HOLD ME NOW

Disclaimer: The characters in CSI: New York do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

Summary: The cliché was true, sometimes you didn't know what you had until it was gone. The question was: could you ever get it back again once you'd lost it? Lindsay Monroe was about to find out the answer.

Notes: Hi all! New update for you. There's a reason for the earlier than normal update – more of at the end of the chapter. For now though, on with the story…

OOOOOO

Part 10 – Déjà Vu

New York Crime Lab, a week later…

Danny Messer was trying to concentrate, but his mind kept wandering despite his best efforts to focus on the task at hand rather than his complicated personal life. Yesterday had been a particularly trying day for him and was the main reason behind his current distraction. It had started off badly and had only proceeded to get worse as the hours unfolded.

In the first instance, his alarm had failed to go off, making him late for his shift. Next, there'd been the stress of having to work alone with Rachel for the first time since their split, followed by a dressing down from Mac after he'd lost his temper with a suspect in the interrogation room – an unpleasant experience that he hadn't had to endure in years now. Then, to cap it all off, his lawyer had called about finalising the divorce…

The legalities of his and Lindsay's current situation hadn't really registered upon him until then. He had no idea what he should do. Should he go through with it, or put things on hold for a while? He wished he knew. He was either going to have to pay his attorney a retainer he could ill afford, or push ahead with the permanent severing of his marriage at a time when he was no longer certain that it was what he really wanted. It was a dilemma and a half, make no mistake.

He should have mentioned it to Lindsay the previous evening during his daily web-chat with her and Lucy, but he hadn't. With his little daughter so full of enthusiasm about her riding lessons and the den she and her cousins had been building that day, it hadn't seemed right to bring it up in the wake of such childish delight. Lindsay had looked rather pale and strained too, another reason for his reticence.

Danny didn't really understand why she looked so beaten down to be honest. The idea behind her visiting her family was for her to get some rest and recuperation, not to get even more strung out about things. He'd wanted to ask if she was all right, but it hadn't seemed appropriate under the circumstances. It wasn't really any of his business, plus if she'd wanted to tell him about it, she would have volunteered the information herself…

"Arghh!"

Letting loose with a frustrated groan, he dropped his head down on the desk in front of him, and curled his fingers around the nape of his neck as he attempted to stop his mind from running around in endless circles. He needed to focus. He had a job to do and this wasn't getting him anywhere.

"Danny?"

Mac's questioning voice sounded from behind him then, and he raised his head from the desk to shoot the older detective a weary smile of greeting. "Hey boss! Just ignore me, okay? I'm going quietly crazy here."

Taking in the younger man's reddened eyes and pale, sallow skin, Mac reached out and deliberately pushed the door shut behind him to afford the two of them some privacy. Crossing the room, he sat down in the chair opposite his worn-out colleague. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked matter-of-factly.

Leaning back in his chair, Danny rubbed ineffectually at his tired eyes. "It's nothing," he said with a sigh.

Mac shot him a look that told him he didn't believe that for a second, which forced the younger CSI to divulge the details of what was troubling him. "My lawyer called yesterday," he explained. "He wants me to make an appointment to go over the final divorce papers before the hearing next month."

"You're still going ahead with that?" Mac asked in some surprise.

"I don't know; that's the problem. Lindsay and I - we're stranded in the middle of no-mans land at the moment. I don't want to call it off if there's nowhere for us to go, but on the other hand…" he trailed off into silence and shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"Have you talked to Lindsay about it?" his boss enquired.

"It's not really something you can discuss long-distance, Mac."

"I appreciate that, but Stella said something about you possibly flying out to Montana for a few days?"

"I'd pretty much decided that was a bust," Danny told him.

"Why?"

"Avoidance, I guess," he confessed. "I know we'd have time to talk, but I don't necessarily think that her parents' place is the best environment for us to do that. Plus, I'm not really sure whether Lindsay's up to it at the moment either."

"I know you don't want to put any unnecessary pressure on her, Danny, but there is such a thing as being too complacent, you know," Mac told him. "If you want to move things forward then you're going to have to step up to the plate and fight for what you want."

"Don't you think I don't know that?" Danny responded a little defensively.

"So what's holding you back then?"

Danny let out a resigned sigh. "Me, I guess. I just… I don't want to mess it up."

Mac raised his eyebrows at that. "Didn't we have this conversation four and a half years ago?" he remarked dryly.

