Insane Love

by SilentInMySanity

After an accident Selina Kyle grew up in Germany where she was supposed to live a normal life but as The Joker appears everything turns into chaos and Selina realizes that maybe her life was all the time supposed to be in Gotham. At the Joker's side she will come to terms with who she is and what she's supposed to be. Alpha/Omega. Joker x Catwoman. AU! NC-17. Angst.

10. Chapter 10 - Dear, Familiar Misery

Chapter 10 – Where Happiness is, Misery's not Far away

---

I watch her looking at out of the window a little before she suddenly makes a small 'oh' and grabs into her bag, obviously looking for something. At some point she pulls out a CD and smiles big at me before shoving it into the player. Abruptly I hear 'Circus for a Psycho' by Skillet playing and I laugh,

'' I put a few songs I thought you may like on a CD. I realized that you don't really like the driving in silence thing and I'm not much of a talker in cars or any other driving objects. I don't know I just hate it. So talking from time to time is ok but constantly? Nah. '' I smirk at her and ruffle her hair,

'' What's on it? ''

'' I wrote that on the back of the CD. Uhm... I got from Skillet: Circus for a Psycho, Hero, Not Gonna Die, Open Wounds, Rise, Madness in me, Falling Inside the Black, Comatose and Awake and Alive. AC/DC: You Shook me All Night Long, Highway to Hell, Soot to Thrill, Hells Bells, TNT and Back in Black. Guns 'n Roses: Welcome to the Jungle, Appetite for Destruction, You Could be Mine, Think About You, You're Crazy, Rocket Queen, Reckless Life and Bad Obsession. Already Over by RED and uh... oh yeah! City by Hollywood Undead. And looots more...''

'' Play the last ya said. Don't know it. '' She grins big at me and moves to the last song on the CD. I gotta admit that this girl definitely knows what good music is and her eager is kinda amusing. I never before met someone so eager in pleasing my madness. It's somewhat of a nice change, many things changed since the witch got into my life.

'' Ooooo you will like it. It's like... your title song. '' I title my head at her but chuckle, shaking my head. Therefor that she normally is the adult in our relationship she sometimes can be pretty funny.

'' Let's watch it burn... Let's watch it burn... Let's watch the this City burn the world! Lets this City burn, from the skylines on the top of the world. Till there's nothing left of her, let's watch this city burn the world. My body doused in ash with two empty cans of gas, the only evidence they have it a police sketch of my mask. And it's hard in time to ask if you can save my heart from last. And it's hard to face the facts when the darkness fades to black! It's not just make believe when they make me take a seat and they put amphetamines in the air and make me breathe! So c'mon and grab your children, look out for burning buildings. And villains who pillage, they're killing by the millions. And billions of people die for a lost cause. So now I pray to my nation destroyed under god. (It's the end of the world, all my battles have been win. But the war has just begun!) ''

I start laughing loudly while shaking my head, patting her head a little,

'' Remember me to play that when I'm back in Gotham and wanna surprise ma Batsy. ''

'' The City looks so pretty do you wanna burn it with me? Till the skies bleeds ashes and the fucking skyline crashes. They catch us with matches to ignite the flame. And all the hopes of a youth deemed fucking insane! They say, 'take the pill, in god we trust!' 'Go and kill, god loves us, as in life as in death!' Breathing till there is no breathe! I will not die in the night but in the light of the sun with the ashes of this world in my lings. But who am I to say let's all just run away. Grab your saints and pray, we're gonna burn this world today. (Say it' the end of the world, as in heaven as on earth. We've been dead since our birth!) ''

The last minutes of the drive Angel simply stares out of the window while I jump around a little to the music, she was right, it's a lot better to drive with music instead of the silence. I never liked silence, it sometimes is chocking me so this is like a nice change of things. Why didn't I think of that before anyway? I mean, it's not like I started listening to music just since she's here. I guess by now I was kinda preoccupied in being The Joker that I never let my human side show through, by that I never thought human too. I don't really like Jack leaking through but it seems to please her to see me acting more human so I guess I can live with being a little more human around her. After all the little minx does a whole fucking lot to please me. She's stubborn enough, she wouldn't listen to me if she wouldn't want to and she surely wouldn't get up every time to cook here and there. Same with the music and everything else, I can punch her and I can scream at her, she's staying not because she's afraid of me but because she wants to. As much as I hate hitting her, the more I love fighting with the girl. Furthermore, it's like training a little for emergencies. The last time she got... attacked... I couldn't do much and she was inexperienced now she at least knows a little better how to dodge. I'm not hitting her with my full force, wouldn't want to hurt her badly. I could kill myself for every mark I see on her later, no matter how much I enjoy fighting with her. I think this girl's changing me and I'm not sure I like this. I don't feel this strong urge to destroy when I'm around her, it's like she's keeping off the insanity. As soon as she's gone, I'm my normal self again. I guess I just stop myself from destroying this much because I want to keep her safe and blowing up stuff in her face isn't really good with that. I shake my head to get off these thoughts and stop the car. I told the idiots to get everything ready, would be better for them to be done by now. Not even looking that Angel follows me I simply go inside and into the living room to see everything already placed on the table. Angel comes in next to me and stops dead as she sees the 3 monitors on the table,

'' What d'ya think of that? '' She steps closer to them and takes a close look at them, inspecting every small part of the black monitors with the red keyboards. I ordered my contact in China to color them like that, on his question why I told him to do it or he can be sure that his dear wife and daughter will be in a looot of trouble. It was such a fun talk! For me at least, he was kinda whiny. Party pooper...

'' Aren't these the new ones from China? How the hell did you get to them? They just got on the market 2 weeks ago and there only were made 9 of them. Not to mention that one of them costs around the 12.000$, I mean, I don't really think you bought them but it would still interest me. These things are like a living heaven for everyone that likes working with a computer, you can basically make everything with them. They got a double HD screen, that means 2 times Full HD, these are the 1st ones that got this. They got 3D, high Dual Compressor, wireless keyboard and mouse-pat, 8 USB connections, High-Speed W-LAN, 30x560 Intel-Titanium-3-Processor- ''

'' Uhm, sweetheart... what does that mean? '' Steve asks with a dumb look on his face.

'' That they're practically seen the fastest computers on the world, next to my laptop. ''

'' So they're good? '' I watch Angel stop moving for some time and looking blankly at Mason who shrinks back a little, making me smirk. Angel crosses her arms over her chest and suddenly looks overly dramatic,

'' Good? Well a normal Laptop with Widows 8 is good. A Firefox Computer with normal HD is good. A tablet with 14 hours accumulator lasting is good. These are like fucking awesome. They're a whole new world, a large change in technology. ''

'' Was just askin'. ''

'' Stupid question, stupid answer. But yes, they're very good. -Why did you get them? ''

'' I got a, uhm, job for ya. '' Her eyebrow raises and she titles her head confused, some of her hair falling over her eyes,

'' A job? What Job? ''

'' Ya gotta hack the Pentagon- ''

'' The Pentagon?! Like in, the one in America? The High Security thing? ''

'' And every bank in Germany- ''

'' And? You mean together? At the same time? ''

'' Ya gotta lemme finish? -Thanks. So, as I was sayin' I need ya in 5 hours here, ya gotta hack into both and keep it clear for us for bout 4 hours, will cause enough chaos then for us. That means letting no one find out about you, keeping them off our backs would be nice too. -Only if yer able to do that course. '' She pushes her hip out and places her hands on them, looking at me challenging what makes me smirk, yes she will do that.

'' You want to insult me? Of course I can do that. -But... I got school tomorrow. In 5 hours for 4 hours I'm earliest done at 2 am. I gotta get up at 6 to be on time there, I need 9 hours, you remember that? '' I smirk at her before leaning down, glancing at her with a look that shows I won't accept a 'no',

'' Yer stayin' 'ere. This is important. '' She crosses her arms and glares at me but nods then and pulls out her phone. With a look over her shoulder I see her sending a SMS to her mom that she stays at one of her friend's places tonight because some 'emergency'. Satisfied with that I turn to go back into my room. A few minutes later she suddenly storms in, slams the door close behind her, runs around the desk, pushes my hands aside and jumps onto my lap, her fingers gripping my jacket. I smirk a little and slide my finger along her lips,

'' Gee Angel, so eager suddenly? Ya may wanna get rid of the cloths before ya jump me- ''

'' Why did they say they're mine? '' I title my head at her, this wasn't obvious?

'' Do I look like a hacker? What do I need these things for? Got them for ya so that can do 'ere and there a small job for me. Otherwise ya can use them, work on them or whatever yer pretty lil' mind thought up with them what'cha want. Under the condition that ya only use 'em here. '' Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open, she's starring at me like I'm a ghost. With a chuckle I push her jaw back up and in that moment she leans forwards and kisses me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

'' You're amazing! ''

'' Yeah, how bout getting rid of that now? '' I point at her clothing on what she huffs and snaps my forehead,

'' Perv, you're not that amazing. ''

'' Ouch. ''

'' I'm going to school tomorrow. I simply sleep while sport while the others run around, I hate running anyway. Too much effort and you always sweat after that, ew. I'm more into ball sports like football and basketball but running? Never! -Any joke about my weight or me doing sport and I swear I will make you regret it. '' I throw my head back, laughing loudly, the little minx can read my mind sometimes! I shake my head and tap my finger onto her collarbone, looking her over another time,

'' Nothin' wrong with yer weight darlin'. Everything's just like it should be. ''

'' And what if I want to gain weight now? '' She crosses her arms and titles her head amused and I see the challenging sparkle in her eyes but I shrug my shoulders in a careless manner,

'' As long as I can still carry ya round without any problems I got no problem with anythin'. '' She suddenly blinks at me dumbly and smiles then sweetly at me and gives me a small peek on the lips,

'' Sometimes you can be really sweet you know that? '' I grin at her but before I can say anything to confirm I do know this, my phone rings. With a low growl I look at the display to find out who the fun killer is what only makes me grow frustrated.

'' Joker! '' I hold the phone away from my ear a moment before snarling at him, my body tensing abruptly again.

