couples: Dan/Blair , Chuck/Serena(?) , some mentions of Nate/Jenny
summary: It was raining that night; the night everything changed and Dan became the knight in Serena's twisted game of chess.
author's note: I'm sorry about how long it took to grind this out. I had gotten down 500 or so words, but lost the file. I finally have muse thanks to some new Dair set pics. (;
Such fluorescent, you must wonder how I sleep.
Shaking spells end, as the cuts lined up my knees.
I guess I'm weightless, as I tape my eyelids up,
but now I wonder that I may have ran too far.
the dark side of indoor track meets
falling up
"Say it again." Serena tucked a stray wisp of blonde hair behind her ear, pressing the other ear to Chuck's warm chest. She could hear the steady, soothing drumming of his heart, and the intake of his breaths. She closed her eyes and focused on the monotonous sounds. "Just one more time, and I won't bother you again." She twisted her head around so she could catch Chuck's eye, her blue gaze teasing and twinkling, betraying the lie.
Chuck leaned down to drop a swift kiss into her hair, one hand threading alternatively through the locks splayed across his chest. He let out a low rumble of laughter. "How many times has that been now?" Both of them had seen to have lost count in the passing time.
Serena shrugged innocently, unable to be bothered by the query. "Six? Seven?" she guessed with a propped brow, ignoring his skeptical gaze and nuzzling her nose into his heated skin. She breathed in deeply; he always smelled like something elusive, undeniably sexy and mysterious. "I don't know," Serena admitted, her words muffled.
"I love you, Serena," Chuck murmured into her hair, just another number to add to the list. "That's eight." He smiled down at her and Serena grinned right back, euphoria settling like butter in her stomach.
Chuck began to shift underneath Serena's head. She looked up, a frown quickly replacing her smile. "What's wrong?" Instinctively, she reached out with one hand, but Chuck gently pushed it back. There was a glimmer in his brown eyes that proved, at least to Serena, that it wasn't anything serious.
"I have to go to work, love," Chuck sighed resignedly, rolling his shoulders to work out the kinks. "I'm sorry. Money has to be made or Blair will know I'm lying." He rolled out from underneath Serena, ignoring her meek protest, and stood at the foot of the bed. He leaned down to press another kiss to her forehead, smoothing the worried rumple forming their. "I'll see you soon," he promised.
Serena bit her lip. It was nearly impossible to stay angry with Chuck for too long; she figured this out long ago, when he had rushed out of the room to take a phone call from Blair. Although it pained Serena and even made her jealous to know Blair was still a priority, it had only taken a few murmured apologies and butterfly kisses down her neck for her to give in and forgive. Chuck always knew how to get his way with her.
Still, Serena found herself pouting as Chuck turned away from the bed, tossing a towel over his shoulder and whistling lowly as he entered the shower. It was never fair when Chuck had to leave her. It seemed the more time they spent with each other, the harder Serena found it to let him go at the end of the weekend.
"Chuck?" Serena called after a moment's hesitation, still needing to hear the words of comfort he'd give. Serena often got into the distressed moods, the times she believed that she was doing the wrong thing, and Chuck was never going to leave Blair. "I love you!" She hoped the three words would magically make him hear her, but the hiss of the water and the slow tune he whistled seem to drown out her voice.
Serena's heart thumped rapidly, dangerously close to giving her an anxiety attack. With a shaky breath, she forced herself to remain calm. She slipped out of bed, pulling a hefty book from underneath the bed and carrying it carefully over to her computer desk; it had been ages since she'd been reduced to the worn pages to calm her. She gingerly turned the first page. It was a scrapbook she'd decided to put together of her stolen moments with Chuck, though she'd lost interest in it long ago.
The first page was filled with innocent pictures of open-mouthed kisses and laughing faces. Serena let a smile grace her lips, feeling her heartbeat already decreasing into a soft, natural hum. She flipped absently through the book for some time before she felt a hand on her shoulder and lips on her neck.
