Rating: R – for the drama.

Angst/Drama Rating: On a scale of 1-10 this is about a solid 6.

Setting: The Grove - Tucson

Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BTVS, they're owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure.

Feedback: Always

Distribution: Probably up for it, just ask please.

Author's Notes: I'd like to say in advance that Chapter Eleven will be a bit slow in coming. It's is longer than previous chapters so it's going to be a bigger task to beta and edit accordingly. So I'll say thanks for your patience now, but know it is forthcoming.

Welcome to Chapter Ten of Dry Heat...

When they reached the suite, Tara headed straight for the bedroom. From the living room Willow heard her shoes clomp to the floor, and the bed springs squeak as Tara sat. Willow began to pace around the living room, and her palms started to sweat as she rubbed her hands on her jeans, but that only seemed to make it worse.

"Will, is something wrong, sweetie?" Tara asked in a neutral tone of voice.

Willow cleared her throat nervously, and laughed nervously. "No, not at all. How about some coffee? I have some great coffee; let me get it," she said as she rushed through the bedroom and into her own. As she came back through with supplies, she saw Tara still sat on the foot of the bed with her head cocked to one side.

"Willow, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, really, I swear. Please come into the living room. I'll explain myself," Willow said as she fidgeted with her hands full.

Tara stood, and let Willow lead the way out of the bedroom. She went directly into the kitchen, and started to make coffee. Willow began to sweat heavily, as Tara sat on the couch, and she busied herself without saying anything. Willow's nervous energy was building along with the knot in her stomach, and now she was second guessing her choice of coffee, but it was too late now.

As the coffee started to brew, Willow stood with her hands on the counter, and couldn't meet Tara's eyes. Tara sighed, and from the corner of her eye, Willow saw her cross one leg over the other. A formidable babble forming as fear, shame, and sadness ran through Willow like ice water.

Finally the coffee was done. Willow doctored them to their tastes, and with a deep breath, she brought Tara her cup.

"Thank you, Willow. Now will you please tell me what has you so agitated?"

Willow started to pace again, and took several big gulps of the hot coffee. "Tara, you need—no, I need for you to know. I need to explain myself, why I did the stupid things I did. You've agreed to come here now and stay with me – learn with me – I owe you this much. You deserve that much. If I'm going back to Sunnydale to do the same thing, then I need to start with you. This isn't easy for me; I've banged my head against this for so long, baby. I had a whole little speech prepared, and I'll be damned if I can remember any of it. I honestly never thought you'd want to see me again."

"Willow, please just sit, and talk to me; you're making me nervous," Tara said, putting her untouched cup down.

Willow finished the coffee, and poured herself another before sitting in a chair across from Tara. Tara frowned. "Not next to me?"

Willow shook her head, as she sat the cup down. "I want to be able to say this to you directly Tara. I'm not proud of what I have to say, by any means," Willow took a deep breath again. "If I can't be honest enough to look you in the eye, and ask for your forgiveness, then what are we starting over with?"

"Willow, we talked about this—" Tara began and was cut off by Willow.

"Baby, we did, but we didn't. I owe you this," Willow stood again, as she ran her hands over her face, and pushed her hair back behind her ears. In a small voice Willow started to talk.

"I think I started to lose it when Buffy died. There was so much to deal with—Dawn, patrolling, keeping it all together. I was in charge, so I couldn't let anyone see me sweat. If I started to crack, what would happen to everyone else? Even Giles was pretty much useless, then he pulled a Houdini, and it really was all up to me. You kept me sane, baby; you were the only one that seemed to be able to cope without floundering. Then I got the bright idea to bring Buffy back. Even before I mentioned it to you, so I started to practice with small things. After Glory, I knew I could do a lot, so I kept building on that, but I didn't realize that everything I had learned wasn't exactly – the best things to be using regularly, if at all."

Willow studied Tara's face. She rubbed her palms against her jeans, and reached for her coffee. After several sips she continued.

"The little things started to become second nature – you saw – but not only that, it started to feel good. The buildup and the rush when it was released – at first I could control it, but that wasn't what it was it about, the Magicks felt great, it relieved stress, and didn't seem to have any consequences—it's not like anyone would die because of a small spell, right? The more I used it, the better I felt. Tara, I realize now it was an escape like a drug, because I really didn't have any control. It controlled me. Tara, when we bought Buffy back…" Willow took a ragged breath, shaking her head, and looked Tara directly in the eyes. "Do you know what 'Wine of the Mother' is, and how you get it?"

