Chapter 10
"You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there, (I'll be there)
I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there (I'll be there)
And oh, I'll be there to comfort you, build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you, I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on (Holding on, holding on, holding on)
Yes I will, yes I will
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter, togetherness, well that's all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there, (I'll be there)
I'll be there to protect you, (Yeah baby)
With an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and I'll be there, (I'll be there)
I'll be there by The Jackson 5
Anders, Mari and the twins had been staying at Vigil's Keep for the past nine months. Sabrina had converted the hunting lodge and the caretaker's cottage into married housing for the Wardens. Since the lodge was bigger than the cottage, Sabrina gave it to Anders' family to use. The cottage which was smaller and sat on the other side of the estate was given to the newlyweds, Gabriel and Kaylessa. A twinge of jealously had reared its ugly head when Anders had attended their wedding. He knew that was blessed to have Mari, Jax and Jai in his life, but he wanted to make them a real family. He longed to call Mari his wife, however he never expressed this desire to anyone for fear that Bree would over hear him, smack him upside the head and call him selfish; which to a point she would be right.
Whenever possible Bree and Tristen would volunteer to babysit for him and Mari so that they could have some alone time; on those occasions Anders would watch Bree lovingly care for and play with his children, before they headed out for the evening. When she held them, rocked them and told them stories he could see the longing and heartbreak in her eyes and he knew how blessed he was. He didn't know what he had done to deserve these two tiny miracles, but he was extremely grateful for them. He was however going to have to talk with Bree about the content of her stories. The twins had just turned a year old a few weeks before and he didn't think stories about dragons and werewolves would be age appropriate, not unless she made it a nice, talking dragon and werewolves that loved to give kids piggyback rides.
The past nine months had been the happiest of his life. He had everything that he ever wanted, but had never even hoped would be a possibility.
He was making his way back to the lodge after a meeting with Sabrina in the keep, to deliver the news that he needed to go back into the Deep Roads, strong feelings of anxiety and fear settling over him. Impending battles had never bothered him before, but now that he had so much to lose, a disquieting dread settled over him.
Anders entered their home to find Jax and Jai playing on the floor while Mari watched them from the kitchen as she cleaned up from lunch. Jai saw him enter the room, her eyes lit up and she squealed with delight. Jax looked up from his toy and smiled a toothless grin at him. Both immediately stretched out their arms towards him wanting him to pick them up. Anders immediately cast a levitation spell and brought them gently to his arms.
Mari smiled when she saw him come in, "This is an unexpected surprise. Did Bree give you time off for good behavior or did she send you home for being naughty?"
Anders smiled roguishly at her, "If daydreaming about the luscious mother of your children during a fight is a crime, then yes, I've been naughty and I plan on being even naughtier tonight when I make those dreams a reality."
Mari returned his mischievous grin, "So Sabrina sent the naughty mage home for a thorough spanking. Do I need to get my whip out?"
Anders grinned at her. The lighthearted rogue that he had met all those years ago had returned and it amazed him just how perfect she was for him. He sighed as he prepared to tell her "Well, with the news that I'm about to give you, you might opt for your daggers."
The grin quickly vanished from her face, she took Jai from him and then the two of them sat down on the sofa. "What's going on Anders?"
He hesitated a long moment. Saying it out loud made it a reality; a reality that he didn't want to face. He took a deep sigh, "Sabrina received a message from the Deep Roads today that Dworkin was about a month away from breaking through that barrier. Once he is through, it will literally be a race between the Wardens and the darkspawn to reach the Old God. She has asked that I accompany her."
"She asked? She didn't order you?" Mari questioned.
Anders shook his head sadly. "No, she left the decision up to me."
A slight smile crept across her face. "So you don't have to go?" she asked hopefully.
Anders looked into her eyes as he gently stroked her cheek. "I have to go, Love. I need to be there for her."