'' What? '' Angel looks at my shoulders a moment, she probably felt me tensing through her hands are on my chest and move now to my shoulders,

'' Just making sure you remember the deal. When do you plan on setting the Pentagon lame? '' I open my mouth but look then confused, when was this again? I look down at Angel who raises an eyebrow in question before her eyes get a 'are you fucking kidding me' expression,

'' You got the memory of a fly you know that? I start at 9pm. '' I smirk at her a plant a kiss on her scar before twirling in my chair a little, causing her to hold onto me,

'' Take a pill, I got it under control. 9pm, fuck off. ''

'' You better remember who's paying you Clown! '' Angel shivers as I growl at the man,

'' Money, all ya guys are after is money…! That so boooring! ''

'' Do you even have a plan about how to set it lame? It's not really easy to get into the system. ''

'' Oh I got some really clever girl 'ere. '' I wink at her through what she smiles softly at me, placing her head on my chest. I look down at her and grin to myself, if being nice to her makes her become this cuddling then I maybe have to change my tactics. I like her this cute, it's a funny change,

'' Your little whore from TV? '' Her head suddenly gets back up and her eyes narrow while I myself feel my body tensing even more. I hate the word 'Freak' for Angel 'Whore' must be equally bad so I'm not pretty amused when someone calls her names she hates.

'' Better look out for yer tongue, can be cut out very easy. ''

'' Not my fault the bitch is a cock-sucker. ''

'' Oookay... ew...! -Just for the record, so that even someone with an IQ of winter temperature in Arctic like you understands it, I am not whore and even more not a... I mean EW! You on the other hand sound like a man that got a lot too 'short' for his liking and I'm not talking about height here. But with enough money, cars and prostitutes I'm sure you manage to get over it. '' I laugh loudly, looking slightly at Angel to see her with her arms crossed and a dangerous sparkle in her eyes that normally never ended good. Just like now, she hit it right on the head. Jesus the girl's amazing!

'' You little… Joker! Keep your girlfriend on a leash! '' I snarl on the commanding voice he's giving me. Who does he even think he is to command me around and insult my girlfriend? I shake my head and glide my thump along the scar on Angel's cheek, I really got a thing for that one. In school she's covering it but she wiped off the makeup in the car already. I guess she's trying to avoid questions. I set... what's-his-name-David onto her a few times to figure where the girl's smoking in school and he told me that once a few people asked her about it. After it ended with her punching a guy's nose bloody on what she had detention and a talk with the principle she started covering it.

'' There ain't anyone puttin' a leash at ma girl. ''

'' Just do your job! ''

'' What d'ya think I'm doin' 'ere? Turnin' ma thumps? '' I shake my head and throw the phone carelessly onto the desk before grabbing Angel's face and kissing her hard,

'' Baby, I love yer humor when yer angry. ''

'' I was right with his description wasn't I? ''

'' One on one. '' She giggles and titles then her head, causing some of her hair to fall into her face.

'' Can you wake me in about half an hour? ''

'' Ya wanna sleep? ''

'' Yeah. I'm a little tired and I need to be fit tonight, right? ''

'' I got full trust in yer abilities but every mistake yer makin's coming straight back at me, so yeah, better go sleepin'. Off ya go Princess, half an hour? Got that. '' She smiles at me and gets then into the bathroom to change into a pair of black sweatpants and the dark green shirt she sometime got from me. I don't even remember that I ever- oh. She simply took it I would say. Well, it's definitely looking better on her than on me so who cares. I watch her a moment settling into bed before turning back to my laptop...

Like she asked I get out of my chair half a hour later and kneel down in front of the bed, pushing some hair out of her sleeping face,

'' Wakey wakey sleepin' beauty. ''

'' Give me another hour...''

'' Nop. Ya wanted me to get ya outa bed half an hour later so up with you. C'mon. '' I rip the blanket off her through what she curls up to a ball but I lift her off the bed and sit her onto the ground, grabbing a glass of water I still had halfway filled on my desk and splash it merciless into her face. She jumps on the contact and her eyes widen,

'' What was that for! ''

'' Now yer awake. I just did what ya asked for. ''

'' Ass... I need to update the computers. You know, getting my software onto them, making sure everything works, preparing them for later. ''

'' Just do what'cha wanna do, I got no real idea what ya talkin' bout anyway. Hacking never was ma business. '' She giggles and gets to her jacket to fetch the glasses she has out of it,

'' Why do ya even wear 'em? ''

'' I need them, I'm good at looking at far way things but close up, especially if its letters it gets harder. Through the reflection of the screens these things make it easier to me to concentrate otherwise I get headaches at some point. Why? They don't suit me? ''

'' There ain't anythin' that wouldn't suit ya, just asking. '' I watch her leaving my room with a soft smile on her lips and lean back satisfied in my chair. A few hours later I get back out to get every one of the idiots ready and walk then up to Angel. I stop in the door frame to see her legs hanging over the back rest of the chair, stabilizing herself with that, her head under the desk and her hands working on the Desktop. I title my head a moment and turn around to look at Steve,

'' How long's she like that? ''

'' 1 hour maybe...'' I nod and shrug my shoulders. In that moment she sighs and comes back up, turning in her chair rather funny looking and tipping a little on the keyboard.

---

- 7:20 pm –

'' We go Angel, everythin' ready? '' I jump a bit as I suddenly hear his voice next to my ear. I didn't even hear him coming in, I was too wrapped up in giving the Computers the last touch. They are like the best I've ever seen and I've seen a whole lot by now. I'm sure everything will go just fine with thee things and it surely will be interesting. I never did something so big, I barely did anything at all. The only thing I once did was hacking into a contest so that my dad wins something he wanted. He didn't believe as I told him I did this of course and locket me up in the basement again. He always did that, locking me up so that he hadn't had to take care of me. That's what drunk people do when they have no idea what to do with their children, they hurt them. I close my eyes and shake my head before smiling up at Joker,

'' Yes, I prepared everything. I'm sure that this will be just going fine, I got everything under control and I start my program as soon as you give me the call to. ''

'' Goody, now, If something's happenin' that shouldn't be happenin', these came with the computers. ''

'' Is there anything you can't get? I mean, these are multifunctional headsets with cellphone, navigation and- nah you know what? I upgrade them so that I can keep the contact up. You get the main one so that you hear what's happening but you have to press the small button here to activate it. '' I grab the small earplugs and connect them to my computers so that I can change the reach far enough that it all works out just fine to communicate with them. I keep the main one that has normal headsets and a mic that is connected to the headsets with a stick, so they're like the ones you use while gaming just slim. I take a deep breathe and force the trembling of excitement down, I never did something so big. This will make everyone know about me, I never thought that this would happen. I always thought I keep the low profile for the rest of my life or even forget it at some point. This is challenging!

'' Excited? ''

'' Very. But I keep it under control. ''

'' 'm sure yer doin' just fine. We go then, I leave Daniel here- ''

'' You don't have to. I have the Hyenas, Pepper spray, a teaser and a knife. I'm all prepared for everything that could happen this time. And I will run if something happens. I know a good hiding place in here and I know the forest now like my room, I am fully covered. '' He looks at me suspicious, he probably sees the small hint of fear in my eyes that I always get if I think about this thing that happened. But I really am prepared,

'' Ya sure? ''

'' I'm fine. '' I smile assuring at him on what he nods and kisses me before leaving. I faintly hear him telling Daniel he'll accompany Logan and Anthony. I lean back and close my eyes as I hear them leaving. It will take all of them at least 2 hours until they get there so I grab my phone and play some music before getting onto the ground next to my Hyenas to cuddle a little with them. I really am excited... but worried too. What if I don't manage this? What if something goes wrong? Or a someone that is better with technology works for the Pentagon and he kicks me out? What if Joker and the others get busted through my failure? There are so many things that could go wrong tonight and just the smallest mistake could have real bad following happenings... I shake my head and curl my hands to fists, no, nothing will happen. I manage this, I know I can do this. Nothing will happen except that I do what I need to do. I can do this and no one will manage to be better than me, I know their tactics. I know how they work because I once saw it. I will be better than them.

At 9:34 pm I hear my headphones vibrating silently, telling me that I get a call. I get back onto my chair and pick it up,

'' Ready? '' I nod to myself and bite my lip while sending the interfering signal...

'' I send the interfering signal. This will set their whole System lame for about 5 minutes so I got these 5 minutes to get into every System I need to. I give you a sign as soon as everything's ready. '' I hear him humming and begin then to type in the different keys I use to keep every system lame. Taking a deep breathe I watch how 2 window open up on each screen, one for the Pentagon and the cameras that are in it, one for the Banks and the cameras and one is my software where I see when something comes close to the Banks that isn't meant to be there. Through the Headset are connected to my Computers the guys all have a green point. People and cars or helicopters that will come close to the banks have a red point and send a signal to my software. Through I use the Satellites that are in space I see every human being through the heat signature. I watch how the people in the Pentagon and the Security men in the Banks all slowly realize that there suddenly is no picture for them anymore and let then the lights of the Banks around who the others are flicker a little.

'' Joker, in your bank are 5 Security guards. Liam there are 2 with you, everyone else has 3. '' I hear them giving a short 'alright' and turn then my attention back to the people in the Pentagon that still try to find out why everything on their monitors suddenly is black. I won't allow them to find out just now that this is a Hacker-attack. I smirk a little to myself and cross my legs on the seat and lean back while watching the guys a little. Joker, Steve and Mason are in the largest Bank of all, the one in Berlin. Anthony, Liam and Logan are in Hamburg, that one is large too but a little smaller than the one in Berlin. Matthew, Daniel and David are in Köln and James and Andrew got the smallest one through they have one too less in their team, they're in Münster. After about 20 minute silent watching them, I get a message on my program and grin excited, now the real business starts!

'' Joker, the Pentagon just send 12 IT-Specialists on my heels. They seem to slowly find out that this isn't a mistake in their software. They try to find out who I am and where I am at the moment. One of them found out you and the others are robbing the banks just now. ''

'' Is that any problem? '' I shake my head with a smile and get then into the extra software the It-guys brought with them. With a smirk I let their screens flicker a little before shutting them off completely so that I see the men going all confused and angry on the cameras. I send a pair of red lips appear on their displays that blow them a kiss before shutting everything down again. Finally they're fully aware of that this isn't a error but a hacker and that alone makes them even more angry so that they now ask for more laptops and tablets. I smirk a little to myself,

'' Of course not, I got everything under control. But I think they hate me now a little and they get really angry. They now try to get back in with other laptops and tablets, it's really cute they try so hard! -Oh by the way, there are 2 guards on their way to you. The remaining one in the main office wants to call the cops, should I let him or should I pick the call? ''

'' Pick the call? ''

'' You know I've got a acting talent. ''

'' Lemme hear. '' I grin and nod before pushing my glasses into the right position again and putting on a friendly, older sound,

'' Polizei Berlin, wie kann ich ihnen helfen? '' (This is the police Berlin, how can I help you?) I hear the man talking with a thick voice, he seems to be very tensed.

