Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.
Warning: Contains M/M slash and male pregnancy.
Chapter Ten
Dean didn't mean to be so worried but Sam was there one moment and he was okay with that. He let Sam have some privacy because he was a big boy but suddenly it was like he just upped and disappeared from sight and he couldn't stand the thought of where he would have gotten off to. What if somebody else knew about the baby and kidnapped his brother? Should he call Gabriel? No, he quickly shook that idea away. Sam didn't want Gabriel to be around much because he couldn't cope. It just went to prove that the angel was definitely not worth it when it came to his little brother. Sam would never know he thought that though.
He was just about ready to call his younger brother again when the door cracked open and the younger Winchester slid through. Dean dropped everything and quickly pulled him towards him for a tight hug. He was just glad that Sam wasn't hurt and with that thought, Dean found himself inwardly depressed. If he couldn't stand displacing him for one minute, he couldn't see how he was going to cope when and if Sam died when he had the baby.
"Sam you aren't hurt are you?"
Sam shook his head instead of answering, pulling back to pull off his jacket. Sam had it off and Dean's eyes widened when he actually saw where the evidence of the baby was when the shirt rode up a little too high and revealed the small baby bump. He gaped wondering why he never even asked to see that before. Was he really that cruel that he wouldn't do that just because he had feelings that Sam didn't agree with? The baby was still his nephew and he couldn't just deny and forget what was going to happen.
"How far along are you Sam?" Dean asked and saw Sam look surprised. He didn't blame him since he never asked him that before.
"I'm eighteen weeks," he answered with a look of concern.
Dean nodded.
"Man I can't pretend anymore, Sam you need to tell me where you go so I don't worry. You know especially since Lucifer wants to make you his bitch."
Sam nodded in understanding although he avoided looking at him. Dean sighed and tried to press the issue. He really wanted to know why Sam was feeling guilty when he couldn't remember anything Sam may have done to make him mad. Sure he didn't like the idea of a baby being born that was going to kill his brother but he wasn't mad about that. The last time he had been was when he was sucking the demon's blood.
"Well Sam?"
"I was at an abortion clinic," Sam admitted roughly.
Dean nodded and then looked horror-struck. Nothing could compare to what he was feeling now knowing that he unknowingly caused his brother to go. He didn't want to pressure his brother into anything and now he was worried Sam had done something he was going to regret only because they didn't see eye to eye on something.
"You," he paused hoping he didn't come off as apathetic. "You are still pregnant right?"
Sam nodded.
"Then why would you go Sam? I told you what I thought because you asked earlier. That doesn't mean you go to an abortion clinic thinking it's your only option because we don't agree," Dean had to put this out so his brother would understand. He had to understand. "Why in the hell would you go after you have fought for this kid? I'm so stupid and I'm sorry Sam but don't do that again. You love that baby and you love the one that made you that baby so that's enough right?"
Sam nodded again covering his face.
Dean felt even more horrible than he had before and pulled Sam into a hug again, tightening it when Sam started to sob into his shoulder. It was his job to protect his younger brother, not make him break down. He felt tears at the corners of his eyes and quickly suppressed the urge to cry out. Sam was worth everything to him; all last year was testament to that. He died for him and they weren't as strong when they were apart. He rested his chin on the top of Sam's head while willing his heart to slow down and to reassure himself that everything was still okay.
"I couldn't do it Dean," Sam whispered. "I went there to just talk, that's what the appointment was about but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't-couldn't-"
Dean just held his brother providing the comfort that he knew his brother needed. I wish I were as strong as you Sammy, he thought as he closed his eyes, just concentrating on the fact that he had Sam here. I'm never going to be as strong as you and in a few months' time I'll have to live without you. I can't do that Sammy but for you, I'll try.
But don't make me promise that, cause I still don't know if I'll be able to stand it, he thought with such resignation. For now he was just content with having him here. He was here and some months from now when he had the baby, he might not be.
And nothing would be able to prepare him for when the time would come that he would be without him either.
"So I've decided to help on the next little hunt."
Dean was overly annoyed but Sam couldn't really get them to get along so he chose to roll his eyes and cross his arm over his stomach. He since then ditched any effort to try to get them to talk as well. Gabriel was smirking at the notion that he was going to be going on a hunt although Sam could tell that he was merely curious on what the steps usually involved whilst they were on one.
"No," Dean quickly snapped.
Castiel was here as well and he looked honestly confused about why this was such a problem. Sam wondered if he should just go ahead and pick something up for them to eat. He had craved Chinese food all day for some reason and could barely concentrate on anything let alone sitting in front of a computer to research anything. He since had given up once Dean and Gabriel looked like they were ready to hash it out however.
"Why not? It's not like Gabriel is going to send us to anymore dimensions?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.
So much for staying out of it, Sam thought with a silent mental sigh. He saw Gabriel linger at the small swell in his abdomen that was getting more noticeable the more the baby grew. It was especially noticeable since he had on a simple t-shirt that actually fit without donning the extra button up shirt and jacket. Dean rolled his eyes and continued on like Sam didn't say anything.
