A/N: Trigger warnings for mentions of abuse/self harm. I don't know, I think this is an intense chapter, so I feel like I should give warning of it. I only hope I've done this justice and you enjoy it.

Chapter 10

"I don't really know how to talk about it," Emma mumbled, nuzzling into the safety of the brunette's arms.

"It's okay, honey. Take your time," Regina whispered, the two of them laying together on the couch, "I'll be here whenever you're ready."

Emma nodded, "I want to tell you…but I'm scared."

Regina kissed her on the forehead, "What are you scared of?"

Emma frowned, "I don't know exactly," she admitted, "Scared maybe you will think less of me… or that I am bad inside."

Regina didn't even realise her jaw was clenched, "No, honey, I would never think that," she delivered firmly, already having a good idea of what Emma was holding in, "Is there any way I can make this easier for you?"

Emma shook her head, "No, I just wish you could read my mind mind so I didn't have to speak."

Regina closed her eyes for a moment; seeing the inner turmoil taking over her girlfriend, "Did somebody hurt you, honey?" she asked, softly, not knowing it was the right thing to do or not, but just thinking, maybe if she could help lead the conversation it might make the teenager more comfortable.

Emma's entire body went tense but she forced herself to nod.

"When you were a child?" Regina asked.

Emma was silent for a moment before she turned further into Regina's chest, "I was just a little kid," she said in a tone mixed with anger and sadness, "Five maybe. I didn't know…it was wrong, it just happened all the time and I thought it was normal."

Regina's heart broke at the crack in Emma's voice, "Who hurt you?"

Emma shrugged, "It was just one of my foster family's friends at these stupid family barbecue's they always had. He was older so he was meant to look after me, but…" she shrugged.

"Was it…sexual?" Regina couldn't think of a less direct way of asking and felt the teenager tense again in her arms.

"Yes," she whispered almost inaudibly, "I didn't know it was wrong or weird, I thought it must happen to everyone. There were other kids there, older than me and they knew what happened and never said anything, so I thought it was normal…"

"The other children knew?" Regina blinked, "How old were they?"

Emma nibbled on her lip, "Maybe the youngest was a couple years older than me, the boy who did it was like fifteen, and there was one other guy, his friend the same age …And he knew, because that prick offered me to him, the friend, I mean, once…he said he could do whatever he wanted to me, but the other boy said no," she sighed, "Which is great, but couldn't he have fucking told somebody?"

Regina could feel her own anger boiling over but knew she needed to remain calm, "Is Belle the only person you ever told about this, honey?"

Emma nodded, "I know I should have told an adult, but I didn't know… not until I was older, and by then I was with a different family – "

"How long were you with the other family?" Regina asked.

"Nearly three years," Emma replied quietly, "And we had those stupid parties every month. I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now and kill him," she spat.

Regina bit her tongue for a moment, "Sweetheart…I am so sorry you grew up like that," she moved a tentative hand to the teenagers face, "I feel very honoured you can trust me enough with your secrets."

Emma sniffed and swallowed hard, "Do you think I'm bad?"

Regina's eyes widened, "No," she said quickly, "No, Emma, you are not bad. You were just an innocent child and he was bad. He is the criminal here, Emma. You did nothing wrong, you grew up thinking this happened to everyone so why would you think to make a fuss of it? You are not to blame in the slightest, darling."

"I don't know…maybe I did something bad to deserve it…" Emma mumbled.

"No, honey, you were a child, you did nothing wrong, do you hear me?" she raised Emma's face so she could meet her eyes as she spoke, "Bad things happen to good people, and it is fucked up, but it is never, ever the child's fault, I promise you."

"It's why I'm so weird though, isn't it?" Emma asked.

Regina frowned, "You mean, why you're ill?"

Emma shrugged, "And weird. I mean, it's why I zone out so easily, they say abuse victims learn to do that and it can carry on throughout their life, so now, if I get scared or something then I feel my head just…go somewhere else, somewhere safe."

Regina nodded, "That makes sense, it's why you can disconnect from class so easily, I would guess."

"And my moods only started to be messed up when I hit puberty and realised that all that stuff hadn't been normal…and I told Belle, and she said that never happened to her, so I started to think I must be bad, or strange. That's when I started getting into fights, I just had all this anger built up inside and I didn't know how else to express it so I'd start fights and get into trouble."

Regina composed herself despite the anger she was feeling on behalf of the teenager, "It makes sense for you to be angry, honey. You have every right to be, but it's not healthy to hold on to that anger."

Emma nodded, "I know, I thought I'd gotten better at controlling it, until yesterday… I used to just punch when I got flashbacks, but then I guess it turned into a habit or something…"

"Do you get flashbacks very often?" Regina asked.

Emma shrugged, "Not so much anymore, I guess. It goes through phases I guess. I used to get them a lot though," she frowned, "That's when I started to cut," she mumbled, "It was like…a distraction I guess, the pain…stopped the flashbacks. I don't know, it just seems to have influenced so much of my life."

"That's why you think it might help the doctor's join the dots," Regina guessed, nodding.

Emma tilted her head, "Don't you think so?"

Regina nodded slowly, "I think so, dear. Mental illness is complicated, I won't pretend to be an expert, but I would think something such as abuse could trigger or accentuate it… I would think it would certainly be worth mentioning to someone."

Emma nodded, "It's so hard to talk about," she said quietly.

Regina took Emma's hand and squeezed it, "I know, honey, but you've done so well with me. I am so, so proud of you."

"You're the first adult that ever wanted to understand me," Emma murmured, bringing her hand connected with Regina's to her face and kissing the older woman's hand, "You're the only place I really feel safe."

