Author's Note: using a new style for the texting. Less with the bold and italics and more with just tagging the lines. I hope that works for you guys. I also hope you enjoy more emoness. Thanks for the reviews and comments. Don't lose heart. There's more coming. ;)

For a moment I stood there stunned, blinking as I tried to make sense in my alcohol addled brain of what was going on. Had he... Really?

Remembering I had these awesome things called arms I pressed my hands into his chest and pushed him back hard. I wracked my brain for a witty retort before I spoke, "Hey!" I shouted.

Ok maybe not as witty as I thought, but give me a break. Remember that whole middle of the night drinking thing? Yeah... Not my finest moment. Reaching up I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand as I watched Sebastian stumble backward chuckling.

"Easy tiger. We'll get more hands on shortly."

"We're not getting more hands on! You're gonna leave me alone!"

"Am I?" The smirk moved across his face and I wanted nothing more than to bury my fist in his skin. As my hands clenched at my sides I sighed and took off walking into the night away from the street lamps and up the little path.

"Blaine," Sebastian called after me and I heard him catch up to me as I continued storming off. "You're going completely the wrong way."

"Right. Well I don't care so long as I'm away from you."

"Aww come on, Blaine. You know you liked it."

"Liked it?!" I roared turning on him and getting up into his face. "Is that what you call it when you force yourself on someone, doing them a favor? It's not a favor!"

"No, it's more of a grace or privilege."

A growl built in my chest as my jaw clenched. "Find someone else to grace with your presence, Sebastian."

His arms crossed over his chest as he smiled. "Here I thought we could relive a moment. Look I'm sorry if I misread your signals-"

"What signals?! How do you confuse pure loathing with making a move."

"It's sort of your thing. Your mouth says no but your body's screaming yes."

I scoffed hard and rolled my eyes as I set off on the path again, shaking my head and stuffing my hands in my pockets. Sebastian fell into step beside me as I trudged through the snow. "You can't blame me. You're sort of irresistible."

"You better start resisting," I said.

Sebastian laughed and shook his head, his hair falling into his face. "The more things change... Look I wasn't trying to piss you off. I remember how hard it is for you to come back home. I thought I could help you blow off some steam, be the silver lining around your crappy family's cloud. Who knows maybe you'd come home for the holidays more often."

"I'm not going to be your holiday hook up, Sebastian. So just get that out of your head."

"Yeah. But maybe you could be my friend."

His voice rang in my ears as I laid down, head buzzing as I thought about what he said. Sebastian, the guy who'd used me and just wanted one thing and I was convinced he really had feelings, said he wanted to be friends. He said he missed me... What the hell does that mean? What did he miss? Did he miss an easy lay or did he miss... Me? Like really me?

They say you never know what you've lost until it's gone. Was this one of those moments? Had he realized? Did I want to put myself back in that situation?

The answer to that was easy: no. I had a life, friends, career pursuits, Scout curled up on my chest, seriously how do you ignore the most perfect life companion of all time? And I had prospects with Kurt. I was really interested in him. REALLY. And what was I going to do with that? Send him a text saying "Hey Kurt. This guy I was hung up on in high school wants my attention again. I know we never said we were anything officially, though I felt like we were heading in that direction. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, or weirded you out talking about this when I've very clearly blown it up in my head, but I just wanted to make my intentions clear. Love, B"

Yeah that was the lamest and most pathetic thing ever.

But what if Sebastian was serious? What if he really wanted to be something… Something real. I couldn't just turn away from that.

Though Wes and Trent would want me to do just that.

I would be lying if I said something about that kiss didn't feel good. It was… Hot. Sebastian knew just how much I enjoyed a strong hand. And he seemed like maybe he was finally ready for the emotional connection I've been yearning for. Maybe this time we could get it right.

Are you delusional right now, Anderson? Seriously. The thrill you feel isn't anything more than lust, passion, and an internal guilt knowing that Sebastian Smythe is capital B bad news.

But why does he have to be so hot and familiar and pull at every hope inside me?

Because you're an idiot Anderson. A capital I idiot.

