Hi all! Thank you SO much for helping me break the 100 review milestone! I am very proud of you all ^^ So I decided to update half a day early as a treat for you all!
Song: Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects... not quite a 'Roxas song', but its fitting.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy VII.
Kiss and I Will Surrender
Ten
Dirty Little Secret
Water plinked on the white tiles in the whiter kitchen as the slight blonde dressed only in his jeans marched back and forth in a pacing pattern. He hadn't even bothered to dry himself after his shower; it had been a struggle just to cover his modesty, his fingers had been fumbling so badly with the zipper and buttons of the denim pants. Every now and then, as his pacing continued, the boy let out a frustrated sigh and would check the clock on the wall.
What was taking Sora so long? He only lived around the corner from Roxas, but twenty minutes had passed and he still wasn't there. All kinds of terrible images were rushing through Roxas's mind like a stampede; what if Seifer's men had come back and Sora was in some kind of trouble now, out on the street with nobody to help him? He shuddered and rubbed his damp arms as he recalled for the millionth time the sickening feeling of having something hard and hot thrust into his mouth against his will, whilst his arms were held out straight to his sides and pinned to the grill of his car by large, calloused hands. His stomach lurched threateningly, and not for the first time that night the hairs on his arms raised to stiff attention like iron filings following a magnet.
Roxas was literally on the verge of picking his cell up off the white marble kitchen counter where it lay on charge, in order to call Sora to enquire as to his whereabouts, when the buzzer to his apartment sounded. He had to restrain himself from lurching into a frantic, panicked run as he made his way to his front door where the expensive looking door buzzer was flashing and sounding off. His thin hand trembled as it latched onto the white receiver and unhooked it from the cradle, bringing it up to his multiply pierced ear.
"Roxas Strife." He was amazed at himself for managing to sound so calm and steady. Relief snaked around his heart and squeezed it reassuringly to keep it pumping when the familiar, jaunty voice sounded in his ear.
"Roxas? Can you buzz me in?" Sora's voice was even and reassuring, if sounding a little concerned.
"Sure, come on up," the blonde replied, pressing his thumb over the button that would unlock the door downstairs before replacing the receiver. He ran his hand through his dripping locks that were already drying in their accustomed spiky mess, and resumed his pacing in the entrance hall, waiting anxiously for Sora to climb the stairs up to the third floor and find his apartment.
He quickly ran over in his mind what he had called Sora over for. As much as he needed a shoulder to lean on and a sympathetic ear after basically being sexually assaulted, he felt the need to... explain a few things to the brunette. When the art student had invited Roxas to his parent's house for their birthday earlier that day, Roxas had made up his mind to allow his feelings to call the shots on his relationship with Sora. But if he was going to allow something to happen, he had to make sure that if Sora reciprocated those feelings (not that Roxas had any idea if he would), that he was not in the dark about who Roxas really was. It was going to be a long, difficult night, and he had every certainty that there was a ninety percent chance that the brunette would leave the apartment and never come back after hearing what Roxas had to say.
Why he felt compelled to say it now, he guessed was because of what had just happened in the car park outside the apartment. He really was in some deep shit. Seifer truly had it in for him, and had chosen this moment in time to let his hatred be shown. Seifer was no small-time thug looking for kicks in the big city; when he wanted something he usually got it. And right now, he wanted Roxas out of town. And if Roxas didn't comply, he might as well say goodbye to singing, to playing his guitar, to the band... to Sora... he would be dead and six feet under before he'd even had a chance to write a farewell note.
He was startled from his brooding by three sharp raps at the door as knuckles connected with the highly polished wood, followed by Sora's voice calling his name indistinctly through the barrier that separated them. That voice both calmed the raging panic in Roxas and intensified it at the same time. He wanted to both run to that boy and press himself against him, and also flee from Sora and never see him again. His feelings, though slightly less alien to him now that he was acknowledging them rather than trying to push them away, were fragile and uncertain and most definitely terrifying. He wanted Sora so badly. He wanted to cup the other boy's face in his hands and sweep his thumbs over the soft, tanned skin of his cheeks, he wanted to press his forehead to Sora's and gaze into those endless blue oceans he had for eyes. He wanted to press his body flush against the other boy's, feel their hearts beating as one as their breaths intermingled like indistinct dreams. And those wants (no, needs) frightened him. They scared him fucking shitless, to put it bluntly.
