A/N: Note: For anyone with concerns that I might have used Iruka's name in error, allow me to explain my thoughts on how I came up with the ways I used these names. I just learned that indeed the Japanese translated into the English, was done as if it were American forms of address instead of Japanese forms, though they do keep some forms of Japanese address within the English Translations.
Forms of respectful address: Uzumaki Naruto; Uchiha Sasuke; Haruno Sakura, for Chunin exams and for Team seven. In Japan names are done Last name first. So when we first meet Iruka and he is constantly addressed as Iruka, I thought that Iruka was his last name. Kakashi does not like to be known by his last name Hatake because of his father's legacy so he likes to be addressed informally as Kakashi, he introduces himself as Kakashi of the clan Hatake, but call me Kakashi, or something to that effect in the books. But when others address Iruka, they call him Master Iruka, Formal, indicating that that is his last name or so I thought at the time. But I am mistaken. A colleague who has done a lot of studying of the Japanese and has studied Naruto a lot, has let me know most kindly that indeed Iruka though addressed formally is also being addressed informally as Iruka, and Iruka is Iruka's first name.
Japan is a very complex, very formal society and they have a lot of social graces and ways of conduct. I believe that in Japan per custom and culture through strict forms of conduct as signs of respect, they would never refer to a person by their first name unless they were family or a very close friend, or else given express permission to call them by first name. And that was why I logically thought that Iruka's name was LastName: Iruka First Name: Umino. However that is incorrect. LastName: Umino, FirstName: Iruka would be the correct way of using Iruka's name.(oh, man, lots of rewriting to do!)
End A/N
"Dream Dream Dream
When I want you in my arms
When I hold you and all your charms
All I have to do is Dream
I can make you mine
Taste your lips of wine
Any time, night or day
Only trouble is, gee wiz,
I'm dreaming my life away
I need you so
I love you so"
Everly Brothers
(Malt Shop Collection)
CHAPTER TEN
The guilt of killing medical ninja would have been heavy on his soul if he even remembered doing such a thing. But drugs and the monster's force was taking its full weight on him.
Kakashi's singing kept impeding on him and filling his head but Kakashi seemed to be no where near him today.
He wondered if the nurses would take him outside later. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Sun rise was gorgeous, gold and oranges, and scarlet leaking into blue, pale blue and cloudless. Iruka smiled as he braided thread into a thick bracelet of woven colors into a pattern. They wouldn't allow him needles just the thread. He liked to work with his hands it was very nice and it calmed him in so many ways.
The threads would break if he tried to hurt himself or others though. Someone had cast a jutsu over the threads. Even thickly woven as they were now in the beginning of a friendship bracelet he knew from experience that if he tried to do harm the threads broke easily leaving the assaulted and the self inflicted unharmed.
He hummed that stupid song of Kakashi's and ached with sadness.
He was so alone.
He felt abandoned.
Where was Naruto?
Where was Kakashi?
Why wouldn't they let him out of this place?
Where was his friend, the usual nurse?
He wondered sadly if something bad had happened to her. He hadn't seen her in a couple of days.
The drugs were keeping his mind so fogged. He couldn't keep track of the time or his thoughts. Days had come and gone in a blur. People's faces here and gone in a blink of an eye. Voices hollow echoes fading away in his brain. He couldn't hang on to anything; everything was slipping like sand through his fingers.
His eyes closed and he fell asleep in his chair facing the sunrise.
The incident between the two monsters had put into effect a new regime of rules and regulations. Iruka was alone without visitation.
Kakashi tried to argue that such an extreme would only make things worse in the long run. Iruka shouldn't be punished for the evil that lay within him.
"This is not a punishment Kakashi." Growled Tsunade. "This is about precautions. This is about safety. He's too dangerous. The Binding Jutsus are not as effective as they should be on him. The monster inside Iruka is getting too strong. We almost lost another nurse, for Kami's sake!" She growled. "I know its not his fault Kakashi. I'm not punishing him, dammit, don't look at me like that."
Kakashi's expression was a lazy blank one but it didn't fool the Hokage. She knew what he was feeling. He resented not seeing Iruka.
"That would have made three nurses in three months, Kakashi. No, he's too dangerous."
It hurt Kakashi to say this or to even admit it. He wanted to be the one to save Iruka. He wanted to be the one Iruka loved. He took a deep and calming breath letting it out a slow steady stream.
"The Nine-tail seems to have an effect on the monster. Naruto should be with Iruka or at least be allowed to visit. Perhaps he will be the lock that will keep the monster under control?"
Tsunade frowned. "Kakashi." She sighed. Then after a moment of thought she caved. "You might have a point." She said, finally giving in.
Kakashi hated to think of his little dolphin all alone in his golden cage without a loved one even allowed to visit him. He knew how to pick his battles and he was happy to see that he had won this one.
Iruka felt alone and so lonely yet Naruto now seemed to be his full time nurse. How that happened was mind boggling and in this one case he was glad he was drugged out of his mind. Not that the boy was a bad nurse. Naruto was truly an empathetic and sympathetic youth with a lot of impetuous energy, unharnessed energy.