Sigh

The rest of the week went off without a hitch. I listened to my father rant, my mother apologize on his behalf. Cooper took me out one night to shop and do a movie. He had an audition coming up and apparently no one can make him look as stunning as me. Before I knew it I was giving my father an awkward handshake, holding a glass of scotch entirely too early in the morning, then getting Scout put in the car before heading home. My real home. I knew that now more than ever.

When my phone buzzed a couple hours later I was more than a little surprised to see the message across it.

K. Cuban food is weird.

B. lol! How so?

K. I feel like there should be pineapple in everything. I also feel like a fat lard and I can't wait to hear what everyone says when I'm rolled into the dance hall

B. that you're the sexiest doughnut at the ball?

K. Your love struck goggles blind you to the truth Mister Anderson.

B. hardly. Love struck huh?

K. Face it. You love me. You adore me. You just can't get enough.

B. says the one messaging me.

K. Harhar. So how was your holiday?

B. sufficiently awkward and ready to go home. Sounds like yours was as well just in a different vein. I'm driving now but I'd happily message you later when I get home.

K. Look at that rushing to get rid of me. Have I been replaced in my absence? Insert tear here. Either way be careful. Precious cargo.

B. you think I'm precious?

K. Not you conceited! The dog.

A laugh bubbled to my lips as I put my phone down and pet Scout's head. It was funny how different Sebastian and Kurt were. More than that it was funny how different I was with them. I always felt on my guard with Sebastian, constantly conscious of what direction he was going to take, what advance he was going to make. I couldn't just be there was always some sort of ulterior motive. Or maybe that was just my paranoid self.

"Stay away from him," Wes said. But I couldn't. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Maybe it was the bad boy thing. Maybe it was my need to try and heal the damaged person he kept hidden from the world. Either way I knew he was bad for me. I turned into this weak thing chasing him.

Kurt was different though. I felt like I could fly. His flirtations and encouragements kept me coming back for more even if he was just a metaphorical voice in my head. You know I've never heard his voice? Something about him felt classy and debonaire. Romantic. Like an old Sinatra or Hepburn film where knowing glances lead to fingers touching, interlacing in simple intimacy that held more weight in that moment than the overt sex scenes in film now. Less truly is more.

And yet I'm the asshole who had a one night stand and let's myself be used by cheeky little weasels with dimples to spare and dreamy eyes.

What is wrong with you, Blaine? He's also a sadistic jerk who gets pleasure in messing with your head. Remember that part?

When my phone buzzed nearly an hour later I smiled when I picked it up. As my eyes roved the screen my expression fell turning more and more from. The butterflies of anticipation turned into heavy rocks weighing down my stomach and making me feel sick.

"I was more than a little disappointed to hear you left without saying goodbye. Look I know I don't deserve you and you probably won't respond to this anyway, but I miss you B. You're a good thing and I was young and stupid and took advantage. Give me the chance to make it right. I'm going to be in the city next weekend and I want to see you. Come to Carmine's at 8 pm Friday and maybe we can talk. Or don't show. I can take a hint. Either way, you know everything about us feels right. I could feel it in you that night. Let me show you.

Your, Sebastian."

Well fuck.

That... Wow. What was I going to do now?

The same thing we do every night Pinky: not a damn thing.

For days I recoiled into myself. I didn't take calls. I was sort of short and busy whenever anyone texted. I politely blew off Kurt all while navigating the tumultuous feelings inside me.

What was I supposed to do? I wasn't going to respond to that message. I wasn't going to tell Wes and Trent so they could harass me. Ok maybe it was more like save me from myself. He said he wanted a friend. How could I not at least hear his proposition? Maybe there was something to it. Maybe he needed help. He was coming all this way after all.

Hardly eating, rarely sleeping, I felt like a phantom moving through a life that didn't feel much like mine. I knew the answer to this question but something pulled me there like a magnet. I didn't understand why. And the fact that I felt sick making this decision probably should have told me not to go. Love wasn't supposed to make you feel sick and disgusted with worry. And second guess everything. And feel kinda worthless.

Right?

And yet here I was Friday night looking up at the red sign then walking into the dimly lit restaurant full of plush red velvet and gold trimmings. I gave my name to the hostess and was brought back to an empty booth.

