Chapter 10: Painful Memories
Vera Thomas silently dusted off the top of an old trunk. She had not looked at its contents since her first husband's untimely death, but her daughter's letter had driven her straight to the attic. Perhaps it was time to let herself remember, no matter how much it hurt. Zora had no idea that her simple question would unearth so many memories. Complicated memories. Painful memories.
Secretly, Vera was glad Ryan was away on business. She would undoubtedly be very shaken after going through the trunk, and she didn't want to alarm her husband. Ryan meant well, but there were certain parts of her past that he just couldn't understand. He was American, and as Voldemort's terror had not reached the other side of the ocean, he had not experienced the horrors that had once been commonplace in Britain. If anyone should be there with her, it should be Molly. Or Billius. She sighed. This would be hard.
At the top of the pile of memorabilia was a picture of three young girls, about nine years old. The picture was black and white, but Vera didn't need color. She remembered that day all too vividly. The three friends were smiling brightly, about to head to their weekly trip to get ice cream in Diagon Alley. They were all wearing matching purple robes, and kept bursting into fits of giggles in the photo. The youngest girl, with her vivid red hair pulled into pigtails, was standing between the two older girls. Molly was, in reality, only a few months younger than Vera, but, as her birthday was after September, she had to wait an extra year to go to Hogwarts. Molly's friends were lost without her. They had made so many plans for school. They couldn't wait. Growing up on Diagon Alley, they had watched every year as the Hogwarts students purchased their supplies. They didn't care what House they were in, as long as they were all together. Molly cried they day the other girls left for King's Cross, even though her friends promised to write her every day.
Vera could still recall the awe she felt the first time she saw the castle. They marched up behind Professor McGonagall, exchanging nervous looks at one another. Professor McGonagall began calling up the first years in alphabetical order.
"McKenzie, Vera." Vera had walked slowly up to the stool upon which sat an old hat. No sooner had she put the hat on her head, it shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" And Vera excitedly joined her new House, knowing that if she'd been sorted there; her friends would certainly be put there as well. She smiled at her friend as she sat down, and waited impatiently for her friend's turn.
"Praeclare, Narcissa." Narcissa looked over at Vera nervously and sat down on the stool, fidgeting with her long, blonde braid. Vera closed her eyes and got ready for the Sorting Hat to shout their destiny, but was horrified when she heard, "SLYTHERIN!"
It was as if the ceiling of the Great Hall had just smashed down on her. How could this be?! They were so much alike, how could they be sorted into different Houses? Narcissa looked miserable as she joined her table. Vera was equally as miserable, and didn't even notice Weasley, Billius as he sat down across from her, a goofy smile on his face.
Vera put down the picture she was holding and laughed dryly. It had turned out that different Houses would not separate her and Narcissa. And when Molly had joined the Gryffindor House the next year, the three resumed spending all of their free time together. She picked up the Hogwarts yearbook from her seventh year. This had to be the one that Zora happened across in the library. She turned to the page where she and her friends were relaxing under a tree by the lake. In the picture, Vera was braiding Narcissa's perfect hair. It had been a perfect Spring Saturday, and the girls were enjoying being lazy. She looked at another picture, and wiped away a stray tear. There was Billius, young, handsome, silly. He smiled at her and then nodded to the young man next to him. Lucius Malfoy looked up and acknowledged her as well.
Oh, Lucius, she lamented, why did everything have to change? More tears followed. She allowed her fingers to trace Billius' smiling face, and then forced herself to close the book. Arthur, Billius, and Lucius had been as close as her own clique. The Weasley boys, on the other hand, had met Lucius for the first time on the Hogwarts Express; they had not grown up together as the girls had. No one could tell though. The three boys, with Billius in the lead, were rarely seen without the others. And once Molly and Arthur admitted their mutual crushes on each other, the two groups came together to hang out. They spent little time in their common rooms, as that would separate them. Instead the six teenagers had frequented the Library, the Great Hall, the grounds, and the lake.
She didn't want to read the letter that was next in the pile. She knew all to well what it said, but she forced herself to look at it again any way.