The dynamics between them had now changed. Iruka was confused and a little uncomfortable with that change.
Why was Naruto taking care of him as if he were an elder in need of his son's nursing? Iruka didn't feel old. Of course he didn't feel strong either but still, the boy was a genin, and barely fifteen years old. He shouldn't be having this kind of responsibility. He had friends now and things else he should be doing other than looking after his ailing foster father.
Even with Naruto there, Iruka felt so terribly lonely. No one else was allowed to come visit him.
He missed Kakashi. He missed him a lot more than he ever realized he ever would.
I've really gone and done it haven't I? He mused achingly sadly. I've gone and fallen in love with him. How stupid. How very stupid of me.
Iruka felt a hair brush smoothing out his tangled locks. Naruto's face was set into a cast of determination and gentleness.
Iruka felt tears sting his eyes.
How could things have gone so far wrong?
It's the nine-tail. She whispered. He took our family from us. He took our Mizuki from us. He took our life. Its fair that he should sustain our life, since he took it all away.
He smiled in the mirror at his twisted reflection. Remembering what his life was like with his family. What it was like when he was young, when Mizuki was young, when Iruka had lots of friends and knew complete happiness.
Flash back
Iruka smiled into the mirror as his two fathers were taking turns brushing his hair. His human father had hair pins in his mouth while monster scowled.
"How long is she supposed to be gone for again?"
"She's visiting family." Shrugged Umino-san. "I don't know how long she's going to be gone for." He grunted sucking the hair pins and balancing them carefully on tongue and between his teethe while trying to talk.
Monster-senior glared. "I worry, she shouldn't go on such trips alone."
"She's a shinobi, and a damned fine chunin, I have confidence in her abilities."
"She is no jounin, nor an Anbu like us." Growled Monster. "If she dies I will blame you."
"You can try." Grunted Umino-san, as he twisted and brushed another lock of thick long hair. Iruka smiled up at his father, beaming like crazy. "You know our wife, head strong. We couldn't hope to persuade her otherwise. If she dies its her fault not ours."
Iruka didn't mind that his father though trying to be gentle was very rough on his hair and hurt his scalp. It was just really wonderful to be with his two dads. He rarely got to spend any time at all with either one of them. He missed them.
"He's so easy to please, so much like his mama." Grinned Umino-san, changing the subject abruptly returning his total focus on his only living son and the mess of tangled hair he was struggling to force into a semblance of order and loveliness.
Monster reached down and stroked Iruka's cheek lovingly. "Like her in so many ways."
Monster's touch was delicate and took a small amount of heat and chakra into himself and again imprinting their son on his skin and in his cold heart.
"But he's our son and within him is my other son. When will he be let out?" asked Monster a little pouting in his tone.
"You know the answer to that one Monster. When his training starts." Replied Umino-san.
"You should have already started training him. How will he control his brother?"
Umino-san smirked. "You can start first and I will finish his training."
"How was I born in such a lazy human host?"
"I am not a host in the sense of a traditional demon vessel." Lectured Umino-san. "Every Umino is born with an other inside of them, a split of self, is how I describe it. I know by Iruka's age we were always conversing in dreams and having battles of wits. But you know our wife. She wants Iruka to do something else. His heart is not strong enough in the ways that a shinobi must become to accept orders to kill. She doesn't want him to be a ninja."
Monster frowned at that. "She can be so foolish. Why do I love her? She would cripple her son. She does not understand us Umino."
"No, I'm afraid she does not." sighed Umino-san.
"Iruka," asked Monster. "Does your other speak to you at all?"
Iruka scrunched up his cute little nose as he thought hard on the question and looked into his inner depths as he had been trained to do since toddler hood. There was in deed another presence there inside him. But the presence was always quiet, always seeming peaceful.
Finally after a moment or two Iruka replied "She doesn't talk often. She's curious about the things I see sometimes. But she likes the flowers and the sun and the fields like I do. She's peaceful."
"Your brother is a sister?" asked the monster intrigued, in several generations in hundreds of years there had not been a female other in a long time, not even in a female Umino.
"I think so." Said Iruka a little uncertain.
"That is alright, that's good. But you have to be more careful to find the perfect complimentary partner in the future. The females are less likely to go insane unless the wrong partner is involved. Unlike Males who have a need to mate, who cannot withstand loneliness, Females are stronger than the males in the ways of emotional stability. They are not needy in the usual ways of the males. This is hereditary memory speaking so I do not know how reliable it is." Instructed Monster-senior. "In the ways of the heart, in love, things can turn a deadly way if not handled right. Females are more peaceful then males and are not driven to blood lust unless severely damaged or traumatized by the ones they love. She will be a great asset to you Iruka, you must start engaging her in conversations and encourage her to grow into the light."
His two fathers were not good with brushing hair and putting hair in cute little clips. He looked worse with his hair fixed up by his dads than if he'd just woken up with bed head and went through the day without a single brushing. Iruka laughed at the hair disaster and hugged his dads.
