Title: Public Declarations (Last Chance Part 10)

Pairing: Greg/Nick

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: ~2200

Summary: What will it take for Greg to reach his limit - or for Nick to free himself from the chains of his fear? (AU) Genre: Angst, Romance

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Just for fun.

He slipped his key into the deadbolt and suddenly felt exhausted. He had just left the lab after a double-shift. The fact that it was also his first shift back since an entire house came crashing down all around him only compounded the usual extreme fatigue that sixteen hours on his feet usually instilled. Of course spending every minute of those sixteen hours pretending like he wasn't tired didn't help. It took a lot of energy to put on a show like that. But now that he was home and one turn of the key away from being inside, he allowed himself to feel the weariness in his bones.

The air inside was cool and smelled like fabric softener. He toed off his shoes and tossed his keys into the giant bowl near the door before he looked around to see what else his lover had been up to during the night - and most of the morning and afternoon. Vacuumed floors and shiny table tops filled in the details of how his other half had spent his extra day off. Aw. He missed me too.

They were both disappointed when Grissom had called with their schedules for their first week back. They had assumed they would start back on the same day and at least have occasional opportunities to see each other during the night. After a week of constant companionship, they weren't really ready for hours of separation yet.

It was probably the best week they had ever spent together in the eight-plus years they had been involved. They had both been too sore and achey to move much the day after the explosion. So they just stayed in bed and talked.

Really talked.

And the next day when they both felt a little better - they talked some more between bouts of slow, sensual sex. Emotional sex. Happy, appreciative sex. And the day after that they did more of the same but watched a couple of movies too. By day four of their week off, they were feeling so much better that they took turns fucking each other fast and hard and just rough enough to feel good. Then they talked a little more while they held each other - sweaty and sticky.

At the end of the sixth day, they both agreed that they understood each other more than ever. And while nothing had been resolved between Nick and his family, and Greg was still way more enthused about a ceremonial public display of love than Nick was - they were talking about it. They had even agreed on a date - July fourth of course. They agreed to stay flexible regarding the year before promptly celebrating the compromise with an exchange of mind numbing rimming.

And sixteen hours apart sucked after a week like that.

"Nick?" Greg made his way through a very clean and tidy home in search of the man he had been thinking about all day - night - day - whatever. He heard him before he saw him. His little piece of Texas was leaving another message for his mother.

When Nick heard the voice of his lover he immediately felt the tension ease from his shoulders. He had been looking forward to Greg getting home since the minute he left for his shift sixteen hours earlier. He continued his one-sided conversation with his mother's voicemail and held up a finger to let Greg know he would be off the phone in a minute. He wasn't even sure why he continued to do this voicemail relationship, but something about it felt like a tiny thread that connected him to his family. So he just kept calling and his mother just kept not answering.

That was one of the things Nick had been keeping from Greg before the most recent scare. He had been calling his mother almost every day since they got back from the disastrous weekend in July. She never returned his calls. Not once.

It was killing Nick inside but he didn't want Greg to feel bad so he just didn't tell him. It was so much better now that Greg knew. He had a soft place to land and Nick needed that more than he had realized. After a few days of talking through everything he had been feeling, Greg helped Nick understand that what he had been feeling more than anything else was that he had been abandoned. Orphaned by telling his family the truth - his truth.

One of Nick's biggest and worst fears had come true.

And while he never blamed Greg - not even a little - he couldn't help but wonder if coming out was really worth it. He couldn't stop the nagging little voice that asked over and over - is one man worth losing an entire family? Family was unconditional love - always there when things went wrong - the place to go when things fell apart - the people who would always make a place for you in your worst moments. But he gave all of that up and it felt like Greg had become his whole universe now and what if things with Greg went wrong? How could Greg be his unconditional love if Greg was the problem to begin with? It felt like Nick had no safety net anymore.

And it all came out in the worst possible way during a hot, sexy, dirty dance after their anniversary party. It wasn't about Nick not wanting the same thing Greg wanted - the ceremony of joining with his lover in front of everyone who mattered - because Nick did want that. He had always wanted that. So. Much. He just never imagined he would want it with a man.

Because so many of the people who mattered to Nick would never celebrate such a thing.

And Nick always knew that. When he started getting serious about Greg, he just resigned himself to the fact that as long as he was with Greg - or any man for that matter - his dream of marriage and family was over. He fought against it for a while. He tried to convince them both that they were just fucking. Then he allowed himself to admit that they were, in fact, dating - he even confessed his love a few times. But as long as no one knew, Nick still had options. He could always end things with Greg and try to settle down with a nice girl who would make pretty babies. The fact that he had never been able to connect with any of the women he had dated in the same way that he had connected with Greg wasn't something Nick was willing to think about.