He crossed the hallway, hearing the pitter patter of water droplets falling from his torso into the soft white carpet, and enclosed his hand around the handle to his door. It was now or never.
Resisting the urge to wrench the door open dramatically, Roxas turned the handle and pulled gently on the door. It swung open on well-oiled hinges to reveal the object of his desires and fears, wearing a pair of baggy black jeans and a black hoody. Roxas had never seen Sora in black. The brunette usually chose light khakis and royal blues, to reflect his playful nature. But this was something else. Black changed Sora from the cute boy next door into a tall, slender but well muscled brunette bombshell. His eyes, which were startling enough on their own, were made even bluer by the dark, opaque colour, and his skin went from just being brown to being sexy, tanned surf skin. Roxas had to remind himself to breathe.
Those sweet, inquiring eyes were filled with concern, but a spark of interest flashed in them when they took in the sight of a half naked and dripping wet Roxas, a sight that Sora could never get enough of, no matter how much he denied it and/or had to fight against epic nosebleeds. Roxas was definitely slimmer than Sora, his muscles were less defined and his ribs showed a little bit under his paler, bruised skin, but his stomach was flat and planed and the diagonal lines of his well pronounced hips that led a teasing trail under his waistline were nothing short of the damn hottest thing Sora had ever laid eyes on. None of the girls he had ever slept with, or even just entertained fantasies about, compared to this boy.
"You wanna come in?" Roxas asked, trying to keep his tone light and his smirk casual, but it turned into more of a pressed grimace than anything else. Sora nodded and stepped over the threshold, kicking his trainers off and placing them carefully in the wicker shoe basket by the door. He closed the door behind him, and when Roxas turned and walked into the large living room, he followed, not asking questions.
Roxas came to a stop in the centre of the room, underneath the large halogen light which illuminated the room in all of its stark whiteness. The light cast shadows over his pale skin as he turned to face Sora, the bags under his eyes becoming more pronounced, and he ran his hand through his dripping hair again with a sigh. Sora noticed for the first time that there were angry bruises on Roxas's cheeks and jaw that looked suspiciously like finger marks.
"Roxas?" he began as he took in the saddened, almost lost expression of the slighter boy. "What's wrong? You said you had something to tell me?"
The ridiculously blue cerulean orbs fringed thickly with gold that had been downcast, now flicked upwards to meet Sora's gaze. His sandy eyebrows drew together and arched upwards in the centre of his forehead, as a watery film coated his eyes and he bit his lip.
"Yeah, there are some things you need to know, Sora." The blonde shivered suddenly and rubbed his arms, which Sora noticed were looking a little too thin and bony. Was Roxas eating? Sora couldn't recall seeing the blonde eat more than a few mouthfuls in the two days they had spent together. His gaze became even more concerned.
"Let's get you a shirt first," he said gently, and Roxas nodded as he shivered again whilst allowing himself to be led into the bedroom with the blood red bed. Sora opened the large wardrobe and rifled through the clothes, picking out a white t-shirt with long black sleeves. "Arms up," he instructed. Feeling like a kid, Roxas extended his thin arms in front of him, and Sora guided them into the shirt sleeves before pulling the clothing over Roxas's head. Warmth covered Roxas's still slightly damp skin and he sighed appreciatively.
"Now, what is it you want to tell me?" Sora asked, sitting down on the king sized bed and patting the space next to him. Roxas joined him, keeping a slight distance between them as he took a few steadying breaths.
