Chapter Ten

Pre-Author's Note: Don't. Don't even start with me. If I hear one little mention about how long it's taken me to update I swear I will rip whoever says its throat out. Yes. I am pissed. Very, very pissed. And at this exact moment in time I don't give a fuck whether or not you were waiting for this story to get updated 'kay?

Oh! And another quick note: the excessive amount of "sighing" in this chapter is supposed to be sort of… Symbolic. I guess that's the word. Either way, it was repetitive on purpose 'kay?

Disclaimer: …You know what? No. I'm not even going to bother.

Song: Death Said

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…The oxygen I'm taking in,

I'm taking seriously,

Death said: "Ready? You might go,

You never know."

Upsetting? I know,

I'm here to let you down…

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Riku was only dully aware of the fact that Ollete and Axel were steering him over to a bench maybe, oh, twenty feet from where the accident (oh, god no, just an accident?) had taken place. There was blood staining his shirt and hands. Trembling hands too.

Oh my, thought Riku with detached, vague amusement, I really am a mess aren't I?

Ollete was rubbing his back rhythmically, Axel had an arm wrapped around his (shaking) shoulders and was squeezing his left shoulder in a gesture that was firm, yet comforting. In a strange way.

Still all the same Riku appreciated their efforts.

Eventually after who knows how many minutes had passed Riku's eyes dried up and his breathing returned to about normal (if a little ragged from all the sobbing and screaming). After that he sort of sank into a numb eclipse. Everything just seemed so dull. So vague and frosted over, yet at the same time sharp and cruel.

"I want to be alone now."

He wasn't even aware of telling his mouth to say those words out loud. It had only just registered that he had thought them, much less spoken them.

"Please?"

He could feel Ollete's hand stop its motion, Axel's squeeze lessen a bit.

"Alright."

And quite suddenly he was sitting alone on that bench. Dejected. Isolated.

Riku's dulled aqua discs scanned the area around him. He didn't even bother to move his head or tilt his neck at whatever angle. Nope, he just sort of let his eyes skim and dance around in their sockets. Taking in the world.

Somewhere in the back of Riku's mind he thought that it was strange that just about twenty minutes ago he was laughing and having fun with Axel. And now here he was… Completely…

What's the word? He wondered blandly. Cold? Emotionless? Shocked? Well, whatever the case, he was certainly not miserable. He knew that for fact. The trauma and depression had yet to sink in. If anything, he supposed the best way to sun up how he was feeling was… Not quite alive.

There we go, he thought triumphantly, that's how I'm feeling.

And then he sighed. He took in a long breath and let it all whoosh out of his mouth. A sigh. Just to remind him that he was alive. Just to feel like he was alive. And it took away the pain for a moment. If only for a moment.

So he did it again. He sighed; stretching out the exhale for as long as he could in order to really measure the air, and really feel it getting pushed out of his lungs. It was like his body was rejecting it.

It felt good. A nice little reminder of the fact that yes indeed, Riku was still alive. After all this shit he was still alive.

I'm not sure if that means I'm very lucky, or very unlucky…

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Namine sighed wearily.

She was tired. Too, too tired to even move. Her eyes were dry and puffy and her clothes were disgruntled and wrinkly. Her hair was also messed up from the impact of her head against the cushioning of her bed.

Heaving another exhausted sigh she gradually began pulling herself out of her bed; she did so slowly on purpose. She purposely dragged out each movement. It was like a punishment. Because if she dragged it out enough she would be able to concentrate more on the pulling of the muscles, and the bending of the joints.

And if she focused on those things enough, it would remind her that she was alive. It would remind her she was still alive and that Denzel wasn't. Denzel wasn't alive. He was dead.

So she kept reminding herself that she was alive and Denzel wasn't.

And there was no greater punishment than that.

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Axel sighed wearily and ran a hand through his hair. He was tired. It seemed like lately (ever since he'd gotten so involved in Riku's seriously screwed life) he had been riding an emotional roller coaster. And to say the least, it was quite draining. Axel almost felt the urge to turn to his old anti-drug.

Coffee.

Yes there had definetly been a time when he'd been well… The only word had to be: addicted. Completely and totally addicted to coffee. Hell, he'd spent a good year of his life running on almost entirely coffee.