Dear Vera,
You know I shouldn't be writing this, but I had to share this moment with you and Molly (I've written to her as well). I have enclosed a picture of my newborn son, Draco. He and I are both doing well. Lucius was here when he was born, but he returned to his 'business' soon after. I miss him terribly, Vera. I wish I knew how to reach him. He just isn't the same, and sometimes he even frightens me. In fact, I think he's reading my mail now as well, and… oh, Vera, I just can't risk writing to you any more. This will have to be the last letter. I know Molly is due soon as well, but Lucius had a fit when he found the picture of the twins that she sent. I will write again when he's back to his old self. Until then, I just don't know how he'll react to anything. I just can't risk it. Not with Draco here now. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him. I wish you could hold him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. He's absolutely perfect. The picture doesn't do him justice.
Vera, I miss you and Molly so much. Once this war is over and Lucius goes back to being his old self, we'll see each other again. I promise.
Friends always,
Narcissa
Vera looked down at the baby she was not able to see grow up. She wondered what Draco looked like now that he was—well he was older than Zora. He probably looked just like Lucius. She could almost see him. What was he like? Were he and Zora friends? For some reason, she highly doubted that they were. After the war had ended the first time, Lucius had never gone back to being his old self. If possible, he only became more secretive, more suspicious, and much angrier. She hadn't heard from Narcissa again until Billius died. She received a small piece of parchment that simply said, "I'm sorry for your loss. I will not be able to attend the services." It was very cold, very impersonal, very unlike Narcissa. Vera could almost imagine Lucius standing over her as she wrote it, to make sure that she didn't write any more than he deemed necessary.
The old resentment began flowing through her body again. Damn it, Lucius! He was your best friend! She could still remember the good times; she clung to those memories.
Molly and Arthur were married as soon as they finished school. No-one other than their closest friends knew it, but Molly had discovered that she was pregnant in May. They wanted to avoid a scandal. Vera, Narcissa, Billius, and Lucius had all been in the wedding party. They were young, full of life, so close to one another. It had been one of the happiest days of Vera's life. They were all there when Bill was born as well, and he was named after his uncle. The Burrow had been much smaller then, but the six friends would gather there almost every weekend, as the rest of them still lived with their parents and preferred the freedom of Molly and Arthur's small home. The young couple struggled, especially since mothers were expected to stay home with their children, and they had to rely on Arthur's entry-level ministry job. He hadn't done as well on his N.E.W.T.S as he should have, but he was dealing with the stress of preparing for a baby that no one else knew about. The friends tried to help as much as they could: bringing over dinner, helping Molly with the baby, buying necessities for them behind their backs. Lucius even paid off the remaining mortgage on the Burrow as a gift to them, as he came from an extremely wealthy family. He thought it was the least he could do.
Lucius and Narcissa were married not long after Bill's birth, and it was just another occasion for celebration for the young friends. Molly was extremely pregnant at this wedding, but that didn't stop her from dancing the night away with the others. The newlyweds then left for their honeymoon. Lucius was taking his bride all over the world. They weren't there for little Charlie's birth, but they lavished the newborn with gifts from afar. Ironically, it was the Malfoys that sent Charlie the stuffed dragon that he was rarely seen without. Vera wondered what Charlie would think if he knew that now. Not long after Charlie's birth, Molly played match-maker, and Vera and Billius began seeing each other. It only made sense. They were the only pair within the group that wasn't a couple. As they were already close friends, the romance came easily and Vera was overjoyed when Billius proposed to her at little Bill's birthday party.
However, and quite unfortunately, all good things eventually come to an end, and the beginning of the end was lurking around the corner for the young friends. Lucius' father, a respected philanthropist, fell ill suddenly and died within a week. Lucius and Narcissa ended their travels and the friends' reunion was a solemn one indeed. Vera clearly remembered Narcissa's frustrations as Lucius fell into a deep depression. That was the last they ever saw of the happy, generous, carefree Lucius. The man that took his place was secretive, keeping his closest friends and even his wife in the dark about his activities.
The group finally fell apart on the day that should've been the happiest of Vera's life. They were all very hopeful when Lucius agreed to be in the wedding party. Perhaps this meant he was finally getting better. But, when the big day came, Lucius' unusual formalities had hit Arthur and Billius hard. They couldn't understand. Narcissa tried to get him to relax to no avail, and even little baby Percy couldn't bring out Lucius' lightheartedness. What happened that day shocked them all.
