Present Day

Lily was washing mugs in the kitchen when James apparated back with a loud crack.

She jumped about a foot in the air. "What the– oh, hey."

He didn't return her tentative smile, only stared at her as if he'd never seen her before.

"Is… everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah everything's fine." James seemed to shake himself. "Where are Remus and Sirius?"

"In there." She tilted her head toward the sitting room, trying to hide her hurt as he walked briskly away. Really, he couldn't even greet her now? She knew the sex didn't change anything; they still couldn't really be together because of the damn prophecy, but she'd hoped they could at least be civil.

After James had left the afternoon before and Padmil had left later that night, she and the guys had lounged about late into the wee hours, watching trash TV and catching up. They had her in stitches as they told her all about their flat-hunting adventures, and how James absolutely refused to live in one place because the lights blinked creepily in the hallway. God he could be such a snob, Lily remembered with a smirk. They muted the TV as it started repeating infomercials and kept talking, giving her a rundown of what had happened to their school friends.

Most of them were working for the Order in some way. Some had died. Emmeline she already knew about (thanks for that, James), but she was devastated to hear about Finlay and Meredith, who had been killed in an ambush. The suffering in Sirius and Remus' eyes was apparent, and in that moment Lily regretted her decision just a bit. She would always save James, a thousand times over. But perhaps she could have done something differently, something that would have let her be there with them through all the horror they'd experienced.

The cheap bottle of rose was almost gone by the time Lily finally got up the nerve to ask the question that was really on her mind. She knew Remus and Sirius had been avoiding the topic, or they'd have mentioned her right away: Marlene.

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" Head bowed, Lily ran a finger around the edge of the obnoxious pink wineglass she'd gotten on deep discount a few months ago.

She could practically feel the guys give each other loaded glances, and sighed. "She hates me, doesn't she?"

There was another pause.

"No," Remus began hesitantly, "Not exactly."

Sirius shifted in his seat. "Marlene changed after you left."

"Changed?"

"I mean, she was always pretty intense but now she's…"

Lily sat up from where she had been laying on the floor and looked sharply between the two of them. "She's what?"

"Obsessed?" Remus tried.

"Possessed." Sirius corrected.

"With…"

"Stopping Voldemort. She barely listens to Dumbledore anymore, just goes off and fights 'her way,'" Sirius quoted, looking disgusted. "She's being a lunatic. I hope she forgives you just so you can talk some sense into her. I sent her a message – we have a secure system," he explained, "but she hasn't responded."

"I hope she forgives me," Lily said quietly, leaning back against the couch and tucking her legs underneath her.

The guys didn't offer her any comfort; they knew Marlene would be tough to crack. Suddenly, Remus snorted.

"'Secure system,'" he mocked. "Tell her what it's really for, Sirius."

Several expressions crossed his aristocratic face – outrage, betrayal, awkwardness – before he settled on smug. "Let's just say Marlene and I have come to an understanding."

It took Lily a few moments to fully understand, before screeching, "I KNEW IT!"

She pestered him with questions and teamed up with Remus to tease him mercilessly before the three fell into an exhausted sleep.

Lily had woken up on her sitting room floor, head propped against Remus' legs. He was sound asleep on the couch along with Sirius, whose feet were in his lap. Popcorn was strewn everywhere and she made a drowsy mental note to run the vacuum later. She tried not to think too closely about why James didn't come back that night. Remus and Sirius had been a bit too eager to entertain her, and she knew they were trying to cover for their friend. Had it been too long, she wondered? Was it too late? Shaking those all too-tempting thoughts out of her head (prophecy, idiot, remember the prophecy), Lily took a steadying breath and moved on.

She'd called into the pub, but of course they were closed for repairs for the next several weeks. At least I don't need to worry about losing my job, she thought. Padmil and Charlie had answered her text messages and assured her they'd stay away from High Street. They'd both wanted to know what she was doing that day, and she couldn't tell them. Wait for James to contact them, she supposed.

