"You know," Yusuke said when Anderson arrived, as promised, on Monday for scones and a fight with Alucard, "Hiei said a long time ago that he would kill me one day, and my I met my best friend back in Japan because he wanted to beat me in a fight, and kept trying for three years. I'm betting those guys are kinda the same."
Integra raised a sceptical eyebrow. "I doubt it."
"Well, we'll find out when they finish fighting. I'll even put money on it that I'm right. Even if Anderson never admits it, I think Alucard might," Yusuke answered, shrugging, as he watched the two large men go at each other.
"I agree with the Detective," Hiei said, sitting down with them to watch the battle, a bowl of ice cream in one hand, a spoon in the other. "If Alucard really wanted to kill Alexander, why hasn't he tried eating him?"
Integra and Walter both blinked in surprise. Why hadn't they, who knew Alucard, thought of that before?
"He only uses the weapons you have provided, the human weapons, rather than any of his own. If he wanted to, he could unleash millions to fight for him, but he doesn't. He is holding back because he wants to find a human who can kill him. He has been killed before, and he has come back. He strives to find someone who can defeat him as the monster that he is now, and holds those few who were capable in high regard," Kurama added, lying down on the grass next to where Hiei sat, turning his head to watch the fight.
"The issue with the plants is sorted out now?" Integra asked, distracted from the fight by Kurama'a arrival.
"Yes. I managed to get the men who had fallen into the plants out, and I have returned them to their seed state. Apart from some scratches, and a couple of rashes from the poison ivy, the men are just fine and all accounted for. It must have been an intruder or stray animal that got into the flesh-eating bell-plant," Kurama answered, not looking away from the fight.
"Was that one of your demon plants?"
"No, it was one of the ones that somehow got its seeds into the Captain's braid while in South America. They have some of the most truly fascinating plants there," sighed the yoko wistfully. "Plants that with the barest hint of my energy go from being merely predators of micro- and minor-fauna to beautiful, deadly monsters, more than capable of devouring fifty grown men with great delight."
Hiei smirked down at Kurama, and Yusuke laughed companionably.
"PERVERT!"
The scream broke the mild serenity of companionably watching foes battling and making light conversation. It was Seras' voice. She flickered into existence beside the battle ground.
"Sir, I request permission to punish Captain Bernadotte for sexual harassment," the blond vampire stated, saluting sharply as she made her request.
"Denied," Integra answered.
Seras wilted visibly.
"What did he do this time? You've accused him of sexual harassment for singing dirty songs in your presence," Integra reminded the young vampire.
"He touched me, intimately, without my permission," Seras ground out.
"He what?" Alucard asked, quiet rage in his voice as he suddenly was at her side, Anderson and their fight forgotten.
"Bring him here!" Integra ordered Walter, blue eyes flashing sharply.
His own eyes flashing, the butler bowed and left at once. He did not approve of the way the French mercenaries, Captain Pip in particular, acted around the police girl.
"Oy! What's this break?" Anderson demanded, running up to the small party, waving one of his bayonets around. "Ye have not defeated me yet Vampire that ye can ignore me!"
Alucard wasn't listening, his whole focus was on Seras.
"Where did he touch you? How?" he demanded.
"He came up behind me while I was cleaning the Harkonnen, and grabbed me the same way the vampire-priest did in Cheddar," Seras answered, looking down at her feet in shame that she had allowed anyone to sneak up on her. "If I may not kill him, can I at least go bathe? I feel filthy from his touch."
"Yes, Seras, of course you may. Do you want someone to go with you?" Integra asked, her gaze fixed on the way the two vampires were holding onto each other without apparently being aware that they were.
"No Sir," Seras answered, stepping away from Alucard to look at Integra. "I'll be fine on my own as long as I know he's being dealt with."
Integra nodded her understanding and Alucard released her before she disappeared into her chambers to scrub herself.
"The wee lass vampire was man-handled?" Anderson asked, finally catching up with the conversation.
"Yes," Integra answered shortly. "Servant, you will not be given the satisfaction of punishing the Captain, or even deciding what will happen to him. You may watch, however," she said, directing her words to Alucard. "I'm not sure what we'll do with him, but I can't let his behaviour continue."
"I have a suggestion," Kurama said, withdrawing a seed from his hair.
"Demon world or human?" Hiei asked. He knew Kurama kept a variety from both worlds in his red locks at almost all times, but he was no good at identifying the seeds himself.
"Demon," Kurama answered. "It won't spill any blood, though Sir Hellsing would probably prefer to not witness this."
Integra raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure about this, considering the previous plant issues had only just been dealt with.
"What will it do, exactly?" Alucard asked, wanting to know for the sake of vilification on behalf of his little vampire.
Walter emerged from the Hellsing manor, Captain Bernadotte following behind, just as Kurama began to answer the Nosferatu.