'' Madam, da ist ein Überfall bei der Nationalen Bank, wir brauchen Verstärkung. '' (Miss, there is a robbery at the national bank, we need support.) I hum and nod my head,

'' Natürlich Sir, Ich schicke sofort Hilfe. '' (Yes Sir, I will send you help abruptly.)

'' Danke, bitte beeilen Sie sich. '' (Thank you, please hurry.)

'' Natürlich. '' (Of course.)

'' Not bad. How long will it keep 'em off? ''

'' Well the Police station isn't far so they should get suspicious after about 8 minutes. '' I hear Joker warning the others and only a few minutes later I can see the heat signatures of the guards disappearing. Steve and Joker killed them while Mason tries to open the safe. It got a electromechanical lock so I help him a little and crack the code. From the camera that's inside the safe I gasp as I see the masses on money in it-

'' Crap...! ''

'' What? ''

'' There are about... 6 cops that try to get into the bank in Hamburg... Anthony? Are you done in there? ''

'' We got it Lady-Boss. We can go now. ''

'' 'Lady-Boss'? We are married? '' I giggle softly at Joker's confused voice but don't answer him. Instead I look around on the map of the Bank and search for possible way to get everyone out safely,

'' Look, there are 6 cops at the front entrance and 4 more at the back entrance... You have to move up forwards so that you can get ready to storm out. I will let the cops on the back entrance in and lock them then into the room there, it got locks with a code so they should need some time to get back out. After that I send a interfering signal to the radios of the cops at the front entrance, I make sure they'll hear a high pitched noise so you got a few seconds to shoot them. You got that? ''

'' Yeah, tell us when. '' I nod and let the cops then into the back entrance but before they can get into the main room I lock both doors and turn then my attention to the cops on the front entrance. I hack into their radios and hold then my finger over the button for sending the noise,

'' Ok now! '' I watch Anthony, Liam and Logan barging to the door and send right in the moment they arrive at the door the signal so that the cops slide to the ground, dropping the guns and holding their ears. Even after some of them rip out the earplugs, the noise was high enough to make their brains get numb a few seconds so that they can't move.

'' We're heading back now. '' I hear Liam say after a few minutes in which I hear screaming and shooting. I nod a little to myself and switch then the cameras to that bank off to concentrate fully on the other ones. Still, I keep open the Satellite picture of them to make sure they won't get followed. By now the specialists from the Pentagon got themselves 2 professional Hacker that were sitting in jail until now, I remember them, I hear from both of them in the news. They both are very good but their problem was they weren't good enough for being so reckless. They got caught as they spend dozens of money in some club, sadly they never checked the money. Their mistake and now they have to pay for it.

'' They set 2 professional Hacker onto me, they sit in jail already for some time, this should be interesting. ''

'' Have yer fun but keep an eye open on us. ''

'' Will do. '' I snicker as I see them doing something typical for hacker from the street, not trying to get control back but to hit me as hard as possible. They abruptly set their minds onto shutting my system down but my security software blocks half of that off while I block the other half with a few key codes. I smile as I see them trying that one multiple times again and every time with different key codes but it's no use. Their monitors and the monitors of the Laptops they got new are all still black but now I let them flash white while sending them a message,

Amateurs!

I smirk as I see them roaring in anger and that anger is all it need to make their work become slutty. I can lean back now, they ruining this themselves now. I turn my attention to the monitor that has the cameras as I see one of the windows opening over the screen, telling me there is trouble. The bank James and Andrew are in, the one in Münster, is surrounded from 5 cops, 3 at the front, 2 at the back. Oh, and a sniper on the roof across them. I narrow my eyes,

'' James, Andrew, there are cops around you, get behind something to hide. I keep the back door hidden but that won't hold them off forever. I send the same signal to them like I did with those that were in Hamburg that leaves you seconds to take care of the ones in the front. You need to run then, I can't keep the ones at the back off... Your main problem is the sniper, does anyone of you see the roof across your bank? ''

'' Yeah we do but I ain't seein' any sniper. ''

'' He's at the right corner, you should be able to see his head if you look very closely. Are you good shots? ''

'' Sniper-training for about 2 months, is that enough? How far is he away? '' I smile at Andrew's sudden sound of proud and look then how far he's away,

'' 34 meters. ''

'' Should be manageable. I see the bastard. ''

'' Good, then you take care of the sniper. ''

'' I get rid of the others then. '' I nod and bite my lip a little,

'' Okay, I send the signal, get ready... Ok? ...Now! '' I hear shots and watch satisfied how the sniper's heat signature disappears and soon all the others follow. Then I watch how James and Andrew run to the car. As I see the cops trying to follow make sure to overload their radio so that it explodes just as they want to start the car, that causes the battery to get too hot through what that one explodes too. I watch how the cops jump out of car only seconds before it explodes. This is really funny! I grin as I see another warning coming up, they're so nice! Everyone nicely after the other!

'' Matthew, Daniel, David? Look that you get out of there now! You have 5 minutes until there get 8 cars to you and I don't think this will be ending good. ''

'' Alright Lady-Boss. We head back now. '' I watch them rushing back to the car and look then to lock the bank so that the cops think they're still in there, that should give them time enough to get away.

'' Joker, Steve, Mason? Now it's your turn. ''

'' How many? ''

'' 3 snipers, 2 at the front, one at the back. 12 cops at the front and another 7 at the back entrance. I can pull of the same trick this time with the back ones, only for the sniper you have to watch out, don't cross his sight. The one at the fronts are... do you see the office building across your street? ''

'' Visible. ''

'' Ok the first one is 2 lines below the top on the 3rd window from the left. The other one is right on the top, in the middle of the roof. You should be able to see them. They are your major problem so try to get them out the first. I can numb them for a few seconds and then I only can try to somehow get their mind off you... if we're lucky... yes! ''

'' What? ''

'' Their cars are the newest one they have, means they're almost fully electronic. I can hack into their navigation systems and maybe even screw with the lights and make them move a little. So first concentrate on the snipers. You ready? ''

'' Have yer way. '' I hear the sudden tension in his voice and see that they're now close up the doors so I make sure to get into their radios, their navigation and their Auto-pilot like function,

'' Now! '' I hit the key to send the signal and see the 3 men shooting on the cops but they suddenly stop moving,

'' Hands up Freaks! '' I swallow hard and bite my lip, why isn't the auto-pilot working?

'' Angel...''

'' Half a minute. '' I hit multiple keys and punch in several codes before I finally manage to get into the cars completely. With a smirk I let the lights of the cars flicker and watch how they turn around and right in that moment I set them moving and drive them over halfway so that they scream in pain but before they can do much, Joker and the others shoot them and get back to the car. I turn my attention to the door as I hear a car stopping in front of it. Through the Hyenas only lift their heads once I know it must be Daniel, Matthew and David, Köln is pretty close to Essen, only half an hour to a full hour depends on how fast you drive and how the traffic is. They all 3 get into the living room and look at me,

'' Honey you are amazing! '' I smile softly at Matthew and title my head,

'' It's not over yet. If you learn one thing in school then it's not to celebrate the skipping lessons before you are safely back home at the end of the day. The others still need to get back here safely I still have to shut down everything, it's not over yet. '' Daniel grins at me and pats me on my back before they all sit down on the couch to relax a little. I look back at the screen as I see it flashing red,

'' Joker you got stalkers. 2 cars. Bend into the next street left, then immediately right again and then left one last time. '' I watch the point of their car doing what I say on the map and watch that the cops follow a little shaky. It's a lot easier to say a way if you got a map like this.

'' They're still there. ''

'' I know but they're confused now, they're losing orientation… turn around! ''

'' What? '' I hear Liam ask but I shake my head,

'' Joker turn around and drive right through the middle of them! Then look that you drive left and then right 2 times, you should get everyone off your backs then. '' I say while eying the map, I send them through small alleys but they're large enough for the car to fit. Like I expected it, through the driving through them, both want to follow immediately and they crash in full speed right into another what causes their cars to explode, 4 more points gone. I look up as I hear almost 2 hours later 2 more cars stopping outside and shortly after that everyone except Joker's team gets back in here. They all place the bags with the money in some corner and sit down to get comfortable. Anthony comes up behind me and leans a little down,

'' What are these for? ''

'' These are the cameras that show the pentagon, these are the number on Laptops they use and this here is the main system of them. I need to keep an eye over them, they're frustrated by now. I allow their system to recover in 20 hours though. '' I breathe out a little as I see Joker's car now entering the forest and turn then my attention to the Pentagon again... I delete everything that could be a possible hint on me. The only thing I leave in is the what the cameras in the banks recorded, Joker is a drama queen, I think he would like it to stay. With a grin I let a red Devil's Heart appear on every screen in the Pentagon and in the Banks so that the people in said buildings get now really angry. I thought the thing up some time ago as I started hacking and wanted to have some cool sign. Every professional whatever has a signal. With another message at them I shut down everything and lean back in my chair to close my eyes.

' Gentlemen, thank you for the thrill. '

I hear Anthony laughing shortly before ruffling my hair,

'' Yer a bitch. ''

'' I know but it's fun. '' In that moment I hear the door barging open so that it loudly bangs against the walls, making me wince,

'' Honey! I'm hooome! '' I raise an eyebrow, turn my chair to the door and look at Steve who grins slightly knowing. In that moment Joker comes in with a banquet of flowers in his hand that look already poorly, I guess he got them before the robbery but they still look somewhat beautiful so I smile half amused, half confused,

'' What are they for? '' Suddenly the others all jump from their seats and start clapping and cheering loudly so that I sink back a little, I don't think I feel comfortable just now... I watch how Mason suddenly comes in with 2 6-packs beer and 2 bottles with sweet tasting Cola-beer. They hand everyone a bottle and I get the Cola-Beer while they raise the surprisingly cool glass bottles. I look at Joker who smirk but keeps a little out of the whole crowd from who everyone now clinks their bottles with mine,

'' To Angeline! '' Steve calls out loudly,

'' To Angeline! '' They all repeat and take the 1st sip. Nipping on my own one I move out of my seat to Joker who grins down at me,

'' Why are you doing this? ''

'' Wanna know why? Cause ya deserve it. Accept the small praise, ya did a fucking good job with that! ''

'' Thank you...''