Sirius had a quiet, hurried conference with James via their mirror system – a broken shard of glass they'd charmed to be a kind of magical FaceTime – but James hadn't been able to say much. Wait there until he got back, he'd told them.

Remus spent the day with his head buried in The Count of Monte Cristo, when he wasn't answering Lily's questions. Sirius paced her sitting room until she finally told him to take a walk. He'd done so in his Animungus form, with Lily yelling after him that she wouldn't bail him out of the pound. Lily puttered about, cleaning and doing whatever she could to keep her mind off James. It was a long day.

The momentary relief that came with James being back was quickly replaced by confusion, then hurt. What happened that day, she wondered? What had changed? He barely looked her in the eye now. But what right did she have to demand answers, to know what he was thinking or feeling? She'd left, for four years, and then had sex with him right away when she saw him again without ever intending to get back together. It was better this way, she assured herself, blinking away tears and ignoring the ache in her chest.

Lily stood in the kitchen, still processing, only to hear the guys start talking about their plans without her.

"Um, hello?" She pulled herself together and joined their huddle, hands on her hips. "There are four decision-makers here, not three."

James gave her that unreadable look again, and she flinched. She'd have to get better at handling "icy James" if they were going to be together for any length of time.

"Yeah we were just saying that you should probably lay low for a while, Evans. I don't think it was a coincidence that Severus and Regulus were at your pub, out of all the ones in the city."

So it was back to Evans now? She bristled at his implication about the pub, but before she could say anything he cut her off with a hand. "Not because you were working with them, but they must have some other reason to draw you back into things without killing you."

The prophecy. Her blood ran cold as she considered the implications. Did Voldemort want the child to be born? Why else would she and James be alive? Realistically, there had been plenty of opportunity to kill them both back at the pub. She rubbed her face, the possibilities already exhausting her. How could she keep them both alive, without revealing what she knew?

Sirius threw a comforting arm around her. "Hey, you have three devilishly handsome bodyguards. What could go wrong?"

"I can take of myself, thank you. But maybe," she conceded a bit, "it's time to get me a wand."

The look of horror on their faces was comical. "Did you… throw it away?" James asked, wincing.

"Of course not! It was stolen out of the boot of my car the night I left."

Remus let out his breath with a hiss. "It must have been them. Why would a regular muggle thief steal a wand?"

Lily thought about how vulnerable she'd been that night and shivered at the thought of some death eater being so near.

James ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up even more than it had been. "Yes, we'll get you a wand. Let's get back on track here. Someone connected to Voldemort seems to be targeting you. Do you have any idea why?"

She drew in a breath. Here was her opportunity to come clean, served on a silver platter. Glancing away, she shook her head. "I don't know. I left to save your life. I don't know why they'd want me now."

James was giving her that intense look from the kitchen again. Lily squared her shoulders. She couldn't tell him- she couldn't do that to him. One of them knowing about their child that would never be was quite enough pain in the world, thank you very much.

Finally, he nodded slowly. "Well I think we can get you an extra wand from Order headquarters. That's probably where we should head next until we figure things out." He looked to Remus and Sirius. "Have we heard from Dumbledore or anyone?"

They shook their heads.

"Alright. We can't go there right away. Let's apparate a few places until we know no one's following."

"I have a place I need to go," Lily spoke up quietly. It was a place she'd been avoiding for a long time, but if she might die soon, it needed to be done. Prophecies had a way of happening no matter how careful you were about avoiding them.

It was time to pay a visit to Petunia.

4 Years Ago…

"Lily, over here." Remus patted the seat between him and Sirius in the back row of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. It was their customary spot in all their classes; it made walking in late that much less noticeable. She was surprised to see two out of the four Marauders there on time, for once.

Marlene turned around and caught Lily's eye from the second row, where they normally sat. "Fine, sit with your boytoys back there. Traitor." Despite the fact that they'd all sat together for practically the whole year, Marlene continued to stubbornly pretend she wanted to sit in front.

"Get back here," Lily ordered her friend as she plopped down in the proffered seat.

Grumbling, Marlene hoisted her bag onto her shoulder and sat next to Sirius. "I set you up with the man of your dreams and this is how you thank me?"