"You know Seifer, who beat us up?" he asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth a little quicker than he had intended. A short pause followed and then Sora nodded, frowning. Roxas took another deep breath, his eyes flicking around the room as he tried to think of how to phrase what was coming next. "Well... just now, there was another... incident."
"Is that what these are from?" Sora asked, his voice trembling slightly with a lower tenor than usual. His fingers reached out and lightly touched the bruises on Roxas's face, but the blonde flinched away from the gesture, looking like a cornered wolf. "What happened?" Sora's facial expression had darkened and his royal blue orbs were blazing with hatred for the man that seemed intent on making their lives miserable. "What did that bastard do to you, Roxas?"
Golden lashes swept down in a graceful arc as Roxas looked down again, this time at his hands resting limply in his lap. When he didn't answer, Sora persisted. "I've never seen you like this, Roxas. You're jumpy and seem almost... frightened. And you're really, really pale."
Roxas continued to stare into his hands as he opened his mouth to speak, unable to look the brunette in the eye. "I was f-followed home," he replied, his speech stuttering for the first, and not the last time. "I didn't notice them until I had parked my car. I sh-should have stayed in the vehicle and locked the doors but I got... c-cocky, I g-guess."
Sora watched the blonde's face as Roxas struggled to articulate the events, resting his weight on his arm, hand firmly planted into the red bedspread. He said nothing as the singer took a shuddering breath and clenched his fists, recomposing himself when his voice faltered too much.
"I got out of the car and..." A choked sob suddenly tried to escape from Roxas's throat, but he tried to hold it back so he ended up making a strangled noise. He cleared his throat, his lips trembling. "They were s-so much bigger than me... I couldn't do anything."
"Did they...? Oh god, Roxas," Sora suddenly said, as the reason dawned on him as to why Roxas was such a mess. Being beaten up wouldn't do this to him, it would have had to be something much, much worse. "R-Roxas," he said again, grabbing the boy's hands and cupping them in his own, larger ones. "They... did they rape you?"
Words could not describe the relief that crashed down on him when Roxas shook his head and murmured a quiet "No." He raised one hand to his chest and placed it over his heart, feeling it thud against his chest, and breathed out a deep sigh of reprieve.
"Thank goodness... but then, what happened?"
Roxas fidgeted. "You were on the right track," he continued in a mumbling breath, closing his eyes and sucking air in through clenched teeth, the sound jilted as his lips trembled and distorted the breath. He turned his face to look at Sora, not quite meeting his eyes, but allowing the brunette to get a better look at his new bruises.
It dawned on Sora then, what had happened. He brought the hand that had been on his chest up to his mouth, cupping it as if to muffle a sound. He was so horrified by the realisation (which he couldn't even articulate properly in his mind, it was too disgusting), that he felt nauseated and ill. No wonder Roxas's skin looked almost green.
"But I didn't ask you to come over so I could get a sympathetic ear," Roxas suddenly bit out, his voice sounding steadier, more resolute. "Those guys left a message along with their... actions. Basically, Seifer wants me out of town." He finally met Sora's eyes then, his own hardened with determination. "And you need to know why."
"I suppose that I will have to tell you a bit of my back story first," the blonde said, fumbling with the sheets of the bed. They had scooted further up and were now resting their backs against propped up pillows, their legs stretched out over the crimson bedspread. "But I have to tell you now," he continued, pausing for a moment to make sure he had Sora's full attention, "If you never want to talk to me again after this, I will understand."
"What are you talking about?" Sora blurted out, leaning in slightly as he retorted to the blonde's statement, but Roxas flinched away again in that frightened, animalistic way. "Why would I not want-?"
"Just hear me out. You'll see what I mean," Roxas cut in, his lips formed in a grim line. He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night, in a similar way to which a yoga performer draws their mind into a calmer, more meditative state. Clearly, he was psyching himself up for something.
"I guess... things started when I was fifteen years old. I ran away from home, and cut all ties with my family. Even Cloud and Zack, and they were my best friends. I was just... so sick of everyone trying to control me. My father... he wanted me to go to law school. Make something of myself." He scoffed and ran his fingers through tousled honey locks, his gaze directed at the ceiling. "All I wanted to do was play guitar and sing, but they didn't see it my way.