"Let's just tie it up in a pony tail daddy." He suggested good natured.
Umino-San smiled at his son. "I think we can do that, what do you think Monster?"
Monster sighed and rolled his eyes at both Uminos. "It shouldn't be too difficult."
Iruka's mother had specific ideas on how her son should look even if that look ran more towards the feminine then was comfortable for either father to embrace readily.
They suspected their wife had wanted a daughter and was trying to force their son into gender confusion yet neither man nor monster could nay-say their wife. And Iruka didn't seem to mind wearing the girly kimonos or having long hair or looking like a girl as long as it made his Okasan happy he could care less. Besides he was fully capable of beating up people who made fun of him or pranking them until they learned their lessons.
Iruka's personality was that of a kind hearted, dutiful, malleable son with occasional outburst of explosive temper, and had secret ways of the mischievous trouble maker.
Life was good with his two dads and with his mom. He was loved, he never doubted it. He lived his life in complete certainty and serenity. Monster lectured and taught him about his sister on the inside. Monster cautioned him often.
He had lots of friends and made friends easily. He was popular but not overpoweringly so. People just seem to gravitate towards Iruka. They liked to fuss over him and take care of him. Iruka was very loving and many people transformed under his care. Monster explained it as the female's influence. The female's host usually lived a charmed life unless a trauma is incurred. Then life could turn rather nightmarish.
End flashback
It was strange to flash on these memories when he had forgotten them for so long of his life. He had not heeded his monster-father. He had not been as careful as he should have been.
Naruto continued to do battle with Iruka's hair unaware of the turn of his beloved teacher's thoughts.
The nine-tail took it all away from us. She whispered.
Fire and Ice flared and again Ice subsided. Naurto's eyes red fire and whisker scars a little wider on his cheeks, long hard nails dug into Iruka's thick dark brown hair. Iruka felt tears run even as they turned to tiny drops of ice which turned to crystal and fell in a tiny pile on the carpet floor.
Iruka felt guilty.
This is my fault. I should have known better. I should have taken better care of you.
"Iruka don't be sad." Begged Naruto. "I'll get you some ramen from Ichiraku's."
Iruka tried to smile. "Thank you Naru-chan, I think I'd like that."
But as he smiled the tears only seemed to get worse. Time was running short. Iruka knew he wasn't strong enough to fight her. She was hurt. She was angry. She wanted blood.
She wasn't loved. Her mate was not their mate any more. She had no one to love and be loved by. Iruka had never learned how to love her and accept her.
He had never learned what his Fathers had wanted him to learn, what he had needed to learn but was never given the opportunity to learn it because before his fathers could pass along their knowledge to him they had been killed by the fire-fox. Iruka was fighting a losing battle because he had no knowledge on how to fight her power.
He began to despair.
The next few days were restless ones for Iruka still caged inside a reinforced sealed hospital room. Naruto was both a joy and a bane. Monster was never happy. She constantly whispered for blood. The nine-tail controlled her better than Iruka could and she was very resentful of that. She hated how the Nine-tail could still over power her.
"If you would only kill someone, we could be stronger. Iruka-chan, don't you want to be stronger?"
"Yes but not if it means killing." Insisted Iruka.
Monster was never happy with his answer. She tormented him night and day. His sanity was fraying ever more with every passing day.
"Tick Tock, do you hear that Iruka-chan? That sound like the lapping waves of the ocean upon the sandy shore? That's the hour glass Iruka. The hour glass with its sand running out for you and I."
His fathers came to him in a long line of ancestors in a dream to give him his answer.
Hereditary memory, it seemed the monsters weren't the only ones in the relationship to call upon the knowledge by need.
Iruka was comforted and loved. His fathers and ancestors each one of them seemed to hug him. He felt incredibly warmed. He felt hope bloom in his chest.
He smiled.
"I know what I have to do now. It was a good life. A really good life I had." He murmured dreamily. "But I know this has to happen. I don't want to die I don't want to be a monster but I know what I have to do now."
He wrote a letter and hid it in his room.
My life was blessed with so many people in it and it was a good life and I'm happy that I got to know these wonderful people. I am happy, no proud, that I was allowed to help the children of this village, that within them all I will always live on. I'm good now I accept it. I know what I have to do. Don't be sad Naruto. I want your life to be as blessed as mine was. I hope you too will find happiness some day. And Kakashi-sama too.
He smiled as the plan unfolded in his mind. His fathers smiles were shining in his heart. They would be waiting for him. They and his mother would be waiting for him. He was at peace. Naruto should have suspected something. Tsunade should have known something was wrong too.
It took three weeks of concentrated effort.
Tsunade noticed the change in her patient as did Naruto. Iruka seemed more at peace of late. The drug therapy was slowly lessened as Iruka seemed to become more and more stable. She began again to let people come to visit him but with Anbu escorts. She wanted to protect her people in case the monster were to come forward again and kill. But Iruka seemed less troubled and less insane. He welcomed them with smiles. The drugs were slowly eased off and his usual personality seemed to be coming back.