"How dare you?" Sirius gasped dramatically, hand over his heart. "I was the matchmaker in this situation, please and thank-you, case-closed, end of discussion." He banged an imaginary gavel for emphasis.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Hogsmeade date wouldn't have turned into a date if I hadn't pretended to have a sudden case of the measles," Marlene defended her right to the title of matchmaker extraordinaire.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius said dismissively. "I had to shove these two lumps out the door to give Lilykins and James some alone time. A herculean effort, I assure you." Peter and Remus, not appreciative of being referred to as lumps, glared at him.

They settled down as Professor Thimble made his way to the front and began to ramble. He wasn't a bad professor, per say, just… scatterbrained. One innocent question could set him off on a tangent that that might never lead back to the lesson he'd intended to teach that day. Once he stopped talking and allowed them to practice was really when his teaching skills shone, though. The wafer-thin, beanpole of a man had a gentle way of pointing out the tiny things that made a huge difference when casting spells. Lily was grateful to have finally gotten a decent DADA professor this year. The previous one had managed to stay for the whole year before finally giving in to her irrational terror of centaurs.

"Evans, you didn't save me a seat? I'm devastated." Potter's whisper made her jump about a foot in the air. His breath on the back of her neck gave her shivers, and she wondered when the "honeymoon phase" of their relationship would be over. Seven months and it was still going strong.

"Keep your panties on, Potter," she rolled her eyes as he slid into their row, Peter trailing behind him. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

She noticed Peter looking at her a little weirdly, and belatedly realized she'd taken his seat. "Oh Peter, I can move–"

"He doesn't mind, do you Pete?" Sirius interrupted in his attempt at a whisper, which ended up more like a quiet shout.

Professor Thimble's eyes turned their way, and they quieted down. "Today," he said somewhat forcefully, as if it was the second or third time he'd said it, "we are practicing the patronus charm. Besides the fact that they might be featured on your N.E.W.T. exams, can anyone tell me why we might be practicing this particular spell today?"

There was a short silence. Some students grabbed for the textbook, only to be met with a disappointed headshake from Thimble.

"Because of the attacks." Amanda, a Muggle-born Hufflepuff, was the first to make the connection.

"Because of the attacks," Thimble confirmed. "There have been an unusual amount of Dementor sightings, and worse than that, they seem to be attacking the general wizarding public, more specifically muggle-borns." Thimble looked at Lily and the three others in this class. "I want you to be able to defend yourselves should the occasion arise."

"Those are just rumors," Bensley Carleton scoffed loudly. "Pure bloods are in just as much danger, if not more."

"Why's that, Carleton?" Thimble's tone did not invite discussion, but the arrogant Ravenclaw didn't seem to notice.

"It's just that Dementors wouldn't bother with muggle-borns in the first place if they have a pure blood to go after."

Lily could feel Remus and Sirius stiffen at the same time. She leaned over and gave a warning look to James, who already has his hand on his wand.

Marlene just kicked at the row of seats in front of them. "Fucker," she muttered.

"Mr. Carleton, dementors are part of the 3rd year curricula. Do you need extra review?" Thimble's faux 'kindly old professor' demeanor made Lily snort. This was why she hadn't gotten angry right away. Thimble was one of those professors she knew without a doubt supported muggle-borns.

His Ravenclaw hackles rising at his academic prowess being questioned in front of the class, Carleton continued to dig his grave. "No sir. I was just saying–"

"I know what you were saying," the professor interrupted the undoubtedly idiotic drivel that was about the spew forth from Carleton's mouth. "And you would be wrong. Dementors are interested in one thing, and one thing only: souls. They couldn't care less about someone's magical heritage, and frankly, neither can I."

Carleton flushed and muttered angrily at being so clearly dismissed, while Thimble turned to the rest of the class. "You should have learned the expecto patronum charm 5th year, so I will briefly review and then we will use the rest of the class to practice. The charm is a magical concentration of happiness and hope. The best way to invoke a patronus is to concentrate on your single happiest memory, the moment or scene in your life that has given you the most joy you've ever experienced. Please remember that this is a difficult spell that many witches and wizards never master. Don't be frustrated if you aren't able to produce a full-bodied patronus in our class today. Even a partial casting will help deter a Dementor."

