Once Eva started running, she felt like she couldn't stop. She ran until she was outside of the castle. It was pouring down rain, but she didn't care. The rain felt cold and nice against her flushed cheeks. She fell to her knees, feeling more exhausted than after battling twenty darkspawn. Her mind was reeling with what just happened. He kissed me! I kissed him back! I enjoyed it! I should not have enjoyed it! What would they think of me back at the Alienage? Falling for a shem, one of those who keep the elves oppressed. The shame filled her head, but she just couldn't shake the way his rough lips pressed against hers had made her feel. It was so tender, yet so filled with emotion. Eva just sat there in the pouring rain, sobbing at all the emotions swirling in her chest.
Leliana had seen Eva running like a mad woman through the halls of the castle. Naturally worried, she decided to follow the distraught elf. She saw Eva leave the castle, but decided to watch her for a moment before intervening. Her heart ached for Eva as she watched her fall to her knees sobbing into the wind. What could have caused our leader to break like this, she wondered? Finally, after what must have been ten or so minutes, Leliana decided to intervene. She walked out into the rain, to where Eva knelt, and slowly put her arm around the smaller woman.
Eva startled, then looked up at the Orlesian woman's face, "Please, just leave me."
"Hush now, I cannot let you sit out here in this weather, you will catch an illness and we cannot have our leader ill. Come inside with me, you will be more comfortable."
Eva looked like she wanted to protest, but Leliana was hearing none of it. She helped Eva up and put a supporting arm around her to lead her back to the castle. Once inside, Leliana guided Eva to the Orlesian's room.
"Let's get you out of those wet clothes. I know you don't have any others, so you can borrow mine. Really I don't know how you don't have more. I couldn't imagine travelling without a change of clothes. Of course, these are nothing like the dresses we use to have, oh how I miss the sparkles," Leliana rambled on about the fashions in Orleis as she stripped the freezing, numb Eva out of the soaked clothing. Leliana couldn't help but notice the scars that traced Eva's body as she redressed her, the elf being unable to do anything it seemed. There were so many, she thought, many more than she could have gotten since their journey began. These ones seemed old and faded; almost like a map of how far back the scars went. Eva noticed the other woman staring and turned away as she finished dressing herself.
"I am sorry," Leliana apologized, realizing she was staring, "I have just not seen so many scars on one woman before. Have you been fighting for a long time?"
Eva let out a dark laugh, "It feels like I have been fighting something my whole life." Leliana could tell that statement held the absolute truth and a hundred secrets all in one.
"What are you fighting this time," asked Leliana softly.
"Myself."
Leliana could see the lightening storm in Eva's eyes and said nothing else. She just wrapped her arms around Eva and let her cry on her shoulder. She knew all too well that sometimes, fighting with yourself was the most difficult battle of all.
The next morning, Eva opened her eyes, not quite knowing where she was. As her senses slowly returned to her, she looked around. This was not her room, she thought. Before she could begin to panic, she her a soothing voice from the other side of the room.
"Ah, I see you are awake. I am glad you were able to sleep so well. You just looked so tired last night, I did not have the heart to whisk you off to your own bed, so I let you share mine," Leliana stated matter of factly.
"Oh, um, thank you. Sorry if I was such a bother last night"
"Nonsense. It was nice to have the company. Now we need to get you dressed so you can address the rest of the group. Let see what you should wear," with that Leliana turned to the amour, "Ah yes, I think this shall do very well. Much too small for me, but for you I think it will be perfect."
"Uh, I don't think a dress will fit well under my armor," Eva stated eyeing the dress as though it might bite her.
"We aren't leaving today, we are leaving tomorrow remember. Today is strategy and rest day. And since you can't rest in armor, I think you should wear a dress," Leliana said with the conviction a ten year old might have, when she really wants something.
"And I can rest in a dress," Eva raised an eyebrow at the thought.
"Yes. Yes you can, and you will, now go put it on," Leliana threw the purple dress at her and stomped out of the room, frustrated that it took so much convincing, but satisfied she got her way in the end.