She like everyone else were relieved to see such positive changes in their troubled chunin friend.
She knew that Iruka had a little less than two years left before his death was at hand, she could not bring herself to continue keeping him from his visitors. Not when there was so little time left.
If she had only known what was about to happen she never would have brought his medication down in potency. She would have cranked it up instead.
Kakashi smiled and hugged Iruka as they met for their first outing. It was a special treat for Iruka doing so well with his treatments and seeming to be getting better.
Iruka continued to smile as they made their outing. They chatted aboutmany things and Iruka would point out some bird or flower as they hiked deeper into the woods. It was a beautiful day and Iruka knew the time was at hand. He couldn't have picked a more beautiful day for this. The day resembled one of the days from his youth.
He looked at the flowers and the trees glistening in the warmth of the rays of the sun. Kakashi smiled at him and held his hand. Iruka returned his smile but timidly. Kakashi began to get a bad feeling.
Iruka sat on a fallen log that was slowly being absorbed into the soil of the wild land. The sun shined on him he still smiled as he ate a sandwich and chatted with Kakashi never talking about a future he could not commit to because he would not be alive to see it through.
He wanted to make his last day a good one and a pleasant memory for Kakashi.
He turned to his friend smiling more brightly then before. "Kakashi, will you kiss me?" he asked sweetly.
Kakashi felt the sandwich slip from his hand and the bite fall from his mouth in shock. So long he had prayed for such a moment as this one. But he never had believed it would ever come to pass.
He decided quickly not to double check his hearing for error.
Lightening fast he dove at the dolphin and planted a long drawn out kiss on his plump lips that left them both blushing and panting from the experience.
Iruka wasted no time in divesting Kakashi of his shirt and pants. Kakashi tried to protest but then slapped himself in the face.
"Are you sure you want me to stop?" asked Iruka a playful smile on his lips. Twinkling dark eyes locked with Kakashi's eye. It was almost as if Iruka could read his mind.
"No. I never want you to stop." Insisted Kakashi hoarsely.
They continued to share kiss after heated kiss. Iruka undressed them both, their hands tangled then clasped then let go of each other.
Iruka's hands were strong and warm as they stroked over his skin and caressed every inch making Kakashi's breath hitch. Iruka felt so good in his arms. (a more graphic scene along with several sex acts will come when I post it to my website, sometime in the future.)
Thoroughly warn out Kakshi lay asleep in the shade of the tree log fully dressed now after an afternoon spent in sexual frenzy and completion.
Kakashi had been almost insatiable. It had worried Iruka a little that Iruka may not have the opportunity to go through with his plan if Kakashi didn't pass out after the last time they had a round of loud sweet lovemaking.
Iruka cast his lover a last loving smile and turned to his task at hand. His body ached and he felt amazing. He felt as if he glowed. He loved Kakashi. He loved the way their lovemaking had made him feel but he knew he had to do this, it was the only way.
Sun down, it was such a beautiful thing to watch the sun slowly make its way through the end of its journey and sink into the horizon, colors growing darker and duskier tiny stars slowly awakened and twinkled a merry good evening but there was still enough light in the sky to make this end come at last to Iruka Umino the last of his family.
He had barely gotten the barrier up in time. Shadow & Blade Shield Dance technique. Monster came to the surface flooding his body and the area he had cut off from the rest. Two swords in each hand, a dozen or so Iruka clones flanked the two separate beings in a circle of defense. Iruka can become the unstoppable shield while Monster can become the unstoppable killing machine. If this technique were being used in battle but right now it was being used to end their life.
Iruka is more earthy when WaterSylph is not a part of him, his jutsus are also more land based. Iruka is darker and more plain looking, as well as thicker in shoulders and chest. WaterSylph is monstrously pale and long limbed, willowy, modest bosom and curves, long haired, thin and beautiful except for the pointy teeth and demonic eyes, pointed ears and luminous scales for her skin. Her jutsu is air and water.
His chakra flared powerfully as monster was unleashed. Iruka gazed long into the short distance from whence came his fellow shinobi unerringly drawn to the sudden flare of dangerous chakra. There were so many of them coming towards him and monster. He had not counted on that. He should have though.
The barrier was keeping them out but keeping Iruka and Monster in
Kakshi awakened disoriented yet feeling amazing. His dolphin his beautiful chunin the love of his life had finally made passionate love to him and then he had made passionate love right back to Iruka. His feelings of glowing love was suddenly cut off in a moment of terror as he felt the chakra flare.
Kakashi knew this was the end.
Iruka was going to die.
He ran towards where the chakra was coming from, not far from their place of romantic dalliance.
Kakashi screamed and battered against the barrier as Tsunade and the rest flooded the area where his Iruka now split into two separate beings and a dozen clones and a spirit barrier stood keeping them from Iruka and monst, the clones doing battle with the oncoming shinobi. While on the inside Monster and Iruka seemed to be in the middle of some kind dance of death.
How could Iruka have such an outpouring range of chakra? Where was it all coming from? Iruka didn't have this level of chakra, not normally.