Wait... I was half an hour late trying to get my courage up and he still wasn't here?

"Your partner told us to let you know his train was delayed. Please make yourself comfortable and he will be here soon." Before I could object she disappeared leaving me sitting there alone.

Great. Just great. When a free cosmopolitan showed up I had it and stood up to put my coat on.

"B! I'm so sorry I'm late. So good to see you."

Before I could pull away he kissed me square on the mouth then sorta pushed me back towards the table. "Please sit down. Let me treat you after a hard week working and studying."

I mouthed like a fish then did exactly what he said as a voice inside my head screeched at how stupid I was being.

"The duck's good. So are the canolis. You're gonna love this place. I'm really glad you're-"

"What gives?"

Sebastian blinked, his smirky grin faltering a little at the edges. "Excuse me?"

"What gives? You say you want to talk. You're an hour late then you start going on like we're best friends. Why don't we cut the crap and you tell me what you want here."

A small laugh bubbles to his lips and Sebastian shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "Easy killer. I don't 'want' anything more than you're company. We could have a meal. Share a few drinks. I'm sorry I was late but I'm really glad to see you. Why don't you drop that Cosmo and loosen up?"

I wanted to roar and tear his throat out, but instead I just gaped at him. With a scoff I shook my head and pulled up the menu.

"What?"

"Nothing. I should have known."

"Known what?"

"That you're the same old Sebastian."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

I put the menu down and glared. "You lure me here like you've changed, like you want something more. Then you don't even give me the time or courtesy of a normal human being."

"I did call to say I was going to be late. Don't I get some points for that?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Whatever Sebastian. You know what I'm saying."

"No I don't. I thought my letter was pretty clear and you didn't even respond. So which of us is being used and led on here? Because it surely isn't you. I told you what I wanted. Take it or leave it. Now why don't you get something to drink, maybe go to the bathroom and cool off, try not to be so uptight, and we can have a pleasant evening. All right?"

Who was this guy? And why did I just feel manipulated into shutting up and not questioning his motives? Probably because I was. But like a good little Blaine I did exactly as he said, like some pussy whipped, hen pecked loser. The rest of the conversation was cordial and I played my part. I didn't argue or act up. I just let him talk ,smiling and nodding and acting probing questions. Inside it was like I was in the shadows. Somehow I was the subordinate, the assistant to his star, like a light inside me grew dimmer. When dinner was over I pulled my jacket tight around me and walked with him outside. Though it wasn't that cold, I felt myself receding into my jacket, like somehow I could disappear and be enveloped in a warmth I didn't know existed.

"This was really great, B," Sebastian said and internally I rolled my eyes. He only called me B when he wanted something.

"I should get back," I said starting to step towards to curb to wave a cab.

"Of course," he said as he followed me and waited with me in silence as the cab pulled up.

I opened the door and realized I should probably say some sort of good-bye, but before I could make a polite ducking out Sebastian's hands were on my jacket and he pulled me to him, kissing me deep, full of need and this heat I wasn't accustomed to. Internally I balked but somehow I felt too surprised to push him back, but I didn't kiss him back.

"We're going to hang out this weekend. I'll send you a message about when and where."

I didn't say anything. Stunned, I sat there blinking. Maybe I nodded, maybe I said ok, I wasn't aware of anything going on in that moment until I was in the cab and let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

When I logged in to Facebook the next morning, already feeling sick about what I'd done I saw I had a message. Without thinking I clicked on the link and started reading.

"So I was thinking that the holidays alone can be pretty murderous on everyone, but I imagine it's that much worse for loner teachers whose mentor just bit it. Was that too soon? Anyway, since this is Scout's first Christmas metaphorically speaking I figured I'd show her a good time. How about I send you clues to a weekly event, for Scout of course? Think of it like an advent calendar only it's live and beautiful and the best thing on earth. Hell maybe we could even think about meeting Christmas Eve. Only so long as Rachel gets to scope you out first. If you're gonna be an axe murderer at least do me a favor and get my competition out of the way first.

Is it weird to say I miss you?

Kurt"

Putting my head in my hands I sighed as Scout put her head in my lap. What the hell are you doing, Anderson? What the hell are you doing?