'' Sweetheart, happy to have ya here! '' I look with a small tingle of red on my cheeks up at Steve who smirks big at me. Slowly I smile softly and nod my head,

'' Thanks...'' As soon as the bottle's half empty I slowly realize something...

'' Joker... I'm dead tired... I go to sleep...'' He nods and we both get into his room where I change and lie then down. It doesn't take long for Joker to get in behind me and pull me close, really it's like I'm a teddy. He can be so creepy but so cute at the same time... he amazes me somehow... I'm happy to be here...

'' Yer not goin' anywhere, ya sleep out. ''

'' What? I need to- ''

'' Sleep. ''

'' But- ''

'' Sleep Princess. '' I growl a little but find myself too tired to really argue with him... I simply fake an excuse for school... I slowly nod and cuddle up to him...

My eyes slowly open up as I hear the song Welcome To The Jungle by Guns 'n Roses waking me up, telling me my phone calls for attention. Slowly I move my hand to the night table and grab for it, looking at the Display I see that it's a little past 4pm now so I can already guess who's calling me now without even looking at the name on the display that reveals the identity of my caller I slide with my finger over the display, opening the call. Like I expected it I abruptly am met with Lily's and Bonny's voices, asking me rather angry where the hell I am and why the bloody hell I didn't show up to school. I take a deep breathe, forcing my mind to get a little clearer and force the fog in it away. I rub my eyes a little and start explaining them the situation to them through what they both get silent until only hear the noises of other upper class-students in the background. People laughing and screaming, excited that school is finally over and they can go home or get somewhere with friends to enjoy their evenings. While the silence stretches I feel Joker's body twitching a little before he breathes out heavily and moves his head down to press a, half biting, kiss between my shoulder blades, making me shiver softly.

'' Dann warst du das wirklich? Das ist extrem...'' (Then it was really you? That's extreme.)

'' Du klingst als würdest du bereits davon wissen...'' (You sound like you already know about it.) I say slowly, my voice still a little slow from the sleepiness.

'' Du solltest dir mal angewöhnen deine Fähigkeiten darauf zu konzentrieren dir eine App für wichtige Neuigkeiten zu downloaden. '' (You should focus on using your ability to get yourself finally an app that informs you about important news.) I turn onto my back to look at Joker who already lifts to grab me and carry me over to his desk. After he placed me on his lap he grabs for his laptop, leaning back to let me go through the news and watching every headline. I capture the phone between my ear and my shoulder and get onto a website for important news that mostly are about the war in other countries, changes of some laws or the deaths of the 'really important' people. It doesn't take long to spot the article Bonny and Lily mean through it's spread over the whole website, the title in big letters and deep black,

HACKER-GENIUS STRIKES IN GERMANY

In the night from the 26th to the 27th of August from 9pm to 1:30am the terminals of the Pentagon suddenly went out of control while there went calls over calls to the police from security guards in every German bank that were saying that suddenly nothing worked any longer. While there were Policemen send to the banks, the IT-Specialists of the Pentagon tried to get their system back under their control while trying to find out what suddenly happened from one minute to the other. It took them almost 2 hours to figure out that this isn't a error in their systems but a the attack of a Hacker.

At 10pm several professional hacker that work for the Pentagon tried to outsmart the stranger who took their system but before they were able to find out everything at all about the mysterious person, let alone get any kind of control back, they were kicked out of the system and had no chance to get back in, instead they only saw their black displays. Attempts to get into their system over other laptops or mobile phones only had the outcome that these objects were later black too. In between the attack there suddenly appeared the word 'Pathetic' over their screens and after it was over the sentence 'Thanks for the Thrill, Gentlemen'. That provoking act alone makes everyone try their hardest to find the Hacker now. Later there was published that there were several information stolen from the Pentagon's Archive that hold important, for us unknown material in it. Any cases of using this information for Blackmailing wasn't published yet.

While the IT-Specialists at the Pentagon were busy trying to gain control or information, the policemen where met with 2-3 of the Joker's men at a few banks where they got several bags full with money. But even if it were just so few, none of them could be captured or killed because the radios and cars of the police suddenly were going wild. Several Car-alarms were suddenly going off, lights where going crazy, cars started to drive without any driver. The Police officer all were numbed for several seconds through a high pitched noise that suddenly came through their radios. One car even exploded whole but luckily the officers managed to save themselves. Some policemen where simply locket into a room on the back entrance of the bank as they tried to sneak up from behind while the ones that covered the front where hurt or killed. That means, this hacker not only managed to keep the banks and the Pentagon under control, but successfully managed to block of several specialists, screw with the equipment of the police and later leave no hint of the person's identity. Questions to the police from our reporter if there were more than just one hacker couldn't be answered through the lack of information. The only information that was published about the mysterious hacker was a sign that appeared for about 5 seconds on every available screen. A red devil's heart with a black tail and black horns. The red was 'flowing down' a little from the heart what gave the expression that it was actual blood (please watch picture below). But except this sign the only hint on the identity was that he or she must have a close contact with The Joker what brings up the question: Is the Joker's girlfriend behind these attacks? If so then why only striking now and not before?

If anyone knows the Hacker's sign or has any kind of information to the Hacker's identity then the police asks for everyone to call the station in their town. Every hint that helps with catching the hacker or the Joker and his men will be earned well with around 5.000$

The only thing that is completely sure about the Hacker is that he/she is probably the best Hacker the world has ever seen before. An attack like this, no one ever thought was possible.

I stare a moment onto the screen, my mouth slightly open and my eyes a little widened while I'm barely breathing. I barely read the last sentence because my head already is full of the information I already got while my eyes move over the article over and over, taking in every silent praise and every kind of disbelieve about my skills. As I was hacking I didn't even realize I was doing this much. I only did what I thought was important. That it was this much I never realized through what I'm a little shocked myself. I feel Joker chuckling behind me, his arms around my belly tightening their grip so that my back is pulled flush against his chest and only that movement makes me slowly come out of my trance like starring.

'' Wow... I never realized I've done this much. …Hey I'm the best Hacker of the World! Awesome! '' I say after a time and grin widely, excitement flowing through my body about all the unspoken but somehow existing compliments and praises. I lean back with a wide grin and hear Joker's silent chuckle increasing to a loud, maniac laughter of his. I top a moment in my joy

'' Bist du wahnsinnig!? Du freust dich darüber das du jetzt ein Kopfgeld besitzt?! Weißt du überhaupt wie ernst die Situation ist!? Was wenn du erwischt wirst! '' (Are you completely insane!? You like having a bounty on your head?! Do you even realize how serious this situation is!? What if they find you!) Bonny breaks out with shock and annoyance in her voice but I only laugh at her amused,

'' Bonny du hast es doch selbst gehört, ich hab keine einzige Spur hinterlassen außer meinem Zeichen welches wie du weißt keiner kennt außer euch. Und die Kameras hab ich extra nicht ausgeschaltet. Ich hab alles durchgeplant, da konnte gar nichts schief gehen. Wenn es um so etwas geht kann ich dich voll und ganze beruhigen: Ich weiß genau was ich tue. '' (Bonny you read it yourself, I left not a single hint on me except my sign which, how you know, no one knows about except you. And the Cameras I left active on purpose. I planned everything through, there was no chance it could go wrong. If it comes to things like this I can calm you without lying: I know exactly what I do.) Without really realizing it I feel a sick satisfaction growing in me, making my voice become more serious and more self confident and even arrogant towards the end. I lean my head back and close my eyes with a twisted smirk, crossing my right leg over my left one and crossing my arms slightly. I feel Joker grinning a he buries his face in my neck while his fingers dig painfully into my sides, tightening his grip even more and making me grit my teeth a little.

'' Wir wissen wie gut du bist aber... sei vorsichtig, ok? '' (We know how good you are but... be careful, ok?) I give a small noise of approving and nod my head while forcing myself to concentrate on my 2 friends and not on Joker's hot breathe on my skin. Lily's sudden outburst makes this thankfully a lot easier to me,

'' Oh mein Gott! Das war so verdammt brillant! Weißt du eigentlich wie geil du bist?! Jede verfickte Bank und der Pentagon! Noch cooler gehts ja gar nicht! '' (Oh my god! This was so damn brilliant! Do you even know how awesome you are?! Every fucking Bank in Germany and the Pentagon! This can't be any cooler!)

'' Oh gebt mir die Chance und ich bin sicher ich Krieg noch etwas größeres hin. Aber es war nicht so schwer, Ich musste nur die Kontrolle über das System behalten, andere Leute aus meinem, eigenen System raus halten und sicher gehen alles verläuft gut. - '' (Oh give me the chance and I'm sure I manage something bigger. But it wasn't so hard, I only had to keep the system under control, keep out any people that tried to get access to my own system and make sure that everything goes easy. -) Joker suddenly makes a clicking noise with his tongue right next to my ear, making me wince a little but getting my attention on the same time. I turn my head a little to look at him, his eyes focusing with a dark look on my own,

'' And… give me and, uh, and ma men… orders to get away from the cops. '' Alone with that he makes Lily and Bony gasp and getting even more excited than before what gets me to smile softly, feeling my heart flutter from all the praising I never received before.

'' Du hast befehle erteilt?! '' (You gave orders?!) Bonny asks shocked through what I give the phone in my hand a 'what the fuck' expression,

'' Und niemand wurde getötet? '' (And no one got killed?) Lily's voice is a little teasing, making me laugh with an almost pout.

'' Oh danke für euer vertrauen! Aber nein, außer ein paar Polizisten und ein paar aus der Security, keiner. '' (Gee thank you for the trust! But no, except a few cops and guards, no one.)

'' Ok Ich weiß ich wiederhole mich aber: Du bist ein verdammtes Genie! '' (Okay I know I'm repeating myself but: You area a fucking genius!)