Danny's lips quirked at the recollection. "Yeah, yeah, I guess we did," he concurred.

"And was it the wrong decision?"

"Getting married, you mean?"

Mac nodded in reply.

Danny shook his head. "No. If I had to go back and do it all again, I would."

"Well, I guess that's your answer then, isn't it?" the older man pointed out.

Drawing in a deep breath, Danny held it for a few seconds before releasing it with a whoosh. "I guess it is," he accepted with a faint smile.

Satisfied that he'd dug beneath the surface and suitably exposed the chink in his friend's armour, Mac rose to his feet and moved around the desk to access the computer. Quickly calling up the electronic leave database, he pushed the mouse and keyboard towards Danny.

"Just fill in the days," he instructed. "I'll approve them as soon as I get back to my office."

"Thanks Mac," Danny said with sincerity.

"You're welcome," his boss replied, laying a brief hand on his shoulder before turning for the door. "Just give my god-daughter a big kiss and hug from me when you get there, okay?" he said as a parting shot. "And tell Lindsay we're thinking of her too."

"I will," Danny assured him, and then turned back to the waiting monitor and used the mouse to select the appropriate date…

OOOOOO

The Monroe Ranch, the following day…

Sipping at a tall glass of homemade lemonade, Lindsay lounged idly in the swing-seat on the front veranda of her parents' house. Despite the fact that fall was almost upon them and the leaves were turning golden and russet on the trees, the weather was clear, sunny and pleasantly warm.

Probably for the first time since she'd arrived in Montana over a week ago, she was enjoying a few precious hours alone. Her parents had gone into town to meet some friends for lunch, while her sister and brothers were all busy with their own homes and lives. As much as Lindsay loved her family – and she did love them – their concern for her well-being could be emotionally draining at times, and every so often she just needed a little respite from it all.

Lucy had chosen to remain behind at the ranch rather than going on a nature walk with her youngest cousin's pre-school class so Lindsay was not completely alone with her thoughts. Not that she minded - it was nice to share some one-on-one time with her daughter. Her little girl sat cross-legged on the decking nearby, playing an elaborate game of make-believe with the plastic figurines she had lined up in neat rows in front of her.

"Put your hat back on, sweetie," Lindsay instructed, noticing that Lucy had discarded the protective garment in the past few minutes while she hadn't been looking.

"But Mommy…" the little girl started to whine.

"But Mommy nothing," Lindsay cut in firmly. "Put it back on. I don't want you getting sun-stroke and neither do you if you have any sort of sense. It's not a very nice experience, I can tell you."

Her bottom lip jutting in protest, Lucy obediently put the blue sun-hat back on over her honey-blonde curls. Thirty seconds later, the small moment of childish rebellion was thankfully a thing of the past as the call of the imagination once again drew the little girl into its thrall. Lindsay smiled and took another sip of her drink as she leisurely rocked the swing-seat back and forth with her foot.

The first few days of her visit had been a hive of activity as preparations for the weekend's party reached fever pitch. Her mother had still found the time to sit down for a long talk over coffee and pie however. Lindsay wasn't sure that they'd reached any notable conclusions during their tête-à-tête, but it had felt good to unburden herself even so. She'd been able to tell her Mom things that she'd hadn't been able to confide in Stella, despite the good friend her colleague had become over the past six years or so.

Unfortunately, it had all started to go wrong the day after the anniversary party. It had just been immediate family for dinner that day and her current bout of depression had quickly become common knowledge amongst her elder siblings. Lindsay fervently wished that her parents had kept it to themselves, but she knew that was an almost impossible endeavour. It simply wasn't how their family worked. A problem shared was a problem halved in their opinion - doubly so when it involved the undisputed baby of the family – Lindsay herself.

It was hard for her to be angry at them for their well-meaning interference. Not when she knew that the traumatic events of her past had been just as difficult on them as they had on her. They'd had to watch her go to hell and back, not to mention live with the fact that they hadn't been able to protect her when it mattered. It was as if they'd been trying to make up for that lapse ever since, and Lindsay had no idea how to tell them to just stop and let it alone. It seemed so ungrateful somehow; especially when you considered the unfailing love and support that they'd shown her in the difficult years that followed.