And right now, to Axel's emotionally drained mind, coffee sounded pretty damn good.

Because quite frankly he was sick of having to go through this whole "interrogation routine" with each and every one of Riku's friends. Axel wouldn't be surprised if they hired a private investigator to spy on him next.

Beside him Ollete cleared her throat, snapping him out of his suspicions. She eyed him thoughtfully; it wasn't exactly the hard, ready-to-totally-rip-your-spleen-out look that Kairi gave him whenever she was "protecting" Riku from him. It wasn't the excruciatingly critical look Sora gave him. And it wasn't even the exasperated; roll of the eyes Demyx always seemed to give him whenever Riku was mentioned.

No, Ollete, if anything, seemed rather fair in Axel's eyes. Sure she could be harsh if the situation called for it. But overall she seemed willing to give people the chance to explain themselves.

Axel bit his lip before talking, "I met Riku in the mall. We went out for Chinese. I didn't think much of it but then… Well we met up a few more times by chance and well… Things just kinda went from there."

Ollete just stared at him for a bit, as if trying to tell if he was trying to tell the truth or not. When she opened her mouth, Axel expected some sort of comment or serious question. He never could've prepared himself for what she said next.

"Have the two of you had sex yet?"

Axel blanched and choked on his own spit, "What?!"

She blinked her eyes at him innocently and tilted her head curiously, "I was just asking… It just… I could easily see you doing it… But definetly not Riku. Not in his condition."

Axel scoffed, "Why does everyone make me out to be a pervert?" When Ollete shrugged in response he sighed before saying, "Well, whatever you think… We haven't. I can't say I haven't been thinking about it. But don't worry. I know he won't be ready for anything for long time…"

Ollete raised her eyebrows, "So you're actually planning on sticking with him? Like a serious relationship? This isn't just a… three month fling type of thing?"

"Well no, I mean," Axel hesitated, "I haven't really thought about it that much but… I do know that it's serious I just…" He let his sentence fall and his eyes drifted to the floor. In all honesty he really hadn't thought about just how long this thing between he and Riku would or could last.

"It's okay," said Ollete, shrugging just a little, "I suppose you do have a lot to think about… I mean… Ever since the incident he's gotten-… Well any relationship with him in it is bound to be difficult."

What Axel did next surprised her. He scoffed (rather irritably) and rolled his eyes (rather exaggeratedly).

"What was that for?" asked Ollete, frowning a little.

Now Axel REALLY scoffed.

"The incident," he sneered, "That's all I ever hear about from you guys," he said accusingly, jabbing his finger at Ollete pointedly, "when it comes to Riku all you guys can talk about is this fucking incident. And yet somehow, you always manage to avoid actually telling me what all this incident shit is about.

"Now, I want some answers," he continued firmly, his gaze hard and penetrating, "I'm sick of you guys always dodging around any sort of direct answer. Everytime I talk to any one of you, his friends, all I get are pathetic, crappy, fucking hints!

"And I for one am sick of it. I want answers. Now."

Ollete looked at him, thoroughly bewildered by his response, "Axel I… You mean you don't know?" Axel glared at her; she gulped and continued, "After all this time, no one's told you anything about what's actually happened to him?"

Axel gave a curt nod before snapping, "That's right. All I ever get is this complete bull shit about how Riku is too sensitive and unstable for a relationship right now. No one ever bothers telling me why."

"Well I…" Ollete hesitated, "Axel, I-… Well first of all, I have to agree with you on that. It wasn't fair for them to avoid answering your questions because you were perfectly entitled to those answers. But I- I don't really think I'm the right person to be-

"Don't finish that sentence," he growled, "if they're not going to tell me then this just goes to show them that they should've told me sooner. Now it's your turn to talk."

Ollete mulled over his words for a bit before nodding and smiling at him, "I guess that's about right. Okay well… Where to begin? Hm… This could be tricky…"

Axel smirked; pleased with himself for finally hunting down a friend of Riku's who was willing to sing. Ollete placed the tips of her fingers together contemplatively, and hummed pensively. Finally she nodded as if finally deciding where this whole mess had started.

"Well, first off," she began once again in her fresh, crisp, cucumber-esque voice, "you have to know what Riku was like before all of this happened...