And watching Greg almost die against the filthy brick wall of the lab was all it took for Nick to finally get it. And while he didn't regret anything since the minute he made promises to Greg in that hospital room a year earlier, he couldn't stop himself from wondering every now and then if being with Greg was worth it. And every single time that thought crossed his mind, Nick felt sick and hated himself.

And explaining all of it to Greg was hard. It took many conversations with lots of reassurances from his lover along the way - but he got it all out and even though he had been sure he had learned all of his lessons, he realized that he still had a few more to go.

Like the fact that Greg was unconditional love defined.

He felt the hands of his lover rubbing his close-shaved skull before a well placed kiss pressed into the top of his head. He watched Greg disappear into their bedroom and realized he had just been given the sweetest kind of subtle, quiet drive-by-support and his heartache eased a little. Now it was always Greg who pulled him out of the heartache that he always felt when he spoke to his mother's voicemail.

Greg heard some of what Nick was saying into his cell phone and knew immediately that he was leaving another message for his mother. "...just wanted to say hello and that I miss you. Please call me soon..." Nick left a few of them every week. And they were heartbreaking to hear. He petted the soft fuzz on Nick's head before he kissed him right on top and sequestered himself to their bedroom to give his sad looking lover some space.

He was rinsing shampoo from his hair when he heard Nick's voice again. When he opened his eyes and cleared the blur from the water, he saw his boyfriend's face peering around the shower curtain. "Hey."

"Hey." Greg leaned toward him and gave him a soppy kiss. "You okay?"

Nick nodded. "Better now that you're home." Nick said as he stole another kiss from his drippy love. "Long day?"

"You have no idea!" He wasn't convinced that Nick was okay, but he decided to give him a little time before he pushed him for more. "But I see you've managed to keep yourself busy. The place looks great. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." Nick took one last kiss before he backed away a little. "I'm fixing you a nice meal and then I'm tucking you in bed for a few hours of much needed sleep. Then you can thank me."

"Why does it feel like you just asked me for a blow job?" Greg backed himself up until he was once again under the spray of the water.

"Can you think of a better way to say thank you?" Nick grinned. "Fuck, G, you look so damned hot soaking wet."

Not as hot as hearing you say that. "If there're eggs involved in that meal, you've earned yourself way more than a blow job, Tex." Greg closed his eyes and tipped his head back until water flowed down his face. "Now get out of here before I drag you inside this shower with all your clothes on."

Greg was still ruffling his fingers through his wet hair when he walked into the kitchen ten minutes later sniffing the air. "Bacon? We have bacon?"

"We do now." Nick said as he turned from the pan of sizzling pork he was working on. His words caught in his throat at the sight of his boyfriend. He was wearing nothing except a pair of Nick's A&M sweat pants and he looked beautiful. Nick swallowed hard before he could finish his thought and marveled at the fact that Greg could still do that to him. "Went to the store this morning."

"Seriously?" Greg's eyes lit up as he opened the refrigerator to see what treasures had appeared while he was at work. "Pudding!"

"Butterscotch." Nick confirmed as he handed Greg a cup of coffee. "Why don't you grab one and head into the living room. The Chopped marathon is all cued up for ya."

"There was a Chopped marathon? Cool!" Greg grabbed a brightly colored pudding cup, his perfectly prepared cup of coffee, and kissed Nick's nose before he turned toward the living room.

"I'll bring breakfast, or is it lunch...maybe dinner?" Nick pondered. "Whatever...I'll bring food out there in a few."

Greg was asleep by the middle of the second recorded episode. He ate during most of the first one, moaning and saying thank you between bites. Once he had taken his last bite of spinach and goat cheese omelet, Greg sighed with satisfaction before pulling Nick into a bacon-flavored kiss. "Can we cuddle on the couch and watch this for a bit? I want to see what they do with pickled herring and marshmallow fluff."

He was asleep before the appetizer round was done. Nick didn't mind much. Sure there was a table full of dishes piled in front of the couch, and yeah there was a glob of jelly drying on the carpet where Greg had flung his knife as he pointed to the television and screamed 'Dude! You can't cook purple potatoes in eight minutes!'. And even though Nick had spent hours cleaning the place, he really couldn't complain when he was nestled behind his sleeping boyfriend with free range to kiss the textured flesh of Greg's back. And as he felt himself drifting off with the clean smell of Greg filling his senses, his heart quieted that tiny nagging voice inside of his head - Greg is definitely worth it.

FIN