Lucid

Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you to everyone who is leaving reviews/reading/and following! It really is so awesome to see so many people interested in this story.

Regina walked back to her house in a huff. She received a few questioning gazes as she passed through the streets but she paid them no mind. It wasn't any of her concern if people wanted to speculate on what could have made their mayor so frazzled.

After closing her front door behind her, she quickly charged up her stairs. Henry wasn't home. She suspected he was at the playground or with Emma.

Miss. Swan. Her mind hissed as she slammed the door to her bedroom closed. She began pacing around her room. She unbuttoned her blazer and pulled it off of herself, trying to rid herself of another thing weighing her down. She kicked off her shoes and fell onto her bed flat on her back. The mattress bounced with her weight and she stared up at the ceiling like she often found herself doing these days.

She ran a hand through her wind blown hair. She began unbuttoning her white blouse. It wasn't gentle; she practically ripped the buttons out of their stitching. When the shirt was off of her and in her hands she couldn't help but remember when she held her other shirt in her hand- the one Emma had borrowed so long ago. She remembered the way she had caressed the shirt, wishing that Emma had been wearing it in that moment and that she could glide her hands around her taught waist.

Frustration overwhelmed her and she hurled the shirt to the other side of her room. Regina used both hands to cover her face as she felt her body begin to shake.

Regina cursed herself. She hated that this is what her decision has lead to. She hated that Emma Swan had bested her. In her pursuit to forget about the sheriff, she was whom she was thinking most of. When Regina lifted her palms from her eyes they were misted with the tears she had let escape.

Quickly rubbing them away, Regina tried to regain some control of her body as she sat up.

There's only one way to make this stop. Regina's eyes seemed to focus onto something in the distance. They grew darker and deeper as her breathing became shallow. Her hands shook as she clenched her bedding tighter in her fists. I can't see Emma in these dreams anymore.

Regina sat in cold anxiety as she waited for Henry to finish his dinner. Macaroni and Cheese. She could never understand why noodles swimming in cheese were so popular in this world.

She lifted her napkin to her lips. She had gone for a sensible pasta dish that night. Henry was too busy gobbling his food to start a conversation. It was a simple "Hi, Mom." when he came through the door an hour earlier and not much after that. Regina didn't mind though, she knew by the look in Henry's eye that he was growing to like the time they spent together.

"I'm going to be out tonight, again, Henry." Regina said. Henry looked up at her from his bowl.

"Where?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Actually," Regina inhaled deeply. "I need to talk with Miss. Swan." Henry's eyes lit up and a smile engulfed his face.

"Really? What about?" He was incredibly interested in whatever it could be.

Regina set down her fork and smoothed her hands over her deep navy sweater. "I just need to talk to her about some things that have been happening lately."

Henry looked perplexed and Regina began to regret telling him where she was leaving to.

"Sheriff business?" Henry tried. Regina smiled softly at him.

"Something like that." She answered. "Now finish quick if you want to have time for another story from your book."

Henry smiled shyly. "You know, you don't have to read those to me."

"I know," Regina answered. "I like to."

Pulling her coat tightly around her waist, Regina slipped out of her Benz. With confident steps that did not mirror her internally, she walked to the front door of apartment building. Putting her hand to the door handle made it all too real for her. She twisted it and let herself in.

Careful steps and clear clicks lead her up the stairs to Emma's door. The hallway was quiet and Regina could hear her own slightly labored breathing. She felt her heart clench for a moment in her rib cage before she lifted her knuckles up the door.

Three knocks and Regina waited. She heard shuffling from the other side of the door, but no voices. She couldn't decide if this was in her favor or not.

Emma felt as though they had switched roles. This time it was Regina who was standing outside of her door wearing an expression that mixed hesitation and desire. Her eyebrows furrowed, then her heart jolted. She wondered if Regina knew it was eight o'clock.

"Regina?" Emma croaked out as she took in the sight of Regina standing before her. She looked almost raw. Her eyes looked tired, as if they had been crying.

"Miss. Swan, I think we need to talk." Regina was surprised that she didn't stumble over any of the words. She was sure that her voice was going to waver, but it remained smooth and purposeful.

"Okay," Emma nodded with curious eyes before stepping out of the way and letting Regina enter her threshold. She closed the door and turned around. Trying not to notice Regina's neckline in that sweater, Emma pressed on to the kitchen.

"Would you like something to drink? Mary Margaret's out but she just bought some tea. I could-" Emma cut herself off. It was then that realized her legs were shaking just slightly. Regina Mills was feet away from her, watching her under diligent and haunting eyes. She felt a shiver go down her back when Regina took a step closer.