This place wreaked of impending doom and death.
"Don't Iruka! Please." Cried Kakashi.
Iruka looked at Kakashi in pain. "I'm sorry Kakashi. I love you. But I have to do this. Please don't stop me."
Iruka was both less and more.
His face was more plane and more freckled, his body was lithe but shorter, his hair was long with weaves of brown and black, his hair was probably the only thing at all striking about his person. He was plane, his features forgettable. He could be lost in the back ground and never be noticed. His aura was serene and less powerful. His chakra was minimal. And yet he was still able to focus his chakra and create this barrier and to keep them all out of it. But the barrier was not entirely chakra it was spiritual energy and demonic energy and being fed by the clones.
Kakashi still loved Iruka. Iruka was still beautiful in his eyes. He could not bare to lose the one person who completed him.
Iruka's attention returned fully to his insane monster defelcting a swipe of her lethal claws. "I won't be a monster."
"You can't stop me." She hissed.
Sword and fang clashed and impacted one another. But it seemed no matter how hard they fought against one another neither one of them seemed to take lethal damage.
Kakashi watched afraid. What was going on in there? Why is she playing with him?
Naruto and Sasuke joined the fray. Naruto took one look at the his mentor and the monster their tormentor and frowned.
"He's being foolish." Said Kyuubi
Kakashi blinked at the red chakra building around the boy and looked into ruby red eyes.
"How so?"
Kyuubi snorted. "Iruka wants to kill himself and by killing WaterSylph that is what he is essentially doing. One cannot live without the other. It will be a long drawn out affair and it will cause more pain and damage than even young Iruka realizes. I knew I should fried that WaterSylph inot next week, oh but noooo, the kit is far too attached to Iruka to let me." He whined and growled discontented.
The clones focused on the shinobi trying to get in. They were careful not to kill just to defend their maker and keep the others out.
Naruto's red chakra tried to interfere. The fox demon ablaze in his aura with fire dancing all around him glared battle at WaterSylph and Iruka.
"Let's get it on!" roared Kyuubi. He hadn't had this much fun in forever. Kakashi and Sasuke each with Chidori battered at the shield trying to make a hole in the defensive barrier so they could reach Iruka and make him stop this drawn out and painful suicide attempt.
Clones met clones, they clashed and killed one another while Kyuubi laughed.
Kakashi locked eyes with Iruka. "Iruka don't do this." He pleaded, kunai coming to hand. He was determined to break this barrier with all that he had in him. He wanted to save Iruka. He needed to save Iruka.
"My father and his monster came to me in a dream and they taught me what to do. They told me what I needed to do. I have to do this." Screamed Iruka, anguished. He wanted them to understand as he had what he needed to do.
Kakashi battled the barrier but no matter how much chakra no matter how many times he tried to bring chidori into play nothing seemed to be getting through or finding a crack in the spirit energy surrounding Iruka and Monster.
Fighting cloned Iruka was heart rending for the jounin and for many of their friends. Killing clones that looked like your best friend or dearest person or just someone you like was disturbing and a terrible sensation.
No one wanted to hurt Iruka as they were now doing to his clones.
Kakashi hated that he had to see these clones and see Iruka's face as he killed them. His heart was breaking with every broken clone that popped out of existence.
"This is my fault Kakashi. I have to make it right. I can't let her live like this. I can't live like this. It's the only way. You see, we have to be loved and love in return." Explained Iruka. "I made a mistake with Mizuki. I should have been more careful. I knew better and still I was so foolish. I thought we loved and were loved in return but we weren't."
Kakashi tried to reach Iruka. "Please, god-dammit, Iruka. I need you. I love you."
"Mizuki loved us." The monster argued stubbornly. "He knew what we needed. What we desired." Monster glared venom at Kakashi. She mocked him.
"No," argued Iruka. "He loved us once, but in the end he loved you more, the love has to be equal, and it wasn't. In the end he loved the power you would bring him even more than he loved you." said Iruka.
"Kakashi, do you understand? My mother was one of those rare beings. She wasn't beautiful, not next to my father. She was simple and plane and sweet. She wasn't much of a chunin. Her power was laughable, not next to anyone really. But her heart was amazing. She loved my father and she loved his monster, equally and powerfully. She loved them both so much and they in return loved her just as much."
He wanted the monster to understand where some of their pain had come from, where it first began. The needed to either heal or die. It was going to take more than just Kakashi's love to heal them. Kakashi's love would seal them and make them one.
"Sometimes it felt as if I were an intruder in their relationship. I know they didn't mean to make me feel that way. They loved each other so intensely. The monster could hurt her and mame her and she would still love it. It could kill millions come to her blood soaked and she would still love and forgive him, my father and monster.
"The monster adored my mother as my father adored her. The monster only hurt her once. He could be cruel and without mercy. He wasn't evensupposed to know what love was but he loved my mother. When he hurt her he tried to kill himself.