"I thought you were still crying about how unfair your life was," Dean snapped causing Gabriel to just smirk. Sam wasn't stupid to think that it couldn't affect Gabriel by now. He just smirked because he knew that it drove Dean up a wall. "Don't you want to go off and cry some more? I don't think you are done angsting enough."
"I think we can all agree to disagree," Cas quickly inputted. "Besides I think you should agree that your job is to look after Sam anyways. Isn't it your baby that he's carrying?"
Gabriel frowned and Sam wondered if he truly hated the baby. Every time the conversation even went towards the baby, even if it wasn't any baby in particular, Gabriel would laugh it off and change the subject quickly as though he had been burnt. He didn't seem to care at all about the fact that he was going to be a father and Sam understood, he just thought he would acknowledge the fact he would be a parent soon. It still hurt that he refrained from anything having to with it though.
"Cassie, you are still so mad at me," Gabriel stated with a frustrated sigh. "What happened to that small fledgling that looked up to me?"
"That fledgling grew up and realized that the one they looked up to was nothing more than a coward," Cas replied coldly.
Gabriel winced.
"Ouch, it's almost like you are saying that you hate me little bro but that's okay. I'll make it up to you one day, I swear. How about this, when the baby is born I'll make you the god father. That would make things a little better right?"
Cas and Dean gaped at him whilst Sam thought about it. Honestly that would be ideal and he could make the other one Dean. That would pull them together quicker and by not making Lisa the godmother, maybe Dean would eventually see that Lisa wasn't right for him. For some reason though, he realized that there was a fat chance he'd ever see Dean and Cas get their heads out of their asses and find each other, not in this life time anyways.
Before Dean could open his mouth to argue, Sam spoke up.
"Perfect and Dean could be the other god father." At Gabriel's smirk, Sam nodded.
It seemed that they were finally talking about the baby now. Sam smiled and was about to open his mouth when he quickly caught a small bag to prevent it from hitting him in the face. He raised an eyebrow and Gabriel rolled his eyes.
"Bring back Chinese food or something. That there is money and rolls of coins. I've got stuff to do and you're not thinking straight without the food you crave and when you have a craving, oh is it horrible." Sam frowned wondering why he would change the subject now.
"But Gabe I think we should talk-"
"Nope, go get it now. I have some things I have to do that I just remembered and it's going to be something I'm going to need to focus on for now." It was his code word for, 'I have to forget that I'm losing the one I love to a son I don't want.' Sam nodded although a bit sadly and just caught the keys, not even bothering to complain about whether he should or not take the impala as well.
Maybe he would just decide to stay at Bobby's, he thought morbidly once he was in the car. Dean hardly let him do anything anymore, Cas most of the time ignored him unless the questions were important, Bobby called him with disguised updates when he really wanted to know how he was doing, and Gabriel was the worse so far. He didn't acknowledge anything. He didn't want anything from him anymore either. Sam wasn't even sure if he had anyone else he was physical with but at this point he wouldn't doubt it. He wasn't going to just get rid of the baby though.
Making his brother and Cas the god parents was a good judgment call though. He made sure to keep his eyes on the road and drive carefully along the pavement. He knew Dean would be an excellent choice and Cas could learn about kids from him. And if Sam survived the birth, well he would learn to be a good parent from his baby. He was sure that he could anyways. Parenting didn't come with a handbook.
But first he had to find a way to do that and he needed Gabriel to talk, which he wasn't doing.
"Bang up job!"
Dean was pissed.
Sam winced and wondered if Dean was going to yell at him. They had to defeat famine and the only thing that had worked was the demon blood which he regretted. Throwing up got old the first three to four months of pregnancy and now it wasn't even related and the churning in his gut made him think he was dying. He didn't know how he could be so hungry and yet so violently sick at the same time.
He was brought out of his thoughts by a wet wash cloth being placed at the back of his neck. Gabriel seemed to take a break from whatever thing was calling his name. He shrugged and moaned as he prepared to throw up again. They needed to get him to the panic room so he wouldn't be a danger to himself and/or others. Gabriel just snorted and Sam moaned realizing that there was blood in the vomit, wondering now if he should panic or not. He didn't have the strength that he should have had and he was pretty sure that it was too hot as well.
"Stupid," Gabriel said with a snort, ignoring Dean's curses as he gave Sam one of his incredulous looks. "You can't drink demon blood. I don't think it infected the baby but the baby is using its grace to push all the impure blood back up. Whatever blood you burned when you used it against famine is gone and can't be pushed back up but the rest is going to suck."
"Kill me now please," Sam groaned making Gabriel snort and cross his arms.
"That would be too much of a mercy kill and besides what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." At Sam's glare, Gabriel became serious. "Sammy, you can't do that. You can't rely on the baby's growing grace because that would be more grace in your body that has to leave when you push the baby out and the harder it will be for you to survive if there is a one percent chance. Will you not make situations where you would borrow that grace and try as much as possible to just do background research for hunts from now on?"
"But it's boring-"
Gabriel cut off his whining with a sad smile.
