We are on the home run – one chapter to go...

Anyone see the season finale last night? I'm in Australia and we won't get it for months.. Tried to download the torrent file but it won't work. Any suggestions?

Enjoy

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Unforgiveable – Chapter 10

"You really didn't have to come and stay with me you know? I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."

Emily was tired and becoming irritated by Hotch's constant attention. A few months ago she would have been thrilled by the idea of spending the weekend with Hotch but right now she just wanted to be alone.

"I don't doubt that. But you've had surgery and the doctor advised against leaving you alone... and you're not supposed to be doing anything anyway with the stitches in."

"Two stitches! Anybody would think I was dying!"

Hotch frowned at her choice of words – she could have died and she was fully aware of that fact. He knew, however, that there was little point in arguing with her about her condition, Emily was... just Emily, and she hated having to be looked after.

"How about you sit down and we can watch a movie. I'll even let you choose."

"Really?" Emily smiled a little in spite of herself.

"Yes. I think I'm brave enough – haven't seen your DVD collection yet though. Surprise me!"

Emily sat on the couch and leaned over to pull the drawer of the coffee table open for Hotch to inspect her DVD's. There was a half-read novel sitting on the couch and Hotch picked it up so he could sit down next to her. Several leaflets which Emily had been using to mark her place in the book fluttered to the floor and Hotch bent to pick them up reflexively. He heard Emily gasp next to him and cursed his clumsiness , the leaflets contained advice on prenatal nutrition and vitamins – Haley had been given the same ones when she was pregnant with Jack.

"Sorry." He picked them up quickly and stuffed them back into the book.

"It's okay." Emily replied softly, even though Hotch could see that it was not.

Emily could feel her eyes beginning to swim with tears and brushed them away angrily. She would not cry in front of him – not again.

"Come here." Hotch held his arms out to her, offering a hug and she took it gratefully, concealing her tears in the shoulder of his shirt. Once in his arms she broke down completely, sobbing noisily and unashamedly. Why is it that you can stay always composed until someone hugs you she wondered? Hotch must think I'm a blubbering idiot.

A few minutes passed and Emily found herself spent. A quiet numbness had overcome her and she relaxed against Hotch's chest, enjoying the warmth and listening to the sound of his heartbeat. He rubbed her back in gentle circles and stroked her hair. How could I have ever wanted to hate this man? She wondered.

Hotch sensed that Emily had stilled and wondered if she had cried herself to sleep. He knew that she would feel the loss of their baby for a long time to come. Although he shared her grief Hotch was unsure of how best to support her through it.

/

Emily woke to find herself still draped against Hotch's chest. He hadn't moved the whole time she had been sleeping and she felt warm and relaxed curled up with him. Lying so close to him, she was surprised to realise that even after everything that had happened between them she still felt totally comfortable in his embrace. She wanted him near, trusted him more than anyone else and craved only for his touch. Emily could feel Hotch's breath near her cheek and nuzzled against his collar, enjoying the unique scent of his aftershave.

Hotch felt Emily shift against him and raised his head slowly. Finding her awake he kissed the top of her head and moved to stand but Emily held him still, pulling him closer.

"Em?"

"Just hold me please. Don't go."

Hotch resumed his position on the couch and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"What is it? What do you want?"

Emily stared at him for a second before pulling him into her, planting a tentative kiss on his lips. Hotch pulled away, stunned.

"Em? What?"

"Shhh."

Emily pulled him closer again and kissed him again, far less tentatively this time. Hotch found himself unable to pull away and deepened the kiss, sliding his hand up into her hair.

"Em." He breathed as their mouths finally parted. "Em..."

Her hands moved to his waist and he felt her slide them under his shirt, warm against his bare chest and he moaned, feeling himself become aroused. Her touch was like fire and he gasped as she skimmed her fingers across his nipples before focusing her attentions on undoing the buttons of his shirt. Her actions sent him crazy and he momentarily lost the ability to think clearly, his senses consumed by the passion she was creating in him. It wasn't until she had pulled him down on top of her on the couch that he fully comprehended where they were headed, where this was going and he struggled to regain control. He could feel his hardness pressed against her thigh and felt disgusted with himself. What the hell was he thinking?

Hotch unwound her arms from his neck and sat up slowly, breathing heavily. He felt guilty for letting things go that far – what was he a teenager again? Emily looked up at him in confusion.

"Hotch?"

"No Emily... Uh Prentiss. This is not happening."

"But...?" Emily looked hurt and Hotch cursed his lack of control. She had felt his arousal pressing against her, knew he was into it – so what was the problem?

"So I'm just Prentiss now?"

"Emily... please. We can't do this. Not now."

Emily grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her again.

"Please Hotch, please – I need you." Emily begged him.

"No." His reply was firm.

"But..."

Hotch shook his head, silencing her.

"You still have stitches in. The doctor said you would be bruised inside from the surgery -no strenuous activity. Aside of all that I don't think you're thinking straight. You're grieving, you're tired and you're high on painkillers. You're not ready for this, neither of us are and it's not going to happen this way."

"I'm fine really Hotch. I am."

"No. You've just spent the last couple of hours crying. I don't want you waking up tomorrow feeling like you've made a mistake." His eyes were dark and intense and to Emily, he looked almost angry.

"I won't take advantage of your vulnerability and I don't think needy consolation sex is what either of us really wants or needs right now."

Emily glared back at him for a few seconds before acknowledging the truth in his words.

"I'm sorry." She cupped her face in her hands and Hotch knew she was almost in tears again. "I just wanted... I need to erase it. I need a new memory, something else."

"A distraction?" Hotch was unsure of what she was trying to say.

"No. I mean I need another memory... of you, of us. Something good... so I can forget the last time we were... together. I don't want to remember it." Emily swallowed and composed herself. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being silly."

"It's not silly Em, not at all." Hotch spoke softly as he stroked her cheek lightly. "I can completely understand you not wanting to remember." Hotch felt nauseated thinking of how much she must have suffered by him on that day. He suddenly realised his shirt was still unbuttoned and hastily began doing it up, flustered.

"What I find really difficult to comprehend is why you're still standing here next to me."

Emily giggled. "It's my apartment. Why are you here?" She smiled at him sheepishly.

"You know what I mean." Hotch returned her smile. "How do you still tolerate me? With all the painful memories?"

"Because it's you." Emily shrugged. "Because you're Hotch and I trust you. I doubt anything you did would ever change that."

Hotch grasped her hand. "Em..."

"Even now I want to be with you... was talking about making new memories with you. There's no one else I trust like that. The memories..." Emily considered him for a moment; surely he must have some inner demons too. "What do you remember... of that day I mean?

"Not a lot." Hotch admitted gently. "Only just flashes and sort of visions..." He turned away, unable to meet her gaze. "I remember waking up after you had left and feeling like I had just... had just murdered my closest friend..."

"Oh Hotch." Emily was shocked by his assertion. It must have been awful.

"I recall most of it actually... I mean I know exactly what happened but can't remember it happening – sort of like I was never really there..." He frowned. "I don't want to think about it."

"I know. Sorry."

"Prentiss will you stop apologising!" His voice softened. "Emily today when we were on the couch... I did want you. You know that don't you?"

"Well I thought so."

"I do want you. I really do. But I want our first time, and I mean first to be special. I want to make love to you – not a quick fumble on the couch. Do you understand me?"

"Yes... So... now?" She asked innocently.

He swatted her lightly with a couch cushion. "I love you Emily Prentiss..."

/