Accepting the job in New York had helped enormously with that however. Her family hadn't wanted her to move so far away, but Lindsay knew that she would have gone quietly crazy if she'd stayed. It had been the best thing for all of them in the end. With the physical distance, their over-protective concern had gradually waned, before pretty much vanishing altogether once Danny had become a permanent fixture in her life. Of course since their separation, things had taken a backward step in that respect, but, all in all, Lindsay no longer felt like the apron-strings were choking her half to death. Or at least she hadn't done until a few days ago anyway.

Her Mom was the only one who seemed to have any sort of proper perspective on the matter. Her father, older brothers and sister were all suffocating her with their pathological need to look out for her, and she was about ready to scream with frustration at their incessant fussing. She was a grown woman, for god's sake. Okay so she wasn't doing so great at the moment, but she was far from incapable of taking care of herself.

The crushing weight of their concern was starting to take an unhealthy toll on her physical and emotional well-being too. It took her back to the way things used to be, and with that remembrance came the return of the nightmares and the paralysing anxiety attacks that she thought she'd seen the back of. She'd woken up the previous night in a blind panic, gasping for air, her heart racing fifteen to the dozen and her skin clammy with sweat. Salty tears had been streaming down her cheeks and she'd been shaking like a leaf. It had been a good hour before she could relax enough to attempt to sleep again, and those sixty long, lonely minutes had been filled with silent anguish and dark despair.

It was at moments like that that she wished desperately for Danny's company. She hadn't suffered such nightmares all that often whilst they'd been together, but when she had, his presence by her side had been of infinite help to her. Maybe she hadn't confided in him in the way that her mother thought she should have done, but she'd accepted his strength and unspoken support nevertheless.

Curling up in his arms while he stroked her hair and whispered soothing words of comfort in her ear had been her refuge from the stifling darkness. Wrapped tightly in that solid embrace, she'd felt safe, protected and at peace with who she was. Away from that security however, the doubts started to creep in. Why her? Why had she been allowed to live when everyone else had been left to die? What was it that made her so different? So apart from all the rest?

The sound of a car approaching pulled Lindsay out of her darkening thoughts then, and her stomach sank like a lead balloon in reaction. Her parents couldn't be back from their outing already, could they? They'd told her they'd be gone for the rest of the afternoon. She hoped to god it wasn't another family member dropping in to check up on her. Geez! Could they not leave her alone for more than five minutes?

Rising from the swing-seat, she crossed to the outside edge of the porch to view the vehicle's steady approach along the gravelled driveway. As it drew nearer, she realised it was an unfamiliar dark-coloured rental sedan and not one of her elder siblings coming to pay an unwanted visit as she'd initially assumed.

"Who is it, Mommy?" Lucy asked, sensing her mother's distraction and rising to her feet in response.

"I don't know, sweetie," Lindsay replied even as hope burned like a wildfire inside her chest. It couldn't be, surely? He'd said he'd call…

"DADDY!" Lucy shrieked as the car door opened and the familiar figure stepped out.

Clattering down the porch steps, the little girl took off at a sprint across the grass towards her smiling father. Her heart lodged somewhere in the vicinity of her throat, Lindsay watched as Danny lifted his daughter high up in the air and spun her around in circles, making her squeal with delight. Cuddling her close, he kissed her several times before he finally set her back down on her feet again. With Lucy dancing along beside him in a state of euphoria, he then headed towards the house, crossing the grass in long, loping strides.

"It's Daddy, Mommy," Lucy called out as the two of them approached.

"So I see," Lindsay said to her daughter. "This is getting to be a habit," she remarked to her estranged husband.

Danny grinned up at her as she stood on the top step looking down on them. "Sorry, I guess I should have called," he said in his distinctive New York accent. "It was something of a last minute decision though."

Ducking her gaze, Lindsay ran a nervous hand through her hair. "Doesn't matter," she said a little shyly. "I'm glad you're here."

"You sure?" Danny asked, climbing up the three steps and reaching out to gently take her hand in his.

Her eyes met his steady gaze and something passed between them that Lindsay was at a loss to name. Whatever it was broke the ice however, and she smiled easily at him in return. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure," she assured him, supremely aware of his fingers still entwined with hers.

"Do you want some lemonade, Daddy?" Lucy enquired innocently from behind them. "Me and Grams made it."

They turned just in time to avert impending disaster. "Whoa!" Lindsay exclaimed; hurrying forward as her daughter reached out for the glass jug full of liquid. "I think you better let Mommy do that, sweetie," she said. "It's too heavy for you. You hold the glass steady while I pour."