'' Kommst du morgen wieder zur Schule? '' (Do you come to school tomorrow?) Bonny asks now through what I nod a little to myself,

'' Ja, ich wäre heute auch gekommen aber ich wurde... aufgehalten...'' (Yes, I would have come today too but I got... prevented...) I say slowly while my eyes wander to Joker whose face is still in my neck…

'' Muss ich noch was dazu sagen? '' (Do I have to say anything?) Lily asks and I practically hear her lifted eyebrow while Joker laughs into my neck, sending shivers down my spin while I blush a little,

'' Nein musst du nicht! '' (No you don't!)

'' Bis morgen! '' (See you tomorrow!) I hear Lily cheerfully calling before ending the call. I look at the phone a moment, my eye twitching and my shoulder trembling with a dry chuckle. Something tells me they will ask me what exactly 'prevented' me from coming tomorrow and they only hold back now because they know Joker hears them...

'' Ah! '' I scream as I feel an unexpected pain going through my body, coming from my neck. I grab a onto the next object I can get a hold of, which is Joker's upper leg, and dig my nails into it while arching my back as I feel Joker's teeth literally sinking into the flesh of my neck. One of his hands comes up to my throat, pressing a little and chocking some air out of me while the other hand tightens its grip on me, making sure I stay in place until it's deep enough for him and I'm sure it'll leave a mark for a long time, if not even a scar. I shut my eyes close tightly and press my jaw together as I feel him flicking his tongue over the mark, licking off the blood that flows out of it. His hand slowly eases its grip on my throat what makes me take a few deep breathes, my grip on his leg loosening a little.

'' A-as much as I -ngh!- would enjoy staying here... I need to get home...'' I try to struggle free from him but his grip on my waist only tightens on that, pulling me closer as I feel him growling against my neck, sending tremors through my back,

'' No ya don't. ''

'' If I don't go she'll find out I wasn't in school. ''

'' So? ''

'' If she finds that out I get house arrest and am no longer able to come back here. '' He groans and releases me a little only to change the angle and flip me over so that I now face him,

'' How bout I cut 'er into lil- ''

'' No. '' He looks at me with a stubborn pout but sighs after some time and kisses me,

'' Get outa 'ere before I change ma mind. '' I roll my eyes at his commanding voice but slide off his lap to grab a few normal cloths and get dressed in the bathroom. I would change in the main room too but... I don't trust Joker when it comes to 'turning around and not peeking'. I mean, I still remember how this ended the last time I told him to not turn back to me until I tell him to and to not peek. I mean, gee I was 14, a virgin and fucking shy when it comes to this! Good... I'm still a virgin and I'm just one year older but... damn that was mean! This will follow me my whole life. Nah probably not... As soon as I'm dressed in a simply pair of black hot-pants, a large size green shirt I got from Joker and my shoes I get out of the bathroom, fiddling around with my hair a little to get it back to usual punk-messy and not sleep-messy. With a 'bye' at Joker I hurry out of the room as I see him looking at me like 'go or you stay' and go to the others,

'' See you later! ''

'' Yer going already sweetheart? ''

'' Who's cooking us dinner now? '' I glare at Anthony and cross my arms,

'' For the last time: I am not the cook of this house! I'm sure you manage frying some eggs or cooking some noodles. If not... then you will have to starve, not my problem. ''

'' Ouch. Why so mean? Boss teased you? '' With a sigh I shake my head, looking back up at Liam,

'' Not him, well not completely. Bonny and Lily called. ''

'' Uh, cause the article? -Hey, congrats bout that! '' Logan walks up to me, holding his hand up for a high five which slap into giggling. The others suddenly come up and do the same, just Steve ruffles through my hair what makes me glare at him,

'' Now yer famous too sweetheart- ''

'' I just got it to look good! ''

'' Oooo dude, never touch a girl's hair. '' Anthony says with a smirk. I first want to say something but instead I simply huff and turn,

'' Bye. '' It takes me about 40 minutes to get home because I had to take a bus later through I missed one. I already was at the door but the stupid driver just wouldn't open for me! I memorized the face though so next time I see the guy I can thank him by throwing something at his head. I don't want to hurt him, maybe I just splash him with water. As soon as I arrive at home I change back in my sleeping cloths and cover the mark on my neck with makeup before my mother sees it. She wouldn't freak about the mark but she would maybe find out I skipped school through it's very much visible that it's fresh.

- 7 Days later -

Walking up and down I over and over try to call Joker from the spot where Lily, Bonny and I always spend our break. It's basically surrounded from high grass and pipes that carry the water for our school but no one really passes this way and it's only like 2 minutes away from our school so it's easy to go there. Right after the first lesson, which sadly goes 2 hours, I went straight here. The whole period I couldn't concentrate on the lesson or anything around me, I am worried sick by now. Normally Joker is a stalker and we at least text once every day but now I haven't heard from him in 5 days. I tried to call him a few times but as I got no answer I already realized that there must be something wrong. Still, I tried to play it down and tell myself that he probably only managed to break his phone but as I tried to called Steve and his phone was switched off too the worry grew. After I repeated this on every one of the guys and found every phone switched off I finally gave in to the worry... Now all I'm trying to do is forcing down the panic. Currently I stop in my walking to throw a stone against the brick wall that stabilizes the pipes. Bonny and Lily both sit on one of those things and wince as they hear it impacting and me giving a frustrated scream. With a murmured 'fuck' I once more dial Joker's number,

'' Geht er immer noch nicht dran? '' (He still isn't answering?) I hear Lily asking on what I make a sharp turn on my heels to glare at her,

'' Sieht es verdammt nochmal so aus?! '' (Does it fucking look like it?!) My voice is a blaming bark but instead of taking this any insulting, she titles her head at me but keeps quiet. Realizing that it's not her fault that Joker isn't answering I lower my glance onto the ground before sighing and simply sliding down, sitting on the dirty ground but right now I could care less. I bury my face in my hands and pull at my hair slightly. I know he can't be angry at me, he is far too childish to ignore me then. If he really would be pissed at me he would let me know in some overly dramatic way. But ignoring me? There are a lot of reasons why Joker wouldn't ignore me.

'' Ich war am Haus diesen Samstag... weil ja weder er noch einer der anderen ans Handy gegangen ist... Die Tür war verschlossen aber ich bin relative schnell rein gekommen. Es sah eigentlich alles aus wie immer... abgesehen von der Tatsache das keiner da war. Die Klamotten waren alle noch da und... ich hab ein mieses Gefühl...'' (I was at the house last Saturday... because neither Joker nor any of the guys answered their phones... The door was locked but it didn't take me long to get in there. Basically everything looked the same like it did a week ago... except from the fact that no one was there. The clothing and everything still was there but... I got a bad feeling...) I see Lily and Bonny exchanging a look but they both keep silent for a long time so that I simply flip open my phone again and try to call him once more before we have to go back,

'' The subscriber you have called is currently not available, please try again later…'' I hang up again and close my eyes to keep my control. I don't know if I should cry or if I should scream right now. Both seems to be a good conclusion but I'm still in school. Everyone can see me here. With a sigh I push myself up and turn to Lily and Bonny with a fake smile and a cheerful voice,

'' Wir sollten zurück, die Pause ist schon seit 5 Minuten um. Ich bin sicher er meldet sich bald, ich meine, er ist nun mal seltsam. Ich bin sicher es gibt eine gute Erklärung dafür. '' (We should go back, break's over for 5 minutes already. I'm sure he's calling soon, I mean, he is strange after all. I'm sure that there is a good explanation for this.) They both nod but I see that they don't buy my good mood. Still, ignoring any worried glance of them I go with fast steps straight to our class room where I simply break down on the chair, placing my head on the table to sleep a little. That intention gets harshly interrupted though, as one of my classmates suddenly announces loudly that there is a free period now because a teacher got sick and they can't find a replacement. Before I can sleep though, another guy now asks for our attention by whistling loudly and most of all very high pitched so that I have to cover my ears. I look at him and see him starring at his phone with wide eyes but a cruel grin on his lips,

'' Hey! Passt mal auf! Ihr glaubt nicht was die Nachrichten sagen!: ''

' At Friday night, 2:34 am, the fire fighters got a call in that the major's hall in Hamburg was blown up and the fire would take over other buildings quickly. They of course deleted the flames and searched in the ruins for remaining bodies and what they found made their breaths stop! Inside the ruins there were found 12 corpses: The only female one was the body from the secretary of the major and the other 11 bodies were no one else but the burned bodies of The Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime from Gotham City, and his goons. The autopsy already happened right away and there is no doubt that it were indeed the Joker and his henchmen.

Germany, and the whole world too, is finally able to breathe out again and continue their lives in peace: The Joker is dead! '

Suddenly everything around me stops moving. Like the time stopped and in slow mode I feel the floor crumble underneath my feet. I feel my whole body dropping into an endless black hole that seems to take away every bit of feeling for time from me. My whole body suddenly feels cold and my eyes get blank as I grab like in trance for my phone and call Joker's number with a blank mind, no thoughts crossing my mind, no emotions, just emptyness. Like everything I ever cared for was taken from my just with this small article...

'' The subscriber you have called is currently not available, please try again later…'' Silently I put my phone back into my pocket and rise to my feet, abruptly feeling a strong buzz on my head and all the blood rushing out of my legs. It's like I suddenly got sick with high fever… Everything in front of my eye gets fuzzy. I barely notice the others now all calling up the article and arguing about it...

'' Gut das der tot ist! '' (Good that he's dead!)

'' Ja, das Arschloch hat es nicht anders verdient! '' (Yeah that asshole deserved it!)

'' Hey er hatte doch eine Freundin oder? '' (Hey he had a girlfriend right?) One of the girls asks now, seeming quit worried,

'' Ja was ist mit ihr passiert? Sie muss doch traurig sein...'' (Yeah what happened to her? She must be sad...) I could vomit as I hear the pity in her voice but for that I must be able to make any movements and it would mean staying even longer here. Right now my only intention is to get out of here before something happens I would regret later. I need to get out of here and into the isolation of my room. Joker can't be dead... he has to be alive I mean... he's the Joker! He wouldn't do such a bad mistake would he?

'' Obviously he would. '' I look up and see a dark figure starring at me, a wide grin on his its face and shining red eyes. Daemon. I thought he would've left me, since the hacking I haven't seen him. I'm glad he's back... He's the only company I could stand right now. This hallucination I made up as a lonely and scared child...

Help me...