Regina squeezed her hand harder, "You're amazing, sweetheart, I don't think you have any idea just how much you inspire me with your strength. I truly think you're incredible."

Emma felt the tears sting her eyes and let a few fall as she burrowed into Regina's chest, "Thank you," she mumbled, "Is it okay if I sleep now?"

Regina smiled as she put a hand in the teenagers hair, "Of course it is, honey. Let's get you to the bed though," she picked up Emma without too much difficulty and carried her to the bedroom, smiling at the way Emma's eyes were already fluttering; she knew it must be emotionally exhausting for her to open up like that. She lay the girl onto the bed and pulled the covers up tight around her, before she crawled in next to her and kissed her on the cheek, before letting her own eyes close.

"Are you going to be okay going to school today?" Regina asked concernedly as she cooked breakfast.

Emma shrugged, "I'll be okay," she said, trying but failing to be convincing.

Regina frowned, "Okay, you come and find me if you need to, dear."

Emma smiled, "I will," she answered.

"And if you see Ruby?" Regina asked tensely.

Emma chewed her tongue a moment, "I'll just walk away," she mumbled.

Regina nodded, "Good," she smiled encouragingly, "Now eat," she handed the teenager a plate.

Emma smiled, "Thanks," she replied as she took the plate. With anyone else it might annoy her, but she relished in the way Regina was so keen to take care of her. It was nice.

"Swan, wait up," Belle caught up to her friend breathlessly, giving her a quick hug after pulling her friend's earphones out, "You're going to go deaf, you know," she half lectured, half joked.

Emma shrugged, "Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, "Hey, you haven't mentioned Columbia since…the other night. You are going, right?"

Belle threw her bag on the table in the café and shrugged, "I don't know, Em. I just don't think I'm ready to leave… This place is my home."

Emma sighed, "I get that, Belle. I know you feel safe here but this is an Ivy league education, your dream."

Belle contemplated for a moment before mumbling sadly, "What will I do without you though? You know, I'm too quiet to make friends. I'll just be lonely."

Emma tilted her head; she knew Belle could be insecure, but it had been a long time since she'd heard those insecurities aired, "Belle," she said gently, "You can make friends. I mean, you're shy, sure but once people get to know you, they'll see how awesome you are."

Belle smiled gratefully, "Thanks, Em. But I don't know…"

"Belle, seriously, you'll be great. You can join a club or something, worst case," she joked, "A book club," she teased.

"Oh shut up," Belle pushed her friend gently, "I do more than just read, you know."

Emma grinned, "I know. But I'll visit you like, always," she said earnestly, "I'm scared too," she admitted, biting her bottom lip.

Belle nodded, "You are?" she asked.

Emma shrugged, "Of course I am, Belle. I mean, we spend so much time together and talk about everything, and I mean, before Ruby, it was just us since we were like nine," she paused, "But we're growing up, I guess… We can't be so…dependent on one another forever."

Belle nodded sadly, "I know," she whispered, "But maybe, I could just go to community college for a while."

"Belle, no," Emma insisted, "You've wanted to go to Columbia since you were a kid, you got in, this is a good thing."

"Hmm," Belle mused, "Why are you pushing me so hard?" she half-whined.

Emma smiled, "Because you'd do the same for me."

Belle sighed heavily, "That's true," she grimaced, "I know you're right," she admitted, "But I hope you guys have a spare room because I'm going to visit all the time."

Emma's face lit up, "Totally. You're gonna do great, Belle, you really are. And we can talk on the phone all the time and visit and hey, you can show me all around New York."

Belle let her lips curve upwards, "Yeah, I can," for the first time since they'd talked about Columbia, her eyes shone with excitement, "And you'll call if you need me, right?"

"Of course," Emma replied, "And you know I'm safe with Regina, right? I mean, she's really good for me, and to me."

The brunette nodded, "Yeah, I know, she seems really good with you, Em."

Emma blushed slightly as she smiled, "She is," she paused, "And hey, um, I told her last night about the abuse," she continued quietly.

Belle's eyes widened, "You did?" she asked, unable to hide her surprise, "That's really good, Em. That must have been hard for you, I'm proud," she took Emma's hand and squeezed it.

Emma offered a small smile, "Thanks, Belle. It was good, I guess, to talk to someone else about it. It kind of got it off my chest, I guess. Plus, she's so easy to talk to… She's going to come to my appointment today," she shrugged.

"So, you're going to tell your psych?" Belle questioned.

"I don't know, maybe. Regina says if I feel up for it, I should, but she says there's no pressure. I think she realises how hard it is to talk to about and that it's all going to take some time, but hey, I feel stronger when she's around, so who knows? Maybe I will."

"You did so well, sweetheart," Regina squeezed the teenager around the shoulders before hopping into the car.

"I'm sorry," Emma mumbled as she took her seat, buckling her seatbelt.

Regina looked surprised, "What for?"

"I didn't tell her," the blonde replied, eyes downcast.

Regina's eyebrows shot up, "Honey, that's okay. It's not an easy thing to talk about, I don't expect you to just be able to tell anyone, you've only had a couple of sessions with this woman, you're doing great," she squeezed Emma's hand gently.

Emma bit her lip nervously, "You always make me feel stronger, Regina," she said shyly, but earnestly.

"I'm glad," Regina replied, leaning over to plant a quick peck on the teenagers lips, "Now, how about take away on the couch?"

Emma nodded, "Yes, that sounds perfect. Thank you for coming in with me. I've never felt this way about anyone."

Regina couldn't help the grin on her face, "Mm, you're so precious," she murmured, "My little princess."

Emma blushed, her teeth on her bottom lip, "Well then, you're my queen."