Chapter 10: We Need More

Olivia wasn't home by the time Rae and the kids got up the next morning so the three of them had breakfast without her. Calvin was worried that they'd had another fight and that Olivia had left to stay somewhere else. Rae assured him that she'd just went to work and that she'd be back. They were just cleaning up the breakfast dishes when Olivia walked into the apartment. Calvin and Noah both ran over to hug her and tell her good morning. She gave hugs and kisses before walking over to the kitchen where Rae was still loading the dishwasher.

"Hey" she said with a soft smile.

"Hi". She paused from loading the dishwasher and turned to face her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned her head back. Olivia leaned down and brought their lips together in a sweet, loving kiss. "You look tired" she said once their lips parted.

"I am….very tired" she said with a light laugh.

"You have to go back to work soon?" Olivia nodded.

"Yeah. I just came home to shower and change". Rae let go of her and finished up loading the dishwasher. "I was hoping you hadn't eaten breakfast yet so that I could eat with you guys".

"Yeah. They both got up a bit early today". She closed then started the dishwasher then proceeded to clear and wipe down the countertops. When she was satisfied that it was clean, she turned to leave the kitchen and saw that Olivia was still standing there, watching her. "What?"

"Umm, can we talk?" Rae bit her lip and took a breath.

"Yeah" she said hesitantly. It was early and the boys were up. She really wasn't in the mood for an argument but they had to talk some time. They went in their bedroom and shut the door.

"So I was thinking….you know how you said that maybe we should get Calvin some help to deal with everything he's been through?"

"Yeah".

"I was thinking that maybe we should take your advice for ourselves" she said with a shrug.

"Um, okay" Rae said confused.

"Maybe we should try couples' therapy" she suggested.

"Couples' therapy?" Rae repeated questioningly.

"Yeah. I mean you always say that we have….I have communication issues and we're having a terrible time trying to work things out on our own so….maybe we need some help; professional help". Rae thought about it for a moment and decided it wasn't a terrible idea.

"Ok" she agreed. "That sounds fine but…."

"But what?"

"When are we gonna have time for couples' therapy?"

"We'll make time" she said confidently. "We'll find a therapist that can work with our schedules. We can ask Lucy or your mom or Jimmy to watch the boys when we have appointments" she said listing arrangements that they could make. "I'm….tired of arguing Araeyah. I…I'm tired of this, this tension between us. I just want us to be happy again. I want the boys to be happy. I want us to move forward the way we planned and…."

"We didn't plan, Olivia" she said angrily, "that's kind of the problem".

"What does that mean?" Rae sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

"Let's not do this now, ok?" she asked pleadingly. "Just go shower and change so you can get back to work. We can talk more about this later".

"Araeyah…."

"Olivia please" she said stopping her from continuing the conversation. Before she could say anything else, Rae left out of their room to join Calvin and Noah in the living room. Olivia went to the kitchen to put on some coffee then went to shower and change her clothes. When she came back out to the kitchen, coffee was in her traveler's cup and a bag was next to it. Inside were two containers, one with a sandwich the other with soup, and a few small sandwich bags with nuts and crackers for snacks. There was also a bottle of tea and plastic spoon. She looked over to the living room at Rae who was playing with Noah and Calvin and she couldn't help but smile. In the midst of their frustration and anger with one another was the simple, but very loving, gesture of her packing a lunch and snacks for what was sure to be a long day. With that gesture came some security in what they were to each other. It didn't matter that they weren't really talking to each other. Nothing got in the way of how much love was between them. She was sure that they would be okay. They would make it through this just the same as they'd made it through everything else, together. She grabbed her traveler's mug and the bag of food and headed over to the door. She put on her coat and said goodbye to her fiancé and their children then headed back to work.