"But she is leaving the decision up to you. You don't have to go. You have two young children that need you. Kaylessa is an excellent healer, why can't she stay on," Mari said defensively.
With his free hand Anders clasped hers, "She has been down there for long enough, she will need a break. Besides love, I have to go. I have to be there for her. I-if we are too late and she takes the final blow… I-I just need to be there."
"Anders, please, please, don't go! I have a bad feeling about this, please stay here with me and the twins," Mari begged.
"Mari, I want to stay with you and the twins more than anything else in the world. But I owe it to Bree to be there for her. Sweetheart, she risked everything for me. She put her life, her career and her nobility on the line for me. As man of honor, I can do no less for her, but as her friend I must be there and if s-she doesn't make it, Tristen will need us."
Mari nodded her head in agreement. "I understand," she sighed.
He moved Jax around until he could pull her carefully towards him and kissed her forehead. "So do I get an extra spanking for being the bearer of bad news."
"Two extras," Mari said as her lips pouted.
Anders laughed. "Well, I guess I deserve that."
Anders stayed with her until she'd put the twins down for a nap and she decided to take one too. He made his way back to the Commander's office to let her know his decision. As he rounded the corner he heard her raised voice coming down the hall.
"Zev, Isabela, this behavior cannot continue. I am tired of receiving complaints about the two of you. This is a Wardens keep. There is a certain amount of decorum that must be followed. So either follow these rules or I swear I will take steps so you can't... permanently," Sabrina huffed.
Anders entered the doorway to see Tristen standing beside Sabrina shaking his head, biting his lip to keep from grinning. Zev and Isabela stood in front Sabrina looking bored as Sabrina said calmly, but very sternly, "Rule number one, no more playing hide the pumping pole in the bliss box in my throne room. Rule number two, all toys must properly washed and put away out of plain sight. Finally rule number three, stop stealing the whipped cream. Besides making Cook extremely agitated, it's starting to cost more than Oghren's ale."
Anders chuckled as he walked in, "You might want to add, no more scandalous orgies with the kitchen staff in the middle of the day… it taints the food. And while we are giving them rules tell them to stop stealing all my best curse words and claiming them as their own. 'Andraste's twat twister' was mine. Now half the Keep uses it and believes that Zev created it!"
"Children!" Tristen exclaimed. "Could we please just grow up and try to act our age?"
Isabela snorted, "Where's the fun in that?"
"My dear Warden, you are running this Keep like a Chantry," Zev retorted.
"Well we can solve that problem, we'll just get Anders to blow it up," Isabela chortled.
"Hey, the Keep is my home too. Now if the two of you would move into the Chantry in the village, I'll happily blow you up," Anders replied dryly.
"Mia Tesoro Amica, you really need to lighten up some. You seem very stressed. Is Tristen not properly relieving your anxiety? You should join Isabela and me in the throne room," Zev said jovially.
"Ooo, that's an idea. I do recall the Commander excelling below the decks," Isabela crooned.
"What?" Tristen exclaimed.
Anders smirked, "You're kidding right? Bree didn't explain that when she said she knew Isabela from her Blight travels, she meant that she knew Isabela. My dear Bree, you're holding out on your poor husband. That type of information would give him months worth of material… something to keep him warm on those long winter nights when you're away on missions."
Tristen was staring at Sabrina stunned. She smiled sheepishly at him, "We'll talk later."
She then turned to Zev and Isabela, "I need to discuss Warden business with Anders. If you two could please try to behave yourselves I would appreciate it. If you must grunt like pigs, there are plenty of open fields that surround the Keep. Go use them."
Zev threw a mock salute at the Commander, "Yes, ma'am," he chortled then he slid his arm around the rogue's waist. "Come Isabela, I do remember a lovely field not far from here."
"Please close the door behind you," Tristen asked.
Zev gave him a nod and closed the door as he exited. Sabrina rolled her neck as she tried to loosen the tension. Anders cast a relaxation spell and watched as the tension visibly lift off of her. She smiled warily at him, "Thanks, Anders."
