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Tsuriai

(Part 9)

An "X" Fanfic

Presented by Harem of Doomed Bishies

With tender care, Kakyou laid the bouquet of white chrysanthemums on the ground before the huge tree. Pale pink petals of Sakura floated to the earth and some of them fell onto the flowers, providing a pretty contrast of colours. He noted that there was already a bouquet of sunflowers offered a few feet away.

"Did Kamui send you here?" Subaru's voice asked.

Kakyou stood up and turned around to face the Sumeragi. He shook his head slightly. "No, I am here to see an old friend."

"One of the Sakurazukamori's victims?"

"In a way, yes."

Subaru walked away to lean against a nearby tree. Not the Sakura Tree, for he was still cautious about approaching that Tree too closely. He was not interested in conversing with the dreamgazer of the Dragons of Earth. In fact, he wished to be alone and hoped that the dreamgazer would leave soon.

However, Kakyou pretended not to notice that his presence was unwelcomed and said, "I have wanted to visit her for a very long time, but I was unfortunately...incapacitated until now. I came to ask for her forgiveness."

"If there's anything left of the Sakura's victim to forgive you," Subaru chuckled cynically.

The dreamgazer's eyes became more melancholic than usual though, and he told Subaru, "Your sister would weep to hear you like this."

Subaru instant shot up and snapped back, "What could you possibly know about my sister?" His eye shimmered with emotions of regret and guilt as he whispered, "Neesan..."

Kakyou remained composed. "She used to visit me in my dreams for a brief period before her death. She was the only light in my life, though I don't think she ever knew it nor reciprocated my feelings."

"Then those flowers..."

"...are for her. Yes," Kakyou replied. He gazed at the chrysanthemums and gave a wistful sigh. "You weren't the only person who suffered by her death. I slept on for nine years, refusing to die, because I wanted her death to be avenged. I couldn't fight the Sakurazukamori any other way, so I used you. I knew about Hokuto's final spell. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise. Seishirou-san...chose to activate it."

"But Hokuto wanted so much for both of you, or at least you, to be happy. If I had revealed the spell to you, you might have tried to avoid him and the events at Rainbow Bridge would not have happened. I'm very sorry."

Subaru waved aside his apologies and said, "But would we have been happy? It would have just prolonged the agony. If we didn't face each other at Rainbow Bridge, we would have been forced to face each other on the Promised Day. And then what?"

Now, Kakyou was curious. He said, "If you understood all of that, then why did you hurt the only person who cares about you?"

"I need to find out the truth about Seishirou's final words. I couldn't realise my wish to be killed by him, so this is the only thing left for me. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth promised to help me."

"Is that wish so important that you have to hurt the other 'Kamui'?"

"Kamui will survive. The other Seals will help him," Subaru explained. Yet his voice quivered slightly, as if unsure of himself.

Kakyou sighed again. "You must have noticed Kamui's eyes as he silently stood there watching you betray him.

The same look I probably had when Seishirou-san betrayed me...

Subaru clenched his fists tightly to force the unpleasant thought aside and then he looked away.

Kakyou walked over to stand beside the Sumeragi and said, "The Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven derives his greatest strength from his heart. He will fight fiercely to protect the very ones he loves and cares about. That strength is also his very weakness. If his heart dies or if it is sealed away, Kamui will no longer be able to fight and the Dragons of Heaven will lose. And his heart is dying because he has given it to you. The Kamui of the Dragons of Earth understood this and so he used you."

"That is not true. Kamui..."

"Do you dare say that you've never noticed Kamui's special feelings for you? Or have you been so blinded by your obsession with the Sakurazukamori?"

Subaru dropped his gaze to the ground, but Kakyou was not finished yet. "No matter how unwelcomed Kamui's attentions may be, you cannot push him away with bitter words unless you do intend to kill him."

Subaru looked at the dreamgazer. "Why are you telling me this?"