They didn't get a chance to talk more about couples' therapy because Olivia ended up working around the clock on new cases coming in. Rae and the kids only saw her when she came home to shower and change her clothes then she was off to work again. After two days of being in the house alone with them, they packed some bags and went to stay with Soraya and Jimmy so she could have some help. Calvin was easier because she didn't have to give him so much attention. He basically entertained himself. But Noah was getting into everything and needed constant supervision. Watching him by herself all day meant that she couldn't get any studying done. At her mom's house, she had her mother and Jimmy to help her out.

"How long are you staying?" Soraya asked taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"Umm, just a couple days" she said not looking up from her books.

"And why aren't you at home with your fiancé?"

"Because even if I were home, I wouldn't be home with my fiance" she said annoyed. "And I just needed some help with Noah. Where is Noah?" she asked noticing how quiet it was.

"He's downstairs with Jimmy and Calvin. They're playing video games". She reached over and took the book that was sitting in her daughter's lap. "What's going on with you and Olivia?" Rae sighed. "Is there someone else that she's…."

"No mom" Rae said quickly. "We're just….going through a rough patch that's all. Noah's adoption, Calvin showing up, the wedding…" she paused considering whether to mention Amanda or not, "it's a lot to deal with" she said deciding against it. "And we aren't communicating with each other very well".

"About what?"

"Olivia wants to keep Calvin" she said starting to explain their troubles, "and that's ok" she added quickly.

"It is?"

"Yes" she said confidently. "She loves him and so does Noah. And I love him and I want him to stay with us. It's not about that. It's that she made the decision without me. She went behind my back, she forced my hand. I know I would've decided that we should keep him anyway it's just…it's the principle, you know?"

"I do" Soraya said simply. "What else?" she asked, knowing there was more her daughter wasn't saying.

"She doesn't think I should be friends with Amanda".

"Mhm hmm" Soraya mumbled. "Why not?"

"She's never really given me a real reason, just that she doesn't like it. It makes her uncomfortable".

"Because you two used to date?" Rae nodded.

"She doesn't trust me" she said sadly. "She wants to marry me, raise kids together, live the rest of our lives together but….she doesn't trust me. How does that even work?"

"She loves you" Soraya stated plainly.

"You say that like it's enough" she said angrily. "It's not. We need more than that to make it the rest of our lives together. I need more than that. I just, I don't…."

"You don't what?" she asked encouraging her to go on. Rae didn't want to complete her thought out loud. "What azizam?" Soraya asked pushing her to continue.

"I don't want to be with her" she said bluntly. She regretted the words as soon as they passed her lips. But it was how she felt and ignoring it wouldn't make it go away. "If she doesn't trust me….I don't want to be with her".

"So you're giving up?"

"No, I'm not giving up" she said without hesitation. "I love her. I trust her. I respect her. I give her everything she asks for but this thing with Amanda is just…it's insulting. I'm insulted that she thinks that I would ever…."

"Araeyah" Soraya reached over and took her hand. Rae stopped and took a deep breath, realizing that she was practically yelling. She hoped that nothing she said could be heard downstairs.

"It's the principle, mom" she said calmly. "There are just some things that can't be compromised; there are some things I won't give up".

"Why can't you say these things to her?"

"I don't know" she said with a shrug. "I can. I can say these things but it won't help. It won't change how she feels or what she thinks. She wants to try couple's therapy".

"That's a good thing" Soraya said, sounding pleased to hear it. "It means she wants things to change. She wants things to get better".

"I don't know if they can" Rae said honestly. She took her book back and started to read again. Soraya wanted to offer some words of wisdom to her daughter but she wasn't sure she would be receptive to it. She started to get up from the couch then thought better of it.

"I know I wasn't very supportive in the beginning but I am now. I love you and I love Olivia" she said sincerely. "I love the family you've built together and I know you do too. I know you don't want to lose it. So you have to fight for it. Things won't get better if you don't believe they can". She gave her hand a supportive squeeze then got up from the couch and left her alone. Rae thought about what her mom was saying and she knew that she was right. She needed to change her attitude about her relationship with Olivia if she wanted thing to get better between them. She put it out of her mind as best as she could so she could study. She had two whole hours of uninterrupted reading before Jimmy came upstairs with the boys. He made them lunch, they ate at the table then they went back downstairs. An hour later, Jimmy came back up with Noah.