"So I ran away, and joined a band. Started sleeping rough on the streets. At first, I told the band that I was eighteen and lived with a girlfriend... but then they found out how old I was. They didn't get angry, but they warned me that I was going to have to find some place to stay else they would kick me out of the band."
Sora listened, his eyes wide. He had always had the feeling that when the mystery of Roxas's past was revealed, it wouldn't be pleasant or happy. But he hadn't expected it be quite so extreme. "You were fifteen?" he breathed. When he was that age the worst thing he had to worry about was whether or not the Chinese girl in his class Mulan liked him or not. Roxas had been out on the streets of Midgar, scrounging for food with nothing to his name but a guitar. But apparently, worse was to come in Roxas's tale.
"I started looking for a job, but nobody wants to employ a runaway fifteen year old. Even when I lied about my age and gave the address of one of my friends, they somehow always found out... I was getting desperate." Roxas drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, his head still tilted back against the headboard as he regarded the ceiling. He licked his lips and frowned as memories came back to him, memories he was ashamed of and would rather forget.
"One night, a girl came up to me on the street. She offered me thirty dollars to fuck her down some alleyway." He gave a bitter, choking laugh. "I was so fucking hungry and cold, I didn't even think about it. I lost my virginity for thirty freaking bucks."
Sora's mouth had fallen open and he was openly staring at Roxas now. The blonde still wasn't looking at him as he stared at the smooth plaster of the ceiling, his expression troubled and his eyes sad as they were shaded by golden bangs that were slowly drying. He cast a quick glance to the side and gave another dry chuckle.
"You haven't heard anything yet."
There was more? Sora wasn't so sure about this anymore, and he was starting to understand what Roxas had said about scaring him off. The blonde braced himself and then dipped back into his monologue, his voice still strong and firm.
"After that, I just kind of fell into the whole money for sex thing. Girls were willing to pay for it, and sometimes they paid a lot. A lot of my regulars were rich, bored and looking for some fun. I managed to get myself an apartment and bought loads of crap to fill the void between work and band practice.
"Most of the girls were older, in their twenties. I guess they just got off on the idea of screwing a teenager. I had a lot more piercings back then too. They probably liked that even more. But then the real shit started."
"I don't know if I want to hear this," Sora murmured. Roxas looked at him properly, his eyes glistening with sad agreement.
"Just hear me out until the end, please. Then you can leave me and never look back. It's really okay if you do. I wouldn't want to be around me either."
Sora nodded, not agreeing with the last statement but with the request to keep listening. He fidgeted slightly, waiting for Roxas to continue.
"You want a coffee?" Roxas suddenly said, taking the brunette completely by surprise. "It's just, you might be here a while."
Sora shook his head. "It's nearly midnight; I don't think caffeine is such a good idea." His voice was more clipped than he had intended, and he saw Roxas droop a little more. "But a soda would be great," he continued, flashing a tired smile at the sad boy who suddenly seemed a lot younger than twenty years old. Roxas looked... vulnerable.
The blonde nodded and got off the bed, leaving Sora alone with his thoughts for a few moments. The brunette let out a shaky breath, welcoming the brief moment of privacy. He hadn't wanted Roxas to see, afraid that it would upset the blonde more, but he was actually still feeling quite ill, and the story was only making it worse. The idea that Roxas had basically prostituted himself when he was so young was horrifying... stomach-churning. He felt terrible, guilty that he wanted nothing more right now than to bolt out of the door and never look back, to disentangle himself from the web Roxas had ensnared him in and cut all ties with the blonde. If this was just the tip of the iceberg, then what other horrors were in store for him when Roxas returned with his drink?
He didn't have time to brood on it further though, because Roxas walked back in, holding a can of Mountain Dew. He handed it to the brunette and sat down at the foot of the bed, lying back to regard the ceiling once more, as if asking it for answers. When it offered none, he looked at Sora, who had opened the can but wasn't drinking from it.
