AN: So, this is it. Again, I want to thank Fembot for all the time and effort she gave this story. She's had my back from the get go. I hope she writes her own soon, because it will be awesome. Of that I have no doubt.
And thank you all so, so much.
Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 10
Kate was innately a methodical person. It added a sense of control to her life to have an order to things. To have plans, and backup plans. That wasn't to say that she couldn't adapt to change. She had a sharp mind, adept at adjusting, and figuring things out. It was why she made a good detective. Still she liked structure, if she could help it. Today she was all over the place.
She was running around – as well as she could run around what with her slow recovery – from one task to the next. Hastily throwing her clothes into the washer, she was just realizing how much she had let herself go with nowhere to be, no one to see. Breakfast was a quick affair with fresh fruit and almost burnt toast. Her hands shook every time she thought about how the night would go. So much, that she even dropped her phone once, breathing a sigh of relief when it flickered just once before turning on again. The enormity of the day was understood by the fact that she skipped coffee – because she was jittery enough to begin with and because she needed it to be from him.
She'd received an ultimatum, of sorts, from Alexis. And she knew what she had to do. Her decision was already made. Truth be told, her decision had been made for a long, long time – by her heart. This was just finally the time that she was acting on it. Because after everything she and Castle had been through, their victories and losses, the battles and wars; no matter how hard she'd tried, Kate couldn't get him out.
So maybe it was time to let him in completely.
The thought of it was daunting, and she wanted to get everything right. There wasn't too much time to think about everything, but she thought that maybe that was a good thing. She wouldn't be able to over-think it.
First she had to figure out what to pack. Whether she'd be staying in the city for good, or coming back. It didn't make that much sense to come back just to collect all her stuff, if she would decide to stay. But if things didn't go well, she'd be back here at least for the next two months of vacation time. In that case, it didn't make sense to lug all of her stuff to the city, and then all the way back again. There was the option of packing light for now, and asking her dad to pick up the rest of her stuff later. So she kept everything packed up, but only the one small bag would be going to the city with her.
Next, she had to figure out how she'd get back home. Fortunately, the sweet old neighbor that Kate knew since she was a little kid coming out to their cabin was heading back to the city too. She'd asked if he could leave a day early, and he had easily complied. The only problem was that he'd be leaving a bit late for her taste. They'd make it with only minutes to spare. But beggars can't be choosers, and right now Kate didn't have many options. She had to make it.
For the first time in days, Kate had a purpose. She had things to do within a certain time – goals to reach. It felt good. It felt normal. She didn't realize how much she missed it. Hurrying as much as she could through each task, she had actually gotten ready well ahead of time. By early evening she took an extra round all through the cabin to check the lights, the stove, the fireplace, the water, and anything else she could think of. She got rid of anything with a short shelf life, not that there was much. She'd never been much of a waster.
Crossing everything off her list, she sat on the couch, having a much needed best-friend discussion as she tried to kill more time before Mr. Thompson would come pick her up. Lanie told her why she'd gotten Alexis on the phone at the morgue, though she'd already guessed it. It came as no surprise that Lanie thoroughly agreed with Alexis. Kate rolled her eyes when she asserted that 'it's about damn time you got your head on straight, and it took a teenager to do it' for the third time. She could suffer through the 'I told you so's for a while yet. Kate felt she owed that much to Lanie, who truly had been telling her so for the longest time.
After the call, she anxiously walked around, trying hard not to chew her thumb nail off as she kept glancing at the clock in the living room. Glaring at it didn't make it go any faster, and yet glare at it she did.
And then it was finally time. She let out a puff of air through her pursed lips, and took a deep calming breath, getting ready for whatever was to come. As if on cue, she heard Mr. Thompson's car's distinctive honk signaling his arrival outside. She turned back to the cabin, smiling at the place that served as her refuge for a month. She was glad for it, grateful for the time and space she had to heal, but she was happy to be heading back home.
The drive had been pleasant to begin with. Smooth. Mr. Thompson knew reflexively when to carry a conversation and when to revel in the silence. Kate supposed it was because he had known her growing up. She had always liked him. Though she looked at the time on the radio system of the car every so often, she was comfortable with the soft music and companionable silence.