He clapped his hands and smiled widely. "So, stand up, find a partner, and begin!"

Remus stood up and motioned to Peter, while James held his hand out for Lily to take.

"Alright, Evans. Let's see what you've got."

She couldn't help but accept the challenge in James' eyes and, grabbing his hand, grinned. "You're on."

They moved to the back of the room.

"Have you ever produced one?"

"Once or twice," James said casually.

Lily elbowed him. "Give me a break, Potter. These are difficult even for the most advanced wizards."

"You'll see," he shrugged. "It's a stag."

"Oh that's not fair," Lily protested. "That's your…" Animungus, she wanted to say, but couldn't. The guys still didn't know she knew about their monthly activities. Somehow, she had to figure out how to tell her boyfriend that she knew about his illegal transfiguration abilities, and soon.

Shaking off her dread, Lily thought furiously about her happiest memory and landed on the day she got her Hogwarts letter. She envisioned the turquoise mailbox in her parent's front yard, glinting in the sun. Her parents weren't really zoo-goers, so that day was the first time Lily had seen an owl in real life.

"Mum, dad!" She'd sprinted up the path, screeching at the top of her ten-year old lungs. "There's an OWL! On our MAILBOX!"

"So there is, so there is." Her dad, ever affable, had ruffled her hair.

"Don't get too close, dear," Jemima Evans warned. "It might bite."

It had taken them a half an hour to gently shoo the owl away so they could check the mail. In hindsight, Lily felt quite sorry for the poor thing. How many houses had it been to that day, delivering school letters? It must have been exhausted.

"LILY EVANS," the thick paper had proclaimed in fancy script. Opening that seal had opened a whole new world. Lily was, like Severus had told her so many times, a witch! And, she got to go to a special school just for kids like her!

The stained glass of the castle windows came back into focus as Lily's happiness dimmed. Severus. He was such an integral part of that memory. She had run right over to his house, pausing to yell warily to make sure he was there first. Her parents had warned her several times to be safe around Mr. Snape. Luckily, Severus had been home and they poured over their matching letters together at the playground. It was almost dark by the time Mr. Snape came and shouted nastily at Sev to "stop messin' around with yer bloody girlfriend and get on with the chores."

Lily shook her head. She was supposed to be thinking about happy things, not the messed-up home life of Severus Snape. Ok, plan B. Once again, the mailbox came into her mind's eye, except that it was now bright orange. Her mother loved to paint it every summer, much to Petunia's horror. Lily had just gotten back from another day bagging groceries at the supermarket. Fun it was not, but it certainly wasn't stressful and she got to meet a variety of interesting people. Not bad for a summer job.

She was shuffling through the mail, looking for another letter from Marlene, when a thick off-white envelope caught her eye. It's a bit early for Hogwarts letters, she mused, ripping it open. The metal badge almost blinded her as she pulled it out. It took her a moment to realize exactly what it meant. Then, she was rushing through the door, squealing, face alight with joy.

"Mum! Dad!"

Of course it was Petunia that she encountered first. Her older sister glowered at her from her permanent spot next to the phone. "Stop being so loud. I'm waiting on–"

"A call from Vernon, I know." Lily rolled her eyes. Petunia was in a perpetual state of panic at not being married with 2.5 kids already, at the ancient age of 20.

Her mom wandered into the room. "Lily, what is it?"

All thoughts of Petunia's potential matrimony fled, and Lily thrust her badge into her mom's face. "I got Head Girl!"

Her mother smiled brilliantly, arms already reaching for a hug. "Harold! Get in here! Guess what your daughter did!"

