X. TRAINING (MERLIN POV)
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Gaius is working on finishing Uther's draught when 'Arthur' surprisingly comes in without knocking.
"Sire? Do you need-"
Merlin hasn't prepared a speech on their way (how do you announce this anyway?) So he just blurts it out, as Arthur comes in after him and takes place at his side.
"We need your help, Gaius. Our bodies have been switched. (pointing to himself) Merlin. (pointing to his body) Arthur. We awoke like this this morning."
Gaius looks stunned - of course. Then, for the shortest of times, he looks unconvinced; but this is after all Camelot, where strange things always happen, indeed - and not only Arthur would most probably have better things to do than playing along with Merlin's pranks; but also Merlin wouldn't have the heart to make *such* a prank to start with - not to him. So Gaius looks concerned now, gaze jumping with worry between Merlin and Arthur, holding Merlin's eyes with a question in his eyes - and Merlin knows what's worrying him.
Merlin can only give Gaius though a fragile smile to assure him that he is all right along with an apologetic look in return. He isn't sure Arthur would want anyone else knowing about the magic too, so he will have to wait for a private occasion to explain everything to Gaius. For now, he just sticks to the plan.
"Arthur is expected to train soon, and we thought you could give us a way out of it. No one should be aware that Arthur isn't Arthur until we've fixed this."
Gaius doesn't even hesitate.
"Of course (nodding to Merlin). I'll go and tell you injured your sword arm (nodding to Arthur)."
/
Gaius goes out, mentioning coming back later to make Little Kathleen's balm. Once the door closes, Arthur says he wonders what Merlin has in mind for 'training'. So Merlin decides he should help them both at once.
Merlin looks around for something basic, and his eyes light up when they fall on two bowls - not only basic but also potentially useful, if it works? He sets them on the table in front of Arthur: one stays empty, the other one get filled with water.
"Here. Try to make the water move into the other bowl."
Arthur looks at the bowls, then at Merlin; incredulous.
"I'm not sure- I mean, even if I make this work, how am I supposed to put ourselves back into our bodies that way? How can I perform whatever must be performed if I am out of the performing body?"
"This is just a beginning, Sire. This is just a way to have you... feel your magic? Find it, and use it as you wish, when you wish. But if you need a valid reason, I promise this will be useful too, when you've mastered it."
Arthur seems perplexed. Merlin confides, voice low as if sharing a secret: "We won't have to disturb the fish anymore?"
Arthur is apparently too stressed out to even smile, sadly. But he gives Merlin a satisfied nod. "I'd better start trying then, huh." A helpless sigh follows though. "Any hint about how to feel it to start with? Where to find it?"
Merlin hesitates. Not only because he wonders how much he can tell without Arthur realizing he knows too much, but also because he struggles about how to put into words what he has always simply felt. He has never had to search for it; it had always just been there. But maybe he can describe it by telling what he doesn't feel, since he's in Arthur's body?
"Don't search for 'where'. It's not in one place; it's everywhere. Not only in your body; literally everywhere - earth, air, water, fire. Like a... warm... tingling... flow? When you've found it, try to concentrate on it, focus on it, in order to direct it towards what you want - with your hands, your eyes, your voice; whatever works?"
Arthur's brow has only deepened from the explanation, and Merlin can't help but sigh:
"I'm sorry. It's gibberish. I don't know how to explain-"
"What you can't know", Arthur cuts him with a wave of his hand. "Of course. I have to find it on my own. Thank you for trying, at least?"
And so Arthur goes to sit at the table, facing the two bowls, while Merlin starts on the balm for Little Kathleen's knee (hopefully for the last time, as her recovery seems to be going well, thanksfully) - both to feel useful and to give Arthur some kind of privacy. His moving around though must be disturbing, because Arthur switches place, turning his back to him. But it gives Merlin the freedom to check over his shoulders from time to time without risking to meet Arthur's eyes.
/
This isn't working though, Merlin can tell, by the time he's done preparing Little Kathleen's balm (he waits for Gaius to check if he got all doses and ingredients right though before finishing; he has only done it once) and a sleeping draught (for the guards guarding Kilgharra's tunnel) (Gaius has had him prepare Morgana's draught several times already, and has explained how to up the doses while keeping it safe): Arthur looks nothing but tensed, when he would need to be relaxed in order to feel... Trying too hard is nothing but counterproductive.