"Bree, I know you have a lot resting on your shoulders right now, but stressing over it isn't going to make the problem go away. I'm here anytime you need me to cast a spell."
"I know you are and I appreciate it. So what have you decided?" Sabrina asked.
"I'm going with you," Anders replied solemnly.
Her eyes widened in surprise, "You are? Are you sure?"
"Yes, I need to be with you on this mission," Anders replied.
"And you told Mari that I wasn't forcing you to go. That I left the decision up to you," Sabrina questioned.
"Yes, I explained that to her, but I also told her that as your friend I needed to be there for you on this mission," Anders said.
A genuine, radiant Sabrina smile spread across her face. With all that had been going on, it had been a while since he had seen her smile like that and it warmed his heart to know that it was his actions that had caused it. "Thank you, Anders. It means a lot to me to have you there. However, I need you to know that Neria will be going on this trip too. I have a feeling I am going to need two mages. Since Gabe and Kaylessa are already in the Deep Roads, Neria will be on this mission. Are you okay with that?"
"I don't have a problem as long as she doesn't," Anders said.
"I will make it clear she's not to have one," Sabrina said.
"So who else is going?" Anders asked.
"The same group as before with the addition of Neria," Sabrina answered.
"That's a good group. We work well together," Anders replied and some of his anxiety was relieved. This was a mature experienced group of Wardens. With the exception of Zev, the Warden experience level ranged from four to ten years, with Neria being the youngest Warden and Tristen the oldest. With the exception of Neria, he trusted every one of them with his life.
"We will leave in a week. Will Mari stay here or will she go to Rainesfere?" Sabrina asked.
"I think she is waiting to hear from Merrill. If Alistair asks her to remain at Court over the summer break then I think she will stay at the Keep, but if Alistair gives her leave, Teagan has invited her back to his estate for the summer and I think Mari and Isabela will join her there," Anders explained.
Sabrina smiled. "Teagan is certainly enthralled by the charming elf."
Anders stood to take his leave, "It's good for Merrill. He has been good for her. I hope it works out without either one of them getting hurt."
Sabrina and Tristen also stood. "I do too."
"I'll see you at dinner, Bree," Anders said as he made his way across the room. He turned just in time to see Tristen pull her into his arms, "Now tell me every last detail about this escapade with Isabela."
Sabrina laughed, "Alistair was there. I'm surprised you don't know about it from his dreams."
"W-what? That really happened," Tristen stammered.
Anders laughed as he closed the door behind them. He quickly made his way down to the courtyard, looking for Zev. He spotted him near the stables with Isabela. He called him.
"Make this quick, my friend we are about to head out for a ride," Zev said.
Anders raised an eyebrow.
Zev chuckled, "I'm just following the Commander's orders."
"Speaking of the Commander, do you think you could lighten up a little? This mission has her under a lot of stress already without you and Isabela adding to it."
"I don't understand why she is so anxious. It's not like we haven't gone into the Deep Roads before and she could kill darkspawn in her sleep," Zev questioned.
Anders stared at the assassin astonished. "Zev, for someone who is highly intelligent you aren't being very bright at the moment, maybe think with your other head for a little while. Do you know the main reason for opening that passage?"
"Yes, to reach the Old God and kill it," Zev replied impatiently.
Zev's blindness was beginning to frustrate Anders. "Yes that is the plan. Kill the Old God before the darkspawn reach it, but Zev, what happens to the Old God if the darkspawn reach it before the Wardens do?" Anders asked in a condescending tone as if he were talking to a child.
Zev paused, realizing that Anders was trying to a make a point, but not grasping it. "They corrupt it and it becomes an Archdemon."
"And who are the only people that are able to kill an Archdemon?"
"W-wardens," Zev stuttered as it dawned on him the point that Anders was trying to make.