"Ready for me to continue?"
No.
Sora nodded, his fingers tightening around the cold can covered in condensation. Roxas tucked one arm behind his own head and trailed the other down his torso. It came to rest on his stomach, which was slightly exposed as his shirt had ridden up. His fingers danced over the pale skin absentmindedly, the soothing strokes across his belly calming his mind slightly.
"I'd probably been living by myself for a year or so, playing in the band and… doing my job, when one of my clients invited me to this… dinner party thing. I wasn't really into that kind of thing, but she promised to pay me double time by the hour if I escorted her, so I went along with it. Spent most of the evening saying hi to a bunch of suits. It was dead boring.
"But then the girl introduced me to one of her friends. He wasn't wearing a tie and he was drinking a beer rather than the complimentary champagne. He was a really nice guy; we got on like a house on fire."
Roxas swallowed, and his hand skimmed back up his torso and over his chest, tweaking and pinching the fabric between two long fingers. His eyes slid over to regard Sora once more.
"That guy's name was Seifer," he said, his eyes dark with sadness. At Sora's incredulous expression, his mouth curled into a smirk that held no humour whatsoever. "I know, right? Believe it or not, we became best friends. I spent nearly every waking moment with the guy. He was like a brother to me.
"But, Seifer was in a bad crowd. In fact, he was second in command of the Midgar Yakuza when I met him. He's got his own gang now, but back then he did worse shit than beating people up and threatening them. He ran drugs, managed brothels, sold weapons on the black market… and I got dragged into it along with him."
Sora groaned and held his head in his hands. Things couldn't get much worse than this, could they? Roxas had gotten involved in Yakuza activity, been an accomplice of Seifer's. "I continued to see my clients, but most of them were contacts within the Yakuza circle. Things were so hectic all the time, and I lived every day wondering if it was my last… We had a lot of enemies, you know?"
"Yeah," Sora replied hoarsely, feeling numb with disbelief. "I get it."
Roxas eyed him with what seemed to be sympathy. "I'm almost done," he murmured gently, giving Sora's leg a brief nudge of reassurance. "So then, I started doing drugs. Hard stuff, heroin and crack, that kind of thing. Wound up in hospital more times than I like to remember… well, after about my tenth visit, Cloud somehow found out where I was. He came to visit me. I hadn't seen him in like, three years by this point, and I was so doped up on meds that I barely recognized him. He stayed with me until I got discharged and then took me to Zack's place.
"I was pretty much catatonic for a few months. Didn't know where I was, who Zack and Cloud were… the withdrawal symptoms were bad, really bad. When I finally snapped out of it, Seifer was about to bust down the door and demand that I come back to the Yakuza."
Roxas gave pause now, the memories starting to affect him too much to continue. His voice had been jilted and shaking for the past few minutes, and now he rolled to face away from Sora so as to hide the few tears that leaked miserably out of his eyes. Sora said nothing. He stared at his hands, worrying his lower lip with his teeth, trying to remember how to breathe properly. Finally, Roxas turned back to him.
"Cloud told Seifer I was done with the Yakuza, that I was getting a real job and a life now. Seifer accused me of betraying him and tried to attack me, but Zack and Cloud floored him before he even had the chance. They beat him till he was barely breathing… I think they were so full of hatred towards him for getting me into the state I was that they actually wanted to kill him. They didn't though… I don't think those guys are capable of becoming murderers.
"So Seifer was driven out of Midgar and threatened not to return. Cloud and Zack had all of the ShinRa bodyguards to back them up… and that's like a fucking army. My guess is Seifer only just came back a few weeks ago. He's been keeping a low profile. And now he wants me out of Midgar."
Roxas's monologue came to an end, and all was silent in the room for a while. Roxas stared at the ceiling, his eyes tracing faint plaster lines as he waited for Sora's response. The brunette sat like a limp marionette, propped up against the headboard with his head hanging like he was in a coma. The only signs that he was conscious were that he kept biting his lips, and occasionally his fists would clench tight and he would let out some sort of frustrated sound.