"I know that it won't be long. You're what twenty weeks now?" Sam nodded verifying it with a surprised look. "I know I'm going to lose it although it is still taking more than I can handle to say that now but I would rather it be later rather than sooner. I don't want you to die at all and if there was one way I could find that could do it, I would in a heartbeat."
"You don't want the kid though," Sam said sadly, watching a flicker of something pass through Gabriel's eyes although he covered it up. Sam whimpered as he felt more cramp like pains in his stomach before he ended up throwing up again. "Why would you hate our baby when the thing he could do he would never even understand doing? He doesn't plan on destroying a life by being born and-"
"That's enough," Gabriel warned. "I don't want to think about that when-when I see you Sammy."
Sam frowned and Gabriel forced himself to smile although Sam could tell it wasn't reaching his eyes. He sighed and leaned his head over the toilet again until Gabriel brought him back so that he was resting against him.
"What if I have to throw up again?" Sam asked and Gabriel laughed at that.
"Well if you tell me, I'll make sure you make it in the bowl and not anywhere else." He frowned then and brought a hand through Sam's hair all the while looking down right miserable. "I'm not trying to avoid everything but I really don't think I could ever agree with the baby. This baby is gonna kill you and I'm not going to pretend that everything is alright. I can't do that. I never had to deal with losing someone I honestly loved beyond my family and that was so hurtful there is no way I'm experiencing the pain of loss again. I just can't Sam, it's nothing personal but this baby. This baby I can't-"
"I figured the less of the two evils. I could die by Lucifer if I was to say yes or I could have the baby and a part of me and our love will live on-"
"Why am I on team free will then?" Gabriel snapped. "My little brother still hates me although he will never understand why I ditched in the first place and Dean could care ales what happens to me. The only person that doesn't greet me with an attitude or just ignores me on principle is going to die soon and not because of my older power-hungry brother. I'm just tired Sam, tired of doing so much and losing far more. I left heaven because I couldn't stand the fight that was destroying everyone up there. I went with the pagans and for centuries, I didn't have to worry about loving someone to the point that I feel like I'd die myself if I lost them. Now though, I don't know. I don't think I'd be able to just ignore everything when it happens to you. I can't. I don't want to and I can't just raise a baby knowing you're gone because of the implications of not having you here with me."
"I honestly can't get an abortion Gabe," Sam told him wearily.
Gabriel nodded.
"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't act like this. Come on let's get to the bed and I'll have a trash can if you need to throw up or something. I don't want you to have to sleep in the bathroom," he added helping Sam stand and reach the bed that was only about two to three feet away.
Sam laid there and Gabriel hesitated for a millisecond before getting on the other side with him. Sam smiled and cuddled up to him causing Gabriel to roll his eyes and lightly flick his nose. He didn't complain though when the Winchester laid a head on his chest, only pulling him closer. He didn't expect to feel anything and looking at Sam in surprise, he looked down at the bulge thinking if it were possible that the brute in there had done something. It felt weird, something he never experienced before and gingerly placing his hand on it, he quickly pulled it away with more surprise at feeling the same thing.
Sam just smiled and shook his head.
"The baby is kicking more than usual you know," he told him and Gabriel eyed him in shock. He wondered if Gabriel realized this and frowned. "The baby knows you. I think he's happy that you're around and just can't contain the kicks although I don't think-"
He was cut off when Gabriel pulled him into a bruising heartfelt kiss. Sam kissed back with the same passion, glad that the archangel was finally acknowledging something. Gabriel broke off to kiss elsewhere making Sam arch when Gabriel hit the sensitive side on his neck. The other just smirked knowingly as he continued his way down and paused after licking around his belly button. He writhed underneath Gabriel and moaned at the loss of contact. He lifted himself up a little wondering why Gabriel stopped and saw a frown on his face making him worried that Gabriel was going to stop because he realized the same thing, he was going to lose him and it would be to an unplanned baby that he could do without.
Gabriel didn't say that though.
"If I do this, is the baby going to feel it?" he asked instead. "It would be weird to know that when we, uh, copulate that the baby would be inside you and it could hurt it or traumatize it so-"
"Do you ever read?" Sam asked in disbelief. "The baby isn't going to feel anything nor will the baby ever remember to be traumatized. Now let's 'copulate' because I've been wanting to do this for days and getting off in the shower just isn't enough sometimes."
At Gabriel's knowing smirk Sam groaned and brought him down on top of him. Gabriel was here real as he can be and he didn't hate him. He didn't even think he really hated the baby. He was glad that he was actually still around instead of running off. He broke out of his thoughts with a big whiny moan and Gabriel laughed as he attached his mouth to the pulse point of his neck again.
"I'm going to get every inch of you baby," he told him wiggling his eyebrows. "I'm going to get every nook and cranny so that I'll know what makes you go crazy. We have the time and you aren't going anywhere. Not to the panic room, not in a car. Dean is probably bitching to Lisa how I'm just some stupid heedless creature but I care and even more, I care about you. How's about I show it?"
Sam didn't complain.
In fact he was all for agreement.
He lost all thought when Gabriel continued his ministrations and arched his stomach.
He definitely loved Gabriel more than life.
This baby was definitely proof of it.