"And with no scapegoat this time, who do you think will make the killing blow?"
Zev lowered his head and Anders could see the elf was fighting hard to keep his emotions at bay. The assassin let out a low groan, "She will."
"So do you see the importance of keeping her spirits up and the mood light?" Anders asked.
"Aaah, damn it Anders. I know all of this. All of the information was right there in front of me, but I just didn't see the big picture," Zev sighed.
"Maybe you didn't want to see, because it meant coming to terms with the very real possibility she may not make it out of the Deep Roads this time," Anders stated.
Zev's head shot up and he looked at Anders, "Tristen."
"I think Tristen is handling it as best as he can. He is being strong for her, he is trying to keep the mood light and eliminate as much pressure from her as he can, but it's wearing on him. I can see it around his eyes. He is worried, scared and I don't blame him," Anders said.
"You have my word, I'll do whatever I can to make things easier for her… and Tristen," Zev replied.
Anders nodded as he rested a reassuring hand on Zev's shoulder, "If anyone can make it to the Old God before the darkspawn, Bree can."
Zev smiled, "Yes, I know that my friend, but it does little to ease the worry of the other possible outcome."
"I know," Anders said. A burning desire to kiss the love of his life and hold his children, swept over him and he headed towards their home.
xxXxx
It had taken them a little over a month to arrive at the Grey Warden base camp in the Deep Roads. Gabriel, who had been in charge of the current group of Wardens greeted them when they arrived.
"Commander, you are a sight for sore eyes," the ex-templar said.
Sabrina laughed. "I'm sure I am. How have things been going?"
Before Gabriel could answer, Dworkin walked up to them. "Aaah, Commander it's good to see you. The last of the barrier is ready to blow. We have just been waiting for you to arrive."
"Okay, good. It was a long journey to get to this point. I want my Wardens to get some rest, relax a little, maybe with some ale or spirits and a good night's sleep. I'm sure Gabe's team will want to get some rest before they start to make their way to the surface, so let's plan on blowing it up first thing in the morning," Sabrina replied.
"Speaking of ale, I hope you brought some more. Sigrun has rationed it, but we are almost out," Dworkin stated.
"Dworkin, you've known me for years now? Would I ever plan an excursion into the Deep Roads with Oghren, without doubling the quantity of ale?" Sabrina asked.
Dworkin grinned, "Good point."
Sabrina smiled. "Thank you for all of your help with the expedition, Dworkin, we couldn't have done it without you."
"Anytime, Commander, you know how much I enjoy blowing things up. Not to mention, I owe you for saving me from the qunari," Dworkin replied.
"Aaah, that was nothing, but you're welcome," Sabrina said as she turned to help unpack the supplies they'd brought and settle into the camp.
After dinner they all gathered around the fire and Zev suggested a game of King's Cup. Everyone wholeheartedly agreed as Sabrina shook her head and muttered, "This game never ends well."
Since everyone was already gathered in a circle, Zev placed a big cup in the middle near the fire pit, he took a deck of playing cards and scattered them face-down around the cup. He then pointed to Jean Luc, who was seated to his left a few spaces from him, "We will start with you and work our way around the circle."
Jean Luc walked over to the cup and drew a card, it was a two and everyone yelled, "Fuck you."
Jean Luc smiled, pointed to Tristen and said, "Drink, my friend." Tristen smiled and did as requested.
Neria was next in the circle and she walked over to the cup, she drew a four, everyone yelled, "Floor" and they all placed their cups on the ground. They all looked at Neria and said, "Drink." Neria looked for her cup only to remember that she had set it on a log, she let out a sigh, went back to her place and drank.
Zev was next, he pulled an eight and the group chanted, "Never have I ever…"
"There's not a lot for you to choose from, my friend," Anders chuckled.
"Very true….Hmmm, never have I ever…" Zev paused for a long moment before a devilish grin spread across his face. "Never have I ever given a Dalish tattoo,"
No one raised their glasses to drink except Sabrina and as she gulped her ale she muttered something about friends that are unable to keep secrets and should have their tongues magically bound.