Roxas got up after twenty minutes and no answer. "I'm going to make some coffee," he mumbled. He took a quick glance at the digital clock on the bedside table, which read 12.35 am. "Oh yeah… happy birthday to us, I guess."
The kettle rumbled loudly as the element heated up and started to boil the water. Roxas stared vacantly at the appliance as it started to shake slightly from the force of the boiling liquid inside, waiting for the automatic catch to flip up and signal that his water was ready. He twiddled a teaspoon with coffee granule residue on it between his fingers, going over Sora's reaction.
He had expected Sora to start shouting at him. The boy was usually so hyperactive and highly strung after all. Roxas had almost hoped to get into a screaming match with him, just so that he could vent some of his frustration. But Sora had listened with wide eyes, merely looking more and more broken as Roxas continued to reveal his past to the brunette. By the end of the monologues, Sora looked like little more than a lifeless doll. And that hurt a lot more than being screamed at.
"Great start to my twenties," Roxas growled as he slopped some water from the kettle into his mug and then stirred the instant coffee granules to make sure that they dissolved properly. The smell of coffee was easing his stomach which was still churning after the incident in the car park. Not caring if he burned his mouth or not, he took a large gulp, feeling the scalding liquid slide down his throat and into his tempestuous stomach. The burning pain was good. It let him know that this wasn't a dream.
He leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee and staring into blank white space. He couldn't hear any movement in the bedroom. He drummed his fingers on the counter top impatiently, wanting to go and confront Sora, ask what he wanted to do now that he knew that Roxas used to be drug-addicted man whore… but he forced himself to wait. Sora needed time. This was a lot of information to receive all in one go.
He could probably have hidden the prostitution from Sora, but what good would it have done? It would have come out sooner or later, and then it would be worse, because Sora would feel betrayed and lied to. At least now he was sure that Sora only felt horrified and disgusted.
A loud crash sounded from the bedroom, and then all was silent. It sounded suspiciously like something had fallen to the floor. Remembering that Sora's narcolepsy tended to take over when he was stressed out, Roxas drained his mug and dumped it in the sink before rushing into the bedroom. Sora was indeed asleep. He had passed out sitting up, and fallen sideways off the edge of the bed. Blood was oozing from his temple where he seemed to have hit his head on the nightstand in the process.
Roxas knelt down beside the boy, who even in sleep had a troubled expression on his face. Rolling Sora onto his back, Roxas smoothed his bangs back and examined the cut, before taking a long look at Sora's face. It could be the last time he would be able to, if Sora chose to cut him out of his life. Realising this, Roxas did not hesitate as he inclined his head and brushed his lips gently over Sora's, a feather like caress, before pulling away and shaking Sora's shoulder gently.
"Wake up, Sora," he murmured softly, and the dark, sooty lashes splayed on Sora's cheeks fluttered, sliding open to reveal his hazy, still slightly out-of-it eyes. "You okay?" Roxas asked, aiding the boy into a sitting position. "You hit your head pretty hard."
Sora didn't speak. He stared at Roxas with a near blank expression, as if words failed him. Roxas reached over to the nightstand and pulled a small canvas bag from the drawer, opening it to reveal various band aids and painkillers. He pulled out a flesh coloured plaster and told Sora to hold still (though he needn't have, Sora was still sitting there like a comatose puppet) as he applied the dressing to the cut on the brunette's face, smoothing it over and making sure it was sticking firmly.
"Sora," he said in the boy's ear when he was done. "Snap out of it Sora."
The glazed look remained, but Sora's lip trembled.
"I need to know what you want," Roxas sighed, crouched down in front of the boy. "What's going to happen to… us? You've got to snap out of it!" he repeated again, more angrily this time.