"Yes, Willow I do. After the spell I wanted to know. I knew things were starting to get out of control then. I just wanted to understand, and I began to realize just how far out of control things were spiraling. I should have said something then, but you weren't the only one that was weak, Willow. We needed Buffy; we still do," Tara sighed heavily.

Willow's eyes began to tear up. "You knew, and didn't say anything," she replied, barely above a whisper, as she hung her head. Her shoulders rolled inward, and tears started to roll down her cheeks in earnest. Tara reached for her, but Willow pulled back, and wiped the tears with the heel of her hand.

With a deep sigh, Willow went on, "As we know, it only got worse from there. The power was so sweet, and so easy. I didn't understand about balance. Really, I didn't care. I doubt it would have sunk in, and you tried more than once to make me understand. Remember the night at the Bronze, when we fought? After that, it seemed like everyone started to gang up on me. When we brought Buffy back, and Giles arrived, do you know what he said to me? That I was a stupid girl, and I had crossed lines – harnessed forces I shouldn't have. He called me an 'arrogant, rank amateur', and told me I was dealing with things I didn't understand. He was right, I can say that now," Willow shook her head in disbelief. "Do you know what I said to him? I told him he was right. The Magicks I used were incredibly powerful. That I was incredibly powerful, and maybe it wasn't such a good idea for him to piss me off – not one of my more stellar moments, I know."

Willow drained her cup, and went back for a third. "Don't you like it? It's probably cold now. I can make you another cup if you like."

Tara shook her head. "I'm sure it's fine; I'm just not very thirsty, and you're not going to sleep. Why are you telling me all of this Willow? Why now?"

Willow stirred milk into her coffee. "You'd be surprised. I want you to know exactly what I am Tara. What I can be capable of – it's not all good. What you're agreeing to, because if, you know, you change your mind, I would understand. "

"Willow, do we have to keep doing this? You're sorry, I'm sorry, we're all sorry! I have gotten past this to forgive you, Will. I did that when I came back that night. I want us to work things out. I love you, don't you get that? Why is that so hard for you to believe? Do you honestly think I would have waited – and yes, I waited for you – if I didn't think we were worth saving? I'm not an idiot," Tara said indignantly.

Willow hung her head again, and whispered, "But I'm a monster."

Tara's jaw dropped. "What! What did you just say?"

Willow looked up with unshed tears in her eyes. "I. Am. A. Monster."

Tara shook her head. "Are you insane? Have you been out in the heat too long, and it's fried your brain? Coming from a girl who was told she was demon for most of her life, I think I can speak with some authority when I say you are not a monster. Is that really what you think, Willow?"

"It's what I know! I may not turn into anything, or have scales and horns but I should. Tara, it kills me that I hurt you like I did. That I had the unmitigated gall to presume to know what was best for you, and Buffy. That I tinkered with your memories, and tried to justify it by convincing myself it was for your benefit, when really it was for mine. I had no right, and there's really no excuse for it. I'm supposed to love you, and protect you from things like this, but I should have been protecting you from myself. I can stand here, and say it was the Magicks and I wasn't myself, but ultimately it was me. I made the decision; I made the choice to…violate you." Willow choked the last sentence out, while feeling like she had swallowed something foul.

Tara stood as she threw her hands into the air. "UGH! Willow, really? I mean really?"

Willow clenched her jaw, and the muscle jumped with tension. She didn't say anything; she couldn't as the image of giving Tara the Lethe's Bramble she had whispered over, floated before her eyes followed by the mad dash through the sewers from the vampire, with no one knowing who they were.

Tara rushed into the bedroom, putting her shoes back on while Willow watched unable to move.

"I can't listen to this anymore. I'm going for a walk," Tara said as she headed for the door.

"Tara, wait!" The slamming door was the only response. "Great way to screw this up, Rosenberg." Willow dumped her cup out then slid down to the floor, resting her head on her knees.