With time, though, she was getting edgy. Even more so because she tried not to let it show, trying not to come off as ungrateful to Mr. Thompson. She was very grateful to him. It wasn't his fault that she had to be somewhere in the next two hours. It wasn't his fault that she had to hurry to right her wrongs. The traffic definitely wasn't his fault. They were held up on the highway because of a car crash ahead. There was nothing to be done but to sit tight. Kate only hummed as Mr. Thompson spoke his piece on how it was sad that the youth forewent safety. She couldn't conjure up enough strength to think about that, though she did wonder idly what he'd think about her being shot.
It was an hour later that the road cleared up enough that they were moving at a steady speed again. Kate thought about letting Alexis know that she might be late. She didn't really even know what awaited her. Alexis had said that she would make sure her dad was there, but Kate didn't yet have enough courage to talk to him directly. Besides, she was going to see him soon enough. She'd rather talk to him in person for the first time in so long rather than doing it over the phone.
She tried hard not to imagine shooting random cars on the road as they found themselves stuck in New York traffic just outside the city. Mr. Thompson had needed to stop for refreshments. She couldn't blame him. It had turned out to be a much longer drive than either of them had anticipated. She certainly couldn't blame him for his enlarged prostate. Not that she needed to know about it. Old people had the habit of over-sharing, she thought, trying to contain her blush. She was trying not to rip her hair out from the stress of the additional delay, even as she looked calm to the unsuspecting observer at the rest stop. Kate smartly chose to forgo coffee again when Mr. Thompson offered to buy her one.
Once they were in the city, Kate was almost startled to see that it was minutes away from one. She made a note to herself to later thank Mr. Thompson profusely for going through with the harrowingly long drive. Bringing out her phone to call Alexis to let her know about the delay, she congratulated herself on not throwing it out the window when it wouldn't respond. The phone was turning on, but it was stuck on the home screen. Turning it off, and then on again seemed to have worked. But it went blank as soon as she'd hit send on the message she tried sending to Alexis. For the first time all day, she was a little mad at Mr. Thompson because when she asked to borrow his phone, he handed her a chunky, completely discharged cell. And there was no charger in the car. Great.
Kate bit her lip, trying to hold back tears as they made their way to the Empire State Building. She finally got out at ten minutes after one and thanked Mr. Thompson with all her heart, even as it was tearing apart in despair again. She hoped Alexis was still there - hoped that Alexis had faith in her, even when she had clearly given her reason not to. She ground her teeth, hating herself a little, hating the world a little, and got into one of the elevators. The guard informed everyone that it was one-fifteen, and that would be the last ride going up. At least something worked in her favor. She hadn't missed it.
She made it up, and when she got out, she tried not to look as frantic as she felt. She tried not to let the little embers of hope she still had inside her die out as she went around the observation deck, looking for him or for Alexis. Every person who resembled either one of them in stature gave her a boost of hope. But it was only to be dashed again when she found it wasn't them. There was so much hinging on this moment – so much that she needed to tell him.
She felt like screaming into the air. She showed up. She showed up. She was here.
But they weren't. He wasn't there.
How disappointed Alexis must be. How heartbroken Castle would surely be. Did she break him beyond repair?
She stood near the edge, looking out unseeingly at the lively city below. The lights from the cars still on the road below were blurs. So small, they seemed like tiny fireflies zipping about. As she settled into the realization that she had lost her chance, she wondered whether the buzzing in her head was from the loud wind that came from being at such a high altitude, or whether it was her mind giving up on all thought. Because all she could think about was him. And it stung.
What felt like hours later, but what in reality was just about a half hour after she'd arrived, Kate finally turned her back to the skyline, knowing it was time to leave. It was coming up on two in the morning, and everybody had left, save for four people, including Kate herself. She stopped halfway to the approaching elevator, having spotted a young couple playfully nudging each other. Closing her eyes against the stab of jealousy, she bowed her head, trying to gather herself. She took a couple of deep breaths, rooted to her spot, trying not to imagine Castle and herself in their place.
She heard the elevator ding in arrival, and imagined the couple and another man heading towards their ride down. And through the noisy breeze of the observation deck, she thought she heard his voice.
Such is the power of the mind. The heart wants what the heart wants.
But her head snapped up when she heard it again.
"Kate?"
He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd dreamed about every possible scenario of meeting Kate over the last one month, and nowhere in his writer mind had he come up with this. It was right out of Sleepless In Seattle. But this was them. This was him and her. Sleepless in Manhattan. He would have laughed if he wasn't so paralyzed.
