Chapter 10: Flash Flood

Kakashi was strolling around the village with no particular goal. He just wanted to think. After he had left the Hokage Tower, he watched Sakura and Sasuke walk in the direction of their house in utter silence and what seemed like 6 feet of space between them. He couldn't help but wonder about the unpleasant night that awaited Sakura when they returned home. As he walked, he thought about the Sakura he had known for years. The Sakura who put on a facade of happiness, a facade that wasn't fooling anybody except-perhaps-herself. And then he thought about the Sakura who seemed to be at her emotional limits when she had come to seek him out "in her solitude," and again, after they had left the Uzumaki house. That Sakura, he remembered, always seemed like she was withholding the vigor he used to see on the battlefield. She seemed especially reserved when she was around Sasuke, like she could never fully express how she felt or what she wanted to say out of a fear that Sasuke wouldn't approve or be seen as a bad wife. This was the same young girl who, at one point, was willing to drop everything for the sake of a rogue shinobi boy.

But then he thought of the look she gave him when she realized that she was still a kunoichi. That smile-the smile that was stained by tears but communicated a sense of warmth and gratitude to him. He thought of her transition since then-that moment of self-discovery. She began to blossom again, as if she were a barren tree bough for years, blooming again with the sweetest scent. She grew happier. She smiled more. She teased him more. She made him laugh. She laughed. And she fought. Discovered her strength, scared the shit out of him sometimes. On missions, she quickly re-adopted a leadership position, delegating, coming up with ideas, executing plans flawlessly. She was an excellent kunoichi.

But today, he realized. Today she reverted back to the Sakura who seemed to shrink beside her husband, like a snail retracting its feelers out of the fear of harm. She was alert and instinctively on the defensive. She was worried again, about his perception of her, about his approval. And he hated that he saw it.

And so when Naruto assigned her to this mission, and assigned her to this mission with him, he couldn't help but feel like it was a personal victory. Sasuke had had his way for long enough. Sakura wasn't Kakashi's responsibility by any means, but he cared about her, and he didn't want to see her like that anymore. She became something like a companion to him-the only other person he knew who was experiencing a similar kind of stagnancy. Her understood her. He wanted her to be happy. Was it selfish of him to feel that he could help her find it? Even if he knew that she would rightfully be thinking about her daughter at home?

Kakashi sighed then. He realized that, no matter the situation, Sakura was at odds with something.

Could he even do something about it? He didn't know, but he did know that he was going to try. He was going to help her feel like this-going on this mission-was the right decision for her happiness. Sakura needed to relearn how to love herself, and then, maybe she could return to her life here feeling renewed.

When he came to recognize his surroundings, he realized he was in front of the post office. Yes, he was going to try, for her sake, and perhaps he recognized that this adventure was going to make him somewhat happy too. And so, he shook his wrist in his pocket, listening for the jingle of coins, and walked into the post office with a personal mission in mind.

"You're not going," Sasuke stated composedly after slamming the front door behind him, and kicking off his sandals.

The group had remained in Naruto's office discussing the mechanics of the trip. Sarada would take temporary residence in the Uzumaki house and Naruto would assign her village tasks to keep her mind occupied during Sakura's absence. Kakashi and Sakura were to pack a trolley of items, playing the role of moving travelers the moment they left the gates of Konoha. Living arrangements in Artisan Village were discussed as well. Throughout the meeting, Sasuke lingered by the window wordlessly. Even once Sakura and Sasuke had left together, he was silent. Until now. In the confines of their home.

Sasuke began to walk away from her towards the living room, and Sakura quickly removed her own sandals to follow him. Sakura felt she had to calculate her approach. She had been thinking about it during the entire walk home, knowing it was an inevitable conversation. "Why not?" she asked.

"It's dangerous," he answered, as if it were a sufficient response.

"I've been in much more dangerous situations, Sasuke," Sakura informed him.

"You haven't been for years!" he emphasized

"So what are you saying, Sasuke? That I'm incapable? That I can't handle it?" Sakura asked loudly, letting her frustration free.