Serena squirmed with contentment. "Chuck, stop, that tickles," she laughed, though she had no intentions of stopping him. She swatted his hands from her bare skin. "No, you have to go to work." Even as she said it, Serena turned and captured his kisses with a giggle.
Chuck smirked. "You seem keen on having me out of here," he teased, pulling away with a languid grin stretching across his features. "I'm worried you'll have company."
Serena rolled her eyes and hopped out of the chair, pulling the sheet and wrapping it around her tightly. "Oh, yes, Chuck." She blinked playfully at him. "Every time you leave my suite, I have guys coming in left and right, taking your place." She reached for another kiss.
"I don't doubt it," Chuck rumbled. For a moment, he allowed himself to get carried away with their kisses, before he pulled away suddenly. Serena gave another subtle roll of her eyes. "Really have to go," Chuck sighed regretfully. "I'll see you soon; I promise." With a last, chaste kiss on her cheek, Chuck swung out the door with only a wave of his hand.
Serena slumped into the seat, defeated. Chuck's visits always lasted too short, the span between them stretching out for far too long, leaving Serena exhausted and anticipating for their next encounter. Her entire life seemed to revolve around Chuck these days. Although Serena knew it was somewhat dangerous to depend so much on a man - a married man, no less - she found herself unwilling to come to terms with the near-obsession. Sighing woefully, she pushed the scrapbook back under her bed.
After Serena was dressed to go out - meeting her pseudo "friends" for drinks - and combing her hair carefully in the mirror, she noticed her phone chiming incessantly from underneath one of her pillows. Serena paused from her methodical brushing to retrieve the messages; five calls and three texts from Dan. Serena frowned. What could possibly be so important? Dan knew never to bother her when she was with Chuck, yet the calls were ranging from that time span.
Deciding it wasn't important enough, Serena tossed the phone back onto her bed without bothering to check the messages, returning to her mirror. One, two, three - in calm, delicate strokes, she counted the sweeps of her brush. Sometime while she was counting in the fifties, a tentative, quiet knock on the door heralded the arrival of room service.
"About time," muttered Serena. To the door, she called, "One minute!"
When Serena flew open the door, she hadn't expected to see Blair there. Why should she? How could she? So, perhaps, the reason why she said not a word and fixed her jaw firmly rather than greet her old friend was because she was simply too shocked to say anything, not because she was, for whatever reason, angry at Blair.
Honesty was never one of Serena's strong subjects.
"Hello, Serena." Blair's demeanor was meek and mousy, not at all like the commanding, respectful presence of Serena's old friend. "It's... It's good to see you again." She offered a weak half-smile, wringing her hands behind her back.
Serena swallowed thickly, working her mouth silently but unable to release any words filling her throat. Clawing the blockage out of there, Serena nodded stiffly and greeted, "Blair," in the simplest way possible. She couldn't even explain in detail what she was thinking; guilt, hatred, jealousy, wonderment, all in rapid-fire succession through her bloodstream. Did Blair know about Chuck and Serena? What would she do if she knew?
Blair managed to meet Serena's gaze defiantly, showing a sliver of her old self. "May I come in?" she asked boldly, straightening her shoulders. She appeared much more relaxed at Serena's returned greeting.
Casting her eyes searchingly over her room - just in case Chuck had left anything suspicious - Serena turned back to Blair. Whirling thoughts tumbled endlessly in her head; don't let her in, she has the man you love; she was once your best friend; what if she knows?; what if she's come to apologize?
It seemed too far-fetched that Blair was there to reconcile with Serena, after so many long years of absence; if Blair really felt awful for walking out in Serena's time of need, she would have said so weeks later, months later, anything but years after the initial argument. Blair was the type to hold grudges, and Serena knew this well, but it was unlike Blair to completely abandon all notions of friendship for years. Weeks, possibly, but any longer was blasphemy.
