a letter from the spire
Fable II
Sparrow, Hammer
Dear Hammer,
How's life outside in the sun? You and fluffnugget manage to annoy the pants off Theresa yet? I know she doesn't wear any, but you know what I mean yea?
Anyway, living here has been quite the experience. Sleeping on the cold, dirty floor, chasing the rats…It's kind of like sleeping in the Guild, actually. Except the floor here does this weird heartbeat thing. It's like a giant, deformed cat or something.
The guards are nice enough, now that we no longer have to fight over who's going to shave whom. They give me cookies now before hand, and I wake up and boom! Hair gone. Those are some magic, hair steeling cookies!
The only downside is we don't get to bathe, so the place kind of smells, and I don't think all the dead people are helping that either.
I met Garth, by the way. Nice enough guy I suppose, does this neat trick were he talks without moving his lips, kind of like that guy we saw in Oakfield last time we met, you know the one with the talking doll? Well, he can do that. Except better, I think.
There's a guy here, who sort of reminds me of Theresa when I was little. 'Do this, do that, obey me or suffer the consequences', that sort of thing. Except this guy is like the kinky, half goat version that likes to hit people with swords, and demand you thank him for the pain. Weird right? I met a bloke like that once in Bowerstone, and let me tell you that's the last time I blindly accept party invitations!
Oh, and Bob says Hi as well. He's this guy that likes to hang around with me here. Talks about his wife all the time. Well, not as much anymore. I think he's got a tumor, or amnesia, or that other thing that starts with an a I can't remember. I don't think he even remembers he doesn't know you, but it's ok, we can pretend. That's what you do with the elderly right? Just go with it? Granted, he's not much older than me, but still counts yea?
Well, I've got to go. Apparently the Commandant wants me to come help him feng sui his office. Or something.
Ta 3!
Recruit 273
Sparrow the Gypsy King
p.s: Tell Theresa I think Lucien's become a vampire. He looks like one, he never comes out of his creepy office, and he likes to have his minions make cookies. If that doesn't scream vampire, I don't know what does. Also, I think he killed the sun. It never shines in here. That's what vampires do, they keep the sun too scared to come to their lair! Oh god, I'm living with a wrinkly old vampire! And I'm bald!
p.p.s: What was I talking about again? That annoying droning noise thing drives me up a wall, and I had to smash the sittin' crate so it wouldn't take over my mind and make me do things again.
p.p.p.s: that guard that likes to yell at me also says hi. He wouldn't tell me his name, so I have christened him Jefferey, in honor of one of the fleas who lost his life when they stole my hair. We should have him over for tea.