Chapter Ten

Seth stared blankly at his bedroom wall, unmoving. He felt numb; he'd barely moved from his bedroom for twenty four hours. It was too much, facing the world, facing his family. Only Jason really knew about Doug anyway; his Mum assumed he was having an ordinary teenage strop. This angered Seth even more. He wasn't some kid; he felt things, understood things. He and Doug had broken up for a very good reason, a mature reason. But it was hard; Seth was almost tempted to go see him and change things but he knew as long as Doug believed what he did, there was nothing more to say.

Seth only hoped that one day Doug would come to his senses and admit he was wrong. Until then, Seth could only wait…

xxx

Doug woke up the next morning, his head throbbing from the night before. It took him several moments to remember the events of last night and then he was left feeling as though he never wanted to get out of bed again. How could he have kissed Ethan? His friend? Clearly it was just a rebound thing; Doug was missing Seth, it was natural. Only problem was, Doug didn't really believe that.

He and Ethan had always been close. Back at the start when it was the four of them: Doug, Ethan, Riley and Noah, Ethan had always been the mature one, the one Doug could confide in. And since it was just the two of them living here with the girls, they had really bonded. Doug had always been fairly sure of himself and who he liked; to him, it was the person he fell for, whoever that may be.

Ethan had always seemed attractive to him but in a kind of indifferent way. He never believed for one moment that he could fall for him in any manner. Not that he was of course; it was only a kiss after all. They would just have to talk it out. Ethan was probably feeling as mortified as Doug was right now. They could just laugh it off. Simple.

Doug emerged from his bedroom, half-dressed. The flat was buzzing with the morning rush. The girls had an early lecture and Doug knew that Ethan wasn't due at work until later. He crept down the stairs just as the front door slammed shut. Ethan was halfway through his breakfast when Doug completed his descent down the stairs. Ethan's spoon froze in mid-air.

"Doug" he said in some surprise. "You're awake"

"Of course" Doug mumbled, shifting forwards awkwardly. "You alright?"

"Little hung-over. You?"

"You know" Doug shrugged. "The same"

"You were pretty out of it last night" Ethan said, frowning a little. "Do you remember much?"

Doug eyed Ethan warily. Did he really think Doug would forget? Did he want him to?

"Ethan, listen-"

Doug was interrupted by his phone ringing from upstairs. He ran to answer it, his heart thumping as he realised it was Lynsey.

"Lynsey. You okay?"

"I'm fine, I just…Doug, I just need…" She sounded distressed.

"I'll come over" Doug said firmly.

"You don't have to-"

"Give me ten minutes"

Doug hung up, throwing some clothes and deodorant on quickly and darting back down the stairs.

"I have to go" he told Ethan apologetically. "Can we talk later?"

"Why are you rushing off?" Ethan asked suspiciously.

"Lynsey needs me"

If Doug wasn't mistaken, Ethan's face darkened considerably.

"Meet me at lunch in The Dog"

"Fine, no problem" Doug said absentmindedly, searching for his keys. "See you later"

He slammed the door shut, jogging down the stairs and out into the village. Wrapped up in his own haste, he didn't notice the person walking towards him; the two of them inevitably bumping into each other.

"Sorry" Doug muttered quickly.

"Hi"

Doug froze. "Seth" he said, looking him over. "Hey"

Seth looked down at his feet. "Didn't even see me, did you?"

"I was uh, in a hurry" Doug glanced at his watch.

"To where?" Seth's eyes were challenging.

"Lynsey" Doug replied, opting for the truth. Seth's face hardened in response.

"Oh right"

"I'm sorry but I-"

"I get it. Hurry along, she needs you" Seth closed his eyes, turning his body away.

"Seth-"

"Just go"

Doug hesitated, wanting to reach out and comfort him, but knowing that it was impossible. "I'll see you around" he said, his voice low. He walked away as quickly as he could after that, heading for Lynsey's.

As he arrived, he almost bumped into someone else.

"Not my day today" he mumbled. He looked up. "Sorry"

"Not a problem" Ste looked distracted himself. He moved to walk past Doug but something made Doug speak out.

"Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ste retorted, his head bent low.

Doug smiled tightly at him. "It's not easy, I know"

Ste's expression softened. "Just got to get on with it, haven't we?"

"Yeah" Doug smiled a little sadly. He wanted to say more; tell Ste that it would be alright, that he and Lynsey would sort this. But his mouth couldn't quite phrase the words. "Take care of yourself" he simply said.

"You too" Ste smiled and walked past him.

Doug sighed, calling Lynsey first to make sure she knew it was him at the door.

She embraced him as he entered, making Doug blush.

"Thanks for coming. I'm sorry to bother you again"

"You aren't" Doug told her firmly. "You call me anytime you need me"

"Thank you" Lynsey smiled. Her hands were twisting together nervously. "I just didn't want to be alone today" she admitted.

"Are you sleeping any better?" Doug asked, taking a seat.