"The monster is selfish and doesn't love anyone. Its not supposed to love anyone but it loved my mother and it was conflicted by such emotions. He would sit at her feet. It treated her like a queen. He was devoted to her. Over time it changed and accepted that it could love.
"It loved my mother and my father and by extension he loved me as well. I had two fathers, and they had two kids. I was happy. I was loved. We were loved, my monster and me. Then the Kyuubi came and he took her first, they couldn't live without her and they gave up and let the beast take even themselves away from me, from us!" He explained.
"She was damaged."
"I was damaged."
"It was my fault. I didn't take care of her as I was supposed to. I think love could heal her. Love could heal us, Kakashi. But we have to love in return. "
Flashback
A child ran in the sun by another child, Mizuki trailing behind them.
"Last one to the lake's gonna have to baby-sit one of the Inuzuka dogs and an Akimichi toddler!" screamed young Iruka laughing merrily.
Iruka loved Mizuki. Monster looked at Mizuki and felt warm. It was the first time she had not felt the chill of her cold heart. Mizuki did not seem to notice monster but his eyes were on Iruka, his arms were around Iruka forcing him to the soft springy grassy earth. Mizuki smiled lovingly. His arms around Iruka made both Iruka and Monster blush.
"I love you Ruka-chan." He declared with the impetuousness of youth.
"I love you to Mizuki-chan." Smiled Iruka
"I'm going to marry you some day Ruka-chan, when we're both adults and great ninja."
"Really? Why?"
"Because I love you."
"But, I'm a boy, and what about Monster?" asked Iruka worriedly, casting al ook to his female companion. "She needs to be loved to."
"As long as she's apart of you Iruka I will love her to." Replied Mizuki, but he never looked at Monster he just continued to gaze into Iruka's eyes and his eyes only. Mizuki always ignored Monster.
"It has to be forever Zuki-chan, forever and ever." insisted Iruka, surprisingly somber and very serious.
Mizuki had sealed their fate. Monster fell in love.
End flash back
"I made a terrible mistake but I loved Mizuki, my monster loved Mizuki. A monster if it's extraordinary it can love but it can love only once. Do you understand? It loves Mizuki. It can't love you. It can't change any more than it already has."
"Do you understand Kakashi? We're divided. Divided we fall. There will be no control. It will just be the monster soon."
Kakashi was in pain. His mask was gone. "look at me Iruka." He begged. "Please I do love you. I want you in my life. I want us to be together forever." He pleaded. "Don't do this Iruka. Please."
"I don't think you can love both of us Kakashi. Can you love us? Can you make my monster love you? I don't think it will let you love it because it is incapable of loving you. She was damaged. She and I are so damaged. How can anyone love us?"
"I do." Insisted Kakashi. "I love you." He growled and beat at the barrier fists and kicks. He would make Iruka believe him he would not quit until he had Iruka in his arms again.
"You think you can love us Kakashi but I think you're mistaken."
"You're the one giving up on us." Roared Kakashi angrily as he killed another clone in frustration and growing despair.
Iruka looked sad. "You're right Kakashi. I am. But I don't have much hope left. I have to do this Kakashi. I have to end this before she takes me over completely and I kill every one of you, who I love. But understand Kakashi, its not she that loves, its me that loves, and only me."
"Without it, without love, we can't transform, she can't become what she was really meant to be. We can't become more than what we are without love. We cannot be bound and we need to be. We need to love and be loved in return."
"I can. I do." Screamed Kakashi. "I'm devoted and am in love with you. Give me time and I can even love the monster inside of you. Because Iruka there is a monster in me as well. There is a monster in all of us. We can overcome. We can be happy Iruka. If you just let me in completely I can love you both!"
More clones died and were replaced with still more sword wielding clones.
"I will not live in two years and I will have only brought you more heart break than anyone ever deserves to have. You cannot tame us if the both of us cannot love you and be loved by you and we will be only a monster. There will not be an "us" just an "it" and I cannot be a monster, Kakashi. I will not be a monster." he said with deep determination and ignition of his will. the chakra grew and fanned out.
"Don't do this Iruka!" growled the monster. "You fool! If you destroy me you will not live long after."
"All of your strengths, all that you relied upon, all of it was never yours but mine. Without me you're going to die. Your IQ has even dropped. Your ability to hold chakra and use it to fight is at its frayed ends. Your immune system will shut down and in less than a month you'll be dead."
"Maybe so, but at least I will not be a monster! I only have two years anyway. Let's do it. Bring it on, monster. Lets do this thing. today, today, it was a beautiful day, the best day of my life and I hear freedom and its melody is calling me." Iruka began the last part of the seal, it was a long drawn out bunch of gestures and words in a language none had ever heard before. The clones were suddenly stilled then they leaped back into formation and again took up position surrounding the barrier.
Iruka glowed with green energy. His eyes were pure obsidian. Crucifix came out of the ground, cross shapes burned into Iruka's cheeks and into his hands, blood seeped from those wounds. Shurikan glowed, little stars twirling zipping through the air and surrounding monster then they like the crosses that pierced Iruka then pierced Monster and made her bleed.