Lily had basked in her parent's joy and pride, reveling in the feeling of accomplishment. Of course, that afternoon she hadn't anticipated the students who would refuse to listen to her, as a muggle-born. Or those who would deliberately provoke her, hoping to prove her unworthiness as head girl. A few 7th years had even withdrawn, their parents furious that their precious pureblood would be under the authority of a mudblood. Once again, Lily felt her happiness dimming and sighed. Did she have any untainted memories?

She looked over at James, his face a weird mix of concentration and joy. Remus was trying to coach Peter, who looked frustrated to tears. Sirius and Marlene were lounging comfortably in their row, deep in conversation. Smiling as she thought about their constant fight to claim the matchmaker title, Lily's mind went back to that October day.

They'd been in school a month, and so far James had been a great Head Boy. He'd learned the ropes fairly quickly, despite never having been a Prefect, and never shirked his responsibilities. Lily was impressed at how well he handled being the quidditch captain and Head Boy, yet he still somehow found time to throw together the notorious Gryffindor after-parties and even play a few harmless pranks.

Except for the dramatic shoulder injury incident last year, Lily hadn't interacted much with James during 6th year. She'd watched from afar as he seemed to grow up and stop the harmful pranking and bullying that had bothered her so badly. Of course, their group still made all kinds of mischief and she suspected there would be a part of him that would never stop doing things like that, but it seemed to her that it wasn't mean anymore. They'd even left Severus alone for the most part, unless he directly provoked them.

This year, Lily had gotten to know a different side of him than she'd ever seen before. It came out as they poured over the Prefect patrol schedules or as they walked back to the Head dormitory after a meeting. Wildly different than the obnoxiously arrogant, over-confident boy she thought she knew, James proved to be… kind and caring, even, dare she say, sweet. Of course he had her dying with laughter or trying not to murder him about 80% of the time they spent together, but in the other 20% he'd proven to be a genuinely decent bloke.

So, when Marlene randomly came down with the measles the night before their Hogsmeade trip, it wasn't that much of a stretch that she would go with James and the guys… except that she was only going with James. Oh, and she had asked him out. On a date.

The Marauders had all been lounging in the private common area that joined the two Head dormitories (one of the few perks that came with the loads of responsibilities), when Lily had walked in and dramatically flopped down beside James.

"The first Hogsmeade trip of my last year at Hogwarts has been ruined. Absolutely ruined."

Rather than scooting over to give her more room, like a normal person, he man-spread even more and made sure their knees were touching. Lily tried not to be super-aware of this (it was impossible) and licked her lips nervously.

"It's because you've heard that I've already got four dates, isn't it." Sirius made a sympathetic noise from his position on floor. "You know I've got a six-month waiting list."

"Shove-off, Sirius," she grumbled, tossing a pillow at him. "Marlene has the measles."

He looked confused for a moment before his face cleared. "I… OH right. She told me she wasn't feeling great earlier. How is she?"

"Fine," Lily said slowly, wondering when they would have seen each other that day. "Just tired."

There was a short silence, then both Remus and Sirius seemed to move (and yell) at once.

"LET'S GO–"

"I THINK–"

They glanced at each other, both now standing awkwardly. Remus recovered his voice first, although not his tact. "We need to go somewhere… else."

Sirius nodded emphatically. "Yes. Right now," he added forcefully as Peter didn't budge from his place in the armchair.

"I'm too comfortable to move." Peter's whine turned into a wince when Sirius kicked his leg. "What was that for?"

"It was for being a bloody idiot, Wormtail."

Lily coughed into her fist, trying not to laugh at their antics. Her cheeks were burning and she could feel her heart racing as she glanced sideways at James. He looked a mixture of ecstatic and terrified, his knee now knocking rather violently into hers. She watched him swallow.

"All non-heads are being evicted, effective immediately." The joke fell somewhat flat as Remus and Sirius tried to simultaneously move Peter and give James subtle encouraging looks. Honestly, they were so obvious they could have encouraged a corpse.

"Alright, alright," Peter grumbled. "I'm going."

Remus and Sirius pushed him out the door and shut it firmly behind them. Lily bit her lip in the sudden silence.

"Was that…" she ventured, smiling nervously.

