CHAPTER TEN

love the way you lie

just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well thats alright because i like the way it hurts, just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well thats alright because i love the way you lie

love the way you lie by eminem/rihanna

authors note: so understandably i feel sad with myself for the chapters where the same thing happens so this will make up for it entierly forever

thank you for your eternal love my slaves it is necessary to release

P.S.: this is chapter 10

They were fucking done with the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, because it had been five hours and Kenny had gotten them lost inside of the crazy madness maze that the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun was, and now all five of them were starving and enraged and tired and sexually frustrated. Except for Kenny, of course, but immortal angels don't get hungry or tired. Sexual frustration is another story, though.

But, five hours later, it was the time 11:00PM in the morning, and they had been kicked out of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun by the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun police, because they closed at the time 10:57PM so they were overstaying their welcome. One of the security guards was a total douchebag, his name was Ryan. Kenny was going to slaughter that motherfucker in his sleep with his angel GPS one night, but that was like far away from now because bigger issues were at hand.

They were outside of the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, and all of them dramatically collapsed onto the sandy shore except for Kenny who stood unfazed and with his hands on his hips. Kenny laughed pitifully at their mortal human emotions.

Stan was really, really mad about this whole thing. Not only was Kyle or himself ever fed food ever, there wasn't going to be any time to execute his master plan with Kyle. If they got out of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun earlier, Stan's master plan would already be done by now. He was so angry. He rolled around in the sand but it got in his eyes and he moaned and sat up from the sand because that shit was sandy all over his blue sapphire denim skinny jeans eyeballs and scratched the delicate surfaces. He was so mad with everybody. Rage was everywhere.

Kyle was really, really sad about this whole thing. Not only was he starving to death so hard and it felt like the scary monster man with the tentacles that lives outside his window was eating his stomach again. He also was sad because Stan was really mad, and Stan was an intimidating emo faggot when he was enraged with rage so it made Kyle overwhelmed and sad. He also felt unloved by Stan. He always pulled away from his kisses. Okay, except for that one time. But still, Kyle got absolutely zero attention from Stan and he never paid attention to Kyle. But Kyle was totally unaware of Stan's master plan. And Kenny was such an asshole. And Craig always flipped him off and Tweek always spilled coffee on him and burned his supple Jew body.

Kyle was so sad. He cried in the sand but it got in his eyes and he moaned and sat up from the sand because that shit was sandy all over his evergreen green jade grass pine trees in a blender forest olives green parrots peas green beans and other assorted green vegetable colored eyeballs and scratched the delicate surfaces. He was so sad with everybody, mainly Stan, and the world around him. Depression and sorrow and agony was everywhere.

Tweek was paranoid because of coffee and shit, but nobody cares about Tweek because he is probably the least sexually appealing of the five of them so let's just move on, okay.

Craig had emotions, too, but they're too deep to explain and plus it's not the time to go over his emotions either because while he may be attractive and have black hair but inferior to Stan's fucking gorgeously stunning raven hair he is still probably the next to least sexually appealing of the five of them so let's just move on, okay. Okay? Okay.

Okay.

Now Kenny was all like "ugh, I hate doing physical labor" so he removed the iBerryDroid 6G from his jacket pocket with the power of telekinesis from his brains. The iBerryDroid 6G levitated in the air like zrzrztrzrzttetzr and it floated right into the palms of his supple miracle angel hands. Kenny laughed because he knew he was too awesome for planet Earth but this wasn't news to him, so he just looked at his iBerryDroid 6G.

"Call Orange Lamborghini," Kenny told his iBerryDroid 6G with the power of voice recognition, and the iBerryDroid 6G vibrated sensually in his angelic miracle hands.

"…calling… orange… lamborghini…" it declared before Kenneth like zerzrtrtrtzrt and then, somewhere far off away inside the doors of Club Titties, a phone rang in the pocket of Kenny's annoying as shit asshole excuse for a car that was his orange Lamborghini. But it was the one in California and he was a jerk. The one back at home in Colorado had a nice personality actually. But not this one. This Lamborghini was all slutty and a total douchebag to everybody but women.

Anyway, the orange Lamborghini's phone was ringing like zrztzrztzrt far off inside of Club Titties, and the bitches on either side of his arms which were actually tires —the arms I mean, not the bitches— looked up at him —the bitches are not tires, to clarify— and the orange Lamborghini was like ohshit and he released the grasp on the waists of all nearby women and reached into his pocket with his tires. He pulled out his vibrating noisy obnoxious cellular device that was like zrzttettzr and he saw on the caller ID that it was Kenny.