"You're too weak!" screamed the monster, desperate. "You can't seal me away. You can't destroy me!"
"I will destroy you. I will make sure that we both go home to those who are waiting for us. Our fathers and mothers are waiting and it's long past time I put you to rest." Insisted Iruka, determined and set in his will.
The barrier began to fade. Iruka's strength was beginning to wane. Kakashi saw his chance and took it. He transported into the bubble and put his arms around Iruka.
"I love you, Iruka. I will give you my strength and all that I am. Whatever you need, let me give it all to you Iruka, let me be with you. If you die then let me die with you, Iruka." Kakashi pleaded.
The barrier stabilized again becoming impregnable once more.
The monster could feel the power surrounding them and growing. She could feel the pain of both shinobi. She could see the 9-tail fox glaring at him only for its eyes to beg. Beg him to what wondered the wraith feeling strange.
Iruka's heart was a lot like his mother's. Iruka's heart had bonded monster to monster, Iruka to Naruto.
She throbbed with pain. She hurt so much all she wanted was it to end alls he wanted was to give in to her own nature and drain the world of all of its power and blood. She wanted to live. She wanted to make them all pay for having hurt her.
And yet, Iruka's heart was also her heart.
Another flashback
They were in pain and hurting. Monster ached for a child. Iruka wanted to make Mizuki happy. They wanted a family.
A toddler ran headlong into them nearly knocking them to the ground. Iruka was not very old and had not been married to Mizuki for very long. The ninetail was about four years old. Iruka was barely eighteen. His heart connected instantly as dark eyes met blue.
End flashback
Monster could not now deny the feelings it had it was partly why it had tormented Iruka so, using Naruto for terrorist reasons. It loved the fox child. It loved event he fox, that terrible fox who had taken away all their loved ones and destroyed their lives over and over again.
This child was his as well as Iruka's. This child had loved them both equally and whole heartedly. She had resented him. She had resented that their child could love them but not their mate. Their mate had not kept to his part of the bargain.
Monster wanted to inflict pain, it needed to inflict pain and turn her world back around. She needed to shut down her heart and embrace the ice again. Kakashi was making it hard to be resolved. Kakashi was offering them love. She could feel it. She could feel his chakra seeping into Iruka and empowering him.
NO! I'm not going to give up. This isn't it. He can't love us. He can't. Mizuki didn't. My love. My love who rejected me over and over and inflicted so much pain on us. I can't seem to let him go. I don't want to die. Iruka must bend to my will. I'll finally make the pain go away.
Her attentions focused onNaruto she smiled cruelly and chill. "You would have sustained us and given us power Naruto. Iruka you hated me always you hated me because I am Monster's child. It was the monster that kept your father at her side and would not leave even when the fires were burning them alive. Monster took your father, our fathers away from us. You can't forgive me nor can you forgive father for what he did to us."
"If you loved me we would merge and I would be." it couldn't say it. It hated admitting this. She could be controlled. She could be loved and love in return if Iruka could only love himself, could love the monster that lived inside of him as he loved the demon fox and the child it lived inside of. Iruka had punished her all of these years, ignoring her, pretending she didn't exist, forgetting all about her.
"You forgave the fox but you did not forgive our fathers for leaving you."
Iruka trembled his power wavered again. Was what his monster saying true? Was this about self-hate?
"It doesn't matter. Kakashi can't love both of us and you don't love Kakashi."
"But he could in time" said Kakashi his arms tightening around Iruka.
"I could in time." conceded the monster. "Come to love this sharingan wielding shinobi."
"I don't believe you. You would say anything to keep me from killing you. If I don't do this now, there will never be a next time. I cannot take the chance that you are lying trying to fool me so you can have more time to grow and overpower me."
"I am not lying!" roared the monster. "I cannot lie. Truth is always cruel and for that reason it is apart of my nature. I cannot lie. I am not lying, Iruka." It shed its own precious blood and made the jutsu for absolute truth and cast it on itself.
"You want to live. You'd say anything to live." hissed Iruka, but he was wavering. His face was very readable. The monster knew, as did the village, Iruka's choice. It was painful but Kakashi was holding him tightly giving him all of his support and all of his strength.
"We both want to live." said the monster.
Iruka looked from his monster to the faces of his friends and the people he considered family. If he only had more time. Two years wasn't enough time.
"If we stabilize, Iruka, if he can truly love us, if my heart can find love again in your Kakashi, we could have decades more to live, hundreds of years to live if we chose to live. More time for family. More time to enjoy another holiday, another Christmas, another thanksgiving, another chance to see our children smile and play. More time to enjoy every beautiful new morning and every new night with our lover. If you but reach for it Iruka. If you but only loved me." Wept Monster. "I want to be loved. I want to love these people who we call family. Please Iruka, don't kill us, instead reach out and take our life and make it bloom like those flowers we once loved so much when we were young. Do you remember Iruka, do you remember those flowers we loved. They were so bright and so beautiful. Make our life like that Iruka. Make my heart open wide and take me in your arms and love me as you were supposed to do."
