Thinking back on all those memories, no, not memories, dreams, Natasha realized with an audible sigh that she just wanted to go back to sleep. She felt overwhelmed and exhausted. As Steve helped her out of her bed in the recovery room, she felt numb. She barely realized her feet had touched the ice cold floor.
He waited outside the bathroom while she changed into her regular clothes. Once she was alone, she let the tears fall silently. How could something feel so real, only to be a figment of her imagination?
She wiped her face quickly. This was real, she felt it deep in her bones, all the way down in her soul. This was real.
Natasha finished changing and Steve guided her to Loki's quarters. She tried some deep breathing exercises, tried to conjure up a speech. She knew she needed to talk to him, maybe he would believe her. Perhaps he would agree that she had seen a possible future, a possible path they could both choose, or not choose, to take.
Steve was still obviously confused. "Natasha, what could you possibly need to discuss with Loki and no one else?"
"Please Steve, this is extremely sensitive information, I promise I'll explain later. Just give me a little while with him."
"Okay Nat, but he is pretty beat up from his almost kidnapping. So go easy on him."
"You got it Captain," she winked at him, inhaled deeply, and turned the knob.
Walking in to Loki's small living room felt almost refreshing to her. Even though she knew many things had not really happened, at least not yet, she felt that familiar comfortable feeling wash over her.
Loki was lying on the couch, in obvious pain. It looked like someone had pushed him off a building...
It made her sad to see him that way.
He sat up when he saw her come in. "Natasha."
"We need to talk," she said, staring at him intensely.
He readjusted himself on the sofa so she could sit down. Instead she took a seat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. He was a bit startled by her closeness, given the awkward events of their last encounter alone.
"I suppose you are aware I have been unconscious for some time now?"
He nodded, unsure of her reasons for coming here so suddenly. Was she going to scold him for kissing her? Of course he would never apologize. Nor would he admit it meant anything. He was still in the process of trying to stifle this warmth inside him that she brought about when she was around.
"I am." He stared at her stoically, not wanting to give in to her or these feelings.
"Before I was knocked out…I heard you yell my name."
He eyed her cautiously.
"More likely you heard Clint, or perhaps Steve."
"No," she stated firmly. "It was you. You sounded scared, scared for me."
"You are mistaken," was all he said, trying his best to remain strong. He couldn't believe he let that weak, pathetic side of him show at the sight of Natasha being attacked. It was unacceptable. He refused to give these people what they wanted.
Natasha's hands had begun to shake.
"Deny it all you want Loki."
He hated how much he loved the sound of her saying his name.
"I know why you kissed me," she stated matter-of-factly.
"And why is that?" he asked, giving her that cocky, couldn't care less smile. She knew he was trying to pretend it was just a game. But she could feel that he was desperately trying to hide that he also felt this burning connection. This uncontrollable desire.
She smirked right back at him. "The same reason I'm kissing you now."
He barely had time to process her words before she pounced on him. She crashed her mouth into his, eliciting a slight groan from him as she straddled his hips. Oops, he's still injured, she thought, not caring enough to get off of him. She ran her right hand through his hair, her left resting lightly on the side of his neck. She felt him tense up at first.
Please, please.
Then suddenly he flipped her onto her back, deepening the kiss as he hovered just above her on the couch. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, attempting to pull him even closer. She tore off his shirt impatiently after taking off her own. The feel of his cool skin against hers was enough to give her chills. She lifted her bottom up so he could slide off her pants, unbuttoning his for him in the process. Her back arched as he kissed from her navel down to her inner thigh. He tugged at the edge of her panties, nipping at her inner thighs now, causing her to let out a slight gasp. She groaned at the teasing, yanking her panties down for him. He chuckled at her impatience.
"What has gotten into you Natasha? I distinctly remember you striking me the last time I put my hands on you. This is a very different reaction," he smirked.
"We can discuss it later!" she practically yelled as he dipped his finger into her. She dug her hands into his hair, only making his smile grow wider.
She leaned into him, biting and sucking on his neck. He let a soft moan escape. Revenge! She proudly grinned to herself.
She still felt she was a little crazy for allowing this to happen, but she truly believed she could help Loki; and her growing feelings for him compelled her to misbehave.
She felt like her body might explode when he finally pushed into her. He held her to him as he moved, nuzzling his face into her hair.
Although Natasha knew this was their first time together, she couldn't help but think back to her premonition-like dream. She quickly concluded it felt even better being with him now than it had in her dream state.
But it had felt so real; and she was sad to think he hadn't experienced those things with her.
She felt herself getting close. Then slowly he reached his hand down to tease her, and she couldn't hold on any longer. She moaned loudly, her legs shaking as she finished. Shortly after, Loki finished, kissing her gently and rolling over to his side. They lay facing each other on the sofa.
Loki reached out to touch her face. "Natasha, what is it? Did I do something?" He furrowed his brow, looking slightly worried. She reached up to touch her cheek and realized it was wet. What the hell?
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it," she said, wiping her face clean with the back of her hand.
He cupped her chin, "Talk to me."
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
"Loki, I need to tell you what went on while I was passed out."
He eyed her questioningly. "What went on?" he repeated, slightly confused at her meaning.
"In my head," she offered.
"Ah," was all he could think to say.
"I need you to try and keep an open mind, I mean, crazier things have happened. Just attempt to believe what I'm telling you, okay?"
She curled up close to him, resting her head on his firm chest, and began. She let everything just pour out, everything that she dreamed, what went on between them, her feelings. She explained how she believed this to be some sort of telling of the possible future. She spared no details. When she finally got up to put on her clothes, 4 hours had passed.
He was quiet for a moment before grabbing her hand and pulling her back down to him. She smiled into his mouth as he kissed her.
"Come to the shower with me."
She nodded and followed him into the bathroom. As soon as she stepped in the hot water soothed her nerves. Nerves at revealing her deepest, most personal thoughts (and at wondering if he would think her mad).
He just stared at her thoughtfully, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.
"What are you thinking?" she asked.
"That I can't believe this is real," he replied. "I must confess, Natasha, while you were out cold, I also dreamt of you. It felt so real." He stroked her hair with one hand, resting the other on her hip.
"I never thought it would actually happen. How can you go from loathing me one day, to insane passion the next?"
She smiled lightly, "I just had a change of heart I guess."
A serious look washed over her face. "Loki, you believe me don't you? I seriously think all of what I dreamt will come to pass if we don't do something about it. You may have my trust, but you do not yet have the trust of the Avengers."
She paused. "We need to talk to Thor. He can help; he wants to help you more than anything."
"Out of the question," he replied flatly.
She just glared at him. She reached up and twirled a piece if his soft, black hair in her fingers.
"Loki," she said softly, gazing up into those mesmerizing green eyes. "This could be your chance. No one is saying you have to be one of the 'good guys'. Just don't ruin your last shot at a life filled with more than hate and loneliness.
He wanted to turn away from her, but her stare was holding him.
He wanted to drown out her words, but he knew he could not, for her voice haunted his every thought.
Right then he knew he wanted to try, for her.
Finally he nodded, completely giving in to this mortal woman, a thought he would have scoffed at just before his imprisonment.
She smiled up at him and got up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his soft lips. Welcome to the road to redemption, she thought to herself, hoping with every ounce of her that this man would stay by her side, and that she could help him see his true self.
No more games. No more dreams. No more pretending.