He almost didn't notice the three people who passed him to get into the elevator. He had eyes just for her. Wrapped in her favorite, soft red jacket, she stood with her eyes closed. Her wavy brown locks swayed in the breeze. It was Kate. But she looked different somehow. There was something different about her gait, like she was listing to the left. She seemed fragile and sad. He didn't like it. Didn't ever like seeing her sad. Yet she looked beautiful. There was a glow about her. Maybe she just glowed for him.
"Kate?" he choked out. It couldn't be. It couldn't. She was just a hallucination. His masochistic heart was toying with his mind. She was a vision, standing tall, if a little weak. But it did look like her. The sharp angles of her cheeks, the soft smooth skin of her face, drew him in like a siren call. Even though he couldn't really see her face, hidden under the billowing curtain of her hair; even though she couldn't possibly be here, he was sure it was Kate. How?
He was imagining things again. Hah. Yes. That would explain it. His besotted heart had somehow tricked his poor unsuspecting mind into conjuring up a vivid image of Kate. He used to imagine her at the Hamptons too, back when he'd gone with Gina that last summer. She sure looked real.
He chuckled. "Kate," he said, heading towards the centre. So what if he was imagining things?
To his eternal surprise, even though his voice had barely been above a whisper, her bowed head snapped up to look at him. His heart stopped when he saw her face. It was her. Why did his imaginary Kate look so utterly surprised? Oh, it was because he felt surprised. He was projecting. Wow. If nothing else, he was getting better at imagining things.
Castle stopped when he stood right in front of her, completely in her space, and grabbed her face. Smiling at the shock in her eyes, he barely heard his own name on her lips before he covered them with his.
Her lips were soft beneath his, tasting a little like cherry chapstick. Surprisingly, they didn't taste like coffee, he thought as he swiped his tongue over her lip. He always imagined that they would. And he imagined kissing her very often. But this felt so real. Wait. It was real.
His eyes snapped open, and he pulled away with a gasp, jumping back two feet in the air. Eyes wide, his hand covered his mouth as he watched as she drew her lips in, as if savoring their kiss. What?
She opened her equally surprised eyes, and gaped at him for a minute before she found her voice. "Castle, what -? She looked as confused as he felt.
"Kate? You're real?" he squeaked out.
"Of course I'm real," she said throwing up her hands.
"You're really here?" he asked, not daring to believe anything.
"Castle," she barked, rolling her eyes. "Are you going to keep asking me that?"
"What are you doing here? Oh my God, I kissed you," he said, feeling both mortified and elated.
"You did," she said, the corners of her lips twitching, as she raised an eyebrow at him. "While you didn't think I was real. Done that before, have you?"
"No," he said, crossing his arms defiantly, before uncrossing them and letting them rest at his side. His hands twitched, closing around air, as if he didn't know what to do with them. As if he was holding back. "Okay, maybe I've indulged my imagination before," he said, his heart doing somersaults as he watched her bite her lip. God, he'd missed her. "How are you here?"
"Alexis."
He blinked uncomprehendingly, stepping back when she took a step towards him. He saw the hurt flash across her face, but he needed to know. He needed to know why, after a month, she was suddenly standing in front of him.
"Alexis called me," she elaborated, before he cut her off.
"You've been in touch with her?" he said, looking like a kicked puppy. "She didn't tell me," he whispered.
"She only called me recently. And she probably didn't tell you because she didn't want to get your hopes up. In case I didn't show up," Kate said honestly. "She's a good daughter, Castle."
"Yeah," he agreed with a small smile. "She is."
"She found out that I'm StormRise. We spoke about – a lot of things. I guess I told her a lot more than I meant to. She's surprisingly easy to talk to."
His tipped his head. "That she is. Does it make me a bad person to be jealous of my daughter?"
"You're a good person, Castle," she said confidently, meeting his eyes before looking away. "I don't deserve you."
"You're right."
She drew in a breath. She knew it would be like this. Had anticipated it. Didn't make it hurt any less.
"You deserve better," he said with a small smile, even as she shook her head. "So – you are StormRise?" he said, changing the topic, changing the topic promptly when she opened her mouth protest.
She bit her lip to keep from laughing. And possibly to drive him a little mad. He often thought she knew the effect it had on him. "Alexis is definitely your kid," she said, leading him to cock his head. "Yes, I'm StormRise."