Serena shook off the thoughts with a visible jerk of her head, granting Blair inside with a cold, emotionless gesture of invitation. She knew it was wrong of her to treat Blair in such a way - perhaps not wrong, per se, but increasingly impolite - yet she couldn't find the sympathy in her bones. Everything had been turned to ice, and all she cared to live for was Chuck, inconsequentially Blair's husband. There would be no friendliness found here; Serena forced herself to believe it.
Blair walked into the suite as if treading on eggshells, each step carefully poised and delicate. Serena found herself forcing away a smile at the sight; it was so like Blair to be precise even when the situation didn't entirely call for it.
"I'm sorry."
Serena whipped around, shock enveloping every visible feature at Blair's sudden admittance. The former Waldorf shook her head miserably, her swath of brown curls hiding her face. "I'm so, so sorry Serena," she sighed. "I was such a bitch to you, and you didn't deserve that from me. I was angry that you didn't tell me; that you thought it was something you had to keep from me..." She drew in a quick breath. "I didn't realize that you just needed me there, and I just walked out on you."
Serena curled her nails into her palm, digging tiny half-moon marks into the skin. She fancied she could feel hot, angry blood dripping down her hand. "Yes, Blair, I needed you," she allowed with a half-shrug, trying her best to look indifferent. "But now I don't. I've changed. You'll never change, and you'll still be selfish."
Blair shook her head. "I've changed beyond what I believed possible." She let out a hollow, humorless laugh, her smile not quite meeting her eyes. "In ways I never wanted to change." She seemed lost in a recent memory for a half-moment before turning her attention back to Serena. "But this isn't about me. I just wanted to apologize. I-I've left so many things in the past, things that shouldn't stay there."
Serena listened in silent shock.
"...and I haven't even realized that they should be resolved," Blair went on, eyes still dropped contemplatively on the carpet. "I was hiding them, and now they have to break free." Serena pretended not to see the slight wetness glazing Blair's eyes as she sniffed dismissively. Blair lifted her chin arrogantly. "But I've said it now. I'm sorry, Serena." She cleared her throat. "I shouldn't have to say it again."
Somewhere inside of Serena, in the foreign places of her heart, she felt her resolve crumbling. She felt those carefully-constructed walls very slowly begin to tear down, brick by brick, shattering through her defenses. She blinked her eyes shut; in the same heartbeat, memories flooded. Blair had always been there. Despite everything, despite all the fights and lies and stupid gossip, Blair had been loyal. Serena had forgotten that so long ago; Serena had forgotten that Blair would've stood by her, whatever she decided to do.
In the next moment, Serena's eyes were wide open, and rather than seeing her lover's wife in front of her, she recognized her childhood friend; her best friend. The jealousy melted, the hatred suddenly dissipating, until all that was left was Blair. Serena's confidante and Serena's safety blanket.
"I'm sorry." The words were muffled into Blair's jacket this time, both arms securely locked around her tiny body. "I should've trusted you..." Each word caught like a thorn in her throat. "We were both wrong." She squeezed tighter still, tears dropping stains into the expensive carpet. "No one is to blame."
Blair released a breathless, relieved laugh. "Serena, there's something I want to tell you." There was a tiny pause as Serena waited half-anxiously for the following words. Blair seemed to brace herself, pulling back from Serena's enveloping hug for a moment and blinking desperately at her. "I made a mistake and slept with Dan Humphrey last night." The words were rushed out in a single breath.
All at once, images of the deal - the plan - wrapped like dark tendrils around Serena's mind. Instinctively, she clutched at Blair to keep from swaying unsteadily. The plan. The plan was still in motion. Everything she'd ever wanted was about to come true. Serena's blue eyes raised just a hairbreadth more, taking in the familiar sight of her old friend, gazing curiously up at her. Bile rose like a tidal wave in her throat, choking back any words she could say.
Checkmate. Serena had won before the game ended.