Kakyou lifted his hand to almost touch Subaru's face. "Every time I see you, I see Hokuto's face looking back at me sadly. I decided to wake up because I thought I could forget her wish, but now I realised I cannot betray her a second time. She wanted you to be happy."

"And I shall be happy once I realise my last wish. That was what Neesan always told me."

"But at what cost to your own soul? You are no longer the gentle 'otouto' she was so proud of telling me. This is not the 'you' she wanted," Kakyou said. He grabbed hold of Subaru's hand. Before the onmyouji could struggle free, he had already been caught inside Kakyou's dreamscape, and saw Kamui. Subaru winced as he felt his heart ached at the sight of Kamui's present state.

Kakyou said firmly, "You can do something to help him. Or you can let the real 'Subaru' die forever. This is the only thing I can do for Hokuto now. The rest is up to you."

*

Her heels wobbled unsteadily on the uneven ground. Karen momentarily chided herself for not changing into a more comfortable pair of footwear, but then she had not really expected to trudge through grass when she discovered that Kamui was not in his room. However, now that she thought about it, there was nowhere else he would be.

Her destination soon came into view, and with it, the heartbreaking sight of Kamui sitting on the ground, leaning against Kotori's tree for support. His eyes, though dry, were bloodshot, a strong indication that he must have been crying earlier. The colourless stains on his cheeks lent support to it. He stared blankly at a little bird perched on his shoulder.

The bird took off the moment it saw Karen approaching. Kamui registered her presence with a cold gaze on his gaunt face and then he looked away.

"I want to be alone," he said.

Karen pretended not to hear the remark and said, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened the other day?"

"There's nothing to say. Nothing happened. I've already told you that I created the kekkai."

"But why?"

"Weren't you the one who told me that it was something that you just know how to do? I felt like it and I created it. It should be wonderful news to everyone that I finally managed to create my own kekkai."

Kamui was being intentionally difficult in order to hide something and Karen wanted to find out what. She had hesitated bringing the issue up immediately after they had found Kamui because she wanted to protect Kamui's heart for as long as possible. But if he really did raise that kekkai, perhaps it was already a moot point. She took a deep breath and said, "You saw Sumeragi-san that day, didn't you?"

The boy did not reply, but the shimmering of fresh tears in his eyes told her everything.

She continued, "There is nothing wrong about having seen him. But why did you try to hide it from us?"

"I'm not hiding it. It was nothing important." He was lying and she knew it. She saw her worst fears confirmed when Kamui grabbed his chest as if in pain.

She knelt down beside the boy and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. She wanted to hold him in her arms, to give him a motherly hug, but she was afraid that such a rash move might just tip him over the edge in his currently unstable emotional state.

Luckily the boy did not flinch aside. Instead he sat up with renewed control over his tears and asked her, "When this is all over and assuming we survived, what will you be doing?"

She was surprised by the seemingly unrelated question. However, she had to admit that it was a valid one. She had never really thought about her future, at least the one after the Promised Day, because it seemed so far away and the present so uncertain. After a moment's hesitation, she replied, "I'll probably return to my old life and continue on as a Soapland Girl, or finally give everything up and join a convent." She giggled at the thought of seeing herself in a nun's outfit for real.

Kamui, however, did not join in her amusement. He asked again, "What about the others?"

"Well, Aoki-san has his family and his editor job. Arashi and Sorata will probably return to Ise and Mount Kouya respectively until they decide to get married, if ever. And Sumeragi-san..." She paused, a little cautious, but noticing the serious look on Kamui's eyes, continued, "He should be carrying on his duties as the 13th Head of the Sumeragi Clan."

"I see," Kamui said. He twirled his fingers about a blade of grass and then broke it with a sharp tug. The action seemed to echo some doubts simmering in his own mind. Karen remained silent, waiting for him to speak.

After repeating the same action for almost a minute, Kamui finally spoke, "And what about me?"

Karen smiled, "I guess Imonoyama-san will arrange for you to continue your education here, including all the classes you've managed to miss so far."