Castle pumped his hands in the air. "I knew it," he said, pointing at her and pumping his fist in the air again.
She rolled her eyes again, and he thought he could die happy. It had been a month. It had been a month, and it felt slightly awkward. But it also felt right. It reminded him of the time he came back after their first summer apart. She'd been so angry at him for looking into her mother's murder even though she told him not to. He'd betrayed her trust, and trust meant a lot between them. But when it came back, and when she was still mad – when he had a lot to repair, they'd slipped into their default setting of easy banter. It may not be the ideal way of dealing with issues, but it was their way.
"You listened to the show. Kate Beckett, I would never have expected it of you."
"Hey!" she said indignantly, "you were the one on the show."
Not quite the confrontation she had expected. But she knew he probably felt as lost as she did. She couldn't help but smile, realizing how easily they slipped into their banter.
Clearing his throat, Castle broke the silence. "How are you?"
She tried hard not to laugh, but her smile widened. "Really, Castle?"
"Yeah. You know," he said, moving closer, waving his hand at her side to indicate her surgical wound. "How are you?"
Kate's smile slipped, but just a fraction. "I'm fine. Not completely there yet, but I'm healing," she said, nodding when he did.
"Good. That's good. I didn't know how – I wanted to ask but –" he said, looking adorably confused.
"I know, Castle. You wanted to call, but you couldn't. Because I asked you not to," Kate said, lowering her head in regret.
She couldn't help being startled when he lifted her head with his finger curled below her chin.
"It's okay. You told me you needed space and time," he said softly, with a smile.
It pained her heart, and warmed it all the same as she realized how easily he was forgiving her. Sure, she'd heard everything he said on the radio, and knew that he had come to terms with things. Much better than she had, in any case. He was such a good man. "Yeah," she breathed. Clearing her throat, she said more clearly. "I did. But it wasn't fair to shut everyone out – to shut you out. I'm sorry." She closed her eyes as his thumb ghosted over her cheek. So gentle.
She opened her eyes to look straight into his. She could see the depth of his love shining through as he gazed at her, open and loving. How had she been so blind to it before? She turned her head into his palm, brining her hand up to cover his, when he said he forgave her. Again she felt like she didn't deserve him, but she knew without a doubt that she had him. And he had her.
"Can I – does it hurt? Can I hug you? Please?" he asked in a small voice.
"No. Yeah – I mean. You can. Just be gentle," she said, watching as he beamed at her.
Carefully, he leaned slightly down, adjusting to her shorter height sans her usual heels. He brought his arms to her waist, gliding them to her back as he held her softly to him. He was so gentle with her, like she was fragile and could break any second. He was being careful not to hurt her.
It made her tear up, as she turned her face into his chest and breathed him in. She couldn't help the sob that broke through her.
He drew back immediately, even as she clutched at his arms. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?", he asked, looking remorsefully at her.
"No," she said. "No, Castle. You didn't hurt me. Just – I missed you."
"I missed you, too," he said, smiling widely, and wrapping his arms around her again, even more gently if that was possible.
"I love you, too," she managed to choke out, seemingly surprised that she could say it at all.
"You don't have to sound so sad about it," he said after a minute of silence.
"What?"
"You're crying a river on my shirt as you profess your love," he pointed out, chuckling not-so-quietly.
She slapped his chest with the back of her hand, using the other to swipe at her tears. "Cause I'm happy, jackass." After everything they'd been through, through the years; through her apartment blowing up, through Dick Coonan, through Montgomery – here he was, right where he had been from the start. Standing with her. Making her laugh. Giving her the possibility for joy even on the worst day.
"Are you going to use that as a term of endearment?" he asked, smiling so widely that she thought his jaw had to hurt with it.
She rolled her eyes.
He smirked. "Cause then I've got to think of something for you, sweetheart," he tested. She shook her head.
"Honey?"
"No," she said, pushing at his chest.
"Okay, okay," he said, trapping her hand over his heart. "Bunny?"
"Don't you dare," she threatened.
"Mr. Castle?"
They both turned to the source of noise.
"Oh, oops," Castle said, turning around. "Closing time," he said, as he took her small bag-pack from her, and reached for her hand after securing it on his shoulder with a look. She let him hold her hand in his, even intertwining their fingers. It felt so right. She almost couldn't believe it, even as she walked beside him to the waiting elevator.