"Of course not, Sakura. I know you're not a weak woman, it's just that I don't want you to be in danger! Is that so hard to understand? The thought of you facing something out there like Kaguya, even just a chance encounter-I just! ... You're not going."

"I can handle danger," she stated as a matter-of-fact.

"Yes, you can, but anything can happen out of there, Sakura. Think of our family-our daughter." The frustration in his voice was evident; he was losing patience.

Sakura scoffed and continued, "Look, I get it. You're worried about my safety, but my mission isn't to charge into battle, Sasuke. It's to collect information-"

"And to pretend to be someone else's wife." Sasuke cut in. "You're placing yourself in danger and publicly pretending to be married to Kakashi."

Sakura recalled the conversation she had with Kakashi when she left the Uzumaki home, "Sasuke, I'm a kunoichi. If the Hokage needs me, I must respond to the call. I pledged my life to this village-just like you did, just like Sarada. It's my duty. But my role on this mission is just an act!"

"You're a mother now, not a kunoichi. Your job is to stay right here, at home, taking care of Sarada." Sasuke's anger was rising faster than usual. He had been holding it in during that entire meeting, and now, finally, he had the opportunity to let it out.

But Sakura was ready for that very comment. "Why can't I be both? Aren't you a father and a shinobi at the same time?"

Sasuke's eyebrows furled in anger and his fists quickly tightened. Naruto had confronted him with the same argument, and clearly, it was a sore spot for him-an emotional trigger. "Yes, I am," he emphasized, "but I'm doing this to protect the village."

"AND SO AM I," She exclaimed. "And I love my daughter! With all my heart, and I've been here. I always will be!"

"Sarada needs her mother," Sasuke asserted unabashedly.

"And where does her father fit in to the picture, huh?" She asked, dangerously quiet, as if the roar of anger were going to burst out of her at any second. When Sasuke didn't answer her, she couldn't hold back. She had to let him have it. She began to raise her voice, "You hardly ever come home, Sasuke. And I get it, the mission is important, I know! I fucking know, okay? But you know what you don't understand? I wake up every morning alone. I watch my friends go home to their husbands every day. I see them laughing with their families regularly. But what do I come home to every day? An empty house, Sasuke. My daughter is out doing genin missions, and I don't even know when the hell I'm going to see my husband again. And so what do I do? I go to sleep alone. And I cry because I miss you, and I miss my child. And then the cycle starts over again in the morning." Suddenly, Sakura realized that tears had been rolling down her cheeks, and they wouldn't stop.

Sasuke stared at her expressionless. Was it going in one ear and out of the other? She didn't care at this point. It just felt too good to let it out.

"And you know what's worse?" she asked, not giving him time to react, "When you come home, I still feel lonely. Because you hardly talk to me, you don't say a word, you're not intimate. You feel like you're still out there, not next to me! And so I still feel like crying at night! I NEED this, Sasuke. All of my team members are out doing something amazing, and I'm just here, just like I always have been since we were kids. I'm DONE with feeling left behind!"

Sakura threw her hands up in the air in frustration before covering her eyes with her hands. Her heart was twisting, the memories of feeling inadequate rushed through her, taking residence in her heart and causing her inescapable pain. And the notion that she was also leaving her daughter made the feelings of sadness worse. It was like she couldn't win either way. She'd be bothered if she stayed home, and she'd be bothered if she left. Why couldn't she just ignore these feelings? Why couldn't she just be happy? The turmoil was just too much. She dropped down to her knees and started weeping, "I can't, Sasuke... I can't anymore."

"Sarada..." Sasuke spoke quietly, taking one shallow step forward.

For a moment, Sakura was confused by Sasuke's response-and then it hit her. Sakura instantly felt a sharp stab through her chest, as if she hollow sadness wasn't enough. She dropped her hands, and turned her head behind her in surprise, feeling petrified. Did she hear everything?

Sarada was standing behind her in the doorway, peeking her head ever-so-slightly around the door frame. She was crying too, eyes wide, fingers trembling on the frame.