Eva stood there; dress in hand, wondering how she had lost that battle. The last dress she had worn was her wedding dress. She shuttered, was there nothing in this journey that wouldn't drag up her past. It seemed that every event was haunted by her previous misfortunes. Well, she thought, I might not be able to avoid my past, but I don't have to let it dictate what I do. And with that she took off the tunic she was wearing and slipped into the dress. As much as she was never one for girly things, she had to admit it was a pretty dress. It was simple in its style, just a purple floor length dress, fitted nicely around the bodice, with billowy sleeves that gathered at the cuffs. It was modestly cut, but still showed plenty of the pale skin of her chest.
Leliana walked in again and gasped at how beautiful Eva looked standing there, "Oh how lovely, I knew it would be perfect for you. It brings out your bright green eyes. Now all there is left is to do something with your hair and it will be perfect."
"My hair? What is wrong with my hair?" Eva asked, looking at Leliana with great suspicion.
Leliana laughed at her friend's expression, "Oh don't worry, I promise you no birds."
The whole group had gathered in one of the Arl's drawing rooms, waiting for their leader to discuss their next course of action. They knew that they still needed to find the Dalish and visit Orzammar, but they also wanted to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes to help cure Arl Eamon. As Leliana looked around the room, she was amused by her companion's expressions. Sten looked clearly irritated that they weren't travelling today. Morrigan looked clearly irritated that she was indoors and with all of these people. But it was Alistair that particularly struck her. He looked like someone had stolen his puppy. He looked despondent and wistful, not too different from how Eva had looked. A spark shot up in her brain. Did Eva's breakdown have something to do with Alistair? Did they have a fight? Somehow, Leliana felt that it was more than just what direction should they travel first. Interesting, she thought, and was determined to pay closer attention to the two. She didn't have to wait very long.
Everyone looked up as Eva walked into the room. She positively radiated beauty and Leliana swore she heard Alistair's breath hitch as she glided into the room. Eva's eyes wouldn't meet Alistair's as she cleared her throat to start the meeting. It was decided that they should go look for the Dalish first, because they were rumored to be in Brecillian forest and it was best to catch them before they moved and became harder to locate.
"Then we should go to Denerim," Alistair stated, speaking for the first time.
"Yes," Leliana agreed, "that is where Brother Genitivi is and we need to talk to him to find the ashes."
Eva paled slightly and her left eye gave a twitch, "Well, are we even sure he is still in Denerim, maybe we should wait and see if he is somewhere else, already looking for the ashes."
The group stared at her strangely, as she started to sweat.
"No, I think that is the best place to look," Alistair replied warily. He never even considered she wouldn't want to go to Denerim.
"Fine, we will go to Denerim and then take it from there. Are we done now?" Eva asked tensely and the whole group could tell she wanted to get out of the room. They nodded, she fled.
"What happened between you two?" Leliana questioned Alistair after the others had left the room.
"What makes you think anything happened between us?" Alistair spoke with shifty eyes.
"Well, if I had any doubt, you didn't ask who I meant, so you already knew I meant Eva."
"Uh, damn. Well, you see…argh!" Alistair stuttered, not knowing how to begin.
"First I find Eva outside in the pouring rain sobbing, and now you two can't even look at each other. You will tell me what happened?" Leliana was determined to get to the bottom of this.
"She was sobbing in the rain?" Alistair dropped his head into his hands, sighing loudly, "I kissed her."
"You kissed Eva? Why?" this had not been the answer Leliana was expecting.
"I have been wondering that myself," Alistair mumbled, "She found my mother's amulet and told me I was special to her. I don't know what came over me, I just kissed her. And she kissed me back, I swear she did! But when we broke the kiss she got a panicked look in her eyes and ran away," his voice filled with despair.
Leliana took in this information quietly. So she panicked after kissing him back, hmm, that definitely was interesting, "she is scared that she likes you," she said finally.
Alistair looked up, "are you sure she just wasn't repulsed by me or maybe it was a really bad kiss. It's not like I have ever done that before."
"You never kissed a woman before? Oh, Alistair, I keep forgetting you grew up in the Chantry. Well I am sure it wasn't that, not if she kissed you back. She is probably confused about her feelings. She doesn't like humans much does she? I mean she has perfectly nice to us and civil to others we have met, but I always get the sense she tenses when she interacts with humans."