"It was exactly what you think it was." James assured her, shifting slightly on the sofa.

Lily glanced to the side and folded her legs underneath herself. "Ok…?" She hated that her voice was so uncertain, but she was terrified to know yet dying to see what would happen next. That intense look hadn't left James' face, and she took a breath as he began to speak.

"They're initiating a hostile take-over of Hogwarts."

Her breath left her with a whoosh. Annnnnd there it was.

"They just needed the heads out of the way," he continued with a grin.

She grinned back, despite herself. Was she disappointed? Surely not. She'd spent so long trying to get James to stop asking her out. What was happening to her?

"Of course," she murmured.

There was another loaded silence as his grin faded and he turned to face her fully, opening his mouth to speak again. Suddenly even more terrified, Lily jumped to her feet.

"Well, I'm off to bed."

James clambered off the couch. "Lily–"

She turned her head, already halfway to the stairs. James stood in front of the fire, shirt coming up slightly as he ran his hand through his hair (she did not need to think about the glimpse she caught of his fantastic abs the other day). The dying fire cast a warm glow on the cozy room. Various items of theirs were strewn about: Lily's sweater, James' fancy shoes that she always teased him about, her textbooks, his wizard's chess set. It struck her for the first time just how domestic this whole situation was. Who thought up this arrangement, anyways? she wondered.

Someone very sadistic, clearly.

"Yes?" She finally responded to his half-question, her voice far higher than usual.

He sighed explosively and gave her a weak smile. "Nothing, Lils. Goodnight."

"Night, James."

Her steps up the stairs were slow, and she mentally begged him to call out again. Come on, James. Immediately she started berating herself. You are a strong, independent woman, Lily Evans A) You don't need a boyfriend. But also, B) IF you want him, ask him!

She'd reached the landing between their rooms. Her hand was on her doorknob, he was half-turned away. It was now or never.

"James," she said tentatively, voice barely a whisper.

He whipped his head around so fast, she thought it would fly right off. "Yeah?"

Just do it, Lily. Ten seconds of courage. And, go.

"Come to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?"

Her chest expanded painfully. Oh god, she'd just asked James Fleamont Potter on a date. What have I done? It took her a few seconds to get the courage up to look at his face, which threatened to split under the weight of his massive grin. She sagged in relief.

"That was my line, Evans," he complained, running his hand through his hair again (that damn slice of skin was driving her to distraction...).

"I think you'll survive, Potter." She quirked her lips and tried to make it seem like she wasn't running away as she hurried into her room, slamming the door and throwing herself on to the bed. The whole time, mentally screaming. I'm going out with James flipping Potter tomorrow! Oh my god.

She was up half the night deciding what to wear, and even considered a highly against-the-rules night-time visit to the 7th year girls dormitory for some fashion advice. In the end, she decided to go with her favorite jeans, a long-sleeved black tee, and her Gryffindor scarf. She didn't want to look like she was trying too hard.

The next day, James met her on the castle steps and it was hard to tell who had a bigger smile. All she knew was that at the end of the night, her cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, her hand was warm from James holding it all evening, and her heart was in serious danger.

"Expecto patronum!" Lily exclaimed, her heart bursting with the happiness necessary for the spell.

A white and silver light began to stream out of her wand, and the other students in Defense Against the Dark Arts turned to look as Lily's (apparently) happiest memory was embodied in physical form. A gorgeous doe leapt gracefully from her wand and bounded around the classroom. The elegant creature leapt from desk to desk and tossed her head in joyful abandon. Murmurs of amazement could be heard from the rest of the class, and Lily didn't blame them. She felt honored, as if the doe was a living, breathing thing that had chosen to bless Lily with her presence.

Lily hugged herself and sighed in sheer bliss, for once forgetting the constant struggle and fear that came with being a muggle-born in the wizarding world these days. For once, feeling like this was her place, this was her home. That she belonged. As Lily watched her elegant patronus in wonder and amazement, she vowed to do her part in protecting the muggle-borns place in the wizarding world. Wild dragons couldn't drag her away from this flawed, incredible, frustrating, amazing world she had somehow been lucky enough to join.