Zev just laughed, "Good thing you're not a mage."
"Yeah, but I'm good friends with a couple of them," Sabrina countered.
"I won't bind your tongue Zev, if you tell us about the tattooing," Anders replied.
"Deal!" Zev exclaimed and then cleared his throat before he launched into his tale. "Well, after we rescued the Dalish from werewolves, the elves offered Sabrina a boon. She asked them to teach her how to give Dalish tattoos which they willingly did. One night at camp not long after we left the Dalish and after a few ales, Sabrina decided that it was a good idea to give all of us "her mark"... on our arses."
"What was her mark?" Tess asked.
Both Oghren and Zev shrugged their shoulders. "I have yet to find a mirror low enough to see it," Oghren said.
"She placed it at a weird angle and I have never been able to see it clearly enough to make out," Zev answered.
The group looked at Sabrina. "What? I'm not telling. They will have to show you."
Everyone looked back at Zev and Oghren. They looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders again, spun around and dropped their pants. Everyone gathered around to admire Sabrina's work.
"I'm surprised you could make that so small," Gabe said.
"I didn't know you were such a talented artist," Tess stated.
"Nicely done, Bean, very meaningful," Nate said.
"Wow that's really detailed; that had to have taken a long time. How could stand to look at Oghren's hairy ass for so long?" Anders asked.
"Smelling salts and lots of ale," Sabrina replied dryly.
"I want one, Bree," Tess said.
"Same here," Anders added and soon all of the Wardens were chiming in that they wanted Sabrina's tattoo.
Sabrina laughed and nodded in agreement. "Fine, when we get back to Vigil's Keep I'll gladly give all of you my mark."
"As long as it isn't on their arses; that's way more arse than I want my wife seeing," Tristen declared.
Everyone agreed to have the tattoo placed somewhere else other than their bottoms as they headed back to their places in the circle. Tristen leaned over and whispered, "I want you to put mine on my ass."
Sabrina grinned, "I would love to look at your bottom for hours."
Tristen grinned back, "No smelling salts required."
Sabrina giggled. "Yes, I know."
Oghren walked over to the deck and drew a king. Everyone yelled, "King's cup."
"By my ancestor's hairy balls, I just filled my cup," Oghren mumbled as he took one last swig and then poured the rest of his ale into the large cup in the center of the cards.
Anders' then went up to the pile, he pulled the Queen of Spades, they all yelled, "Question the Bitch."
"I didn't know Anora was here," Tristen whispered in Sabrina's ear.
"It wouldn't surprise me," Sabrina replied.
Anders looked at Oghren, "Have you ever dressed in drag to play those role playing games that Felsi is so fond of?"
"Is a nug's ass pink?" Oghren asked.
Anders sighed, then looked at Tess, "Did you have a crush on Tristen when you first joined the Wardens?"
Tess' faced turned two shades of red, but without hesitation she asked, "Did you?"
Without thinking Anders yelled, "No!"
Everyone yelled, "Drink." And Anders willingly complied.
Tess walked over to the deck, drew a jack, and they all yelled, "Categories."
Tess thought for a moment, than grinned, "Brothels of Thedas… The Randy Stag, Amaranthine."
She sat beside Nate, he threw his arm around her and kissed her. "I love your dirty mind… The Wet Harbor, Ostwick."
"The Pearl, Denerim," Sabrina stated.
"The LAY Sister, Val Royeaux," Tristen said.
"The H-honey Nug, O-o-orzammar," Oghren slurred.
"Wanda's Wonderful World of Whips, Shags & Gags, Denerim," Anders added.
"Oooo, how did I miss that one?" Zev asked.
"The Knocking Shop, Llomerynn," Gabriel stated.
Kaylessa raised an eyebrow. "What? Templars talk."