'' Traurig? Der Kerl war ein Freak! Ich bin sicher die hat den nur verarscht! Die wollte wahrscheinlich nur die Kohle und hat ihn dann hoch gejagt! '' (Sad? That guy was a freak! I'm sure she just screwed with him! She surely just wanted the money and blew him then up!) I stop in the door and slowly turn to glance at the guy that just dared to say this. I feel the sudden urge in me to beat him to a bleeding pulp, screaming at him that I would never do that, that he has no fuckin clue what he's talking about and that he will regret it if he ever dares to say something like this again. But I can't. I can't jump at him and scream at him, I can't get myself to become angry or emotional just now. I turn back to the cold hallway and stumble along it towards the exit. I need to get away.

'' Aber was wenn sie nicht nur hinter dem Geld her war! Sie muss sehr traurig sein...'' (But what when she wasn't after money! She must be really sad…)

'' Ha! Vielleicht hat sie sich ja erschossen nachdem sie es raus gefunden hat! Die Schlampe hätte es verdient! '' (Ha! Maybe she shot herself after she found out about it! The bitch would deserve it!) I think that's the point where I suddenly feel a thick pressure on my ears, keeping me from hearing anything. I slowly stumble down the stairs that are on the front entrance and walk towards the bus stop but I get stopped as I suddenly impact with something. I look up a little but I don't recognize the face of the person, it's all a blur.

'' Angeline? Was tust du hier? Hast du keinen- Was hast du- '' (What are you doing here? Don't you have- What's wrong-) I simply walk past the person, ignoring the distorted voices behind me, ignoring the sudden coldness the rain brings that came up without me noticing. How much more fucking bad can it become now? Joker died, I am the one getting blamed, it's raining out of buckets, I'm wet to the bones and I have zero knowing where I am right now. I've lost every sense of room or time. I don't know where I am and I don't know where I have to go to get home. ...Where is my home? Suddenly my legs refuse to work and I crash down onto the ground, the water splashing a little around me while I feel a small sting going through my knees. I probably hurt them but I couldn't care less now. I feel like I'm dead... I want to cry, I want to toss and turn, scream in agony and in sadness but I can't. I don't even react as I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder, whoever this is I don't care. I don't care for anything anymore. I just keep on starring on the ground beneath me but at the same time I'm not even looking at it.

'' Angeline? Komm schon sag was... bitte sieh mich an... Bonny sie reagiert nicht. '' (Come on say something... please look at me... Bonny she's not reacting.) It's like I'm in a dream, the voices are strangely distorted and only seem to confuse me. I hear what they're saying but I can't understand it, my mind isn't able to wrap itself around the words. Now another pair of hands grabs my shoulders, shaking me softly,

'' Wir bringen dich nach Hause. Hast du gehört? Wir bringen dich jetzt von hier weg und nach hause. '' (We get you home now. You heard me? We get you away from here and home.) I don't even feel them picking me up from the ground and getting me away from wherever I am. The only thing I feel next is my bed beneath me. I don't hear them saying that I should tell them if I need their help and I don't hear them saying their goodbyes. I don't even know what my mother said to me, if she talked to me at all, I don't hear her leaving the apartment to get out with the dogs. I only start to notice my surroundings a little more as I get a small tingle of control back through I'm completely alone, secure and safe in my room with no one else around me. Isolated from the outside world with no one there that could judge me, harm me or hurt me. I slowly rise from my bed in order to get to my window where I let the curtains down, granting myself the pleasure of complete darkness. After that I stumble to my door and make sure to shove a few things in front of it before turning around to face my room. Looking at the bed I see Joker lying there, looking at me and laughing cruelly as if he's amused with my sadness. I stretch my fingers out at the picture but with my first step towards it, he's gone again. My hand falls down and simply remains next to my body, my eyes narrowed in sadness and the feeling of not understanding anything. My lips slightly open I try to take another step but suddenly everything my mind held back crashes down on me. Sadness. Grief. Anger. Hate. Self-loath. Fear. Pain. Pain. Agony. Panic. With a loud, high pitched scream I break down and hit the floor with my fists before grabbing my hair to pull at it until I feel some of it ripping out completely, leaving bleeding marks on my head. Finally able to voice my feelings I simply scream at the top of my lungs until I feel my throat hurting badly. I just want to scream so long until all the heavy feeling is lifted off my heart. I want to feel light again but right now I feel like I'm being pressed down by multiple large rocks. I want... I want..-

Suddenly stopping in my screaming I simply sit on the floor motionless for several minutes until crawling to my wardrobe and grabbing my box. I haven't touched it anymore since Joker told me to stop, I even took less to none pills. But now? Joker's gone, there's no reason to stay clean any longer. I need to feel something. I need to feel that I'm still alive. I need to be alive. With trembling hands I first grab the bottle with my pills and swallow 5 of them, normally I take 2 the day. I almost instantly feel them kicking in, fogging my head and sending soft shivers down my spin. With a groan I slam my fist against the wooden fabric of my wardrobe and grab then a cigaret, a joint and a lighter out of it before sitting down on the windowsill. First I lighten the joint, knowing that the effect will be stronger if I do so. And I need a really strong effect now or I start with something else...

'' What are you doing?! '' I ask rather shocked as Joker suddenly grabs one of my cigarets and puts it between his lips,

'' If yer destroyin' yer lungs I don't see why I shouldn't start it again too. '' I eye him a moment skeptical before shaking my head,

'' This isn't working with me Joker. ''

'' What'cha mean? ''

'' This trick. I won't stop just to keep you from it. ''

'' I got no idea what yer talkin' bout. Now hand me that. '' He points besides me where my black Zippo lies, I got it over a friend, it's actually my favorite. It has a Anarchy sign printed on it with the word right beneath it. Both in blood red with a black background. I look at it a moment before shaking my head, taking the small thing in my hand to keep him from reaching it,

'' No. '' With a snort Joker simply grabs the lighter out of my hand and lightening the cigaret, taking a deep puff. I watch him out of the corner of my eyes but stay silent. I see him shudder a moment,

'' Gee what's that for crap? ''

'' Bio...? You know... no tests on animals and friendly for the nature. ''

'' Tastin' just like it. ''

'' I didn't ask you to smoke my cigarets! I don't even know why you keep up trying to talk me out of that! It's not your body! ''

'' I'm not talkin' ya outa it. If ya wanna keep up with it be my guest but only if ya keep yer limits and stop with the drugs. '' I stop moving at the sudden serious look in his eyes before faking confusion,

'' I don't do drugs- ''

'' Oh really? What's this then? '' I choke on the smoke of my own cigaret as he suddenly holds up the bag with my joints, my crack and my cocain in it. I never did the last 2 things, until now I only left them inside there for emergencies.

'' You searched my room?! ''

'' No I know where ya hide 'em. ''

'' I only smoke the joints. Really, I never did the other 2 things. I just got them in there. ''

'' Ya know what? I believe ya that one. But I still won't allow ya to take anything else. And I give ya 1 year to get off the smokin''. Ya can keep it up this year but after that I want ya to stop. '

'' Why? '

'' Cause I'll be the one killin' ya. ''

' I'm not dying if I- '

'' Keep yer limits? That's just slowing the process. See, I was pretty much a junkie. I start now and at the end of the year we both stop. How does that sound to ya? '' I simply observe him a long moment, I don't see any kind of lie in his eyes. Maybe he really cares about me doing this... and fuck it I really get a bad conscience right now for allowing him to start again just to help me with that. I'm not an junkie, I really can stop. I once didn't do anything for 3 months because my antidepressants worked really good to that time. With a sigh I flip the cigaret down the roof before grabbing Joker's one out of his mouth and doing the same with his.

'' I hate you. '' With a smirk he suddenly reaches out and grabs me, pulling me down on his lap where I place my hands on his shoulders and my head on his chest. I feel how he wraps his arms around me and pulls me a little closer,

'' No ya don't. ''

I feel the smoke rushing through my lungs, the long time being clean causing the effect to become even stronger. Joker isn't here anymore, he can't give me a bad conscience about anything I do. Not caring for the sudden urge to vomit as I take one deep puff after the other I simply keep on looking blankly at the wall. One joint and another cigaret later I feel worse than before through they really gave me back some feelings. And that only shows me how pathetic I feel, how sad, angry and in how much agony I am. Agony... But tiredness too. I feel dead tired all of the sudden. Carefully I get off the windowsill and close the window before making my way to my bed but I break down as soon as my feet touch the carpet on my floor. Not feeling the strength to get back up I simply curl to a small ball and close my eyes. This has to be all just a misunderstanding...

I wake back up with a groan and the sudden feeling of nausea but thankfully that lowers down again after just a few seconds. Still, the buzzing feeling on my head, the pressure on my ears and the feeling of needing to curl up and not move again remains in me. With a look at the clock I bite my lip, pressing some air out of my mouth. It's just 4:56 am. Now the question is, did I sleep so long or was I sitting around for multiple hours before? I lost every feeling of time. I bury my face in my hands and curl up. I never was this weak, I never showed this much weakness no matter what happened before to me. I never felt this weak and helpless in my life. How can the death of one person take me down this much? How did Joker manage to worm his way so deep into my mind that I have the feeling that with his death, my whole self died? I didn't love him, I couldn't be loving him. I'm not old enough to be able to really feel love for someone. This merely was a crush, a liking, a obsession even. But not love. So why...? Why can't I stop with mourning and simply return back to life?

'' ...Why...'' Slowly I lift from the floor in the attempt to grant my aching stomach some dry bread but alone on the though of food my insides turn and instead of getting to the kitchen I hurry to the bathroom that luckily is close to my room and lean over the toilet. I cough up something like a water-similar substance but even for that I feel to weak so that I simply press my forehead onto the cold material of the toilet.