James had almost burst with pride when he saw the first silvery strands come out of Lily's wand. That pride had only continued as the strands grew stronger and the formed into a… doe. His mind blanked in shock. A line from the textbook (yes, he had actually done the reading for once) blinked at him like a neon sign: A wizard or witches' patronus might change when he or she falls in love. In this case, the person who has a less-established patronus (i.e. has been able to cast the spell for a shorter amount of time) will find that their patronus' form has changed into that of the person they love.

Surely it wasn't a coincidence that Lily's patronus was a doe. James shook his head, wondering if this was some sort of wild dream. Please don't wake up, he thought. It was obvious that his mates caught the significance of the doe. Sirius caught his eye and gave a double thumbs-up, winking obnoxiously. Remus tossed him a quick congratulatory look before turning back to help Peter, who was looking as frustrated as ever. It hadn't yet occurred to him yet, James thought.

He watched the doe come to a graceful stop and, if it had been more than a spell, Lily would have felt a velvety nuzzle. As it was, Lily giggled and ran her fingers through the silvery-white sparks. Should he reveal his patronus now, he wondered? Would she think it was weird and get freaked out? He debated for a split second before shrugging. Indecision had never been a problem for him.

James closed his eyes, the chilly castle steps that October morning coming immediately to mind. He'd been twenty minutes early – maybe the earliest he'd ever showed up for anything – and was pacing nervously. Would she show? Had it been some sort of horrible joke last night? But no, there she was, looking almost as nervous as he felt.

He was thankful she'd dressed casually; he'd briefly considered wearing his dress robes before he caught himself. Idiot, admonished himself, it's just a Hogsmeade date. But it wasn't just a date. It was a date with Lily Evans, the girl he'd been obsessed with since second year. He felt slightly sick to his stomach. What if he screwed this up?

She smiled at him and it was blinding. Merlin, she was beautiful. He grinned back, running his hand through his hair. Noticing her eyes flicker to his slightly-exposed stomach, he was suddenly grateful for the hours of quidditch practice.

"Alright, Evans?" He finally croaked, before clearing his throat.

"Potter," she greeted, eyes warm. Her hands tugged at the ends of her scarf, a nervous habit he wasn't sorry to see. I'm not the only one, he thought.

As they walked down the path, their hands bumped together. James glanced over and, seeing her look down toward their hands, grabbed hers. Instant nirvana. He, James Potter, was holding the hand of Lily Evans on a date. That she had asked him out on!

A bark sounded from the forest and Lily frowned into the underbrush.

"Was that a dog?"

Hoping his laugh was only slightly hysterical, James shook his head. "Why would there be a dog in the Dark Forest?" Get the fuck out of here, Padfoot.

Something worked behind her eyes, and she nodded slowly. "Right. Of course."

Desperate to change the subject, James tugged at her hand. "I wasn't going to tell you what I have planned, but the suspense is killing me so I'm going to anyways."

Her face brightened. "Planned? Potter, I'm impressed."

Whew, no pressure. He took a breath. Here goes nothing. "Well it's pretty chilly, so I thought we could warm up with a drink at the Three Broomsticks."

Lily nodded. "Sounds delightful, as long as we get some actual alcohol."

Jaw agape, James stared at his goody two-shoes, under drinking-age date. "Lily Evans!"

Her cheeks colored. "What! I'm sure you and the guys have–"

"Obviously, but I wouldn't have expected it of little miss perfect here." He eyed her appreciatively. Maybe she really was the perfect girl. "Oh it was Marlene, wasn't it?"

Lily huffed out a breath. "Why does everyone think that? No, it was my idea thank you very much."

"Sirius told me about the rat thing last year. Hilarious."

Smiling nostalgically, she sighed. "That was such a good one."

It was especially good when we finished it, James thought with no small amount of pride. After Avery's attack on Lily, him and Sirius had charmed a good portion of the rats in the castle to only poop in the Slytherin common room. It took them three smelly weeks to figure out what the problem was. Of course he'd given a heads-up to Finlay so his girlfriend could arrange to stay with friends in Hufflepuff for a while.