Sakura quickly stood to approach her, but before she could, Sarada turned and ran out of the front door, leaving it ajar behind her, the wind slowly shutting it afterwards. Sakura reached out toward the empty doorway, as if she were gearing up to call out to her daughter, but the words wouldn't come out. And so she turned back to Sasuke, hand now gripped tightly around the fabric over her breast. The feeling in her chest was taking over, spreading over her body, the sadness manifesting as a physical pain and tightness. It was hard to breathe. It was like the heaviness was tugging on her throat, forcing her towards uncontrollable sobbing-a flash flood of all the pent up sadness bursting over whatever inner dams she had held up for so long.

Sasuke focused on his wife, watching and understanding the first time the extent of his wife's pain. Her eyes communicated to him a level of sadness he had never seen in her. She was going to break down in front of him, harder than ever before. Finally, a look of worry and anguish registered on his face. He took a step forward, ready to receive her.

"Sas...suke..." she cried softly as her free hand reached toward him, trembling, tears overflowing like a faucet, drenching the fabric over her chest. The steps between them only amounted to about four paces, but the approach felt like miles. He was so far, and Sarada was farther. "Sasuke!" she pushed out of her throat again, looking at her husband, who she recognized was finally seeing her misery. He reached out and grabbed her hand, thrusting her forward toward him, and pulling her into a tight embrace.

She couldn't stop it anymore. She started wailing into his chest, her breathing labored and agonizing, chest threatening to tear apart from feeling so tight. His shirt was instantly saturated by her wet cheeks and flowing tears. She was soon hiccuping and fighting to inhale, her breath growing shallow, and her intake desperate. She grasped his shirt tightly as she cried loudly, unashamedly. She just could not hold in the pain any longer, and Sarada's tragic expression was the last straw. Did she just lose her daughter? Did Sarada resent her for everything she said? Her legs were giving in. If not for Sasuke's frame, she would have fallen.

Sasuke had to support her body. And although he didn't want Sakura to go on this mission, he was beginning to understand. This woman he loved, his wife-this was the pain Naruto was talking about. How long had she been holding this in? How did he not see this happening before? But Sakura had been good at hiding it-to an extent. He knew she'd been upset, but he didn't know that it was quite like this. And so he held her tightly, each hiccuped breath, and subsequent wail showering him in tears, going through his chest like a knife. "Sakura," he whispered. He picked up his wife, supporting her under her knees and behind her neck. She repositioned her face into his shoulder, crying still, fisting his shirt tighter. "I'm sorry," he admitted faintly. "I'm sorry..."

This admission almost renewed the strength of her tears. He kept repeating himself as he began to kiss her forehead, holding his wife intensely. But although her tears fell steadily, he felt the energy leaving her body. She was growing weak and exhausted from this kind of emotional exodus. He carried her slowly up the stairs and to their bedroom. "I'm sorry," he repeated, placing her onto the mattress, continuing to kiss her forehead and rock her body within him.

Sakura could no longer register her husband's actions. She was empty. Numb. The tears had drained every thought, every bit of energy out of her body. Her eyes were wide, stinging, cold, cheeks wet and stained by salt trails.

But Sasuke was, for once, patient with his wife. Holding her, resting his cheek on top of her head, listening to her breathing until her the hiccups faded away and each breath slowly reverted to normal. He waited until the tears stopped flowing, until the woman in his arms fell asleep from utter emotional exhaustion. And once she had, he had slowly laid her down, covering her with a blanket, noticing for the first time the puffy eyes and sad expression that seemed to permanently dominate Sakura's resting countenance.

A/N: So, I had originally planned a longer and more intense fight between the two of them, but then the chapter sort of ended up writing itself. I did not plan Sakura's breakdown, it just happened. And Sasuke's reaction just happened too. And I'm okay with that. I guess I'll let the story unfold as it wants to. I had additional ideas, but I felt like it was appropriate to end it there and let the emotions resonate for a bit. My intuition is just leading the way! It wouldn't feel right to jump to a new, possibly lighter section, after that kind of heaviness, so here it is! Until next chapter!~