That's when Merlin realizes he's been going at it the wrong way. Arthur is not him. Arthur is *Arthur*. And when Arthur is at an impasse and needs a clear head? He trains. Activity helps him focus. Exhaustion helps him forget. To find his inner ground, Arthur must be physically busy; not sitting hunched over a table looking at two bowls.
Merlin eyes again his surroundings: spoons should work. Gaius has them in lots of size, both wood and metal. Merlin bundles them all in his tunic, and calls for Arthur as he passes in front of him.
"Let's try something else. You can work on the water later on."
Arthur's eyes follow him questioningly up the stairs. Merlin sets his collection down, then holds a spoon up.
"Try to stop it from falling to the ground."
Merlin let the spoon fall. It hits the ground, of course; but Arthur surely looks now interested by the new challenge. Merlin smiles, and lets another spoon fall.
After five rounds, Arthur gets up and gathers the spoons before handing them over to a crouching Merlin, instead of having Merlin going down, and up, and down, and up... A few rounds later still, Arthur picks up a spoon he has missed on his way and calls out for Merlin to catch it instead of walking back. Merlin misses it though, and it lands on his arm. And that's when Merlin thinks his new idea can even be perfectioned.
He takes the offending spoon off the ground and holds it at the ready, eyeing Arthur, waiting for him to understand. And Arthur does, of course.
"Merlin? Are you threatening me with a spoon?"
Merlin grins wolfishly. He throws, and Arthur easily dodges, laughing.
"How long have you been waiting for such an opportunity?"
"Forever?" Merlin lies, before throwing another spoon, which Arthur blocks with an upraised arm.
Merlin can't help but scowl: "You're supposed to make the spoon divert its course; not block it or move out of its way."
Arthur has actually the decency to look apologetic: "I know. Sorry. Reflexes." Then he smirks. "But please, indulge yourself and do go on."
And Merlin does. And it's glorious somehow, how they are suddenly both intent and carefree, spoons clattering everywhere on both sides as Arthur now throws the spoons back to Merlin too. Hits land on both sides too, as they both throw quicker and harder.
/
At some point, the door opens and a spoon hits... Gaius.
"Sorry", Merlin lets out, hurrying down to check he hasn't hurt Gaius.
Gaius looks at the both of them with incomprehension, but Arthur explains even before Merlin has even opened his mouth.
"We're actually working on something, Gaius; not destroying your chambers. (the slightest hesitation - but if Gaius is to be their ally then Arthur has decided he should know, well, everything, it seems) I have been jinxed too, on top of the body swap. It appears I have been given... magic; to be my doom - and well... Merlin's body end."
Gaius looks sort of disapprovingly to Merlin at the M word, but his gaze softens somehow, even though it turns outright anxious, as Arthur further explains his theory about their attacker's plan.
"So, now you know it all, Gaius. And we also need your help for something more than giving me an excuse not to train... We need... information. I thought... You and Geoffrey go way back, right? Maybe you could persuade him to lend you a few special books?"
Gaius nods, eyeing Merlin.
"I'll see what I can do."
Arthur nods back.
"In the meanwhile, I have to understand how it works, in order to prevent anyone finding it out until we've found a way to lift the spells?"
"Of course. Just let me take what's necessary and I'll leave you to it."
Merlin then shows Gaius his previous work (safely tucked away in his room after the first round of spoons throwing - and yes, it also gives Merlin the opportunity to silently let Gaius know where his book is hidden, so that he will be able to retrieve it later on and present it to them as coming from Geoffrey or something). Gaius proudly tells he got everything right and gathers it all into a bowl.
"I can finish the balm in the kitchens. I'll be back to bandage your arm though later on, Merlin; our Prince is supposed to be injured, and our King will want to check on his son right when he comes back from today's hunt and hears about it."
/
They start again where they had left, but nothing magical ever happens still, and after some time, Arthur exclaims in annoyance: "Maybe you should use knifes?"
And Merlin understands the logic; but Merlin just... can't. He counters with an idea of his own.
"Maybe I should tie you up on a chair so that you can't dodge them anymore?"
And Arthur gives a shrug... then goes to sit.
Merlin finds some rope and tie Arthur's legs and chest to the chair. He hesitates, then tie only Arthur's left hand behind the chair.
"In case it helps if you aim", he explains.
Then Merlin is facing Arthur again. The spoons hit; one at a time. But Arthur glares at them - never at Merlin; and so Merlin goes on.