"Before the incident, Riku was… Well I think the word a lot of people would use is perfect. I don't agree with that. Nobody's perfect. But still, I can understand why they would say that. Anyway, he was really involved though. Very confident too. He participated in a lot of different sports.

"He got great grades… He had some girlfriends… Myself included."

Axel choked, "You're Riku's ex-girlfriend?!" he spluttered.

"Yes," said Ollete, only blushing slightly, "we'd always been good friends so we decided to give a relationship a try… It didn't work out though, it was like kissing my older brother," she and paused while she and Axel simultaneously shuddered, "So yeah basically, as I was saying, Riku was pretty much involved in everything. A lot of people really like him, even looked up to him in some cases…"
"That sounds nothing like the Riku I know," said Axel, and though the comment was spoken lightly, there was an underlying serious tone to it.

"Yes well…" Ollete hesitated slightly before continueing, "a lot has happened… First of all, the one thing you should know is that Mr. Ishida isn't Riku's biological father."
"…What?" asked Axel incredulously.

"Riku's real father was killed in a… Incident, for lack of a better word, two years ago. His name was Sho Ionza. He and Ritsuko, Riku's mother, had three children. Ven, Terra and Riku. Ven was Riku's older brother. Terra was his little sis.

"One night while the Ionzas were hosting their annual New Year's party Mrs. Ionza, now known as Mrs. Ishida, ran out of some ingredients she needed for dinner. Mr. Ionza, Ven, Terra and Riku all volunteered to go."
Axel held up a hand to interrupt her, "They ALL volunteered to go together?"

Ollete shrugged, "They liked doing things together. I know this sounds cheesy Axel but you've got to understand, the Ionza family was one of those happy families. They got along, they had fun together… It was literally one of those picture perfect families. Which makes what happened all the more sad.

"While they were all walking home, enjoying the fresh air, well…" Here Ollete stopped abruptly, catching her breath. She looked at Axel shakily, there was a tear clinging to her eye, "Are you sure you want-

"Please," said Axel desperately, "I need to know. Please. Just finish the story."

"Alright," she drew a trembly breath before pressing onwards, "This is where it gets kind of hard to know what happened. You see aside from Riku the only people who really know what happened that night are in jail.

"The four of them were attacked," said Ollete, bluntly, plainly, to the point, "they were attacked on the way home. It was some sort of gang incident… From what I've heard…" she bit her lip, a few pristine tears falling freely down her face, "They killed Terra first. There was no warning. One second they were all walking the next they heard a bang and Terra was on the ground bleeding," Ollete, now visibly shaking, had to restrain her voice as she continued telling a story she didn't want to tell.

"When Ven saw the gang members he ran at them, Riku tried to help him but his dad held him back. So Riku was pushed aside while he watched his brother and father both try to fight off the gang."
"How many people were there? In the gang, I mean," said Axel quietly.

"Five I think," answered Ollete in a sort of choked whisper, "eventually Riku tried to help too… But… Well no one will ever really know exactly what happened in that fight. But in the end, Sho Ionza died from numerous gun wounds and Ven bled to death. He was stabbed in the stomach. Riku- Riku was… They…"

"Yes…?" asked Axel, dreading the answer but knowing he needed it.

"They raped him," she whispered quietly, "after they…finished with him they hurt him some more. He was cut up very badly. Then he tied them up, he couldn't move at all. He just had to lie there, watching his brother bleed to death right in front of him. He couldn't do anything, he just…" Ollete stopped there. Unable to continue she looked at the ground, refusing to meet Axel's gaze.

Finally Axel broke the silence, "Why?" he whispered.

Ollete's head snapped up; she stared at him, Axel's eyes were fixed on Riku, twenty feet away and curled up on a bench. She let her gaze too drift and settle on Riku's form.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why did they attack that family? Why them? Why Riku?"

"It was an unmotivated attack," said Ollete, "the group was probably just drunk and looking for a good time… Or something. As for Riku, well I guess they just like the way he looked."

Axel was silent for a long time, after a while he turned to Ollete and said, "So why is Riku an Ishida now? Who's this Natashi Ishida fellow?"