"I don't mean that," Kamui said. Plucking another fresh blade of grass, he continued, "Ever since I came back to Tokyo, everyone has been telling me how important I am to the destiny of the world. That I was born for the Earth, for the Promised Day. But once that is all over, what becomes of me?" He took a deep breath and then continued, "I don't have a family to return to, my best friends are dead or gone. Even if Fuuma does come back, I don't think I can face him without remembering all the tragedies that my very existence as the 'Kamui' has brought to my family and his. I am the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven now. But who am I after the Promised Day? Will I become nothing more than a tool, to be discarded after the battle is over?"

His body began to tremble and he rammed his fist hard against the ground. Karen quickly grabbed hold of his shoulders and said, "You are Shirou Kamui, an ordinary fifteen-year-old boy currently undergoing an extraordinary experience. You must remember that you have many friends here who will never forget you, including that cheerful classmate of yours. What was his name? Segawa, I think?" She pinched his cheek lightly, trying to solicit a smile from his dour face.

But Kamui was not satisfied with the answer. He pushed her hands away and leaned back against the tree. Half-closing his eyes, he said, "Why won't Fuuma just kill me once and for all?"

"Kamui! Don't say such things."

"I'm so tired. I don't think I can fight anymore, not with Subaru..." He fell silent, unwilling to continue.

"What happened to Sumeragi-san?"

Kamui laughed bitterly. "What do you suppose happened?"

"Kamui..."

"Please, leave me alone. I just want to be with Kotori for a moment longer. Don't worry. I'll be back at the mansion in time for dinner."

Karen wanted to protest but Kamui raised his hand to indicate that their conversation was over. Knowing that further words would be in vain, Karen stood up and left.

Kamui watched her go and waited until he could no longer sense her aura nearby. Then he said, "Did he send you here to kill me?"

From the shadows of a large tree, a solitary figure in a pale-grey coat stepped forward into the light. His mismatched eyes of milky-white and dull-green looked on sadly as he spoke, "I came of my own volition. I'm sorry, Kamui. I didn't realise that I've hurt you so much."

"'...each of us have to find our own way to fulfil our wish, and with that, our happiness...not everyone can share the same path towards that happiness...'" Kamui paraphrased Subaru. "You told me that, remember?"

Despite his words, there was no bitterness in Kamui's voice. There was only a look of sorrowful disappointment in the brilliant violet eyes, and it cut deeply into the Sumeragi's heart.

Kamui stood up and continued, "I didn't tell them anything about you and the Dragons of Earth. But I won't let you harm any of them either. It's the least I can do as their 'Kamui'."

...their 'Kamui'...

The words implied a sharp divide between the Sumeragi and the Seals. He was no longer one of them, but of the enemy's. Even more so, they represented the isolation in Kamui's heart. Subaru had overheard the earlier conversation between Karen and Kamui, and he could understand the boy's pain, because he, too, was brought up to be a special child, the 13th Head of the Sumeragi Clan. And for that purpose, he had to give up his own ambition to be an animal caretaker. It was as if he had no other existence apart from that of being the chosen successor to an ancient and illustrious Clan. But at least he had his sister, and even after she died, he had his grandmother and the Clan. Except that he had chosen to isolate himself from them. Kamui was given no such choice. It had been forced upon him by Fate.

Presently, he began to see Kamui in a new light and understood why he had felt a special bond to this child, on whose shoulders rested the fate of the civilised world. Kamui was him, or rather a reflection of him. Both of them underwent a similar tragedy of seeing a person they loved killed by another person they loved. Yet Kamui was different from him. Instead of insulating himself from the world, Kamui had continued to care for others. Subaru had to admit that Kamui was stronger than him in this regard, and, in a way, he respected Kamui for it. However, Kamui was still very young, and there was only so much torment that his young mind could take.