It was still hot, even though the sun had started to set. There were still traces of it to the west, and the mountains were now silhouettes in black against the dying light. Tara could see the main building, and moved away from it at a brisk walk, that quickly turned into a run. She was not a runner, other than for her life while patrolling, and she didn't know where she was going either, but she had to be away now.

She slowed when she came to a clearing where only scrub grass grew—there were no flowers or bushes, not even cacti. She bent over, hands on knees, to catch her breath, and realized this must be the empty baseball diamond Willow described as being where she practiced.

She looked back toward the main building to get her bearings, but it was no longer in sight. Magic hummed in the air, faint traces of a once-powerful spells diminished by the passage of time. Could it really have been from Willow's last visit, a week earlier?

She plopped to the ground, as that idea sunk in. If it was Willow—for her to leave a magical signature like that a week later, was both frightening and quite a shock. She had always known Willow's potential was great, in part because of her relentless pursuit of knowledge, but she had no idea it could be of this magnitude.

Once again her mind started to spin as Lady Rowan's offer to train with Willow jumped to the fore. How was she supposed to train with a witch of this caliber? She had her strengths, but Willow was so far out of her league now, it would be like swatting flies with a two-by-four.

Why would she have made such a ridiculous offer? How did Rowan know so much about her, and why did she even care? Something else was happening, and Tara wanted answers.

She didn't doubt Willow's power, or love even as she seemed to be trying to push her away, but now she wondered if her decision to stay was wise. What was the motive behind it? Tara watched the last of the light gradually fade away before she got to her feet, and began to walk back.

Willow sat with her back against the cabinets, as she tried to regain her composure. When it didn't work, she stood and walked through into her room. She changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed several large candles, and headed into the living room of her suite.

She formed a large circle with them, and then lit each one. She turned off the lights, shook out her tight muscles, and sat carefully between two candles.

She picked up the candle she had set aside for herself, and began to chant, "This candle is myself, burning steady and true. Here do I find peace and tranquility. A place apart where I may safely meditate and grow in spirituality."

Willow's chant became steadily softer, until it was only in her head, but her lips kept moving. Her thoughts slowed, and she began to feel calmer the longer she stayed focused on the candle. After some time had passed she set the candle down, and closed her eyes, focused on her breathing and her chant.

Just like when she practiced in the field, a soft glow began to shimmer around her. The calmer she became the brighter the glow, until she was completely surrounded by an opalescent field of energy. Colors shot through the field, danced along her body – red, blue, green, orange, violet. They pulsed as they touched her.

Willow slowly opened her eyes, smiling as she watched the colors dance. As they grew brighter her sense of groundedness increased. Her argument with Tara settled heavily on her, and everything flickered for a moment. Willow continued to relax and focus. Once again everything brightened.

It was dark when Tara entered her suite. She frowned as she walked into the bedroom, and turned the lights on. The room was empty. She noticed the door to Willow's room was ajar, and a knot of apprehension began to form in her stomach.

She eased the door open, and as light from her room flooded in she saw it was dark as well as empty. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, then waited for her eyes to adjust. A dim flicker of light came from the living room so she crept toward it.

She couldn't believe her eyes.

Willow was sitting in a circle of lit candles. The candle light seemed to be absorbed by the shimmer of color emanating from Willow. All the colors of the rainbow danced through the light, and played at specific points along Willow's body. Willow's face was serene. Her eyes closed and her lips moved, but there was no sound Tara could hear. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Without thinking she whispered, "My God, Willow."

Willow turned toward her and smiled. Willow's smile had always been radiant, but this one was nothing short of beatific. Tara felt dizzy, grabbed the doorway to steady herself. Willow closed her eyes again, and gradually everything dimmed, until only the glow of the candles remained.

Tara slid to the floor, her eyes locked onto her girlfriend. The air crackled with Willow's energy; it was so heavy she could taste it, and it tasted like strawberries. Willow opened her eyes, and leaned forward to blow the candle in front of her out. She walked over to a lamp, and just before clicking it on she said, "Watch your eyes, sweetheart."

Tara blinked rapidly against the light, and Willow went to extinguish the rest of the candles. She left them in a circle, walked over to Tara and offered her hand. Tara hesitated, then reached for Willow. Her hand was unusually warm, and Tara couldn't stop staring.

"Willow, what did I just see?"

Willow smiled. "I was meditating, Tara. What did you see?"

