Prentiss

Derek had been arguing with me all morning. He didn't think I was ready to go back to work but it had been a month and I wasn't in pain anymore, I was fine. He somewhat proposed to me last week. It wasn't a formal proposal with dinner or fancy clothing or even on one knee with a ring. It was a casual outing when we took Clooney out. He asked if I would say yes if he were to formally propose later. I told him that I wasn't ready yet and he accepted that answer with a smile.

"Derek, for the last time. I am fine."

"Physically, maybe. Mentally, definitely not."

"Excuse me?"

"Emily, you're drinking so much, you're avoiding conversations that will take longer than 5 minutes, you're finding it very hard to concentrate on anything for a long period of time. You're emotional and you could fall apart at any time."

"I am not emotional."

"Yes you are. Don't try and tell me you're not because I can see it every day."

"Well you're not emotional at all. It was your child too, why don't you—"

"I grieved when you were out. The moment I found out I left the hospital for a while. I grieved for about 4 hours before I went back and decided that I was going to stay strong for you. I cried and I still find it hard but I'm pulling through."

"I'll be okay, Derek."

"We don't know that. Anything could trigger that sadness or anger that you haven't let out."

"I won't show it if it does and I'll tell you straight away."

"Emily—"

"Please, just let me go back to work." I gave him my best puppy eyes and a small smile.

He hesitated and sighed, "The moment you go back to keeping to yourself, I'm telling Hotch, and you're coming home."

I smiled and put my arms around his neck, "Thank you baby." I kissed him and the plan was just once, but once I started, I wanted more. He didn't seem to want to stop either. It had been what felt like so long since the last time we were…physical.

"We have a half hour." He said between kisses as he guided me backwards. He lifted me up onto the dining table and I moaned quietly already. He laughed egotistically and his hands began to roam slowly, teasingly. It drove me insane. He kissed and sucked down my neck and I dropped my head backwards to give him full access. He smiled as he kissed across my collarbone when I moaned again and I smirked.

"Shut up." I breathed.

"No judgment." He said before his lips crashed against mine again.

It took a while but I convinced both Hotch and Strauss to let me back on the team, at least until anyone saw anything negative in my behaviour. Hotch said that Derek had my physical exam waived with little difficulty and I was allowed back on the team today. I walked down the steps from Hotch's office where the rest of the team were waiting for the verdict. I smiled and put my things on my desk.

"Yay!" Garcia said excitedly, hugging me. I returned her gesture and smirked at Derek.

"I told you." I said once Garcia stepped away and he shook his head.

"The moment it happens, I'm telling Hotch."

"It's not going to happen." I shook my head, "But whatever keeps you sane."

"How long has been since you slept together last?" JJ asked, sitting on my desk. I stopped moving files and smirked at her.

"A few hours." Derek said casually, turning around and putting a few things in his drawer of his desk. I knew he was smiling to himself for embarrassing me like that.

"Can you not?" I asked him as Hotch walked over. He looked suspiciously between us.

"The last time they slept together was a few hours ago." Rossi filled him in.

"Why are you even talking about that?" Hotch asked.

"I asked." JJ smirked at me, "That was the first time since, wasn't it?"

I nodded and looked around at my team. "Wait, how'd you know that?"

"You're both in unusually good moods." Reid answered for her.

"So that's why you were late." Garcia smiled, "That's a valid reason in my books."

JJ and I laughed and I glanced at Derek. He shook his head when we made eye contact and tried to keep his proud smile back, "That's not why we were late. We were late because Emily forgot to feed Sergio and Clooney after she told me not to do it and then she took extra-long to feed them."

"Clooney is on this special food that is a lot more complicated because you need to measure it correctly and you can't give him any more or any less and as it turns out, I'm not great at measuring things."

"We've found one thing that Emily Prentiss is not good at." Reid said quietly, "She can do just about everything else."

"No she can't." Derek said, "Trust me…"

I glared at him but it turned into a smile and we both laughed.

Garcia's phone buzzed and she looked at it. She sighed, "I'll be back." She walked to her office, probably to look at a case and see if we were needed. After a few minutes of talking amongst us, she came back into the bullpen holding files, "We've got a case."

We followed her to the round table room and sat down. Garcia presented the case that involved computer hackers, so she was coming this time. We discussed it and Hotch wrapped it up with "Wheels up in 20. Prentiss, I need to speak with you." So everyone stood and left me in here with Hotch.

"What?" I asked him, his eyes fixated on mine.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Hotch, if at any point I don't feel okay, I already promised to tell Derek and he said he would tell you. You'll know if I'm anything but fine."

"Emily, you did lose a child."

"Yes, and while that may affect other people a lot more emotionally and mentally, I'm not as broken as everyone thinks I am. I'm a little offended, actually."

"We don't see you as weak." He assured.

"You don't. I can't say the same for the rest of the team."

"Emily—"

"They're going to put themselves at risk while trying to protect me in the field and you know it."

"They don't like it when one of our team had been through the things that you have."

I sighed, "Hotch, I'll be okay." I nodded and stood up.

He nodded in understanding and motioned to the door to tell me that I could leave. I glanced through the window as I walked to it and stopped, turning back to him, "Hey Hotch?"

"Yes?" He looked up from the files he was gathering.

"If I come straight to you if I'm not okay, would you let me stay on the case to not raise suspicion with the team or Derek?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Even if I'm not okay, will you let me stay on the case and not tell the team? Would you keep it between us?"