And then... (they've been going at it for so long that Merlin has stopped counting rounds) a spoon finally *stops*, mid-air, before simply falling vertically to the ground instead of keeping its course.
Merlin's mouth falls open as Arthur keeps looking at his hand in wonder.
"Did you see-"
"Yes!" Merlin can't help but shout happily.
Arthur meets his eyes, looking even more resolute than before.
"Again."
Arthur doesn't stop lots of spoons (yet, hopefully); but he regularly stops or redirects one.
And then, Arthur looks at his hand, and then at him, both in wonder.
"It *is* warm!"
And that's definitely progress in the right direction, if Arthur has *felt* it.
The look they share is actually hopeful, for the first time since this began.
/
After some time, Merlin decides they should take a pause. Arthur still has to prepare him for tomorrow concil too, right?
So Merlin starts asking about what he should know for the coming concil right while untying Arthur's legs.
"Will was definitely lucky to count you as a friend."
Merlin's eyes jump to Arthur's in surprise; not only from the compliment, but also from the repeat mention of Will. Before today, Arthur had never mentioned Will, since they had left Ealdor.
Arthur doesn't notice. Or - more probably - Arthur notices but goes on anyway; he is nothing but brave after all.
"I never had a friend, but I believe friends are supposed to help each other out, right? And well, you're good at helping out, is all. And I know I have little to no right to talk about him; but I think you should know that I'm grateful, and that he has my respect, Merlin."
Merlin is utterly speechless. Arthur has finally found, it seems, a way to shut him up. And to get him teary-eyed to boot. Merlin lowers his eyes to the ground.
"I believe he was a kind man. I mean- He must have been, of course - I don't see you befriending someone cruel or-... But even taking only my own judgment into account? I suppose he could have probably done more harm than a whirlwind. But he didn't. He wanted to defend, more than to attack; there is nothing malicious in that. It's unfair his kindness caused his end though. Sometimes, maybe, it's necessary to be the first to strike; even if you can never know how actually well-founded that decision then is; and you have to live with it."
Merlin feels guilty, again. And angry. Does Arthur have to remind him that Will's death is his fault? For all his magic? Merlin is indeed nothing but *useless*, indeed. He works on finishing to untie Arthur as quickly as he can.
Arthur must have read the inwards directed angry shake of his head for something else though, as he lets out a somewhat apologizing sigh.
"I realize I'm very biased, Merlin; because if he had used his powers in a harmful way? I would probably have been the first to accuse him of being a monster. (pause) But he hasn't. And I haven't searched for any magical powers - yet here I am."
Another sigh; nothing but helpless this time. So Merlin *has* to look up. He has failed Will. He won't fail again. He won't fail Arthur. Arthur's gaze is lost inward though.
"Sire", Merlin pleads, hunting Arthur's eyes then locking onto them.
Arthur fidgets; Merlin can't help but note the oddity and rarity.
"I just- I realize this is the strangest thought to have while we are yet again under a sorcerer's threat, but... Maybe not everything is always as black or white as I've been told all my life? Maybe not everyone with magic is actually evil? ... Will? Me? ... Again, maybe I'm only very biased. Because who knows then how many might have been wrongly punished- (a heavy sigh; wondering and remorseful this time, as Arthur shakes his head, apparently thinking about his Father's deeds as his own - as he has allowed them to come to pass without opposition for so long...) But I *have* to believe that it's possible to have magic without being corrupted by it. I mean... What if it sticks? Even after..."
"Arthur", Merlin starts again as Arthur's voice falters - even though Merlin still has no exact idea about what he wants to say; at least not in what order. Arthur's genuine regrets and palpable fear are boring a hole right through his heart; just as Arthur's words about Will and about magic (it is a step in the right direction; no matter how small) spread warmth through it too. Merlin's possible soothing or grateful words in return all feel just tangled and messy and worthless and not enough and-
Arthur clears his throat, then softly exhales as he finally looks away: "I don't really know what I'm trying to say, Merlin. Except... I'm glad you're here?"
Maybe Merlin has conveyed what he couldn't put into words through his eyes after all...
/
And then Arthur stands up, and his voice is back to his usual, assured tone.
"Now. One problem at a time, right? About the concil tomorrow..."
And Merlin listens, you bet.
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So yep, yet another 'I'm glad you're here' (MY HEART). And spoons just had to be involved, ok (I'm weak, blame 5.03)