'' Angie... alles ok...? '' (Are you alright...?) I breathe out heavily on the silent voice of my mother in the door frame but I don't look at her. Instead I simply push myself back to my feet and walk past her, barely murmuring a 'I'm fine' over my shoulder before disappearing back in my room. I stay a little while in front of my door and look into my room, taking in the open pill bottle at some point makes me fall to my knees and crawl over to it. With shaky hands I take about 4 and look then around to find 3 more bottles hidden in my wardrobe. In every bottle there are 90 pills. That gives me some storage for at least a few weeks. I hear my rats moving in their cage but I only look at them for a few seconds before I get up carefully and lie down on my bed. The pills should keep me from showing emotions, they should kill them! Instead I only suddenly feel the strong urge to cry... Thick tears welling up in my eyes and soon spilling over. I feel something moving over me, a light breathe of air against my whole body but I ignore it. I don't want to talk to Daemon, over the years he became far too insulting for me. I don't know if he does that because he really hates me this much or if he wants to maybe help me in his own way. Probably more likely the 1st thing. My mother isn't showing up over the whole time I lie crying on my bed for what I am grateful, I don't want anyone to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see how much it takes me down that I lost him. I don't want to be asked questions and I don't want to talk about my feelings with anyone... I just want to be left alone until the pills take effect. As soon as they do I will be fine again. I will be laughing and joking again. I will be able to continue my life like Joker never existed. Maybe I even can forget about him completely when they-

'' No... You won't be able to forget this sweetie... but you need to live with it. '' I look up a little to see Daemon looking at me, his head titled and a expression on his face that I can't identify. I shake my head and take a deep breathe,

'' It hurts... It hurts so much... I don't want this...'' I scrunch my face up with a pained expression as more tears escape my eyes and I claw into the blanket. I have an idea how I could find help but that would get me back into something Joker really worked hard with me to get out of...

'' Keep your control. Do something but don't lose control over... you know what...''

'' I-I need... I need something... to keep my mind off that... I need...'' I look around in my room, trying to find a possible solution that will take my mind off Joker. Off the Self harm. Something that could maybe at least a tiny little bit get my mind off the pain and the emptyness. As my eyes meet my stereo I get up from the bed and tumble over to it to simply listen to the radio a little. Maybe hearing the voices of other people will calm me a little, after all they can't see me. And music always was good in my depressive phases that came, before I met Joker, every month at least once. Sine Joker I think I only had one other. This even more shows me just how dependent I was from him. And I swore myself never to get dependent on someone, especially not a man. Maybe it's good that he died. Maybe it should be this way, it's hurting now but it'll get better and I eventually will be able to forget it. I look up as I suddenly hear a song that I didn't want to hear... Not now...

'' I can hold my breathe, I can bite my tongue... I can stay awake for days if that's what you want. Be your number one. I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh... I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask. Give you all I am. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. But I'm only human... and I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human, and I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knifes in my heart. You built me up when the and then I fall apart cause I'm only human. I can turn it on. Be a good machine... I can hold the weight of words if that's what you need. Be your everything...''

I look at the radio for a long time and start then laughing silently, not even amused but just a mix of feeling my last bit of sanity leaving me and irony. I could be everything Joker wants me to be. I would've changed my whole self for him if it would have made him happy and alone the knowing of that makes my silent laughter change into loud laughing until I lean against the wall, my arms pressed onto my belly and tears streaming down my face. At some point I move my hand up to cover my mouth, stopping myself to release the sobs that changed from the laughter now...

'' I can take so much until I've had enough... Cause I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human and I crash and I break down your words in my head, knifes in my heart, you built me up and then I fall apart. Cause I'm I only human... ''

With a small grunt I switch the radio off. I could've taken so much. I would endure the beating if it makes him happy, I stopped smoking, I didn't take any more drugs I even stopped with hurting myself to make him happy. I changed so much into the better through a man that is printed off as a maniac without the ability to feel for anyone else than himself. ...was printed off... But I knew better. I knew that he never liked hitting me, I know that he forced to gain control back with every impact his fist or his knee had with my body. And I know how much he hated himself every time he saw a mark on my body that he caused. He is brutal, insane and lives to see others in pain. But... he can be caring and gentle if you take yourself the time to learn to know him. He's not gentle with soft touches but his behavior is gentle. I see how he tries to be caring and how much it takes him sometimes to not kill me. Every time I pushed his buttons on purpose I knew that he will hurt me but I knew that he would never kill me. I knew that... he cared for me... He did so many things to help me without really showing off that I lost count. I mean, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have been clean of everything so long, if it weren't for him I would be even more depressive and if it weren't for him I probably wouldn't have known what it feels like to be somewhat free. I know so many reasons to be happy that I was allowed to learn to know him but... I can't focus on that. I only can focus on the fact that I will never see him again. And that hurts.

'' Please d-... please... don't be dead...'' Right now I would do everything if he would come back for that. I would do everything if that lets me turn time back to the day he kidnapped my class. If I had the chance to do that I would have stayed at home, I wouldn't allow this to happen between us again.

'' Angeline? '' I stop dead in my tracks as I suddenly hear my door open and Lily and Bonny getting in. By now I sit on my bed again and face the wall what makes it impossible for them to see my face. That's good. I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Why are they even here? I want to be left alone, how hard to understand can this be?! I hear the door silently falling close again but I still feel their eyes on me, they're still here. They look at me. I don't want them to be here. I shut my eyes close and stop breathing, silently hoping they would just leave me alone.

'' Sag was Angeline... bitte...'' (Say something Angeline... please...) I turn my head away as they approach the bed but instead of siting down they remain standing behind me. I feel the worry they feel, I can feel it burning through my skin. I hear Bonny sigh before she slowly lowers to the mattress, placing a hand on my shoulder. I would love to bite off that hand just now. I want to hurt someone, I want everyone to feel the same I do. I feel the emptyness remaining but now another emotion takes place in me. Hate. I hate everything around me, I hate Lily and Bonny, I hate my mother, I hate my class mates, I hate my so called 'family', I hate the bus driver than didn't let me in, I hate the happy people I saw on the street and I hate myself. I most of all hate myself for being stupid enough to once more let someone into my heart. I knew this would end sooner or later bad for me and I still was stupid enough to simply let him in.

'' Ich verstehe wie du dich jetzt fühlst aber... glaub mir es wird besser... Gib dem hier nur ein wenig Zeit...'' (I understand how you feel but... believe me it'll get better... Just give it time...) I give a dry, hollow laugh and slide my fingers through my hair, taking a deep breathe to calm my from hate trembling body. I need to keep control, I don't want to hurt them. -Yes I want to but I would regret it later.

'' Glaub mir, ihr habt keine Ahnung wie ich mich fühle. '' (Believe me, you have no idea what I'm feeling.)

'' Traurig- '' (Sad-)

'' Nein. Ich bin ok. Es ist alles ok. '' (No. I'm ok. Everything is ok.)

'' Erzähl keinen Mist... ich kenne dich besser, du bist- '' (Don't lie to me... I know you better than that, you are-)

'' Sei ruhig. Tu mir einen gefallen und haut ab! Beide! Ich will euch hier nicht! '' (Shut up. Do me favor and leave me alone! Both of you! I don't want to see you here!)

'' Du brauchst- '' (You need-)

'' Ich brauche niemanden! Vor allem nicht euch! Ich will einfach in ruhe gelassen werden! Verpisst euch! Lasst mich allein...'' (I don't need anyone! Most of all not you! I just want to be left alone! Piss off! Leave me alone...) On that there's silence in the room, none of them moving and I know I hurt them. But I can't get myself to regret it, not now. I want to be left alone. I want to be left in piece... I just want them to leave before I hurt them. I don't want to hurt them.

'' Angeline...- ''

'' LASST MICH IN RUHE! '' (LEAVE ME ALONE!) I slap the hand on my shoulder away and turn towards them, my hands clenched to fists but before I give myself the chance to hurt them I get off the bed and move to my window, leaning on the windowsill, hanging my head. I hear them both slowly gliding off the bed and getting out of the door, Lily remaining in it a moment,

'' Wenn du doch was brachst... du weißt wir sind für dich da...'' (If you need something... you know we're there for you...) Clenching my jaw I walk over to her in a few large steps, push her out and shut the door close, leaning my head against it. Slowly I slide down it, my forehead keeping pressed against it while I sit on my knees. Through the pressing silence in my room I hear Lily, Bonny and my mother faintly talking in the living room. I hear my mother asking how I am and Lily answering her that I am not good. That I miss Melvin White and that I need help but not theirs and that it maybe is for the best to let me heal alone until I come to them. I hear my mother agreeing and telling them that she will tell my teacher I will not be coming to school for some time. I never thought my mother would be so supportive with this, maybe she found out about the depression and actually took herself some time to figure out what to do best. -No. That's more likely not the reason. I more likely think that she by now is just used to leave me alone when I tell her to while my depressive phases. As I hear both of them leaving and my mother following shortly after with the dogs I get up once more to go to my window and open the hangings just the tiniest bit, allowing myself to see the people running around on the street. I can't help but feel disgusted. All of them feeling their pretty little life, all of them so happy without ever doing something that makes them deserve this. None of them seem to be very caring let alone pay attention to how broken the world is. None of them cares for that, they all just focus on living a happy life. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong, maybe I should just care about myself too... I watch a few happy couples walking hand in hand along the street, talking and laughing. I narrow my eyes and lift my hand to smack it against the wall. Over and over I hear the impact but don't really feel it. It's like the pain was meant for someone else and I just notice it. I don't know for how long I keep on hitting the wall but at some point I stop as I see blood flowing down my split open knuckles and the wall, my fist red and aching when I open and close my hand. With a sudden urge to throw something hard down there and hit someone on the head I close the hanging again and move to my bed to grab my laptop, searching for any hint that tells me Joker survived. He can't be dead, I mean, he's The Joker. He wouldn't die in an explosion. He wouldn't make such a mistake and he wouldn't let anyone knock him out in there. He wouldn't. There is no way he's dead. I'm sure he just pretends to be dead because he got enough of me. I'm sure there already is a article up that tells me that The Joker has been seen in Gotham City. That he blew up something there, killed someone, fought with the Batman. Anything. Just something that tells me he's alive. I just need a small hint. Something... anything... But all I find are articles about his death. About how happy everyone is that the 'Freak' is finally dead. They're all happy that Joker died. And nowhere is any small hint on him being alive.

With a small, dry chuckle I slide my fingers through my hair, my whole body trembling but I don't have any more tears left. I can't cry anymore through I can't eat or drink I feel so weak... At some point I simply curl up again... Maybe I can sleep for the rest of my life... But even sleep isn't helping, instead I soon find myself dreaming up a world I never wanted to see...