Tara touched Willow's face, scanning it with her eyes as she looked for some other sign of change.

Swallowing hard she said, "You, surrounded by lights. I've never seen anything like it. Willow, does this happen all the time now? And you're warm, warmer than normal. What – I mean how? What has happened…to you?"

Willow led Tara to the couch and sat them both down. Tara's hands were visibly trembling, and Willow reached up to stroke her hair.

"Yes, it does. It also happens when I practice with Lady Rowan and Sister Dana, although when we practice it's more combative."

Tara pulled back. "Combative! Willow, what have you been training for?"

Willow caressed her hand. "For everything and anything we might face. Tara, it's no big surprise that I don't exactly lead what could be called a 'normal' life. You don't either, now, and that's because of being with me. These are things I need to know, not just for my safety, but yours and everyone else's. This is not something I play with or take lightly."

Willow paused to look deeply into Tara's face before she continued.

"When I was in England, Giles told me that now the Magicks were a part of me. It's not just something I use or can use; now it's almost like it's part of my DNA. I'm still responsible for how I use it, and for what reasons as well as keeping it under control. I can't let it overrun me. There's a connectedness that I feel, and sometimes it is overwhelming, but it's with the earth. Think of it as one big root system – it's all intertwined and connected – stronger and older in some parts – running fast, and new in others. I guess you could say I'm somewhere in between. I can access the old, strong parts, and adapt with the fast and new too."

Confusion and disbelief swept through Tara, as she swallowed repeatedly. "Show me."

Willow smiled. "That's not what it's about, and I don't normally do this, but for you, I will."

Willow stood in front of Tara and closed her eyes as she lifted both hands up to Tara's eye level. Slowly in her left hand a flame emerged, and in her right a snowball, as Willow opened her eyes to look at Tara.

"Grab a piece of paper from the pad behind me to my left," Willow extended her left hand toward Tara. "Now drop it into the flame."

Tara reached forward. Willow's hand was radiating heat. She quickly dropped the paper over her palm. She watched it curl and blacken, then disappear altogether, emitting a wisp of smoke and the smell of burned paper. A light sheen of sweat had appeared on Willow's face, but she didn't look like she was in any discomfort.

"Hold out your hands, love." Tara placed her hands together, and Willow turned her right hand over, dropped the snowball into her palms. The reality of just how much power Willow could now access stomped through Tara's brain, as she looked from the melting snowball to Willow. With a small hiss the flame disappeared from her hand, and she went to sit back down on the couch.

"Willow, are you still human?" Tara asked while the snowball dripped from her hands. "Let me see your hands."

Willow showed Tara her unblemished palms. "Tara, honey you've been with me all week. Do I not seem human to you? You've been in some very intimate places. Has anything changed? To answer your question, to the best of my knowledge, I am still one hundred percent human – all girl, all the time. I just happen to also be a witch, albeit a better one than when I started years ago in high school."

"You mean more powerful."

Willow shook her head. "That's incidental. I'm better because I understand how it works – at least how it should work. Does that make sense, baby?"

"This is a real snowball, not an illusion?" Tara asked. She had seen enough, being with the Scoobies, to know she should be suspicious.

"Very real, taste it."

Tara looked at Willow like she was crazy.

Willow rolled her eyes. "It's melting in your hands, baby. Look."

Willow got up, pinched some of the snowball and dropped it into her mouth. She stuck out her tongue so Tara could watch it melt before she swallowed.

Tara raised it to her mouth, and bit off a small piece as it melted in her mouth she tried to corral all the questions that surfaced. The biggest being if Willow had been such a danger she had to go away before, what had changed now that she was stronger.

"I can do you one better, and tell you where it's from," Willow said mischievously. "It's Canadian. Ontario, to be specific. I can't be more exact than that. They must be having a storm," Willow winked at Tara. She took Tara's arm and started to steer her to the little kitchen. "Drop it in the sink; it's dripping all over the carpet."

Tara mechanically walked to the sink, and dropped it. She watched it scattered and continue to melt just as it should. "Willow, I don't understand."

"Tara, baby, you see auras. You cast spells just like I do. What don't you understand? It's no different than before," She shrugged. "Just more of it. This is all secondary. We didn't finish earlier."