Regina's nerves were on livewire as she moved closer to Emma. She couldn't decide if this was a test for her to pass or purely internal. Either way, she needed to be closer to the blonde standing before her in her white long sleeve and skinny jeans. Another step and Regina could reach out and touch Emma easily. Everything was telling her to stop, that this wouldn't resolve anything, just make it worse. There was barely a foot of distance between them and Emma was looking at her in a way that made her feel as though they weren't really there. As if they were in a dream.

"What did you want to talk about, Regina?" There was no mistaking the shudder in Emma's voice. Regina swallowed the pride that that gave her.

Lifting her hand to Emma's cheek, Regina was shocked that Emma didn't pull away. Both women seemed to be in a trance that neither knew their way out of. Regina's hand was so soft on Emma's skin. Regina's eyes danced around Emma's almost shocked expression.

"I'm so sorry." Regina couldn't believe that those words slipped out of mouth. I didn't come here to apologize, I came here to… Just then, Regina saw that her purpose for coming here was something much different. For the first time in what felt like forever, she began to let herself give in to what she wanted in the moment. Slowly, she moved her thumb to glide over Emma's lower lip. It was soft and plump, the way Regina had always imagined it would be. Feeling it under her own skin sent shocks of desire through her.

Emma closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed to the point that she couldn't even look at the brunette standing only inches away from her now. She began to feel herself aching, needing Regina to touch her. She needed Regina's lips to be where her thumb was. She needed Regina to swallow her whole. It was all too much. Regina, the woman she had been dreaming of for weeks was now caressing her and saying soft words to her. She needed to fall in. She needed to let Regina take everything from her. But she couldn't. She wouldn't- not without her answers.

"Regina," Emma almost whimpered as she stepped back out of Regina's touch. Their eyes locked and for the first time Emma didn't see a challenge in them. "What are you sorry for?" She begged. Regina's face fell and Emma swore that the tears were not far behind.

"I used you." Regina finally said. She felt so defeated. Seeing this woman before her reduced to this pained appearance, made her feel no victory. "I used you for something awful, Emma. And I'm so sorry."

Emma battled within herself. She knew she couldn't attribute whatever was going on to the dreams she's been having, but that didn't stop her from desperately wanting them to be linked.

"What is this about?" Emma challenged, practically pleading for a release from her own internal torture. Regina let her hand fall to her side and she looked down at the floor for a moment. She had reached out and failed. It wasn't the first time.

"You know what this is about." Regina responded solemnly. Without another word, Regina turned around and began making her way to the door. Emma stood there in stunned silence as she watched Regina leave her once again.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to force Regina to come back and invade her space again. She wanted her answers, but she stood there with her feet cemented to the ground.

When Emma heard the door click closed, she slammed her fist against the table in frustration and her eyes begin to sting with fresh tears.

Regina had made it home before she started crying into her steering wheel. She had crossed the line. No. She tore through it. Deep and painfully sobs eradiated from her throat. She was almost worried that a neighbor might hear.

What the hell was that?! She screamed at herself. If Emma finds out then everything, everything, will be gone. Why, why, in that one moment, was I willing to destroy all of it? Just to touch her… Regina shook her head, feeling the tears slide down her cheeks. What hurt more than the realization that she had put her whole plan in danger was the fact that part of her didn't even care. When she raised her hand to rest upon Emma's supple skin Regina knew that it was what she had been waiting for.

Every shared silence while in their dreams, every time Emma had snapped back at her with an adorably witty remark, every time Regina had seen the pure joy in Emma's face- they all lead Regina to where she was now- questioning everything she had worked for. When she had touched Emma's lips with merely her thumb she was reminded of the short but powerful fire that erupted inside of her the time Emma had brushed their lips together in that dream. It was so quick that it Regina didn't think it could be called a kiss. All the same, it made her shiver whenever she thought about it.

After she had whipped the tears from her eyes and steadied her breathing, she got out of her car. Her house was dark and cold. She walked up the stairs and approached Henry's bedroom with quiet interest. The door to his room was wedged open slightly. Regina rested her body against the frame as she carefully pushed the door open just far enough to see her son sleeping.

His small body raised and lowered with each calmed breath. Regina tipped her head to the side and let out a melancholy smile. For some reason, he still felt far away from her. After standing there for a few more moments, she backed up into the hallway and silently closed his door.