"Yeah, she doesn't like humans much."
"Why? I mean I have seen that in Ferelden, elves are not treated the best, but her dislike seems more intense." Leliana looked at Alistair questioningly, thinking he might know something.
"She was abused by the Arl of Denerim's son," Alistair blurted out before he realized what he said, "Oh maker, I wasn't suppose to tell you that, damn me."
"Oh my, poor Eva. No wonder she doesn't like humans. And, oh Alistair, this explains so much. She is afraid to love a human man because of what a man did to her. She knows you are different, but I would guess a pouch filled with gold that she is still feeling shame for liking a human," Leliana's eyes lit up with as everything clicked into place, "And of course, Alistair, she doesn't want to back to Denerim. That is where she is from. She probably doesn't want to see her abuser."
"She already killed him," Alistair said thoughtfully, "but that might make her a fugitive in Denerim, even if she was recruited by the Grey Wardens."
"She killed him! Alistair, she must be an emotional wreck! You need to go talk to her. She needs you. I think she knows that, you just have to get her to accept it. Go. Now." Leliana ordered sternly.
She was lying on her bed staring at the canopy when she heard a knock on her door. She guessed who was, and debated for a moment whether to let him in. She figured she couldn't avoid him forever, "Come in."
Slowly, she heard the door creak open, and didn't bother to look up. She heard his boots hit the floor as he walked over to her. She felt her bed dip as he sat on the edge. Finally, she lifted her head to look at the man that sat a few feet from her.
"I'm sorry I ran," she whispered so quietly Alistair had to strain to hear. He wasn't expecting an apology, so he was stunned into silence for a moment.
"I think that's my line," he joked heavily, "I didn't think about why you would be nervous to go to Denerim. We need to, but you know that and I should have been more sensitive. And about the kiss…"
"Don't apologize for the kiss," Eva interrupted him, "It was one of the best moments I can recall in recent months, and I don't want you to feel bad for it. I just panicked. You are a human. I have been taught and have learned firsthand that humans are evil. How can I be so drawn to one? I am still confused about how I can want you when you are suppose to be everything wrong with the world," Eva finished with a heavy sigh.
"If this is too much for you, I will back down," Alistair said, hoping the disappointment in his voice was well hidden, "I can stay away."
"NO!" the intensity of her voice caused Alistair to jump, "No, I don't want you to stay away. I just, just…" she dropped her head in frustration, why was this so hard to say, she wondered, "I just need to go slow, this is a really big step for me, and I need time to process everything."
"We can go as slow as you want. I mean I haven't done anything like this either," his voice shaking as he realized she still wanted to develop their relationship.
"You have never…" Eva started, no quite believing a man, a soldier no less, had never been with a woman.
"Nope. I grew up in the Chantry, no much opportunity," then Alistair looked up thoughtfully, "though even if I had I don't know if I would have. It doesn't seem like one of those things you should just do with the first girl to offer herself. I don't know, maybe I am just a romantic at heart," Alistair finished as a light blushed crawled up his face to his ears.
Eva looked at him curiously, but seemed to believe him well enough, finally she cleared her throat, her own blush starting, "Do you um think we could try that kiss again, I promise not to run this time."
A smile couldn't help but appear on Alistair's face, "I think that can be arranged," and with that leaned in and melted her heart a second time with an earth moving kiss. True to her word, this time she did not run away. She stayed and enjoyed the feel of his warm lips on hers. His hand came up and started running through her hair. She moaned quietly as their lips parted and she felt his tongue slip into her mouth. His warmth seemed to thaw a long frost that had unknowingly taken her heart and soul. Upon breaking the kiss this time, Alistair did not see panic in her eyes, only lust. They were both breathing hard for air. Silently, Eva leaned in and gave Alistair a light kiss on the lips before standing. Alistair got the message; that was all for today, but there would be other days for sure. He smiled to himself as he watched her slowly saunter out of the room. His heart was light as he let his mind wander. She liked him, she wanted him. He was already completely hers, even if neither knew it yet.