Iruka was conflicted. How did he trust such a dangerous being? And yet he remembered his childhood. He remembered Monster-senior. He remembered his father and his mother and the love that the three of them shared with him. He felt tears burn his eyes.
"I'm not brave enough. All of these years and I have never been strong enough. I hurt her so much." He whimpered. "I'm not strong enough. I don't know if I can make it right. I thought if we died. I thought…. I believed there was no other choice. How can I believe her?"
Kakashi growled into his ear." You are brave Iruka. You are strong enough. I love you. Monster is your strength I understand. I get it Iruka. Killing her will only kill yourself. She's part of you Iruka. She's your strength, which I love as I love the smile you always wear and the warmth of your heart. That heart that I love most of all. Please Iruka I want you both to live. I love Iruka. You are part of Iruka. I can love you as I have grown to love, Iruka and all that loving Iruka brings with it even Iruka's son, Naruto." Insisted Kakashi.
"Then take the oath." said Iruka and Monster as one being. The crucifixes and stars faded out of existence the barrier began to wobble. Iruka was still not certain if this was such a good idea. He didn't know if he could find it within him to trust her again. She had tormented him and frightened him these last few years. She had hurt Naruto and killed others. She was a monster.
Iruka felt his body react against his will, he slipped out from Kakashi's hold and took a few steps towards the monster, towards the other part that was his him. Their bodies were merging again.
"How do I...?" asked Kakashi
Both monster and Iruka smiled, one's smile was cruel yet somehow with a hint of kindness while Iruka's was loving and everything that Kakashi loved about Iruka.
Iruka and Monster sliced open their hands Kakashi understood and did the same. Blood spilled between them. Hands clasped hands, wraith hands paralleled dark chunin hands and then slowly went through those hands, dark chunin and gloved jounin hands clasped and the wraith hands went through Iruka's like a ghost sliding through flesh and bone, transparent and harmless, sinking through chunin to get to jounin, to touch Kakashi's hand to mingle all three's blood. The wraith, watersylph, then raised its hand from theirs and devoured the blood and sealed their wounds.
"I devote myself to you." said the three of them. "I honor you as I honor myself. I will not kill unless it is in defense of you or in defense of my village. I will love you and this village all of the days of my life and beyond."
They were now bound to each other forever.
Tsunade and Anbu took Iruka into custody escorting him back to the hospital where he stayed under guard for a while longer pending hearings and evaluations.
The affect of the bonding was almost immediate. Iruka stabilized.
Tsunade noticed. "It goes against my better judgment Iruka but I can't argu the results of your tests or the weeks of observation. You're stronger. Your chakra levels have evened out. Your mood swings have stabilized in to a better pattern. You seem very happy and balanced. I can't find a reason to keep you here. So I am going to release you into Kakashi's custody but you will still have to undergo weekly visits and for a while longer light load at the Missions Desk and Academy. Its good to have you back Chunin, er Jounin, Iruka."
Iruka laughed. "No Tsunade, I'm not jounin."
"I just called you Jounins didn't I?" growled Tsunade. "Now take your new rank Iruka-Sensei Jounin, and go home. Kakashi's been a pain without you."
Kakashi beemed at him draping himself over Iruka like a human shaped blanket. His hands were everywhere in second until they firmly attached themselves around his waist and cupped his butte. Iruka blushed and slapped his hands away from his round curvy butte.
"Iruka" pouted Kakashi. "I missed you. My hands especially miss…"
A hand found its way to Kakashi's mouth and slapped over those lips locking them and keeping the rest of that sentence unspoken. Very quickly Iruka searched the streets seeing several reputed perverts, and good friends of theirs, listening in.
Kakashi kissed his sweet liitle Dolphin's hand. It was bliss having Iruka back in his arms again.
"Watch it Kakashi. None of that in public. I just got out of the loony bin. DO you want to damage my reputation further with pinning the name scandalous and pervert on me?"
"But Ru-ru-chan, I love you." He whined. Hands once more finding several places to grope.
Iruka scowled or at least tried to but instead a sappy love sick smile came over his face. "You're never going to change are you?"
"Never." Insisted Kakashi, planting a kiss on Iruka's lips then formed the signs for transportation jutsu and whisked his lover away in apuff of smoke to their new home where he could make love to Iruka again and again. Iruka was going to live a long life a life in love with Kakashi.
The End
A/N: I'm still not entirely happy with how this chapter turned out. But I think it will do, for now. :D
Epilogue in progress. SasuNaru to come. :D
I hope I did justice to the story and to my readers' expectations. The previous chapters will be undergoing a re-edit and a re-post in time, to my website. I want to add in some more descriptions and more adult stuff which I can't add to this story posted here. :D
Thank you all so much for your support and reviews. If you have any suggestions or feedback feel free to e-mail or leave a post.
sincerely,
Jazzy
Now to get back to: Stuck In Darkness ch.2; Not Strong Enough ch.3; and my InuYasha fics and other Fics. So many fics:D
Love and Hugs! Bye!