Lucy obediently curled her little palms around the glass and waited while her Mom filled it about three-quarts full with the cloudy liquid. She then carefully lifted it and offered it to her father, her brow furrowed in concentration. "There you go, Daddy."

"Thanks, baby," he said as it took it from her. He took a sip. "Mmm," he said expansively, smacking his lips together. "You made this, huh?"

Lucy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, this morning while Mommy was still asleep."

"Late night, huh?" Danny commented playfully to Lindsay and was dismayed to see the haunted look that entered her eyes as a result.

"Something like that," she said, her voice a little strained.

"Do you like it, Daddy?" his daughter asked before he could find out what was wrong.

He turned his attention back to his little girl and smiled. "I think it might just be the best lemonade I've ever tasted," he told her.

Lucy beamed. "I squeezed the lemons," she said proudly.

"Well, that must be it then," Danny said as he took a seat. "You must be the supreme champion of lemon squeezers."

Lucy nodded in agreement. "And I stirred it with a special spoon too," she added with child-like aplomb.

Danny chuckled and then nodded at the little figurines arranged on the decking. "Whatcha playing, sweetheart?" he asked.

As Lucy climbed into her father's lap and launched into a detailed explanation of a game full of fairy princesses, talking animals and a world where the sky was green and the grass blue, Lindsay wandered into the house to compose herself. Danny's innocent remark had plunged her straight back into the horror of her most recent nightmare. She couldn't remember all that much, just the bang-bang-bang of repeated shots followed by flickering images of a room awash with scarlet-red blood.

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she tried to slow her agitated breathing and calm her hammering heart. It took a while, but she eventually managed to re-centre herself. Climbing the staircase, she entered the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She didn't know where all this had come from. She'd visited her family in Montana before and had not been plagued with her past in this way. Perhaps it was because she was so low generally that she had succumbed this time around. It should be over with, done, but it appeared there was still one more hurdle that she had to face before she could finally lay it all to rest and move on.

There was a light rap on the door-frame. "Lindsay?" a voice enquired from behind her.

She turned to see Danny standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"Lucy?" she enquired, deliberately avoiding his question with one of her own.

"She's downstairs watching a cartoon on TV," he told her as he came further into the room. "You didn't answer my question," he pressed.

"It's err… it's nothing," she assured him. "Don't worry about it."

"Please don't give me any of that crap," Danny said wearily. "I was hoping we were beyond all of that and could just be honest with each other. If we can't then what's the point, huh?"

"I…" Lindsay broke off and sucked in a shuddering breath. "All right so it's not nothing, but I can't discuss it right now, Danny. I want to… I just… I can't…"

She bit her lip against the hitch in her throat, not wanting to surrender to the weakness, but desperately needing to break through the physical barrier that seemed to be separating the two of them at the moment. "I just… I really need a hug right now," she confessed in a whisper.

It was put so simply, Danny responded without thinking. Closing the gap between them, he enveloped her in his arms and pulled her close. Lindsay clung to him like he was her living life-raft. She was shaking uncontrollably, her body racked with tremors, but if she was crying along with it, her tears were silent to him. He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything. She seemed so fragile in his arms, and yet incongruously she was the strongest woman he knew.

The only other time he remembered her being so vulnerable to him was whenever she'd woken from one of her infrequent nightmares. He'd known the source of them, of course, but she'd never wanted to talk about it and he hadn't pushed. He couldn't fathom the effect something like that would have on a young girl's psyche, but she'd somehow fought past it, moved on and grown into the beautiful, intelligent woman that he'd fallen in love with. Maybe her childhood trauma wasn't as in the past as he'd always believed however.

"I'm sorry," Lindsay said quietly when she eventually summoned the strength to pull away from him.

"For what?" Danny said, but didn't wait for an answer since the question was essentially rhetorical. "I need you to tell me, Lindsay," he went on. "If we're ever to find our way back from this, I need you to be honest with me about what you've been going through."

Lindsay nodded, not needing to be told what he was talking about. She knew he was right. She knew her mother was right. If she wanted to experience everything that marriage had to offer her, then she needed to learn to confide her deepest darkest fears to the man she shared her life with.

"I know," she said, "But this… it isn't easy for me, Danny."

"I appreciate that," he answered. "Just take your time, okay? Whenever you're ready, I'm here for you."

"Are you?" Lindsay asked sadly. "Are you really?"

