. His hands froze in mid tuck and his smile faltered.

"Edward?" He asked.

"Yes Dad. Edward."

He didn't reply. Sitting on the visitors chair he hooked one knee over the other and clasped his hands together, placing his elbows on the armrests.

"I told you about Edward." I said quietly.

"Sure, I know Edward Bella."

"Did you know that when I first woke up I couldn't remember him?"

Charlie nodded.

"Did you know that when I did remember, I wasn't sure if it had been a dream or if he was real?"

He nodded again.

"Dad, if you know him and you knew what I was going through, then why didn't you tell me he was real and more importantly, he was alive?"

"Because, I hate the Bastard!"

The venom in Charlie's statement made me gasp. He had practically spat the words at me.

"Dad!"

"I was pleased you didn't remember him!" Charlie dropped his hands to the sides of the chair, gripping the frames of the armrests tightly.

"I hoped you never mentioned his name again."

He planted both his feet on the floor.

"I prayed he had died in that crash!"

Leaning forward, his eyes were blazing.

"In fact, I prayed his Goddamn head had split like a watermelon!"

"Dad!" It was too much.

"Pushing him-self off the chair he placed his hands on the bed, either side of me, pressing forward so that I pushed back into my pillows. My mouth open and eyes wide. I didn't recognise this hostile man.

"I cursed God when I heard he was here and he was still breathing and then when you didn't remember him, I relaxed a little. But then you had to remember and not only that, you insisted on looking for him. I don't want that boy in your life, Bella. Ever!"

"Why?" I sobbed.

"I just told you why. I hate him!"

"That's not an answer, that's just a feeling. What has he done?"

"Apart from put you in hospital, twice?"

"Twice?" I echoed. I didn't understand.

"Never mind." The hostility vanished and in its place was a weary middle aged man again.

"Never mind? Dad! I can't just brush all that under the table. You have to explain!"

Charlie paused then sitting on the edge of my bed he said one word to me. "Victoria"

I didn't know what Charlie knew about her, I didn't know what he wanted me to say.

"I know about Victoria" I admitted.

"And you're ok with it?" He seemed incredulous.

"It wasn't Edward's fault!" I defended him.

"Of course he'd tell you that Bells!"

"He didn't tell me!"

"He didn't?"

"No!"

"Who did then?"

"His sister. Rosalie."

"Well, it's still a biased opinion."

"It wasn't an opinion Dad. She told me the whole story."

"Bella, how can you just accept it?"

"It was an accident!"

"What about the drugs? Don't you care that he's a pusher?"

"What?"

"A pusher, Bella. Edward was buying drugs from a well known dealer and then selling them on."

"He was helping a friend" It sounded feeble to my own ears, but I didn't think Charlie knew about James.

He snorted. "Some friend! What type of"friend" buys cocaine for you? It wasn't it even in a pure form. It was dirty and mixed with all kinds of kitchen cleaning materials! Do you know what that shit can do to a person?"

He was getting angry again, lifting himself off the bed he walked over to the window.

"I don't want you seeing that boy again. I want you to promise" His voice was quiet despite his anger.

"I can't do that" I copied his tone.

"Bella. I'm not going to let this happen again!"

"Let what happen again, Dad? I haven't been in coma before; I don't understand what you're talking about."

"This relationship with this boy"

"Dad, I don't understand."

"I let him in my home for 3 months even after he ran you over. Ok so it was a minor accident and you weren't entirely blameless, I mean walking in the middle of the road in the pitch black is kind of stupid, but still if he had been driving more carefully, slower even, then he would've seen you! But then I hear about the drugs and he crashes his car, again! Only this time I'm told you might not bloody well make it!"

I listened intently, I was focused on his words and what he was saying to me was like a story being re-told. With the information from Charlie, the images flashed in my memory.

Dad and I had an argument and I had stormed off, only I had walked into the path of his car. I'd only received a bump on the head and a bruise elbow but it had been the Catalyst that had thrown us together and from there our relationship had blossomed. We had been inseparable. When Edward had told me the crash wasn't that bad, he had been telling me the truth. But I was still confused because I had seen a wreck of a car.

I only knew that things were starting to piece together for me.

Edward had introduced me to his family and we had gone to school and for 3 months had gotten to know each other intimately and emotionally. I could recall his touch and his kisses and I closed my eyes at the brutal memory of them. That magical night when Edward had undressed me and we had been as close as any two people could get, breathing in the scent of each other and revelling in our feelings, it had all been real.

It had all been real!

Edward had been my lover, my friend, my soul mate.

I started to laugh, the insanity of the past few weeks suddenly shifting and like a fog, lifting from my hazy mind. I could see it all and none of it was a dream.

Clarity. It was so sudden and so bright and looking at Charlie without seeing him, I recalled every single memory and image I had of Edward. Flashing through my mind like a movie on fast forward: Edward and I dancing, his lullaby on the piano, sledging down the hillside, walking in the meadow, eating dinner, walking through the school corridors to class, meeting me after school in the parking lot for a kiss goodbye only to be kissing each other hello again a few hours later. They were all so sweet and so clear and grinning like a baby, I finally saw my Dad. He was standing in front of me, a look of absolute horror etched on his features.

"I didn't realise you hadn't remembered everything" He whispered.

In his efforts to rid me of Edward, he had given me the best gift ever, the gift of my memories and it broke my Dad's heart.

"You stay away from him, Bella." Charlie was pointing his finger at me. "So help me, if you don't I'll pull the fucking plug on him myself!"

Charlie turned and storming away from me, he banged the door to ward and ignoring the calls from Stuffy, he left.

I watched the doors slam together and finally cease their motions. But I kept my eyes on them, begging Charlie to come back so we could be friends again.

Just then the doors were pushed by two hands. I held my breath but the figure too walk through was not Charlie, it was Carlisle.

"Dr Benefici, hello" Stuffy was all professional again.

"Matron" He admonished and then walked over to my bed.

"Hi Bella" He greeted me then drawing the curtains around us, he cut off the outside world and the prying eyes of Matron.

"Carlisle" I sobbed. I needed to see a friendly face.

He came over to me and sitting on the bed, he nestled back into the pillows, pulled me to his side and cuddled me. I curved my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest. And somehow being held by his flesh and blood, I started to feel closer to Edward.

"Carlisle, is Edward ok?"

"He doesn't have pneumonia" He replied.

"Oh thank Goodness" I sobbed into his chest.

"Shall I tell you a story? "Carlisle asked, brushing my hair from my face.

I nodded. "Does it have a happy ending?"

"It does. But it doesn't start off that way."

"What's it about?"

Taking a deep breath, Carlisle answered. "It's about bereavement and love and heartache."

"Oh. It doesn't sound like a fairy tale"

Carlisle laughed. "It's not a fairy tale Bella. It's too cruel to be a fairy tale. No, it's the tale of Esme and her sons."