The hours that I spent waiting as Denny was wheeled into surgery were the worst of my life. I was numb and couldn't stop the huge cold tears that covered my face and blurred my vision. Meredith and George were waiting with me. Christina had gone into the OR telling me that she'd update me if anything happened.
Both Mer and George's pagers beeped.
They both looked at me and started whispering about what to do. I looked blankly at the wall ahead of me.
'Go'
They stared at me. I hadn't spoken in hours.
'No, Iz...it's fine. The Cheif will understand...'
I shook my head. 'Go' I repeated. 'Please. I'll be fine'.
Seeing that I wanted to be alone they nodded slowly and left the room. I sat there until I began to feel like the room was suffocating me. Everything felt foreign and alien.
I pulled myself from the chair and walked unseeingly down the corridor.
When I got to the locker room it was dark and deserted. I walked to the darkest corner and slid to the floor.
The tears came violently, my body shaking. I cried for Denny, and the pain he was going through, and I cried for me. I did'nt know what I was going to do if he didn't come out of this alive.
Suddenly the door opened and someone walked in to stand in front of me.
Bailey sighed sadly.
'Izzie?' Her voice was softer than usual. I looked up, only able to make out her shape through the tears.
'Dr Bailey...I'm sorry' I sobbed brokenly 'I'm so sorry...I tried so hard not to...but I couldn't...I knew it was wrong, but I love him so much and now he's dying...I-I can't breathe...I'm sorry...'
I continued to sob and Bailey sat beside me on the floor, leaning against the wall.
'I know' she said softly. 'You're a great doctor, Izzie. You're both sympathetic and empathetic and the patients like you. That's rare in a doctor. But you're still just...human. And we can't help who we fall in love with. So don't apologise'
She put an arm around me and soothed me. Eventually the sobs stopped and my body ceased to shake.
'Come on' she said 'Let's get you upstairs. Grey and O' Malley are out of their minds looking for you'.
I nodded and let her help me to my feet, following her out of the room.