"Lucius, sit down," Billius had pulled out a chair for his old friend, "we have to tell you what we've been working on."
Normally, Lucius would have made a wisecrack about being better off not knowing, or at least shown a keen interest. But that day he just sat down without emotion.
Arthur's enthusiasm, however, could not be contained. "Look at this," he thrust a roll of parchment at his friend. "It's a whole curriculum. Billius and I mapped out the whole thing ourselves!"
"I was not aware that you desired to teach," Lucius replied dryly unrolling the parchment.
"Oh, I don't. But since Professor Dumbledore was made headmaster at Hogwarts, Billius and I decided to try to convince him to add Muggle Studies to the curriculum." Lucius' eyes were wide with horror and he threw the parchment from his hands as if it were a poisonous snake. "What's wrong, mate?" Arthur asked good naturedly.
Lucius' lip was curled and he was breathing heavily. Narcissa, who was holding a sleeping Percy, looked alarmed at her husband's reaction. "Muggle Studies," he mumbled. Vera swore she heard him mutter "filth" as well. Arthur and Billius both looked confused and hurt.
"Lucius," Billius started cautiously, "Arthur and me have always been fascinated by Muggle stuff. You knew that."
"Yes," Lucius replied, his voice starting to rise, "a flaw which I have thus far overlooked. I figured you would have grown out of your childish fascination with that rubbish by now."
"Hey! This is us you're talking to... Arthur and Billius. What's gotten into you?" Billius asked, his voice raising slightly. He was concerned about his friend, but he would not stand to be insulted.
"Nothing!" Lucius bellowed, standing up. Narcissa was frozen with fear as she clutched Percy more tightly. "I have overlooked your fascination with Muggle filth long enough. You are both adults now, and Purebloods, and you should act accordingly!"
Billius narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice dangerously. "Lucius, I know you've been through some rough times, but we have guests here who are Muggle-born. I will not have you insulting them as if you were above everyone. You will please hold your tongue."
"Fine," Lucius said quietly. Then he burst. "FINE! If you would rather associate with your Mudblood friends over me, then fine." There were several gasps from the other guests as Lucius uttered the profane word.
Arthur stood and pointed to the door. "Get out, Lucius," he warned quietly. "That language was uncalled for. Just go."
Narcissa was as shocked as the rest of them. Her husband, the man she loved, had just called people who had once been their friends 'Mudbloods.' For the first time, the sight of her husband sickened her. Percy woke and began to cry.
"Let us go, Narcissa. We will leave the Muggle-lovers to themselves." Narcissa didn't budge. Percy just howled louder. She was not going any where with Lucius at that moment. "Narcissa, you will obey your husband. Do not make me ask you again." The menacing look on his face frightened Narcissa enough that she did as she was told. She handed the baby to a pale Molly, who took him without a word. Narcissa looked apologetically at her two friends, and hugged Vera quickly. She had never felt as humiliated as she did at that moment, following silently behind her husband. That day changed their lives forever.
Vera was hugging her knees tightly in the attic of her home, silently sobbing over the picture of her wedding party. The change in Lucius' expression between Molly's wedding and her own was devastating. There was a shadow over his eyes, a shadow that would never lift during her husband's lifetime.
It wasn't long after their wedding that Voldemort's rising became public knowledge. The twins were born in this time; but, unfortunately, the occasion hadn't been as joyous as the other births. Narcissa and Lucius weren't there, although Narcissa wrote to Molly to congratulate her. On top of that, the economy was shaky, as people were afraid to hire anyone they did not already know. No one trusted anyone. Suspicion was unavoidable. When Mundungus Fletcher approached the Weasleys about the Order of the Phoenix, they were only too happy to join the fight. Arthur acted as eyes and ears within the Ministry, but as Vera and Billius had no children to support, they left to go fight. It was shortly after that Vera received a dismal letter from Narcissa.
Dear Vera,
I wish you were here. I miss you and Molly so much. And I'm so confused.