"So after drinks…" she prompted, her hand tightening in his.

"I thought we could go flying." His voice wavered the slightest bit. What if she hated the idea? He'd only imagined her flying with him since second year. "You could either borrow one of the practice quidditch brooms or…" he swallowed. "Just get on mine."

There was a short silence, in which James died a million times. What a stupid idea, I can't believe you asked that-

"James Fleamont Potter," she finally responded, eyes obnoxiously wide. "Are you asking me to mount your broomstick?" She put a hand over her mouth. "The scandal!"

"At least I'm buying you a drink first." He winked down at her, relieved beyond belief.

The drinks had been amazing; a slightly drunk Lily was a treasure he looked forward to experiencing over and over again in the future. But it was flying over the lake with her that was his happiest memory, the sparkling water zooming by below, nothing but the cloudless sky above. Her arms were wrapped tightly around James' waist, head resting against his back. They flew above the looming war, above the muggle-born prejudice, above their worries about the future. All that mattered was this moment with this girl.

"Expecto patronum!"

His stag, a massive creature made of solid muscle and thick horns, burst from his wand. He bound around the room a few times before making his way quickly to Lily's doe. James looked around, having seen his patronum quite a few times now. Lily was staring at the stag and doe, who were cautiously beginning to interact. The shock on her face told him that she too, read the chapter. Sirius, Marlene, and Remus were grinning their heads off, not even pretending to practice anymore.

Professor Thimble practically skipped toward them, he was so excited. "Strong patronus spells!" he proclaimed. "Excellent job, Evans, Potter. You can see that once embodied, the spells can interact with their environment. Bridget, how is this useful?"

"They can send messages, professor," she answered.

"Exactly. Full-bodied patronuses can be used to lead another wizard to your location and even send rudimentary messages. Of course, they can't talk, but some messages can be portrayed without words." He turned back to Lily and James. "Well done! 20 points to Gryffindor. Keep practicing, everyone."

A few cheers sounded, along with some boos. It was only a few weeks until the House Cup would be awarded and everyone was sensitive to points being given right now. Twenty minutes later, Professor Thimble told everyone to take their seats.

Peter was still off in the corner, pointing his wand and muttering furiously. The slight scowl on his face turned into full-blown rage as he tried and failed to do the spell again. Remus noticed what was happening and said something to calm him down, and the two sat down at the desks. Peter didn't acknowledge Lily or James when they slid past to sit down as well.

James widened his eyes at Remus, nodding toward their friend in a silent question. He shrugged. Sirius, who had the least patience out of them all, rolled his eyes.

"I know you guys are talking about me," Peter said sullenly, his cheeks flushed.

Remus put out a calming hand. "No one said a word, mate."

"I know. It's what we always do to people we're talking about," Peter shot back. "I am still one of you, in case you forgot."

"Of course not, you imbecile." Sirius shook his head and leaned back, draping his arm over the chair. Marlene scooted away from him.

"I just–" Peter's response was cut-off as Thimble called the class to attention.

Lily leaned over and squeezed Peter's shoulder. James noticed him flinch before he caught himself and gave her a tight smile. What was going on with his friend? He'd tried to get him to talk about whatever was bothering him a few times this year, and each time had been shut down. Girl problems, he assumed. Or maybe the stress of everything was getting to him. Graduation was so close, and Peter had yet to find a job. He didn't have the excuse of being muggle-born or a werewolf, like Lily and Remus, and was also not independently wealthy like James and Sirius. James figured he'd get some low-level position in the ministry.

Whatever was bothering him, Peter wasn't sharing and it was frustrating the crap out of his friends. It was becoming less and less fun to spend time with him; they'd already hung out a few times without him just to avoid the stress. Lily had admonished them to hang out with Peter several times and had even tried to herself. Peter wouldn't have any of it.

As Thimble finished the lesson and they filed out of class, James promised himself that he'd try again tomorrow. No matter what it was, Peter would always be one of them.