She wrung out her hands nervously as she walked to her own bedroom. She knew what she would find in there and she didn't want to face it. She didn't think she could spend another night with Emma. It hurt too much to know that she could do anything and saying anything to her in that world that played by no rules. The freedom scared her. And now, more than ever, Regina knew that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from making the worst mistake. She had almost made it tonight in Emma's apartment. Her heart ached just thinking about the look on Emma's face when she finally touched her. It killed her to know that she had such an intoxicating effect on the other woman. She noticed when Emma so slightly leaned further into her touch. At this point she was dragging her along and for the first time in Regina's life, having that kind of power over someone else wasn't arousing or satisfying- it was heartbreaking.

When Emma went to sleep that night, it was with a heavy conscious and sweaty palms. She knew Regina would be there but even more than that, she knew Regina would know everything that had happened. For the first time, Emma allowed herself to believe her own dream's wanderings. She knew that Regina would be in her dream tonight, but this time, it would be different.

A vast open field. Emma, sitting in her long white dress, picked at the flowers that were growing all around her. Every one she could imagine, literally. She waited patiently for Regina, only glancing up every now and then to see if she had materialized before her. But she didn't appear.

Emma squinted into the lowering sun, forcing herself not to panic. Regina would show. She always did.

When Regina finally did materialize, she arrived in a long blue dress next to a tall weeping willow just a few yards away. Her dress was light and it danced at her ankles to the beat of the breeze. She looked serene in the moments before she saw Emma.

When their eyes met, Emma stood up. Neither took a step forward. They both watched each other, wondering who would be so bold as to make the first move. To both of their surprises, it was Emma.

"So, it's true." Emma said softly. Her hair pounced in the wind around her face. Regina pulled her shoulders back in a desperate attempt to appear strong.

Regina nodded, never losing eye contact with blonde before her. The sun was setting on the field and the fireflies were beginning to appear.

Emma bit her bottom lip, afraid to say anything more.

"I can make it stop." Regina said suddenly. Emma's eyes widened at the proposition. "I can… make this go away." Regina clarified. Emma took two defining steps forward.

"What if I don't want it to?" Emma's voice was shaking again.

"Emma," Regina began, as slowly and gently as she could. Her own voice was beginning to waver and she felt as though her chest might implode. "You're under a curse." She stopped, closed her eyes, and waited for a reaction. When none came, she continued. "Whatever you're feeling, whatever you think this is- it isn't by your own doing."

Emma, taking another step closer, focused her eyes on Regina's. Regina was almost taken aback by the fiery challenge in the younger woman's expression.

"Today, you came to my home. You almost kissed me." Emma responded carefully. "You can't tell me that was I was imagining that."

"You weren't." Regina stated, trying to regain some ground. "But your motives are different than my own."

"And what are your motives, Ms. Mills?" At this point, Emma was in her personal space again. Regina's breath hitched in her chest.

"You know full well by now." Regina responded.

"No, no more of that." Emma demanded. She reached her hand up to cup Regina's face. She pulled her slightly closer until she felt that could see Regina's soul through her dark brown orbs. "I need you to tell me for real. I need you to say how you feel for once!"

"Do you want to know how I feel?!" Regina's voice boomed, causing Emma to step back and pull away her hand. "I'm angry! I'm so angry, Emma, because my only reason for starting this mess has become the one thing I never want to happen."

"And what is that?" Emma asked, trying to pull from Regina what she has been waiting for all of this time.

"You to leave." Regina finally released it. It hung in the air like the fireflies buzzing around and Emma's face showed only a glimpse of confusion.

"You don't want me to go, do you?" Emma couldn't even smirk. She felt too heavy. She needed Regina's face in her hand once more.

"No," Regina's eyes had started to dispel only a few tears. "But this, I can't do this."

"Why?" Emma begged. "Because you're afraid of this? Because you're afraid of your own happiness?"

"Everything that has given me joy has only caused me pain."

Emma looked down, not knowing how to respond.

"And you," Regina's voice was trembling now. "You don't want this anyway."

Returning to her spot right in front of the mayor, Emma took her hand in her own. "Does it look like I don't?"

"Emma, you don't understand." Regina pleaded. "Everything that has happened, I caused it, with… magic."

Emma's eyebrows furrowed with this word. Magic.

"You only feel this way because of the position I put you in. I can't," Regina shook her head. "I can't…"

Regina was shocked when she felt Emma's body push her up against the trunk of the weeping willow behind them. She inhaled a sharp breath when her back hit the bark.

"Magic?" Emma practically squeaked. "You mean… all that Henry has said, it's all true? You really are…" Emma's eyes glided frantically over Regina's pained features.

"Yes," Regina's stare pierced into Emma's, leaving no trace of doubt in her words. "The Evil Queen."