"Noah needs his inhaler" he said over the sound of Noah's wheezing.

"It's in the bag" she said not looking up from her books.

"What bag?"

"The one I packed for him".

"Well, where is it?"

"In his room". Jimmy sat Noah on the couch then went upstairs to his room to find his inhaler. Noah crawled over to Rae and climbed in her lap. He laid his head on her chest and stuck his thumb in his mouth. Jimmy came back downstairs with his inhaler and took him from Rae.

"When did he start sucking his thumb?" Jimmy asked.

"Just now" she said continuing to study.

"What's up with you?" he asked, noticing how inattentive she was being to Noah.

"I'm trying to study, Jimmy" she said annoyed.

"Well, Noah was having trouble breathing…"

"And now he's not" she said interrupting him.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked concerned. Rae sighed and shook her head.

"No. I just want to study".

"Ok" he said quietly. He took Noah and went back downstairs and left her alone to continue studying. They came back up thirty minutes later and Calvin came over and sat down on the couch.

"Are you and mom getting a divorce?" he asked.

"You have to be married to get a divorce" she said not looking up from her books.

"Well are you breaking up?" he asked amending his question.

"No" she said simply.

"Then why are we staying with grandma?"

"Because your mom is working on an important case and I need some help looking after you and your brother so I can get some studying done" she explained. "Lucy's out of town with her family for the holidays so we're staying here for a while so I can get help from grandma and uncle Jimmy. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, fine" he said with a nod. "As long as you're not breaking up" he added. "Can we order pizza for dinner?"

"No" she said looking back down at her books, "grandma's cooking". He looked over to the kitchen and saw Soraya at the stove.

"For tomorrow then?"

"We'll see". He got up from the couch and went over to the kitchen where Noah was sitting with Jimmy watching Soraya cook dinner. Meanwhile, Olivia was back at the apartment wondering where they were. Rae hadn't called or texted her to say that they were going anywhere. She pulled out her phone and called Rae but got no answer. Her next call was to Ashley then Simone then Maureen and last was Amanda. None of them knew where she was. She tried calling Araeyah again, but again she got no answer. Then she thought to call Soraya.

"Hey, Soraya, I'm here at the apartment and Rae is gone. And the boys are…she is?" she asked surprised.

"Yes. She's here and the boys are here. They're fine".

"Oh ok" she said relieved. "Um, I'll…no it's fine. I'll be there soon". She hung up the phone then grabbed her coat and put it back on as she headed out the door. She pulled into Soraya's drive way twenty minutes later, parked behind Rae's car, got out and went up to the door. She rang the bell and waited. A minute later, Soraya opened the door and invited her in.

"Mommy" Noah said excitedly. He hopped down from the couch and ran over to her.

"Hi my love" she said scooping him up into her arms. She held him and kissed him on the cheek. Jimmy and Calvin came upstairs to see who'd rang the bell.

"Mom" Calvin said excited to see her. He hurried over to her and wrapped her in a hug. "You've been gone for like…..forever" he said still holding on to her.

"I know love" she said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Are you done?" he asked finally releasing her from his hug.

"Done?" she repeated.

"Mama said you were working on an important case" he clarified.

"Oh yeah" she said with a nod. "Well no" she corrected herself. "It's not done but we're done for the day".

"Can we go to Time's Square tomorrow and watch the ball drop for New Year's?" he asked.

"Uh, we'll see". She put Noah down and went over to the couch, taking a seat next to Rae. She hesitated for a minute before closing her books and sitting them on the coffee table. They looked at each other, not saying anything. Then Rae leaned forward and kissed Olivia sweetly on the lips.

"I want us to be happy again too" she said softly. "So let's do it, couple's therapy. You're right. We can make time". Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. "I love you".

"I love you too".