Tara sighed heavily. "More? I'm tired of listening to you beat yourself about the head and neck over this. What will it take for you to understand?"

"Nothing. I won't say another word. I know the guilt is something I carry, but your being here means more to me than carrying it around. You know me, big with the guiltiness girl—I am Jewish after all. Guilt's in my DNA. You've already told me you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to be, and you've more than shown me that. I have to deal with it; ultimately I have to get over myself," Willow said with a self-deprecating smile.

Tara said skeptically, "Wow, I kinda thought it would be harder than that to get you over this."

"Me too, but I have to believe you when you tell me that you forgive me, or at least that you can. Now it's my job to prove you right and that it's worth it," Willow said with a shrug and a smile. "Can I hug you?"

Tara smiled and walked into Willow's open arms burying her face in Willow's neck breathing her in.

"Do you know you smell like strawberries? The room smelled that way when I came in."

Willow stiffened.

"What? What did I say?" Tara pulled back to look at Willow.

"Nothing – no, it is but it isn't. I'm not proud of this, Tara, but I won't keep anything from you either. When things got bad after you left me – You know Amy and I were doing things we shouldn't, and she took me to a dark magic dealer named Rack. He said my magic tasted like strawberries."

Tara stepped back. "He said you tasted like strawberries? How would he know that, Willow?" She crossed her arms over her chest, not liking what she was hearing.

"No, no, Tara not anything like that – ewww, no. There was an exchange of magicks before he would give me more. Not that that sounds any better, I know. I would cast for him, and I don't know how to explain it. He absorbed it."

"Well, that explains some things. Dawnie told me her end of how things happened when you got her hurt. You know, I only ever met Amy as a human once, but I think I much prefer her as a rat," As Tara started to rub her temples, Willow stepped toward her, but Tara stepped back.

Willow said quietly, "Please let me help? I know you've heard and seen a lot tonight. Not all of it has been pleasant, and it's getting late. Let me take care of you? Please?"

She let Willow guide her to the couch. They sat, and Willow drew Tara's head onto her lap. Willow's thumbs rubbed in circles at her temples, and the tension in her head and neck started to ease away. Willow's hands were still unusually warm, but Tara was on the beneficial end of that warmth, and wasn't going to complain.

"What else did you do for it, Willow?" Tara asked, her voice strained with dread at what the answer might be.

Shame rippled over Willow's face. "That was it. That was when I was at my lowest, my worst. I didn't cope well when you left."

Tara nodded. "I'm tired, Will. I just want go to bed," She said as she began to sit up and move away from Willow.

"Okay… Tara?" Willow's voice was small and sad. "I can sleep in here if you'd rather. I mean, I would understand."

Tara stood with her head to one side for a moment before she held her hand out. Everything she had seen cushioned what she had heard.

"Come to bed," She said.

Willow gave her a small grateful smile, and followed her into the bedroom. Tara started to pull on a t-shirt as Willow stepped out of her jeans.

"Skin? Please?" Willow asked hesitantly.

Tara turned to her, and nodded, tossed the shirt aside and climbed into the bed. Willow quickly divested herself of the rest of her clothing, as Tara slipped her panties off. Willow wrapped herself around Tara, resting her head on her shoulder. Her hands wandered down Tara's shoulder as Tara's stroked her back and hair. Willow kissed her shoulder as she squeezed Tara harder.

"I love you, Tara," She said quietly.

"I love you too, Willow," Tara said, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"Good. Sweet dreams, baby," Willow murmured as she snuggled closer, stroking Tara's back and shoulder.

"You too, sweetie."

Willow's breathing became slow and steady, while Tara stroked her hair. Willow became restless in her sleep, so Tara loosened her hold and tried to soothe her, but Willow rolled away from her. She lay there awake for what seemed like hours, as question after question swam around in her head. The one she hated the most was if her own safety was in jeopardy.

Was the offer to train a code for that, or would it mean that she would be expected keep Willow on a leash for the Council? The last thing Tara remembered was watching Willow move and mutter unintelligibly before she finally dropped off to sleep.

The next thing she knew she awoke to a scream.

"NOOOO!" Willow screamed, sitting upright.

"Willow, what's wrong?" Tara asked blearily.

"Oh God, I'm gonna be sick," Willow said, and bolted for the bathroom.

TBC…