Kamui walked past Subaru. He could not remain in the Sumeragi's presence for too long without feeling his control slipping. Nevertheless, Subaru was not about to let him leave so soon as he caught hold of Kamui's arm. Kamui struggled briefly but Subaru's grasp was firm.

"Please...Subaru," he pleaded in a choked voice, unable to control the tears that had threatened to spill ever since he sensed Subaru's presence in the vicinity. The pain in his heart intensified as if a vice-like grip tightened about it. Soon his strength would give way but he refused to allow Subaru to see him fall.

"Kamui, hear me out please," Subaru begged. Kamui stopped his struggle instantly, but it was more due to his lack of strength than for any concession to Subaru's request. Subaru continued, "I know I've hurt you deeply and I'm very sorry for that. You saved my life to give me another chance and I never expressed my gratitude.

"The other Kamui promised to fulfil my wish. That is the only reason I agreed to join the Angels. But if the Seals were to win on the Promised Day, then my wish is no longer attainable. I promise you that I shall never allow the other Kamui to hurt you. No matter what the outcome of that battle, if you're willing, the doors to my Clan shall always be open to you. I want to give the other 'Subaru' that you've met a chance."

It was as close to accepting Kamui's love as he could make without having to face his own feelings. But Kamui continued to watch him with those infinitely disappointed eyes.

"You heard my conversation with Karen, didn't you," Kamui said. Subaru nodded. Suddenly, Subaru sensed a sharp jolt of pain on the palm that was holding onto Kamui's arm. Instinctively, he removed his hand.

Kamui retracted his power and said firmly, "You may have allowed your life to be manipulated by the Sakurazukamori. But I am not your toy and I certainly don't need your sympathies."

He stepped away from the Sumeragi, fully intending to run back to the mansion. But the physical exertion coupled with the growing emotional stress of the encounter took its toll on his frail body. The pain grew too much to bear and he finally collapsed onto the ground with a helpless groan.

"Kamui!" Subaru panicked as he ran to the boy. He hugged the boy tightly. "I'm sorry...Kamui...I'm sorry..."

*

The doorbell was ringing frantically. "Coming! Coming!" Sorata yelled in exasperation and wondered briefly if Kamui was trying to drive everyone else crazy with the bell. He opened the door and nearly had a shock when Subaru rushed in, bearing the semi-conscious Kamui in his arms.

The monk instantly ushered Subaru upstairs as Arashi dialled for the doctor.

Minutes later, the doctor came out from Kamui's room with the same advice – plenty of rest and no more upsetting the patient.

When the doctor had finally left, Subaru tried to enter the room but was stopped at the door by Karen. She told him, "I don't know what happened between you and Kamui, but it has distressed him greatly. Unless you intend to kill him, I would advice that you leave now."

Subaru hesitated. His immediate inclination was to ignore Karen and rush into Kamui's room, and ask for forgiveness. But his more rational self told him that Karen was right. Kamui was in no condition to see him at this moment. He bowed wordlessly and took his leave.

As they heard the main door close, Sorata asked, "Are you sure we should let him go like that? There are still questions to be answered."

Karen replied, "Kamui suffered in silence to protect him. For the moment, I'll go along with Kamui's wishes."

*

Kakyou wept. "I'm sorry, Hokuto. I tried, but Fate refused to be changed."

The Dark Kamui materialised beside the dreamgazer and encircled his strong hand about the latter's delicate neck. "You should know better than to attempt something like that," Fuuma warned. "But thanks to you, the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven is now in no condition to stop me at all."

Kakyou refused to blink at those words. He said, "Why don't you kill me now? With the Sumeragi by your side, the balance still has to be maintained." It was true. Technically, the Angels now had the advantage in numbers. But matters were not so simple, and Kakyou knew that Fuuma was aware of it too.

Fuuma released the dreamgazer and said, "Do not concern yourself with such petty matters. Just continue to weave your dreams for me. There is still one more target to go before we destroy Tokyo Tower."

"As you wish," Kakyou purred in mock humility.