Danny sighed. "I'm trying to be," he told her. "I want to be, I promise you that. And whatever else, Lindsay, you can count on me as your friend. I know that you want more from me, but this is a definite obstacle in the way of that. Until we've gotten past it, it's difficult to see what lies beyond to tell you the truth."

"An ultimatum then," she concluded.

Danny shook his head. "No, no, more of an entreaty," he explained. "I know I'm being over-cautious here, but I feel like I have to be under the circumstances. I don't want to make your health worse, or put Lucy through any kind of unintentional emotional trauma. I need to understand what we're dealing with before I make any kind of clear-cut decision about our future together. I'm starting to think that there is a lot that you've got hidden away deep inside you that I know nothing about. And unless I learn more about the woman behind the mask…"

"You don't know whether I'm someone you really want to be with?" Lindsay finished for him.

Danny regarded her silently for a moment. "There see, that's exactly what I'm talking about," he said soberly. "You're making assumptions about how I feel rather than actually listening to what I have to say. What are you so frightened of, huh? That I'm going to confirm all your negative opinions about yourself? Say all the things that you say to yourself whenever you look in the mirror?"

When he saw her blanch and go white as a sheet, he knew he'd hit the nail on the head. "Oh Lindsay," he said with a shake of his head.

"No!" she gasped, stepping back in a sudden panic as he instinctively reached out for her. "Don't touch me!"

Her hands fluttered agitatedly about her face as her breathing became progressively more erratic. "Please just leave me alone," she begged. "I can't do this right now! I'm not ready. I'm just… I'm not ready! I'm not ready!"

Afraid that she was about to start hyper-ventilating, Danny quickly backed off. "All right," he said calmly. "All right. We don't have to do this now. It can wait. Lindsay, Lindsay, look at me…"

"Look at me!" he demanded more sharply when she failed to comply. Her panicked gaze shifted to his of its own violation. "Breathe, okay?" he urged, keeping his voice steady and neutral as he'd been trained to do in a crisis situation. "Deep breaths in and out."

"That's it, baby," he encouraged as she struggled to bring her panic back under control. "That's my girl. In… and out. In… and out."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she burst out once she'd calmed down enough to think clearly. "Oh God!" she moaned, utterly humiliated. "I thought I was over this."

"You've had panic attacks before?" Danny asked, his blue eyes filled with concern.

She nodded, her brown eyes anguished. "Yes, after… I'm sorry." She covered her face with her hands.

Danny reached out and prised her fingers apart. "Don't apologise," he said. "And don't be embarrassed. It happens, you know? There is nothing to be ashamed of." He brushed her hair away from her pale face. "You look tired," he observed, noting the dark circles under her eyes.

"I didn't sleep too good last night," she admitted.

"So go take a nap," he said. "I can keep Lucy suitably entertained."

She tried to smile, but didn't quite manage it. "I don't deserve you."

"I'm really not that much of a catch," he told her lightly, coaxing a genuine if weak smile out of her in return.

She reached out and touched his face with the tips of her fingers. "Thank-you," she said before her hand fell away from his skin.

Stepping around him, she retreated slowly down the hallway to her room, her movements stiff and jerky as if she'd just completed a marathon. Danny watched her go, feeling as if a sudden light-bulb had illuminated above his head. All this time and he'd never known. Oh, he knew she had her insecurities, but he had never expected anything like this. It ran so much deeper than he had ever imagined. There were still a lot of stones left unturned, but he thought he was beginning to piece together a truer picture of the woman he'd married.

His senseless fling with Rikki Sandoval hadn't just shattered her trust in him, it had knocked her confidence too, validated her personal opinion that she wasn't truly worthy of his love – of anyone's love for that matter. No wonder she'd always been expecting the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop if that's how she'd felt. What had been his mistake to correct, his disloyalty to make up for, had become something else entirely. It was almost as if she was excusing his behaviour because she didn't feel as if she deserved any better. And when it had all become too much, when she believed she'd been about to lose him, she'd shut down in order to protect herself from the agony of that bitter humiliation.

He sighed. The road ahead was not going to be easy. He hadn't expected it to be, but he hadn't envisaged anything of this nature even so. He really hoped he had the strength of commitment that this journey was going to entail. He needed to hold it together now, because if he didn't, he could end up doing more harm than good.