"You don't think you're going to be completely fine." He put the files down and gave all of his attention to me.

"I will be eventually, but Derek said this morning that I was emotional and anything could trigger the sadness or anger that I haven't released. If I break, I need you to keep it quiet and not let them know."

"Maybe you should let the sadness and anger out…but I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you. The anger I could do, but how do you even begin to relieve the sadness?"

"A long time ago, I lost someone, a friend, and I needed to release the sadness before I came back to work. I saw a therapist for it and they were able to assist. I recommend you do that."

"I can't do that in 15 minutes before we leave."

"I could just insult you and make you cry." He joked.

I smiled, "You're a genius." He smiled at me and I nodded, "Thanks Hotch." I walked out of the room and around the walkway. They all stared at me as I walked down the steps and to my desk, "What?"

"What was that about?" Derek asked.

"It was nothing; he was just asking if I was sure that I was okay." I smiled and picked up my go bag. Garcia walked out with her bag of clothes and her other bags of computers and whatever technical stuff she brought with her.

"Coffee, let's go." She said to JJ and I.

"I guess we're getting coffee…anyone else want to come?" JJ asked the guys. They all declined, "Okay, we'll bring you some for the plane."

I kissed Derek and followed them through the glass doors and to the elevator. We had time to get the coffees and get to the plane with minutes to spare.

We had gone through everything else about the case on the plane and Hotch called me to sit across from him on the plane on the furthest seats from everyone else.

"Have I done something already?" I asked quietly as I sat down.

"No, I'm just going to insult you until you cry." He smirked at me.

I smiled and shook my head, laughing, "Look, if we were in any other place where the team wasn't sitting metres away, I wouldn't object. But I feel like you have a lot to hold against me and a lot you could make me cry over so I'm going to have to ask you not to do that."

He laughed too, "Damn. I had been thinking of things since the round table room."

"Are you trying to distract me?"

"I am." He nodded, "There's a lot that I can see that the rest of this team doesn't and I know that you will not get through this case and I know that you are deteriorating."

I raised my eyebrows, "I am not."

"The longer you keep it in, the faster it's going to destroy you."

"Okay, I should never have said anything to you."

"Hey Reid, statistics on traumatic events linking to illness?" Hotch asked him across the plane. Now the whole team knew what we were discussing. I scoffed and looked at Hotch with a deathly glare.

"75 per cent of Americans will be exposed to at least one traumatic event in their life but only about 25 per cent of these would develop PSTD. Women are twice as more likely to develop it than men. The chances of developing PSTD on its own are around 26 per cent, severe depression is 26 per cent and both is around 48 per cent. Having a history of mental illness, having a high level of stress in everyday life and having low coping skills all make the chance of developing depression after a traumatic event much more likely.
"Nearly 4 out of 15 people are affected by both anxiety and any form of depression and—"

"Okay Reid." I cut him off, "Enough."

"Thank you Reid." Hotch nodded and looked back at me, raising his eyebrows.

"Are you trying to piss me off?" I asked him quietly. The rest of the team was completely silent and I knew they heard me anyway. "Because releasing all my anger on a plane may not be the best idea."

"I don't want it to happen while on the case."

"And it won't, Hotch. Believe it or not, I do have some self-control." I wasn't keeping my voice down now.

"I wasn't saying—"

"I would stop before she explodes." Derek cut Hotch off, "She is very close to yelling."

Hotch moved his eyes from Derek to me and he sighed, "I'll drop the subject."

I took a breath to calm myself, "Thank you."

"Hey Emily?" Reid asked. I looked at him over my shoulder and waited for him to continue. "Talking about it with people you know and trust makes it easier to cope with."

"Thanks Reid." I said in a tired voice and rolled my eyes. I looked back towards Hotch so the rest of the team couldn't see my face and I contemplated what I would get out of telling them anything. I would get sympathy and pity and those were the two things I hated the most.

My phone buzzed and I welcomed the distraction. I took it from my pocket and opened the message from Derek. It was dirty. I turned my head and smirked at him before shaking my head. He was already looking at me and laughed before drinking his coffee. "You disgust me." I said.

"I didn't this morning…"

"Oh, shut up!" The rest of the plane laughed; JJ and Garcia the most.

"Derek Morgan, whatever did that text say?" Rossi smirked at him. He just kept laughing.

"You do not want to know, Rossi." I shook my head and put my phone down in front of me, not texting him back. "We are currently on a case, Derek."

"I thought you don't listen to Strauss." JJ smirked at me.

"I listen to Hotch."

"You didn't a few minutes ago…" Hotch said.

"I listened." I defended.

"You argued."

"I have to listen to argue." I smirked at him.

He sighed, "You win this argument."

"It's because I was listening." We both laughed and I lifted my phone when it buzzed again. I opened Garcia's text.

"When are you popping the question?"

I turned around, "Garcia, what?"

Her eyes widened, "That was not meant for you. That was for De—David."

"Did you just call him David?"

"Did you just change Derek to David?" JJ asked.

"I was ignoring that part…" I said quietly. "Check the contact next time, Pen."

"Sorry." She gave me a guilty face. I looked back towards Hotch who was giving me a suspicious look. I showed him the text and he tried to fight him amused smile.

"Yeah, keep that smile off your face." I shook my head at him and gave my own smile.