I can't apologize enough for the delay. I've really been lacking motivation but your reviews have not been unseen and they've really made me inspired again. Love you all! Thank you!
No one really discussed what happened once Cosima and Delphine headed back downstairs. There was an obvious amount of tension in the room, everyone was obviously trying to make everything seem normal again. All eyes were glued onto Cosima when she sat back into her chair.
She felt obligated to say something but didn't quite know what to say. Was she supposed to apologize or make everyone forget about what happened.
"I-" Cosima's voice was hoarse and uncertain. Clearing her throat, she shook her head and gave a small crooked smirk. "I have no clue what came over me, like, woah." She waved her uninjured hand in the air. "I apologize, Ali, for yelling. Mom, dad, I made a huge, um, disturbance here at dinner and it was, like, totally uncalled for." She did her best to smile and laugh it off because that what she did. That's what she wanted them to see.
"Sestra, are you okay?" Helena's voice sounded rather child-like. Her head was hung low and her shoulders were crept up near her chin. Her dirty blonde locks shook just slightly in the pattern of Helena's shivering.
The lump in Cosima's throat only grew. "Yes, Helena, I'm okay. I just got mad." She gave a sad smile while rubbing her temple. "I didn't mean to scare everyone. Can you all forgive me?" She made sure to make eye contact with every single person at the table. It was so hard because she knew that what they saw couldn't be unseen.
"Ye', just don' get freaky on us again," Sarah said, her chuckle breaking through the silence.
The atmosphere seemed to change dramatically, and all it took was Sarah's laughter. Cosima noticed Helena's head pop up and she quickly joined in without hesitation. Cosima felt a wave of relief wash over her body as she sat back down at the table. Her father patted her on the back gently.
"Is your hand okay, sweetheart?" He asked, taking a bite of his food.
Cosima caught Delphine looking at her from beside her. She smiled and looked back to her dad. "Yeah," She mumbled and looked back at Delphine. "More than okay."
"I don't see why you are so embarassed, cherie," Delphine toyed with one of Cosima's dreads. "If anything, I was worried about you."
Cosima shook her head and looked back at the sky. The clouds had vanished, giving the two girls a perfect view from Cosima's rooftop. "I had no clue what happened...I just snapped. I don't want anyone to see that again…" She huffed, "I don't want you to see that again." Cosima clarified.
Delphine's fingers moved to the smooth surface of Cosima's cheek, tracing patterns along her jawline. "What makes you think that it'll happen again?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper. Her body was clung warmly to Cosima's side.
Cosima's breath caught in her throat, her heart raced. "I-" She couldn't even think straight. She did her best to keep her eyes glued on the stars but couldn't resist looking down at Delphine. Her eyes locked with the other girl's darker ones. Words could no longer formulate, her heart hammered so hard it blocked everything else surrounding them.
She darted her eyes down to Delphine's lips, unconsciously licking her own in the process.
Friends don't do this, Cosima. Friends don't do this.
"What makes you think that'll happen again?" Delphine's voice nearly broke Cosima's trance.
Cosima did her best to remain calm even though her heart nearly leapt from her chest. "Oh, you know…" She shrugged and desperately thought of other topics to discuss.
"I'm afraid I don't…" Delphine said hesitantly.
Cosima, once again, felt so exposed in front of Delphine. This girl has seen so much of her already, why hesitate to confess something she's kept to herself for weeks? Cosima cleared her throat carefully, "I haven't been consistent with taking my meds…" She said regretfully.
Delphine's face fell slightly, just enough for Cosima to notice. "By accident… or?"
Cosima looked away from Delphine and continued staring upward, avoiding the conversation and further confessions.
Delphine's body snuggled up closer to the girl beside her. "Cosima?" Her voice was barely audible but it was enough for Cosima to hear.
The dreadlocked girl swallowed weakly and looked at Delphine's eyes once again. "Mmm?"
"Do you-" Delphine wet her lips. "Do you know why I showed up randomly today?"
Cosima looked into her eyes, waiting for the other girl to continue. Eager to know what was on her mind.
