Chapter 10 - Half-Truths and Flashbacks

Everything in here smells damp. Looking down at my hands I see that I still have blood under my nails. My clothes aren't completely dry yet and they feel itchy and uncomfortable against my skin. I gaze around at the seemingly endless white mist that surrounds me. It's like standing in nothingness.

The silvery water that covers the ground laps over my toes. Moments before it was a liquid mirror but now my reflection is missing. I know exactly what I'll see when I look back towards the little island I passed over but I'm not sure that I want to turn around. He'll be standing there in some cocky pose, looking like me only in shades of grey, all except for his blood red eyes.

I eventually work up the nerve to turn and sure enough, there he is, leaning against the dead tree, watching me. It's like looking at some strange distorted version of my past. He looks exactly like me – well how I used to look anyway - apart from the fact that his hair is jet black and his skin is a cold, dead shade of grey. Even his clothing reminds me of times gone by: my old tunic; black, my kokiri boots; black, that hat; black, the Master Sword… black.

"Hello stranger," he grins and his teeth glow white against his grey skin, "Long time, no see,"

I know that he's waiting for me to say something but I can't think of anything. I just woke up here; I don't even know why I came in the first place.

"I can tell you that," he lets out a snort of laughter as I stare at him, "Don't look so surprised. I know what you're thinking even if you don't. You came here because you need a fight that would be a challenge for you. It's been a long time since you actually had to try to win, hasn't it? I'm not sure that you're up to it today. You don't look so good," he looks me up and down and lets his eyes rest on mine, "Didn't you sleep well? Bad dreams?" He flashes me another grin, "I don't know why you let it get to you so much, you didn't even want it anyway…"

"That's not true," I say quietly, narrowing my eyes and taking a step closer to him.

"Yes it is," he leans in close to my ear and whispers, "part of you was even glad that it died,"

"That's not true!" this time I scream the words right in his face, glaring at him with utter hatred.

"You can deny it all you like but I know it's the truth. Maybe it was an unconscious feeling but it was there. You were terrified when she told you that she was pregnant. How were you supposed to be a father when you never had one? It's not like you had a job or anything resembling a normal life…"

He pauses for a moment, enjoying the effect that he knows his words are having. He's right, it's true, I was completely petrified when Malon told me that she was pregnant. But that doesn't mean I wanted it to die. I didn't. She was scared too, but we were excited. It's not like we were too young or anything, plenty of people our age already had children. We were just unprepared…

I never wanted rid of our baby. I just wasn't sure what would happen when it arrived. I don't know how to be a father. I would have learned though. Everyday I wish I had been there in time to save it. I guess it doesn't really matter now anyway… I wasn't glad that our baby was killed, I wasn't.

"Made everything that little bit simpler though, didn't it?" I look into his gleaming red eyes and I can see how much pleasure he's taking in twisting my thoughts. He's trying to convince me that I actually did feel this way. I try my best to ignore him but it's difficult to hide your thoughts and feelings from someone who always knows exactly what you're thinking.

"Sorry, is that a touchy subject? Let's talk about something else-"

"What's the point in talking? You obviously know everything about me, I can't tell you anything new,"

"It's true, I do," he looks so proud of himself, "if you knew as much about yourself as I do you might sleep a little easier, rather than lying awake all night second-guessing yourself. Then again, maybe you wouldn't sleep at all, who knows?"

I turn and start to walk away from him, determined not to let him get to me. Why did I have to come here again? I keep walking resolutely through the mist to where I know the exit will be, convinced that nothing he could shout after me will make me turn around again now.

"So, when are you going to kill him?"

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I'm up earlier than usual this morning, and when you work on a ranch that's really early. I think it's around half past four, but I can't be sure. I'm not exactly with it today. I couldn't get back to sleep last night, I just lay with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling until the smallest hint of light touched the sky outside and I took it as my signal to get up.

I had a long bath, just lying in the water for almost an hour, like I was trying to soak these memories out of my body. I held my hands up and watched the water trickling down my arm and my thoughts started to drift back to Link, remembering all the times he showed up, drenched to the bone, looking for shelter, and how I'd tried so hard not to look when he had to take off his clothes to dry them out.

After that I decided I couldn't stay in the water any longer and got up and put my clothes on. I refuse to start my chores this early so now I'm sitting in the middle of the corral watching the last star fade, as the sky turns green. My eyes are heavy but I can't bear the thought of falling asleep in case I have any more distressing dreams. I can remember so many things now. Everything makes so much more sense. I sigh and lay back, propping myself up on my elbows.

I can remember the first time I met him in Castle Town, all of the days we would spend playing in the field, teaching him about horses. I can remember the first time I met him after he had been sealed away, I almost knocked him out with a milking stool… I remember all the wounds I tended and how hard he tried not to make a fuss when the iodine stung him. All of the burns he got from the Fire Temple, the first time we kissed, when I had finished shouting at him for vanishing into the night so often. I can remember the first time we… you know… when he had just returned from one of the temples - I don't even know which one, he wouldn't talk about it – in that tiny little cave-room behind the storage building. I lay my head down on the grass and breathe the fresh morning air in deeply, instantly regretting it because it's suddenly so much more difficult to keep my eyes open.