"Natashi Ishida," said Ollete, "is one of the many police that was working on the Ionza case. He and Ritsuko met up after Sho's death and well, she needed comfort. Mrs. Ishida is one of those women that need a husband. It makes her feel better about herself. Mr. Ishida has a daughter named Resa. His first wife died in child birth, so that's why Resa is there."

"I take it Riku didn't take to the new dad very well," said Axel bitterly.

"No he didn't," admitted Ollete, shaking her head sadly, "it doesn't help that he hates cops."
"Why does he hate cops?" asked Axel curiously.

Ollete met his gaze, "He believes that, if the police had found him and his family in that alleyway sooner… Ven would still be alive."

Axel thought this over, "I guess I can't blame him for that then…"

"Yeah," muttered Ollete, she clasped her hands behind her back and strolled over to Riku. The silver haired teen was still sitting on the bench, dull, glazed-over eyes staring blankly ahead of him. Ollete bent down to his eye level and spoke in a friendly voice.

"Well Riku," she said somehow managing to get across the perfect balance of cheerfulness and sadness/understanding, "I really hope you fee better soon. And I hope I see you in school on Monday too okay?" she looked at him sympathetically, patted his shoulder briefly, and then she was off. Axel watched her progress as she left the park and turned the corner.

"Hey Riku," said Axel coming up from behind him and sitting next to him on the bench. From his position next to the younger of the two he eyed Riku warily. Riku showed no interest in the red head and didn't even acknowledge his presence.

"Look," said Axel putting an arm around Riku, "I know you're upset. And I know you must be going through hell right now but… You can't cut other people off like this. You can't just ignore them. You can't just… Riku please talk to me. Come on."

Slowly, as if weighed down, Riku lifted his face to meet Axel's, "What time is it?" he asked in the smallest voice Axel had ever heard him use.

Axel flipped open his cell phone and checked the time, "Almost six, why?"

"I'm going to be late for dinner."

"Oh," said Axel, blinking rapidly, "Okay then. Here c'mon, we'll start heading back."

"Kay," said Riku dully, he stood and allowed Axel to take his hand and begin leading him back to the car, though when Axel squeezed his hand he made no move to squeeze back.

When they finally pulled up about a block away from Riku's house Riku paused as he was stepping out of the care. Turning to Axel quickly he said, "Axel?"

"Yeah, Riku?"
"Thanks for taking me out today I-…" he looked at the floor before continueing, "I'm really… glad I was there to see him… Maybe um… Maybe we can get together again soon?"

"No problem," said Axel grinning broadly, "Call me anytime."

------

Demyx sighed dreamily.

This is what going to the beach is all about…

He giggled like a school girl at that thought, eyes shut tightly with pleasure. Yes indeed, it was widely known (and accepted) that Demyx spent a LOT of his time at the beach. Though the reason behind it wasn't clear to many. Except Axel of course, because Demyx told him everything. And Larxene knew too because well, when it came to Demyx she knew everything. So if Larxene knew then so did Marluxia because those two always hosted little "gossip sessions" with one another. Which meant that at some point Roxas and Luxord would find out so…

Okay, so maybe there were quite a few people who knew. But only Demyx's closest friends. Other than that he made a point to make sure that NO ONE knew his secret. Usually Demyx had a pretty big mouth, but when it came to this… Well… He'd decided that this would always remain his own secret treasure.

He grinned. Keeping secrets was fun!

"Oi! Xigbar!" Demyx watched as another older man jogged over to Xigbar, Demyx's Xigbar reminded the blonde sharply.

"Hey Saix," said Xigbar casually as the silver haired male finally reached him, "What's up?"

Demyx sighed from his spot a good fifteen feet away. How he loved that voice. Xigbar sounds so… cool… He thought dazedly as he continued watching his raven haired idol over the top of his magazine.

And this was why Demyx went to the beach, to watch Xigbar. It was one of his favorite past times these days. Heck, whenever Demyx was bored he'd just slap on some sunscreen and head on down to the beach. Then he'd grab a magazine and use it to shield himself from Xigbar's line of vision so that he could safely stalk his obsession.

"You ready to take a brake?" asked Saix, nodding pointedly at the surfboard Xigbar had tucked under one arm. Xigbar sent the ocean one last longing look before sighing and saying, "Sure."

Demyx frowned; he'd wanted to see Xigbar surf more… Pooh.