Failing miserably at facing forward on the way down, she allowed herself to watch him closely. She couldn't help but notice the dark shadows beneath his eyes, and she longed to smooth her fingers over them, wondering if she was the reason behind them. She faced forward when he turned to her, trying to keep the worry and regret from showing. But when he squeezed her hand, still enclosed in his larger, warmer one, she knew that he understood. He had always been good at understanding her.
They reached the lobby, and as they got out, Castle turned to the security personnel and took out his pen with a smile. She watched fondly as he signed one of his books for the old man. He shrugged when she looked at him quizzically.
He stopped after a few steps.
"What?" she asked nudging him.
"Kate?"
Kate turned towards Alexis with a smile. "Alexis. I didn't think you guys would still be here. I'm sorry, I got held up in traffic."
"I know. I got your message, just after we'd left from here."
"Oh."
"Why didn't you message me earlier? We'd have waited. Not that dad knew," she said, casting her eyes apologetically at Castle. "Sorry, dad."
"Pumpkin, it's okay. I think," he paused to put his thoughts together. "It's more than okay," he said, turning to nudge Kate.
Kate ducked her head, blushing, before she composed herself. "My phone wasn't working. I dropped it this morning. Didn't realize it was frozen till it was too late. In fact, I didn't even think the message went out."
"I'm glad it did," Alexis said with a smile. "I'm glad you showed up."
"Me too," Kate said, returning her smile.
"Me three," Castle pitched in, causing the women to laugh at him. "Uh," Castle said, as they quieted down.
"What, Castle?" Kate asked as his hand twitched in hers.
"You came straight from the cabin?"
"Yes."
"And this is all you brought?" he asked, indicating the bag-pack.
Kate shrugged. "I can get the rest later. Or my dad can bring it for me when he comes back from his next trip."
"Oh, okay. So…" he drawled.
"Yes, Castle," she asked patiently.
"What now?"
Kate flashed him a bright smile. "Now, you take me home."
That took him by surprise. "To the loft? With us?" he asked.
"That a problem?" Kate returned.
"No. Not a problem. Never a problem. Alexis?" he asked, turning to his daughter.
It warmed Kate's heart when the girl replied in the affirmative. "Of course," she said.
"Hey, Alexis," he said, turning to his daughter.
"Yeah, dad?"
He held out the keys for her to take. "Could you go wait in the car for just a minute?"
Kate looked at him curiously. Alexis took the keys and shrugged, apparently used to any and all odd behavior from him.
"Thanks," Castle said, and he turned back to Kate, cupping her face in his hands again. He leaned in and nudged her nose with his, and then pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that stole all her questions and thoughts, and even her breath.
Somewhere in the back of her preoccupied mind, she heard Alexis screaming from a distance. "Ew. Hurry up, dad."
He unlatched his lips from hers momentarily. "Be right there," he yelled back, before latching on to her again. She tightened her hold on his lapels and pulled him back to her. "I love you," he said before diving in again. She melted into him, giving and taking from him with equal fervor. He sipped at her lips, like she was his oasis. As she opened up for him, she could taste the hint of coffee. She smiled against his lips. Shaking her head when he pulled back, looking at her questioningly.
Kate chased him, and kissed him again, relishing the feeling of his hand winding through her hair. She felt safe and protected in his embrace. It felt familiar even though they weren't used to it at all. This proximity, the intimacy, it was foreign to them. And yet it was so completely right. This was so much better than the pretend kiss they shared not too long ago. This was real. This was love.
They stayed that way, lost in each other, lost to the world, for a while before they tore apart when a passer-by wolf-whistled at them. She turned away, feeling the warmth in her face. Her lips felt wonderfully swollen from their kiss.
Castle looked utterly gobsmacked, and totally delicious. She smiled shyly, and took his hand, and gave him a minute to recover. He shook himself out of his reverie when she nudged him playfully, and started leading them towards his car.
He kept stealing glances at her, and smiling each time. She couldn't blame him. Not when she was doing the same. As she caught sight once more of his content face, she made a mental note to thank Alexis and Dr. Susan. Sure they had a lot to talk about. A lot to apologize for, and a lot to confess. But Kate knew that for the first time in months, tonight, with each other, they wouldn't be sleepless at all.
AN: I hope you guys enjoyed that. Finally, eh?
I did promise Bot an epilogue. Don't know when I'll get around to it. But I will. :) Cheers!
Thanks for reading!