He's sitting with his back to me, sort of half wrapped in a blanket, hugging his knees with his head lowered. I can still see most of his bare back and the low light from the candle is highlighting every little sinew of muscle. The bones of his spine are showing under his skin at the base of his neck and in the middle of his back but at the small of his back his spine is an indentation surrounded by muscle. His shoulder blades are protruding and I can see the end of his collarbone sticking out even from this angle. I find myself wondering how he can be simultaneously so muscular and so bony.

Even in this light I can see all the scars on his back, not just the fresh wounds that I am tending. He winces in pain every time the cloth touches broken skin, normally I would tease him to make light of the situation but he seems lost in his own world right now. He's barely spoken since he arrived. I doubt he would have made it if Epona hadn't brought him, he was barely conscious when she trotted into the ranch, neighing loudly until I came running. I didn't even get near in time to catch him as he slumped over and fell from her back onto the hard trodden ground.

I finish cleaning his wounds and put the cloth and the water aside and sit further back, leaning against the wall, watching him as he gazes upwards through the tiny hole in the wall.

"How are you feeling?" I ask after a while, I'm not used to this much silence. I'm usually singing or endlessly prattling on about nothing. Normally even Link isn't this quiet, I'm beginning to think that this isn't a normal night. He doesn't answer, only lowers his head again so I stand to leave. I place a hand gently on his shoulder. "Ok, I'll come and check on you in the morning. Goodnight,"

Before I have time to take my hand away his hand closes over mine and he stands up slowly and tentatively. The blanket that was draped loosely around his hips slips to the ground and he's standing completely naked before me. He holds both of my hands in his and looks straight into my eyes for what seems like forever. I just barely manage to hold my gaze and not let my eyes stray.

He pulls me in close to him and puts one hand on my waist and the other on the back of my head pulling my face to his until our foreheads are touching. He's still staring into my eyes and he looks almost as if he's about to cry. My hands are hanging awkwardly at my sides. I just don't know what to do with myself. I want him more than anything else in the world but I know that we shouldn't be doing this, not unless we were married. Somehow I can't imagine Link ever being married to anyone, not even me. He kisses me softly and I can't help but lift my hands and place them gently on his hips, aware that if I put them on his back I might hurt him.

All the time we're kissing I'm having an internal argument with myself; this is wrong - but it feels so right - we can't, we're not married, it's wrong – but I want to, so badly – that doesn't matter, you can't, you just can't, - but he might die any time and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, I love him so much, - that's not the point and you know it – who would I be trying to please by not doing it though? Dad? He just wants me to be happy, he likes Link – he wouldn't like him if he knew what effect he was having on his sweet little girl – I'm not a little girl, I'm a woman. I can make my own decisions…

Link pulls away, brushes my hair from my face and smiles at me. "Goodnight," he says quietly and I find myself oddly infuriated. Fucking tease…

I frown slightly and turn to leave, but he pulls my wrist back gently and when I'm facing him again I'm greeted with a cheeky grin that lights up his whole face. I can't help but smile back. I wish he would smile like that more often, that wonderful childlike grin that almost makes me forget everything that's wrong with this world.

He stops grinning, pulls me close again and kisses me, gently at first, but getting gradually more intense as he runs a calloused finger down the back of my neck and moves his hand to the base of my back, pulling my body closer still. His kisses move along my jaw, underneath my ear and down onto my neck, spreading chills down my spine and I swear my knees are about to buckle…

My eyes flutter open and I'm almost blinded by the harsh sunlight. I groan and squeeze them shut again. I'm so sorely tempted just to roll over and go back to sleep and back to my dream… I don't care that I'm in the middle of the corral. It's still early… right? I open my eyes again and realise that there's a horse standing right beside me, watching me.

"Epona?" I sit up suddenly. My spine cracks in several places. Oww…

She snorts happily and stamps her feet slightly. I drag myself up and stand beside her, stroking her neck. I wonder what she's doing here… is Link with her? No. He can't be far away, he would never leave her, but he won't be back to see me again...

Unless he has to come here to get her back…

My back is damp from lying on the grass for so long, so I decide to head inside for a change of clothes, but first - without spending too much time mulling it over and talking myself out of it - I lead Epona into the barn and leave her tied up in one of the stalls. I feel so devious, but I've got to do something to see him again… right?

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Apologies for the stupidly long wait, shortness of the chapter (better than nothing, right?) and general cheese…

Ahem.

R&R? Anyone?

Tell me where you want me to be going with this :D

Not promising I'll make it that way, but I am interested to know.

Sorry again for being crap! Life's been a bit mad lately...

Take it easy :)