"The Magic Box, Minrathous," Kaylessa added as Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "Templars aren't the only ones who talk."
"I heard that's a good one. They also put on shows with a donkey and a nug…" Anders stopped mid-sentence and smiled sheepishly as everyone stared at him.
"I don't even want to know," Sabrina said.
Zev leaned over to Anders and whispered, "It's a good show. I highly recommend it."
"The Honey Nug, Orzammar," Sigrun said.
Everyone yelled, "Drink."
"Who said that one?" Sigrun questioned.
"Oghren," Marcell replied.
"Is that what he said?" Sigrun took a swig of her ale, stood up and then added the rest to the King's cup. "I'm exhausted and I have guard duty in the middle of the night so I'm going to head to bed."
Both Marcell and Jean Luc also stood. "We are pulling the midnight watch with you so we should get some sleep too."
Everyone said goodnight as Nate got up to select a card, he pulled a nine and the group chanted, "It's Rhyme Time."
Nate thought for a minute then said, "The sky was dark the moon was high, all alone just her and I."
"Her hair so soft her eyes so blue, I knew just what she wanted to do," Tristen added.
Sabrina paused for a moment then said, "Her skin so soft, her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine," Both Zev and Anders hooted and whistled, Sabrina grinned and winked at them.
"I didn't know how but I tried my best, to place my hand upon her breast," Anders chuckled.
Neria hesitated, then smiled as she said, "I remember my fear my fast beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart."
"Yes, they were good at that in the Circle," Anders muttered and Neria sneered at him.
"A-and when she did I felt no shame, as all at once the w-white stuff came," Oghren bellowed. Everyone looked at Oghren stunned that he could even put two words together let alone make them rhyme.
"At last it was finished it's all over now, my first time milking a cow," Zev chortled and everyone laughed.
Tess who was next looked at him with stunned silence, "I-I got nothing. That was the last thing I expect to come out of your mouth Zev."
"Drink," the Wardens yelled.
The game continued on for several more hours. Sabrina couldn't keep her eyes open and rested her head back against Tristen's chest. The next thing she knew she was being carried to the private alcove that she and Tristen shared. He gently set her down and tenderly helped her out of her armor. He didn't bother putting on her night shirt as he lovingly pulled her to him; still not fully awake, he kissed her, she returned the kiss, slowly at first, but as she became more aware her body began to respond to his lips and his touch. She slid her arms around his neck and pressed her body into him, she slipped her hand down between them and took him in her hand. He moaned at her caress, laid her back on the bedroll and proceeded to tenderly and lovingly show his wife how much he adored her.
A/N – *King's Cup is an actual drinking game if you want see all the categories and the rules the link is below. http : / / www . drinkinggames . com/game. php/34/Kings+Cup
*If you were wondering what "Sabrina's Mark" looks like Jinx1983 was kind enough to create it for us. I can't draw a stick figure so I really appreciate her doing this and making it look so good. The first one is the actual tat and then there is a color version of it too. Thanks, Jinxy. You're the best! http : / /jinxx1983. deviantart. com/art/ Sabrina-s-tattoo- 205947950? q=gallery %3A jinxx1983 & qo=1 Color version http :/ / jinxx1983. /art/ Sabrina-s-Mark-205948627?q= gallery%3Ajinxx1983 &qo=0
*The second one shot companion piece to Blood Sugar Sex Magik had been posted. It's called Can't Fight This Feeling and it picks up where the other one shot, Beautiful Disaster, left off. However, even if you haven't read the first one shot it will stand alone. It picks up immediately after Anders and Hawke share their first kiss. Hope you enjoy it! http:/ /www. /s/ 69 40 499/1/ Cant_Fight_This_Feeling_Anymore
*Last, but never least, I want to thank the two best betas in the world, Beta Goddess RandomWittering and Beta Goddess Jinx1983 for always having my back and making me look good. You two ladies are the best!