Whichever way this turned out, he had to ensure that Lindsay came out the other side of it emotionally intact. His child needed a mother, and he personally would not be able to forgive himself if he ended up crushing a valued friend. Because if there was one thing he knew for sure amidst all the other uncertainty surrounding them, it was that Lindsay Monroe was one of the best friends he'd ever had.

Period.

OOOOOO

Later that night…

Indulging in a moment of silent observation, Elizabeth Monroe stood in the doorway for a time before finally deciding that she ought to make her presence known.

"Hey!" Danny greeted as she sat down next to him on the back porch. "I was just looking at the stars," he said with a slight smile. "I don't think I properly knew what they looked like until I came to Montana for the first time."

He looked down at his hands laced together in his lap. "I didn't mean to upset her so much," he told his mother-in-law remorsefully.

Elizabeth waved that off. "She had to face it some time," she said. "She needed for you to know, Danny. The strain of keeping you ignorant was too heavy a burden for her to bear much longer."

Danny sighed. "She asleep?" he asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "I made her go to bed. She could barely keep her eyes open she was that tired." She paused for a beat before continuing. "You settle into the guest-cabin all right?" she asked.

Danny inclined his head. "Yes thanks," he said. "I don't think Lucy really understands why I can't stay with you, but I think I've persuaded her it's some sort of outward bound adventure I'm on."

Elizabeth laughed at that. "You must be five minutes walk from the house if that," she said in amusement.

"Hey, I'm a city boy – that's the wilderness, trust me," Danny quipped.

Elizabeth smiled. "You could have stayed at the house, you know," she said, her tone serious now.

"I don't think that would've gone down too well with Jack, do you?" Danny pointed out. Elizabeth's welcome had been as warm as ever, but his father-in-law's had been distinctly frosty in comparison.

Elizabeth sighed. "He's just over-protective that's all. We all are, I guess, but Jack takes it to extremes sometimes. You have to understand what it was like for him – his baby girl and he wasn't there to protect her. Imagine what it would be like if it was Lucy in that situation."

Danny shuddered at thought. "I get it, I do," he assured her, and then sighed. "She never told me about it, Beth," he said, "Not nearly enough anyway."

His mother-in-law reached out to lay her hand over his. "Yes, I know," she replied. "I have to say it never occurred to me that she wouldn't have done - although I shouldn't have been all that surprised, I suppose."

"Why not?"

"Because she…" Elizabeth broke off with a shake of her head. "You need to hear this from Lindsay, Danny. It's not my story to tell."

"Yes it is," her son-in-law insisted. "Okay so Lindsay needs to tell me how it was for her personally, but that's only one part of the whole. Only you and the rest of the family know what it was like to be on the outside looking in, and that's where I'm at right now, where I'll always be in some respects."

Elizabeth regarded him silently for a moment. She knew he was a good man, but she was aware that her daughter had probably pushed him to the limits of his endurance over the past year with her constantly see-sawing emotions.

"Don't give up on her, Danny," she pleaded quietly. "I know it's been rough, and that it probably seems like more trouble than its worth right now, but give her a chance, please. She's struggling, but she loves you and you're good for her. You always have been. You clearly still have a lot of compassion left in your heart, but if there's still even a tiny spark of what you used to feel for her, don't let it die out. If you stick with it, I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end. I think if you truly understand what she went through, her little idiosyncrasies and the way she reacts to situations might make more sense to you."

"So tell me, Beth," Danny urged. "Tell me what it was like. For her, for you, for your family… just tell me, okay?"

Her heart heavy inside her chest, Elizabeth gazed blankly out into the pitch darkness of the night for a protracted moment before finally responding to his plea. "It's a long, painful story, Danny," she told him, her tone weary. "And now is not really the time. It's getting late and I'm ready for my bed. Come by for breakfast in the morning though and we can talk then. Jack is taking Lucy out for an early morning ride so they won't be around to interrupt. Plus, Lindsay was absolutely exhausted so I imagine she'll sleep in tomorrow. She's not slept particularly well since she got here, but today seems to have lifted some of the weight off her shoulders, so hopefully that will be enough to help her relax and get some proper rest tonight."

"This isn't the first time is it?" Danny observed astutely. "I understand what happened to her as a teenager was a horribly traumatic experience, but this isn't the first time she's suffered from depression since then, is it?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, she went through a bad time when she was around nineteen, and then again shortly before she moved to New York. I worried about her during the trial too, but she seemed to come through that all right." She smiled. "You helped a lot with that, I think. Even though it was a monumentally difficult thing for her to face, she had something worthwhile to fall back on when the going got tough…"

"We weren't together then, you know," Danny said.

