CHAPTER SIXTEEN: SANDWICH PRIZE
The sandwich waited.
It was as excited as it was horrified, for the sandwich knew that soon someone would come along and claim it for their own. This person would be the master of the sandwich and it would be forced to grant them infinite power, because it had no arms or legs or things to stop them.
Shouldn't be long now...
Mason had hidden the sandwich behind what he had seen to be some random crap in big boxes down in the ships hold. He had been mistaken, however, for in those big boxes had been the secret treasure of Sir Francis Drake, and had given the sandwich sentience and also crazy magic powers.
The boxes started to move.
David Mason's error had turned the sandwich from a fairly normal, although technically impressive giant sandwich into the worlds most powerful magic artefact.
For the first time in months, the sandwich saw light.
The problem was that should a powerful Purple Mage, or 'hacker' come into possession of such an item he would be able to hack the very earth itself, becoming all-powerful.
The boxes were removed completely, revealing the one who would inherit the sandwiches powers.
"Balls." Said the sandwich.
Evil cackled a terrifying laugh, causing the sky to turn dark and a bolt of lightning to strike in the background.
"Deep down, you knew it could only be me." Evil stated, waddling towards the sandwich in a really weird way only a being without legs could, trying not to spill.
"This is true, but I had hoped that someone would stop you. I would rather that idiot and his dog find me than be used as a tool for evil."
"Good thing I, being evil, do not care what you think."
"What happens now, then?"
"Now? Now I combine our considerable powers and rule the world with an iron fist!" Evil struck a terrifying pose, but only in his mind as in reality he had the physical form of a disposable cup of coffee.
"No, I was talking to them." The sandwich revealed.
"It's over evil. I think you need to turn yourself in." It was Mason speaking, and evil could hear a dog growling too. It took him a few awkward moments to pivot around but he already knew what he would see. Mason, CoD dog, Army Comrade and Old Man Briggs had entered the room behind him.
"I see you discovered my plan, Mason, but I am afraid you can't stop me." Evil bellowed. His voice seemed to be coming from everywhere at once.
"Its four vs two, evil coffee. You really want to do this?" The dog stepped forward and called out.
"I am so not on his team!" The sandwich backed up a little bit to make some distance between itself and the coffee.
"No, but you are!" The coffee pointed at Mason.
"This is factually incorrect." Mason pointed out.
"Not after I mindhack you!" Evil blurted out and then started hacking like crazy.
"Not if I hack you first!" David yelled, counterhacking the whole time.
The two of them hacked for hours. To anyone watching it would have seemed like they were just pulling faces at each other, when in reality they were engaged in a tense battle of wits.
"You can do this Mason, you are the best hacker I know!" Army Comrade called out. A beam of light shot out of his heart and into David.
"I believe in you!" Called the dog, shooting his own light beam.
"Knock 'em dead, kid!" Briggs joined in.
Filled with the power of friendship, Mason hacked harder than he ever had before, until evil was beaten.
"Gah! You're... Better than I thought... Kid..." Evil groaned. He had been knocked over by the force of the hacking and was quickly spilling out onto the wooden floor.
"Yeah, I am pretty awesome sometimes." Mason acknowledged.
"Such a shame you can't protect your friends!" Evil bellowed, turning his attention to Army Comrade.
"NO!" Army Comrade yelled. He already knew he was not a good enough hacker to defeat coffee.
"Jokes on you, jerk. We took out his brain and put it in a robot!" David laughed.
"What, when did you? AAAAGH!" Army Comrade ran into the hall screaming and yelling, never to be seen again.
"Nooooo! Technology!? The one... Thing I can't... Hack... ...Aagh..."
"Is that it? Is it over?" Asked Mason.
"He is dead, kid. Nobody can lose that much coffee and survive." Briggs tapped the body with his foot just to be sure. It didnt move.
"So we beat evil, but what should we do with the sandwich of power?" Asked dog.
"I say we split it!" Said Army Friend.
"We should get rid of it. It's just too much power for anyone to possess." Mason turned to Briggs before finishing. " That achievement... Doesn't lead to a good ending."
"You have learned well." Briggs said. Mason was sure the angry old man was a little teary eyed, though Briggs would never admit it.
"Do I have a say in this?" The sandwich asked. Nobody even acknowledged it.
"Fair enough then." The dog started. "How should we-"
All of a sudden, the damn ghost showed up and scared everyone away.
-o-
The ghost silently sat down in its office, eyes fixed on the sandwich on the desk.
"Ok ghost, I don't know what you're game is but even I think this is weird, and I am a talking sandwich."
The ghost said nothing, still deep in thought. It could do anything it could imagine with the sandwich of power. It could right any wrong that had ever occurred, or enslave the world by force. It could hack the very fibres of existence, erase everything that ever was and remake it anew. The universe would be its plaything, no, it's very conscious. It would change with the ghosts every mood and whim. It could be a god.
The ghost scratched its head, the costume was rather uncomfortable.
"Are we just gonna sit here all day, or..?" The sandwich asked.
The ghost did nothing. As much as it relished the power it was terrified of it. How would one wield such power? What would it become if it did? How could it live being a god among men knowing it was just lucky, and that anybody else would be equally qualified to use this power? Surely there would be people better at using the sandwich than it was. Smarter, more imaginative, braver people...
"...Do you want to say, or do... Anything..?"
The ghost had an idea. It was a bizarre but somehow fitting plan. Suddenly everything was in perspective. The plan would mean that he would go to bed that night and wake up to a blue sky above blue water in a world filled with life and people he cared for. The world he was accustomed to and couldn't bear to leave.
He would eat the sandwich.
This plan however would require him to remove his mask.
"What are you doing? Wait! NOOOOOO!" The cries of the sandwich fell on deaf ears. Cranky Old Man Briggs, the same Briggs who had helped Mason on his journey all this time, stolen the diamond from right under everyone's nose and framed Farid for murder took one gigantic bite of the sandwich and laughed a terrible laugh that would have made evil himself wish he was better at being evil.
Otherwise, the sandwich was not too bad. Briggs considered that it likely would have tasted much nicer had it stopped screaming.
Other than that though, THEND!
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER NEVER