I find myself suddenly standing next to Joker, watching him beating up the defenseless secretary of the Major from Berlin but it's like I'm not there, it's like a 3rd person sight. I see myself watching emotionless how he keeps cutting off her ear as she refuses to listen to him properly, slicing open her arm, stabbing out one eye, cutting off her fingers... I see myself and him looking at the screaming woman but it's like I have no influence on the happenings. Joker suddenly leans down to me and his hand grabbing my chin to pull my face to his,

'' Ya like it? This is ma gift for ya, I can do this with every persona ya want. '' I smirk at him and I gasp as I see the lips of myself, I know myself well enough to know this grin isn't good, it's bad and dangerous. The last time I grinned like this I almost killed someone.

'' I want to kill her. '' My eyes widen as Joker hands me the gun with a loud, crazy laugh. I see my dream-self smirking cruelly and slowly pulling the trigger, this isn't good. This isn't what I would do- I never could do this, I never could kill someone. Joker said it himself, I wouldn't kill if it weren't important. Why should I do this now? I wince at the bang and look with wide eyes how the woman stops in her screaming and simply dies with her eyes wide open. I watch myself looking at her a moment before turning to Joker. I scream as I see my dream self suddenly turning to point the gun at Joker, a detonator in her, my, her hand. This can't be me, I wouldn't... I mean I couldn't do this. What the fuck is going on?! What am I doing?!

'' Funny change in events isn't it? '' Joker looks confused at me and I think he slowly realizes that something is off with me because he seems now cautious.

'' Angel? What'cha doin'? ''

'' You wanted me to become like this didn't you...? This... coldblooded murderer that gives up on sanity completely. ''

'' What? No I told ya 'm fine with- ''

'' But you see, something is amiss here, something isn't quit fine yet. I got money and the guts to kill but you... I don't see any reason to be with you any longer. '' Joker's eyes narrow and I hear him growling but lifting his hands then,

'' Angel, give me the gun- ''

'' YOU! Wanted this! ''

'' Put the fucking gun down! ''

'' Good-Bye, Joker '' I watch Joker's eyes widen as I-she pulls the trigger and shoots Joker right through the head. I see him falling back with his eyes still wide open but now hollow and almost black... Instantly a pool of blood comes up around him. Where are the others?! Why aren't they stopping me! I watch how my dream-self suddenly grins, and gets to the back entrance where Steve looks at her,

'' Where's the Boss? '' Without answering she shoots him too and grabs then the bag out of his dead hand. I hear Mason screaming inside for the others to come because he found Joker but in that moment she walks out and presses the detonator so that the building behind her explodes... Killing everyone else inside...

'' NO! '' With a scream I rush up in my bed and look with wide eyes at the ceiling, my fingers cramping into the sheets and my body covered in sweat... A dream... this was a dream... There must be blood on my body if- With a look at my hands I start trembling... they're covered in blood that is already dried. This can't be. I look next to me and stumble backwards off the bed with a halfway broken scream as I see Joker's dead body next to me a moment... I close my eyes and shake my head,

'' Just a dream... Nothing here is real...'' I take a deep breathe and grab a pencil and a piece of paper where I draw a clock onto it,

'' My name is Angeline Ebbing, I'm 15 years old. Constantly I am in my room in Essen and it's 3:13am... I'm to this time 2 weeks without my daily dose on pills...'' I learned this online, if you're schizophrenic and you lose orientation and the power to say what's real and what's not real you should draw a clock with the right time and count a few things about yourself to assure your own mind a little. The side-effect on not taking the pills now of course comes down onto me on full line.

'' Hallucinations... nothing else...'' I slide my fingers through my hair and lean against the leg of my desk, pulling my knees up to my chest... This is the part that I hate the most about the schizophrenia, no matter how deep the depression pulls you and takes any kind of emotion except sadness, this shit always manages to mix a good portion on panic into the whole thing. I'm tired... Maybe now the worst part is over. I lie down on my carpet again and curl up but instead of falling asleep I simply find myself lying around. I hear noises around me, cracking, breathing, screaming. This is all just a hallucination. Nothing of this is real.

5 days later I find myself in the same condition I was in as I hear Joker died. Lily and Bonny came to me every day and tried to talk to me but I simply ignored them and starred blankly at the carpet I lie on, at the single fluffy strings and how the color looks in the darkness. I wasn't in school these 5 days, I didn't move much at all. Only a few times to my wardrobe to get my pills and at some point back onto my carpet. Lily and Bonny told my mum it's the best to leave me alone until I've calmed down. I don't even know what my mum thinks happened but she isn't showing up except once the day to look if I'm still alive. That's one thing I always loved at her, she leaves me in piece if she knows this is the best way to help me. She's the best mum anyone can ask for and that makes me almost sad because I hurt her with my behavior. I don't want to hurt her I just can't do anything against this misery. I forced down a few gulps of water and some cornflakes that I got while my mum was gone but in these 5 days I barely managed to eat. It seems that everything that fills my stomach I have to puke out right away. Right now I lie under my desk, my head on a large book and my fingers pulling at my hair. Until now I've managed to keep control and not hurt myself but I feel that control fading slowly. I look at my wardrobe and swallow a few Valium I still had hidden and some pills that normally should lower your blood-pressure. They normally are deadly if you take more than 4 of them and you don't need them so I take 3. The good thing is, they numb your head and you get either terribly sick or tired. To my luck I feel the tiredness kicking in after a few minutes so that I simply fall asleep in front of my wardrobe with the pills still sprawled out in front of me...

I shut my eyes close as I see Joker once more repeating the same thing to the woman that's tied once more to the chair and screams on the top of her lungs. I don't want to see this again... I don't want to see myself killing Joker again. I saw me killing him every time I fell asleep by now, I don't want to repeat this again. Please I want to wake up! This time I suddenly realize that I have a body, I'm not only able to see but I can actually move! I look at my hands a moment before slowly looking back at Joker and to my great release I don't see myself next to him again.

'' Ya shouldn't have done that ya know. '' I narrow my eyes confused, what did she do? I look around and soon spot the guys all lying dead on the ground, a few guards next to them.

'' No... Steve!? Mason?! '' I run up to the 2 men in the attempt to shake them but I can't touch them. My fingers simply slide through them. I get up and hurry to Anthony and Liam who lie a little farther away, they must have split up to get a better chance.

'' Liam? Anthony? Wake up! Come on you can't be dead! ''

'' I-I'm s-so-sorry... '' I turn back to Joker to see him chuckling and shaking his head. Only now I see the bleeding wound on his shoulder, he got hit too.

'' No yer not but ya gonna be. '' He grabs a hunting knife out of his pocket and holds it up to her face,

'' This may sting a bit. '' My eyes widen as I see him cutting off her whole face, peering it off and throwing the remaining away. My head suddenly starts aching as I see the face right in front of me, lying to my feet and looking up at me. The woman screams in agony and cries but through the salty tears the pain only becomes worse. I turn my head from the face with my eyes narrowed in a half disgusted, half scared way but my eyes soon fully open and get wide as I see the dozes of gun power and dynamite lying sprawled out in a corner. Taking a closer look I see a timer that shows Joker has only 2 minutes left to get out and into a safe distance!

'' Joker! Get out! You got only 2 minutes! Please just leave her alone! '' I run up to him and try to grab his arm but I only glide through him too. I scream frustrated and grab my hair to pull at it,

'' GET OUT! '' In the last minute I hear the ticking noise of every second going through the whole room, echoing on the walls. Joker seems furious but at the same time he's almost deadly still, I know he liked Steve, Mason, Anthony and Liam in some way, after all they work for him the longest of course you somehow start to like them then but if he stays in here any longer he dies too!

'' Please! Get out! I know they meant more to you than you like to admit but please! Get out! '' I try to grab anything to throw it at him but it's no use... I can't grab anything. What use does a body have if I'm merely a hologram like picture? I fall to my knees with a high-pitched scream, I don't even realize that this probably is only another dream. For me this is real.

'' Please please please get out... please get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Joker get out! JOKER RUN! '' I hear the last 10 seconds ticking behind me and now Joker finally turns to look with wide eyes at the timer. I see him making a run to the door but at the number 5, just as he's right in front of me, the whole dynamite explodes. Fire and objects hit me but I don't feel it, all I see is how Joker gets hit by the fire, how his body burns and he stops moving completely. No blood, no noise, no look on his face. Everything just burns... At some point I look into my hands as I suddenly feel something in them and gasp as I see a detonator...! -

A sudden hit of nausea wakes me up and makes me hurry into the bathroom where I empty my whole stomach into the toilet. I haven't looked in the mirror until now and to be honest I don't want to change this just now. I slowly rise from the bowl and feel abruptly how the fever-like state comes up again what causes me to stumble. I first want to walk straight into my room but as I hear I'm alone I get into the kitchen to grab a carton with milk before locking myself away again. I simply fall onto my butt in front of my bed and lean my back against the frame. The taste of the vomit isn't even there, I don't taste anything and if do it tastes like blood from what I can't change my mind but to think abruptly it's Joker's. The blood his body shed because I killed him... What if I really did this? What if this wasn't just a dream and I snapped? I mean, I stopped taking the pills 3 full days, the days I was with Joker and right after that and the last time I remember stopping was as I was out on pills. The side effects caused almost a black out and I had hallucinations like never before. What if I really snapped and killed him? There's no proof it wasn't intended yet and I doubt Joker would really accidentally blow himself up. What if I had a black-out and killed him...? There are cases in which people devolve a whole different, mostly very aggressive and cold, character if they have a black out. What if I really killed him...?

I shake my head softly on what it starts buzzing. Slowly I lift the carton with my favorite soya chocolate-milk to my mouth to gulp down a few sips but as I suddenly taste blood in my mouth I spit out a whole lot and throw the carton away. My breathe speeds up and my heart beats painfully in my chest as I see the milk that flows out of the carton looking exactly like blood. I stare at it several minutes with my back pressed against the frame but at some point I slowly close my eyes,

'' A hallucination... this is just a hallucination...'' I slowly crawl to my wardrobe and take a few more pills before I suddenly feel my heart cramping together, causing me to give a husky scream. I curl up on the floor and claw into my own flesh in the attempt to ease the pain but as I slowly lose the ability to breathe I feel panic rising in me,

A-a over dose... this is a overdose...! I need help!

I try to crawl to the door as my mind only tries to get me to someone that could help me but shortly before the door I break down, my body numb and my mind fading into black...

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Robin-Sukino :*