"Not really" She admitted, sitting beside him.

"Can I do anything? I could stay over?"

"No, it's okay" Lynsey looked away. "I have to deal with this on my own"

"Hey" Doug put his hand over Lynsey's, squeezing her fingers gently. "You aren't alone in this, alright?"

Lynsey smiled, nodding. "I know. I really appreciate everything you've done, everything you've sacrificed…"

Doug's stomach twisted. "Yeah" he looked away. "I'd do it again though, if it means exposing the truth"

Lynsey sighed. "It's just so exhausting, all the time"

Doug leaned against her. "Let me share the load with you. Day or night, if you need me, I'll come running"

Lynsey smiled sweetly, kissing Doug's cheek. "Thank you, Doug. I don't know what I'd do without you"

"It's nothing" Doug shrugged. His phone buzzed in his pocket. Ethan.

"You should get going" Lynsey offered, looking down. Doug was torn, not wanting to leave her alone but desperately wanting to go and see Ethan.

Making his decision quickly, Doug sent Ethan a message, telling him he would talk to him later.

"Wanna watch a film?" Doug asked lightly, picking up the remote. Lynsey smiled at him gratefully.

xxx

Ethan sat at home that evening, anxiously awaiting Doug's return. He didn't even know what would be said, or whether he was angry at Doug for not meeting him earlier, or rather anxious at what could have possibly kept him away. He didn't know how he felt about last night, or what he had been feeling for weeks now. It was all a mess in his head; a mess he couldn't possibly diagnose.

When the door clicked open, Ethan sat up, alert and ready. Doug saw him immediately, noting the fact that they were alone. He walked in slowly, shutting the door behind him.

"Ethan" he greeted him.

"Where have you been?" Ethan couldn't stop the words leaving his mouth.

Doug frowned. "I've been with Lynsey"

Ethan stood up. "All day?" he asked tersely.

Doug's expression darkened. "Yes, all day. She needed me"

"What for exactly?" Ethan knew he was temper was rising but he didn't care.

"None of your business" Doug rolled his eyes, heading to the stairs.

"Where are you going now?" Ethan raged.

"To bed!" Doug responded. "That alright with you?"

"No!" Ethan moved forwards, grabbing Doug's arm. "What happened to our talk?"

"Aren't we talking now?" Doug pointed out, shaking off Ethan's grip.

"We're arguing"

"Same thing, right?"

"No!" Ethan sighed, frustrated. "Please, Doug-"

"I'm tired, Ethan" Doug said, defeated. "Can it wait until morning?"

"No it really can't"

Doug rolled his eyes, taking his foot off the stairs. "Alright, talk" he folded his arms.

Ethan spluttered, unprepared. "Last night we kissed"

Doug kept his gaze steady but there was a flicker of doubt in his eyes. "I'm sorry I did that. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable"

"You don't have to apologise" Ethan said softly. "I just wanted to talk to you about it properly, why didn't you show today?"

"I told you, Lynsey needed me. She's going through such a hard time right now"

"But that really isn't your problem, Doug"

"I've made it my problem. It isn't as though any one else is trying"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Look, we kissed. It was a mistake. Can we drop it?"

"No!" Ethan didn't know what he wanted.

"No?" Doug searched Ethan's face. "Did you…did you feel something?" His tone was hopeful and for a moment Ethan was taken aback.

"I…I don't know"

Doug's body language softened. "I thought you'd be mad at me"

"I'm not" Ethan smiled a little. "Far from it"

"I thought maybe that-" Doug shook his head. "It doesn't matter. None of this matters. I can't do this" Doug rubbed at his forehead. "I saw Seth today. He looked so upset"

Ethan looked down. "I'm sorry for him, I am. But Doug-"

"We don't need to talk about this, Ethan. There's nothing more to say"

"There's everything to say!" Ethan took a deep breath. "I did feel something last night and I know you did too" Ethan looked into his eyes hopefully. "Didn't you?"

Doug looked down. "If I did or not-"

"Did you?"

"Ethan-"

"Doug" Ethan said firmly, taking a hold of his arms. "Please. It's a simple question"

"I…felt something" Doug admitted. "I've felt it before and I can't explain it. I don't know what it means and I don't know what to do-"

Ethan, acting on impulse, kissed Doug sweetly on the mouth. Doug drew back, panic in his eyes.

"Ethan, we can't"

"Shh" Ethan kissed him again, more firmly this time. He felt Doug responding, tangling his fingers in Ethan's hair. Something felt so right about this, Ethan couldn't explain it. "Doug" he breathed against him, their mouths momentarily detached. "Is this okay?"

Doug replied by kissing Ethan, pushing his body against his. Ethan had him against the wall in moments, his lips wet and inviting at Doug's neck.

"Is this really happening?" Doug breathed, his fingers fumbling with Ethan's shirt buttons.

"I hope so" Ethan laughed nervously, kissing Doug once more like it was the only thing in the world that made sense.