"I-I'm used to feeling so alone in my own home...no one would ask how my day was, no one even bothered to look at me most of the time...and I've always been content with it. I got used to it." She inhaled shakily. "Until I met you." Her hand covered Cosima's. "Ever since I met you, I've felt so..." Delphine's looked flustered as she searched for the right words. "...so..."
"...whole." Cosima was surprised the word even slipped from her own lips.
The two girls looked up at each other, Delphine's eyes seemed almost darker yet more vulnerable Cosima observed. There were so many things running through her head in the silent moment she shared with the French beauty.
"Ever since I met you, I realized that I hate living the way I do. I realized how much of life and experience I was missing out on." Delphine continued, voice confident and full of compassion.
Cosima blushed intensely. "Missing out on life experiences? What kind of experiences? Going to my favorite ice cream place? Watching movies on my couch?" She giggled and shook her head. "I'm really not that exciting, Delphine."
Delphine scoffed. "Are you joking, Cosima?! You are the most interesting, loving person I've ever met. I feel like I tell you that most everyday."
Cosima gave a shrug. "You probably do, I'll just never be able to see myself like that."
Delphine sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. "I wish you could see yourself the way everyone else sees you." Delphine said with admiration. "But can I ask you a serious question?"
Cosima mimicked Delphine's sitting position, "Of course."
"Why are you inconsistent with your meds?"
The question completely threw her off. "...Delphine," She mumbled
Delphine waited patiently, not saying a word.
"I just-I mean...I don't know. I didn't need them…"
The other girl still sat in silence, waiting for Cosima to continue.
With a shaky breath, Cosima exhaled all of her tension. "Delphine…" She locked eyes with the girl in front of her. "I've been the happiest I have ever been and I have you and only you to thank for that." The butterflies in Cosima's stomach seemed to migrate to her heart which made it nearly throb out of her chest.
"Not Sarah, not Helena, certainly not Alison, but I have you to thank." Cosima went on, feeling the heat rise to her face, making her grin permanent. "There's so much I like about you, Delphine. I-"
Delphine instinctively shook her head. "Oh stop," She said with a hint of a smile.
Cosima swallowed her insecurity. "One of the main reasons I like waking up is to see a text from you, or the thought of seeing you in class, hell, just thinking about you motivates me to get my ass up every single morning. I feel as if I have a purpose nowadays...like, I'm not drifting anymore. I move with purpose and, Delphine, you are that purpose. I like the way you smile, how bright your eyes get." She watched Delphine lower her head, smiling towards the roof tiles under her legs. In response, Cosima gently reached for her hand. "I like the way you make each and every day worth something. I like whenever you get flustered, you play with your hair. God, I really like your hair." Cosima's grin almost hurt. "I like they way you look at me when I'm talking about something stupid like exotic ice cream flavors." Delphine giggled, spreading a fire throughout Cosima's body. She looked up as Cosima continued her speech. "I like that you make me feel important. I like that you always make me feel safe. I like that you make me a better person every day."
"Cosima-" Delphine almost sounded out of breath.
Cosima carefully continued. "Delphine, "like" is an understatement." Cosima felt as if she was about to melt, yet she still managed to proceed. "Delphine, these are all the things that I love about you."
And then came the silence, the piercing sound of quiet. She watched Delphine register what she had just said, her facial expression was hard to read. She sat motionless, turning her head away from Cosima.
A pang of regret rose within the dreadlocked girl. After all, she had no idea what came over her. There was that victory of finally getting most of her feelings off of her chest but also that uncertain feeling in the pit of her gut.
Delphine moved from spot on the ground and began crawling towards the window.
She was leaving. Oh, god, she was leaving. Cosima wanted to make a move to block the window. She desperately wanted to take back the words she said. Maybe Delphine would understand if they talked it out.
Idiot, idiot, idiot! Why do I manage to screw everything up?!
It was then she realized that Delphine wasn't making a move towards the window. No, she was moving closer to Cosima with no intention of stopping. Delphine moved to where she was achingly close to her, just merely inches. She placed her cool hands behind Cosima's neck and without even a word, a glance, any sort of sign, she quickly wet her lips before bringing them to Cosima's.
Wow, I really suck at updates. I'm so sorry. Please have it in your hearts to forgive me.
R/R, please! It's so helpful.
-Ophelia xoxoxo