"I…" Sora breathed, blinking slowly. "I don't… want to. It… hurts too much to think about it…"
Roxas huffed and sat down on the floor next to Sora, taking the boy's hands in his own. "I know it hurts… but it's for the best that you know. I didn't want to keep living a lie with you, Sora. I really like you, you've become my best friend in the space of a weekend… I couldn't keep it from you."
Sora swallowed and nodded, the haze in his eyes clearing as he blinked slowly. He took a few deep breaths and then looked at Roxas. "I need some time, Roxas."
Roxas blinked. "Time?"
Sora inclined his head, shaking his hands out of the blonde's grip. "I have to think about this. I want to be your friend but… that was a lot of information. And I don't know if you're important enough to me yet, for me to be getting mixed up in gang warfare and yakuza shit… I want to help you, but I don't see how I could."
"I'm not asking for help… just support," Roxas mumbled, looking down at the carpet. His fingers tugged and twisted at the little hairs of fabric nervously. "But… I understand if you can't give it."
"Yeah," Sora murmured, pushing himself to his feet and dusting himself off a little. He winced and touched the plastered cut. "I'll come to the gig tomorrow though… and the after party. Maybe it will help me see my feelings a little clearer."
Roxas felt his heart skip a beat. "You don't have to do that," he said quickly, standing up too and meeting Sora's gaze. "You can celebrate your birthday with Tidus, like you planned."
"No… I want to," Sora mumbled. "But right now, I just need to get some sleep… I have class tomorrow anyway. I'll see you at the gig," he promised. His hand came up to rest briefly on Roxas's shoulder.
"I really like you Roxas… more than I like to admit. But I have to say, I'm disappointed. I thought you were better than that stuff."
The singer hung his head shamefully and nodded. "I understand… I'm sorry, Sora."
"Hmm." Roxas watched sadly as Sora turned away and walked out of the room, hands shoved deep in his pockets and his head bowed, brooding. There was shuffling as he pulled on his shoes at the front door, and then a click and a snap as he opened and closed the door, leaving Roxas alone in the big white apartment.
"That… could have gone worse," Roxas murmured, wandering through into the living room. He went to close the curtains of the French windows, but hesitated. He needed some air. He pulled the glass doors open and stepped onto the balcony, the biting cold night air whipping his face refreshingly. He looked up and saw stars winking over head, watching over the city like celestial guardians.
"That's a sight you don't see a lot in Midgar," he whispered to himself, leaning on the edge of the balcony and gazing upwards as the astronomical lights twinkled overhead. "That, and flowers. Don't see a lot of them either."
His conversation with himself stopped short when he heard a strange noise from below him. It sounded like someone was coughing, or choking. He leaned over the railings, craning his neck to see what was going on, keeping a wary eye out for that black sports car that Seifer's men had been in. His eyes widened slightly when he saw a familiar head of spiky chocolate hair atop a body that was slumped on the sidewalk outside his apartment, leaning against the wall and shaking with grief. Sora was crying.
The fact that he had waited until he was out of the apartment to start crying stung Roxas's in the heart. Sora didn't want to seem weak before him, to show how much Roxas's story had hurt. Guilt racked Roxas's insides like sharp, needle point knives, forcing him to acknowledge that he had probably just lost not only his best friend, but possibly the only person he had ever truly had feelings for.
And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
"Fuck…" he mumbled, gripping the balcony railing tightly as he turned his head away from the sight of Sora, broken and sobbing on the ground, and looked back at the stars, hoping to find some sort of hope nestling there amongst the twinkling lights. But there is only darkness between stars. Vast, empty space that provides nothing but solitude.
"Fuck!" he said again, his tears bubbling up again in his chest and wobbling his words. "What have I done?" As the hysterics and tears began, clouds skirted and scudded across the night sky, blocking the stars from view. There really is no hope among the stars, he thought, as the grief consumed him.
ARGH THE ANGST!! -ducks rocks thrown at her- Please dont hurt me!! It will all turn out good in the end, I promise!
I have a review monster living under my bed... please feed it, or it will eat me and I won't be able to update T.T