"Are you familiar with the phrase 'the punishment shall fit the crime', Mr Alucard? Mr Pip can know what it is to be invaded, as he attempted to invade Miss Victoria. This particular plant captures prey, takes them, and leaves its seeds inside the bodies of its victims. If not cleaned out thoroughly, then the seeds will feed off the energy of the victim, and grow out, using the body as other plants use soil and fertilizer."
Integra, Anderson and Walter all stared at Kurama in mild horror. Pip's expression was one of sheer terror. Alucard looked like he was thinking it over, if it was suitably evil enough for the Captain.
"See, this is why pissing off Kurama is a bad idea," Yusuke said, shaking his head and getting up to go. He was all for guys getting what they deserved with interest, but he'd just as soon not watch. Besides, it was a good hour to call Keiko. "Be sure you clean him out thoroughly then Kurama, we don't need more of those growing up all over human world, and he'd probably do it wrong by himself," he called over his shoulder, waving as he left.
Kurama pulled a face. That was the downside to this idea.
"Just do not allow the plant release," Hiei said flatly. "Or use a human vine instead."
Kurama nodded, putting the seed away and taking out another one.
"Grape vine, with a little of my energy, should produce a similar effect."
Hiei nodded his approval of the alternative.
"You have my approval," Integra said, waving a hand. "I'm going to go and see Seras," she added, getting out of her chair and heading into the mansion.
"I will stay," Walter, Alucard and Anderson all stated at the same time. Anderson may not have cared anything for Seras as the other two men did, each in their own ways, but he did disapprove and desired to see punishment almost as much.
"You won't like me half as much when you see what I am capable of," Kurama warned the priest with a smile, perfectly aware that Anderson had not been informed regarding exactly how present demons were at Hellsing.
"The uniform really doesn't help," Seras said when Integra came into her room in the lower levels.
"No, I suppose it doesn't," Integra agreed, closing the door and using the momentary chore to give her some time to think. "Alucard can change his entire appearance at will, perhaps you could try?" she suggested at last.
"What, retail therapy isn't an option?" Seras tried to joke, smiling weakly.
"It is," Integra answered. "But it wouldn't solve your wardrobe problem quite as immediately, and it may prove to be a useful trick in the future."
Seras nodded, and tried focusing. Without opening her eyes, she asked, "How'm I doing?"
"You look like some kind of dominatrix," Integra answered.
Seras opened her eyes sharply and looked down, gasping.
"Well, it isn't exactly what I was going for," Seras admitted somewhat sadly as she tested how well she could move in her new clothes. "I'll be able to fight in them though, and I think the only guy who'd appreciate this look would be Master," she concluded.
"Why, is Seras going to attempt to seduce Alucard?" Integra asked, almost teasing, and causing Seras to blush.
"That wasn't what I meant!" Seras said, looking down at her black and red clothes again. Slacks – a definite improvement over the skirt – were topped by a comfortable but heavily boned top that had a regulation shirt collar and full-length sleeves. Both were black. Over the top of those, she wore a red leather bolero jacket. Her gloves were still brown, as well as her boots, and three belts with loops and pouches for ammo that hung from her waist and hips.
"That's alright Seras," Integra said, smiling. "I like it too, by the way."
A knock came at the door.
"Come in," Seras called, recognising by now the presence of Hiei and Kurama almost as well as she recognised the presence of her Master, who was also with them.
"How did his punishment go?"Integra asked.
The three all gave matching cruel smiles.
"He will never look at another grape," Alucard said, entering the room and wrapping an arm around the full vampire who still chose to be his servant, "and he will refrain from any such behaviour towards you ever again, Seras."
"Thank you."
Kurama bowed his head in acceptance and turned to leave, but noticed Seras' new look. "He definitely won't touch you again, with you looking like that," he said. "It suits you though."
Hiei looked Seras up and down before nodding.
"Remember to keep your awareness up at all times as well, even when in a 'safe' environment," the small demon advised. "There is no reason you should be unaware of someone like him attempting to sneak up on you."
Seras nodded and the two demons vacated the doorway, likely for their own room.
"Where is the Paladin?" Integra demanded, realisation hitting that he was likely still on her grounds and without Alucard nearby to target.
"Preaching to the captain," Alucard said with a chuckle. "I won't kill him, he's useful, even if he did bother Seras, and for the Judas Priest . . . maybe when I'm not needed one day, one day I might let him kill me."
"Master!" Seras explaimed, grabbing onto his jacket front more desperately than she had a moment ago been holding it.
Alucard chuckled, ruffling her hair.
"Obviously not yet," he assured her. "I don't let just anybody kill me. He's going to have to prove to me that he isn't someone's dog first."
"Only a human can kill a monster," Seras said, quoting the words she had heard her master say a few times before in various situations – where he almost invariably had the upper hand though.
Alucard nodded, smiling.
Integra nodded as well, and left the two vampires alone.