"I know," Elizabeth replied. "But you don't catch the red-eye from New York to Montana after working round the clock for just anyone, do you?"

Danny grinned a little self-consciously. "No, I don't suppose you do," he concurred.

"The point was the potential was there and it gave her something positive to focus on when everything else seemed so bleak. I think that helped her through, gave her hope for a brighter future."

"Too bad we made such a mess of it then, huh?"

"Oh, I think there's hope yet," Elizabeth said with a slight smile. "After all, you're still getting on those planes, aren't you? And I don't believe that was just for Lucy's sake either."

"No, no, it wasn't," Danny agreed, "But it's not going to be easy, Beth. We've grown so far apart; it's hard to see how we're ever going to bridge the gap between us."

"All you can do is try, Danny," Elizabeth said. "All I ask of you is to try - for Lucy, for Lindsay and for yourself. If you know that you've given it your best shot, you won't have to live with any regrets, will you?"

"No, I don't suppose I will."

"Well, on that note, I think I'll be turning in," Elizabeth said, rising to her feet. "Good night Danny," she said, laying a gentle hand on the top of his head by way of farewell.

"Goodnight," her son-in-law returned, his tone introspective. "Oh, and Beth?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks, you didn't have to be so…" He absently waved his hand. "Well, you know, considering."

Elizabeth sighed. "It takes two to make a marriage, Danny, and two to break it. Vilifying you isn't going to achieve anything, is it? When all is said and done, my daughter wants you back in her life. If I believed she was naïve in hoping for that, then maybe I'd be a little more cautious around you. I don't though, so I'm not going to put any further obstacles in your way. The two of you have enough to deal with already."

"Oh and don't worry about Jack," she added, pausing in the open doorway. "He'll come around eventually. He's a stubborn old fool but all he really wants is for Lindsay to be happy. You put the smile back on her face and the sparkle back in her eye and he'll be eternally grateful."

"Oh good, no pressure then," Danny remarked dryly.

Elizabeth's subsequent laughter was low and sweet and rippled through him like a cool mountain breeze. "I believe you're up to the challenge," she told him. "Sleep well, honey."

After his mother-in-law had retreated back inside, Danny picked up the flash-light beside him and started to make his way across the yard. Passing the long, low stable block on his left, he followed the narrow path down a steep, but short incline to reach the small guest house that lay beyond. Inserting the old-fashioned key into the well-oiled lock, he twisted it counter-clockwise, then pushed open the door and stepped inside.

House was probably pushing the description a little if truth be told. It was a squat, square building with just a bedroom, a tiny bathroom and a small open-plan kitchen/living area to its name. It fulfilled his needs though and it negated the awkwardness of staying at the main house. It wasn't that he didn't like his in-laws; it was just that with things the way they were between him and Lindsay at present, he didn't feel comfortable availing himself of their home. Here, he could have his own space, but be close enough by to visit with Lucy whenever he wished, or to talk to Lindsay when the time came for them to take that next step towards a possible reconciliation.

Toeing off his sneakers and socks, he stripped himself of his jeans and t-shirt and went through into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. After completing his nightly ablutions, he wandered back into the darkened bedroom and slid between the cool sheets of the bed.

Lying on his back with his arms pillowing his head, he gazed up at the ceiling and ordered his mind to relax. Weariness was seeping into his bones as the stresses and the strains of the past few weeks finally caught up with him. He'd been running on adrenaline for far too long, he realised. He needed to rest, he needed to sleep, he needed to…

His eyes closed and sleep consumed him…

To be continued…

A/N2: All right so I'm warning you now: there isn't going to be an update next week, I'm afraid, because I'm going away on my hols. That's why I've posted this weeks' part early because I wanted to know what at least some of you think before I go. I know this is probably a very frustrating point in the story to skip a week. *Ducks flying objects* but it was completely unintentional, I swear!

I've got the next part all finished and ready to post as soon as I get back however, so watch out for something in around two weeks time. In the meantime, I'll guess you'll just have to re-read Parts 1-10 again in preparation for the upcoming Part 11, which could be entitled 'The Breakfast Conversation' but is probably more aptly titled 'The Heart of the Matter'…

Till next time then,

CharmedBec x