"C'mon!" said Saix pulling Xigbar over to the large group of towels where the rest of their little gang was sitting. Xemnas, Vexen, Lexaeus, Xaldin and Zexion. Together with Xigbar and Saix they were a group of the coolest people Demyx had ever laid eyes on.

Normally Demyx was perfectly content with just watching the group from afar and listening to their conversations about things he wasn't cool enough to understand. But after pushing Roxas into going after Namine, a girl he'd never really talked to, then Demyx could sure as hell talk to a guy he knew like the back of his hand. Well sort of.

Taking deep breaths he steeled himself to go over there and talk to them. Them. Including Xigbar. Demyx was going to talk to Xigbar.

Oh God.

He caught his breath and started heading towards their area, his steps were quick and jerky and his pace was choppy and uneven. His hands also seemed to be having problems staying still, he mused as he noticed them twitching and fiddling with his clothes.

"Um, uh, H- hi!" he blurted nervously once he had reached the group. Xemnas and the others all looked up and stared at him, expressions showing a hint of annoyance. Xigbar's face, however, was a littler softer.

"Hey," he said casually, Demyx internally groaned. He couldn't do this…

"Um, I-…" he stuttered, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor, "I was just wondering if maybe I could sit with you guys because well I'm kinda on my own today so uh… Yeah."

"Sure."

Demyx looked up and gawked, "Really?!" he exclaimed.

"Really?" asked Xemnas skeptically.

Xigbar shrugged, "Sure, seems like a cool kid," he grinned.

"Thanks," said Demyx sitting down cross-legged on one of the many towels the group had stuck together, "So what are you all talking about?" asked Demyx, pretending he hadn't been listening to their conversation just a minute ago.

"Actually we were just watching the news on Zexion's portable TV," said Xigbar gesturing at the small glowing screen, "some drunken driving accident down town. Some sick bastard ran over a kid."

"Oh that's terrible," said Demyx expression falling. That was when his eyes landed on the screen and saw the scene getting played. A bloody body, panicked onlookers, stressed out paramedics and… And sobbing silver haired teen getting dragged away from it all by none other then…

"Axel," whispered Demyx leaning forward, eyes glued to the screen.

"What?" asked Xaldin, everyone's eyes had turned to Demyx. The panic-stricken blonde didn't meet their gazes his was drinking in the entire report anxiously.

"Oh shit," he whispered as he finally recognized Denzel's torn body. That was Riku's friend from rehab… And Riku had been at the site of the accident. With Axel.

"Oh shit," he whispered once again, this time more urgently, "Oh shit, shit, shit… Denzel… Riku… Axel… Oh shit."

"Hey man, something wrong?" asked Xigbar, and Demyx was too distracted to allow himself a flutter of girlish happiness at the concern evident in Xigbar's voice.

"I know them," said Demyx, apparently just thinking out loud to himself, "Oh God, I gotta go," he said standing abruptly, his movements filled with a desperate sense of urgency.

"You need a ride?" asked Xigbar also standing and beginning to follow Demyx as he walked over to where his things were.

"Uh," Demyx hesitated, Well I do need a ride… "Sure," he said nodding once, appreciatively, "that would be great. Thanks."

"Anytime," said Xigbar, "My name's Xigbar by the way."

I know, though Demyx quietly, but on the outside he said, "Nice to meet you, I'm Demyx."

And as worried and apprehensive as he was… He couldn't help but think Score! As he stepped into Xigbar's car.

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Author's Note: There's really no excuse for how long it's taken me to update, I know people, and I'm sorry I'm such a lazy bitch. Right now though, I have to say I am not in the mood for criticism so please try and bear with me. With any luck it will never take me this long to update again.

Anyways I was super busy this week. I think I had like five concerts, during three of which I had three solos. Yeah. Sucks.

A guy at my school was arrested yesterday for threatening other students with a pair of scissors. Pretty scary actually, I mean if you think about it, I actually talked to the guy a few times. He's now in a mental institution getting serious help. I'm not joking.

So moving on, that's given me a lot to think about. Also I've been sick lately so I'm thinking of conveying some of the more interesting moments of my time sick into this story. I think I'll have Namine catch the bug I did.

All the same, please review people! Nothing would brighten me up more!

bliss