Okay everyone! I would like to thank Phoenixlls for a great idea. Listen to 'Goodbye Earl' by the Dixie Chicks while reading. It's the new anthem for my story. This chapter is short but packs a punch. The rest of the back story is revealed. I'm gonna give the ones who are trying to figure out a torture scene more time so I'm not gonna post one yet. Taymm15 I loved yours!

Thanks to Scouse for being my wonderful beta!

Rating: NC-17 for abuse & rape

Don't own anything but the story line.

Chapter 9

"What is Sin? My Brethren, what is sin?"

The church is no more comforting then it was last week. The only difference is this time he's not sitting beside me caressing my leg. He is standing up in front of the congregation preaching his words of God. I find it amusing that the devil has taken over. Of course, William Shakespeare said the devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. I find that quote very fitting today.

"All of us are sinners." His words storm out over the pews instilling fear into us all. "All of us are locked in the prison of sin." Commanding attention and looking around making sure all eyes are on him, he stares at me hard before continuing, "God has the only key that will set us free." Slamming his hand down on the pulpit, "He offers to open the door to anyone who cries out for his mercy."

Nancy and I are the only ones too not agree with his words. We sit silently while everyone else nods or says their agreements. She fiddles with her dress wanting for something that I'm not quite sure I want to know what it is.

"Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon (Isaiah 55:7)" Spitting of verse after verse has me shifting in my seat. He wouldn't go there. Not again. His sermon is starting to feel familiar as if I've heard it before. Five years ago, he started his own personal crusade with a quote from the bible back home. Five years ago, I shared a secret and the punishment I received for it made me silent.

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God." He looks directly at me during that verse. It is his excuse.

The reasons my punishments became what that are today is because I told my secrets. The last one I told was to my Sunday school teacher when I was thirteen. I told her that the Rev. hurt me. Tears in my eyes, I confessed to her what he was doing to me. I thought it was finally going to stop. All the pain would be gone, and the shame I carried with me would be no more. I was wrong. After talking with him, they both decided I needed to be punished for my lies. That day I received ten licks with a belt from my teacher and him both. The torture he put me through that night was worse.

"Finally, this must become very personal. Do you understand how rebellious your own heart is? Until you see that you are a wretched sinner, you have no chance to receive mercy. As long as you say, 'I can handle my own affairs. I don't need God,' you have cut yourself off from his mercy. Do you want to go to heaven? You've got to get there by the mercy of God or you won't get there at all. Salvation begins when a person understands that he cannot save himself. Jesus died for sinners and for no one else. The door to heaven has a sign over the top, and the sign says FOR SINNERS ONLY. If you qualify, come on in. When you say, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner,' the gates of heaven are opened to you, and the mercy you seek flows into your life. Amen" I made sure to pay attention to his closing statement. The consequences of not where far worse then having to listen to his voice.

The first secret I revealed was to him and Nancy. I had hoped they would understand. I was wrong. Silence over took me that night. He called me a sinner, an abomination. I cried as he threw me against the wall and proceeded to yell and throw things at my head. Cuts littered my face and arms from the broken glass shards. The first slap was a surprise. My cheek stung and tears gathered in my eyes. The second stuck my other side sending me to the ground on top of the broken glass. Pieces where stuck in my palms and knees. Sobbing at the pain and sight of my own blood, I never saw his foot coming. Falling over on my side that was now covered in glass, I gasped for air and screamed for help that never came. He said I was a sinner that got everything I deserved. "You better be glad that your parents are dead. They would be so disappointed in you," he whispered into my ear. His statement broke me. I was truly lost.

A twelve year old girl, who has lost everything, came out to the only people she had left.

My innocence was lost that night for good. He took it from me hard and violently. Ripping it from my small body, my first time was not at all like I pictured it. Blood running down my legs staining my bed sheets. A reminder of what was taken from me. I would never be able to get it back. My virginity was lost forever at the hands of the man who was supposed to protect me like a father.

The reason this all happened was simple. One little word changed it all. I told him I was gay.

Feed Me and I'll update both my stories tomorrow!