Lucius came home the other day in the best mood I had seen him in since his father died. It was the first time he'd been home in several months, and he acted as if he had forgotten all about the pictures of the twins that Molly sent to us. He was even sweet, almost like before his dad died. He paid more attention to me than he had in quite a long time. I thought maybe he would be okay. We were even intimate for the first time in… well you don't need to know that. But when we were together, I saw something like a tattoo on his forearm. It was quite ugly, but as soon as he knew I saw it, he mumbled something and it became transparent. I didn't know they could do that with tattoos now. Regardless, I can't believe he wouldn't tell me about it. But he doesn't tell me a whole lot of anything any more…
Then I found out I was expecting. Lucius seemed pleased, but his reaction was still odd. He muttered something about the need to have a worthy heir. I was hoping he would have just been excited that we were having a baby. Then, Vera, to celebrate he took me to have dinner at the Lestranges' home. You know what kind of people they are. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. Then, as soon as we returned home, he left again. No explanation, no address where he could be reached. And he went back to being secretive. He even told me not to go into certain parts of the manor! I'm a prisoner in my own home. I'm even afraid to send this, but I had to tell someone. I wish I could be with you and Molly.
So, there's my news. I'm pregnant. I'm due in December. Please don't write back, as much as I'd love to hear from you. Lucius was extremely upset when he found Molly's letter and the picture of Fred and George (how does she tell them apart?). But I do get nervous when he's upset like that. I'll write to you again when the baby is here. I'll figure out some way.
Please take care of yourself, and let Billius know I send my love.
Friends always,
Narcissa
The fighting became intense. Vera and Billius were often in a lot of danger. Draco was born, and Vera wept for Narcissa, who could not have her friends there with her for the birth of her first son. Ron was born shortly after. At this point, Molly and Arthur picked up arms as well and joined the fighting. After a particularly fierce battle with a group of Death Eaters who were trying to torture a Half-blood family, Arthur begged Vera and Molly to return to the Burrow. Molly had recently found out she was pregnant and Arthur felt things were getting too dangerous. But the two Wesley women stood strong. It was only after Molly began having contractions too early that she finally returned to the Burrow. By this time, Vera was pregnant as well, and it was a particularly difficult pregnancy. Zora was born that February.
And now, Zora was a teenager and she was attending Hogwarts with Narcissa's son. How was she supposed to answer Zora's letter? The whole truth might be too much. She didn't know how much Narcissa had told Draco, but she assumed it wasn't much. Narcissa would not want her son to rock the boat with his father. She's probably still biding her time. Still waiting for her Lucius to come back. Vera wished she could be there for her friend. She wished she could make her see that he wasn't ever coming back. He made that clear when he refused to speak to Arthur after Billius died. She wished that her friend could find her way out of such a hopeless situation. But, if Lucius was running with the same kind of people that the Lestranges had been, then it certainly was not safe for Narcissa to leave. She couldn't tell Zora everything. Not yet. Especially since she knew Molly's children harbored enmity towards Draco. Part of Molly wanted to tell them to give Draco a chance, but when Arthur and Lucius got into that fight in front of the children at the bookstore, Molly figured it was pointless. Yet, she was saddened that Ron and Draco hated each other so much.
With a heavy sigh, Vera stood up and placed her friend's letter back inside the dusty trunk. She sealed it with a spell and left the attic for the kitchen. There she picked up a quill and parchment and began to write.
Dear Zora,
I'm so glad to hear you made the Gryffindor House team! I'm very excited for you and your dad would have been very proud.
I'm also happy to hear that you're making friends, and that you and Ginny made up. (And you're right… I almost fell out of my chair when I read that part!) Just watch out for all those boys, you know how they can be at that age.
I've told you plenty of times that your dad and I were friends with prefects from other houses. I just didn't mention that a name had been coined for it, that's all. To answer your question, your dad and Uncle Arthur were best friends with Lucius in school and for a little while after they finished school. Your Aunt Molly and I grew up with Draco's mother, Narcissa. We were all once very close, but we had a falling out with the Malfoy family back when Percy was a baby. I am not sure how much Aunt Molly has told your cousins, so I am trusting that you will keep this to yourself. You do not need to go out of your way to be rude to Draco, however, and if I find out that you have, you will be in trouble.
Congratulations again on making Chaser! Make sure to send us a team picture. Take care and write often. I miss you and I love you.
Love,
Mom