"Ah, shit, I hate that guy," the orange Lamborghini car muttered to himself but it wasn't meant to be spoken by him but he just spoke it to the whole club of Club Titties so he broke that personal rule already. Bitches looked at him and when their heads turned on their neck sockets it made sounds like zrzrztzttr because Californian women are all kitchen robots.

Kenny's orange Lamborghini sighed, and then he flipped open his cell phone with his right tires. Now back at the gates of the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun, where our five faggoty heroes were standing around and dying to death, Kenny was greeted on his cell phone by his orange Lamborghini on the other line of the cell phone, because this is how the 21st century works.

"What?" the orange Lamborghini droned monotonoeously on the other line of the cell phone conversation because Kenny was the last person he wanted to talk to right at this moment, and he really wanted to get back to molesting various Californian women kitchen robots in Club Titties. Oh, and the orange Lamborghini was also really really drunk to make the plotline better and more interesting.

Because when people are drunk, crazy entertaining shit goes down.

"Fucking car, get your million dollar ass to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun gates, we're slowly dying to death," Kenny snapped at his car and told him off like a boss. Kenny was his master and the car needed to obey his loyal incredible master.

"Wh-wh-whwhztrrtzrtzrztzrt…." The car made inaudible quietly strange noises into the phone, and Kenny stared at the phone like what the fuck was that noise in my ear.

"I WILL PERSONALLY COME OVER THERE AND KILL MYSELF, DESCEND FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND FUCKING SLAUGHTER YOU IF YOU DO NOT DRIVE YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE AND PICK US UP FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING BEACH MOTHERFUCKING PIER MOTHERFUCKING BOARDWALK MOTHERFUCKING AMUSEMENT PARK MOTHERFUCKING PARADISE OF MOTHERFUCKING FUN AND GET US BACK THE FUCK HOME TO SEX ON THE BEACHES HOTEL," Kenny told that bitch, and Craig, Tweek, Stan, and Kyle all stared at him like ohshit he's really mad and they all stood up from rolling in the sand some more to piss themselves off.

Kyle looked at Kenny and then looked at Stan who was looking at Kenny but then he looked back at Kyle who looked at Tweek before Stan looked at Kyle because Kyle thought he was only going to look at Kenny but he was actually looking at him and Kyle felt his eyes gazing upon his delicate skin and he looked back at Stan. Nobody looked at Craig.

So… Kyle and Stan were looking at each other both with concerned looks probably about Kenny's super miracle angel rage and then they suddenly didn't give a shit about that and started eyefucking each other because they found each other incredibly incredibly incredibly incredibly incredibly orgasmic.

Oh, and just to make yet another clarification, the reason that they can't just walk back to the Sex on the Beaches Hotel like they did to get to the Beach Pier Boardwalk Amusement Park Paradise of Fun while relying on Kyle's incredible locomotionary knowledge of timing and directions is because Kyle is hungry and starving to death, and Kyle's Mapquest function only works when he is properly fed sufficiently. Right now, Kyle was starving to death, so his Mapquest feature was temporarily disabled. So they had to rely on Kenny's orange Lamborghini because they were going to get lost if they suddenly wandered off into the Californian abyss. Just a clarification.

On the other line, the orange Lamborghini that was Kenny's car begins to laugh hysterically into the speaker because he is drunk and Kenny makes a disapproving noise like zrtzrtzrt. Kenny clenches his fingers into a fist like he would be punching someone or something, but his just makes a fist because he can't punch the person he wants to punch. He could punch Stan again but then Kyle would fag out again too.

Kenny also had a secretive secret. It's a secret, though, a secret that people like you cannot ever secretly know. Secretly, his secret was that he was secretly in love with Kyle secretly, so he was secretly jealous when Kyle was with Stan now which was all the time because now they were officially going out and being totally public about it. And, like, oh my god, how rude and torturous that must be for Kenny. So Kenny also decided he would confess his passionate, deep feelings for Kyle that just formed right now and he would tell Kyle everything.

But that wasn't for like ten more chapters, so hold the fucking phone while we expand on additional things that you may or may not be interested in.