And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing over (out of) me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
But the arms of the ocean deliver me.
-Never let me go, Florence + the Machine
"I've ne-never been in bed with a m-man before." Kagome said, catching Kouga's eye, wariness in her gaze.
"Really?" he asked. "Not even the pup face?"
Kagome shook her head, brows darting as she watched Kouga's smirk stretch, obviously pleased with the news. He lay beside her in the elevated bed, soft and fluffy and large enough for a small pack of wolves to sleep in. Why would one man need all this space again?
"So I'm your first." The faintest smile lingered on his mouth.
With her shoulders bunched around the coverings, Kagome's scooted further away from him, a look on her face that said are you crazy? His smile didn't turn bothered one bit, and she huffed.
Is that all he can think about now? Being my first…well, whatever this is?
She did not know what to call it. They were in bed together, but they didn't touch. From the moment Kouga slipped under the furs with her, she'd known his intentions: damage control. Hmph. More like damage maker. For surely it was disastrous; how her heart crashed with his nearness, her nerves loose and springy.
His presence in the bed tensed her into a brittle sheet of ice. Kouga stayed amused, all smiles and chuckles under his breath. Having too much fun making her nervous. She'd already told him off, demanding either he gets out or she does. He'd refused to let either happen.
"Look how you shiver. You need my heat," He insisted, scooting closer to her till he was an arm's length away.
"These furs are just fine at warming me up." Kagome nodded to herself, proud of how her voice came out without a tremble even as her body did. "See? I'm g-getting b-better already."
Her mouth clamped shut. Damn. Perhaps she needed his help after all. Kouga had some sort of natural heat; he'd proven that in the cold stream. And whenever their bodies did brush, like at dinner that night, warmth swam over her.
But it was a dangerous situation.
She'd rather shake it out under the blankets, which had to start warming her sometime, instead of ending up wrapped up in Kouga's spell, losing herself in the feel of his arms. She would not risk doing what she would only regret…
"I'm warmer than any blanket, just so you're aware." Kouga said. He was lain out on his back, arms crossed behind his head. His gaze darted across Kagome's blanket covered body; his open stares making her feel very bare.
"Thank you, but no thank you."
"You sure?" he asked, flashing a teasing grin. She flipped her head away, sending a light spray of water out with her. She snickered when droplets landed on Kouga's face, making him wince.
"As I said, the furs are just fine."
"But in your condition, that can take hours." He cleared the water from his eyes, and when his knuckles pulled from his face there was no teasing there, but bright fire in those blues. Her heart skipped. Kouga finally sat up, shuffling closer to Kagome, and she paused as he neared, caught in the concentration of his eyes, too captivated to even stop him as he settled to her side.
He stroked her hair. At the touch she broke away from his gaze, tensed. Don't do it… was already on her lips, but she clipped her tongue before the words slipped out. There was no sensual intent in the way his hands moved through her hair. His brows set with concentration, he twisted each soaked together strand, untangled them. Her hair softened under his touch. As he worked, her head felt lighter, unburdened by the heaviness of the ice water. Her eyes flickered close.
When his palm touched her face, she almost mewed from how soothing his warmth felt against her skin. Without even realizing, she'd leaned into that toasty hand. Just at that moment he drew away, leaving the ghost of heat. Kagome pouted, eyes drawing open.
Kouga moved his chin up and down, as if his point was made.
"Do you understand now? My body is warmer than any damned blanket. I have so much heat for you."
Kagome considered this, teeth drawn to her lip. Should she risk it? He was shirtless, for goodness sake! Baring all that sun-licked, masculine skin. But warm skin, her body reminded her. Warm where you're so cold. But…but…
"I can't."
She could not, for someone else had come in; right into her thoughts, plucking the strings of guilt. This intruder had a way of doing this and he'd given her pause in many moments of life. Cancelled dates with nice boys in the future, abandoned dinners with her family; he was the man that had her leaping through wells and back. He always found an opening in her mind, always a reserved spot for him to invade her thoughts. Even when he was gone. Even when he left her.
Kagome edged to the other side of the bed, creating distance between herself and Kouga. With knees drawn to her chest, she considered not the way she shivered, or how each limb felt ice-dipped. No, she pondered only the state of her heart. Even after Inuyasha snapped it in half and shoved the pieces under the table, even when he skipped off in hell to follow Kikyo. Even after choosing the fire over Kagome, Inuyasha managed to wrench her chest in a distraught knot. She would deny herself warmth to avoid betraying him. He wasn't even there, did not care enough to be.
And she still cared.
Their parting was so clear in her mind. It was only days ago, after all. Dry emptiness stitched his voice as he said the damning words, the gold of his eyes flat and dull as sand.
"I am going with Kikyo."
They'd sat there for a long time after that, the sunrise a burn at their backs. When Kagome finally found her voice, she couldn't say much.
"You'll leave to Hell, then. With Kikyo." Even after, long ago, I'd saved you from that very fate. Her dragging you to hell. Almost lost my own life in the process. And still, you will go by will now.
From the mention of the woman's name, the gold poured back into Inuyasha's gaze. With little apology, no shamed head scratch or averted gaze, he'd nodded.
"Yes I will. Forever."
The walls of Kouga's room were a blur of blue gray stone. Kagome was confused until she blinked. Oh, yes. Tears lay heavy in her eyes. They quivered in time with her shivers. With a firm blink, she tried to force them back, but one stray one slipped its way down her cheek. She let it.
Kouga was there before it dropped.
He caught the tear on his finger, inspected it for a heartbeat, and sucked the tip.
"You are crying. Why?"
He tried to catch her eye. Kagome turned away, wouldn't look at him.
"Oh," He said, staring at her turned cheek as if the answers were drawn across her skin. "He causes this."
A tremble forked across Kouga's shoulders.
"I cannot stand for this. He still makes you cry. If that dog weren't in-"
"Please, Kouga. I don't want to hear it."
Kouga settled his fist to the blanket, then forced the fingers to unfold. He paused, took a breath. From the corner of her blurred vision, Kagome watched the struggle in his form as he soothed down –what? Anger, regret? Something untangled in Kagome's chest, loosening the knotted bind. She dabbed away her wet eyes, even forced out the smallest of smile.
This is why you came here, Kagome. Kouga sees you, cares for you. Like any good friend, he wants to punch out the loser that hurt you. See...a man like him deserves your heart.
Kagome crushed down that last thought with a head shake.
Too deep. Won't even touch on that.
On another note, it was silly of her to shiver in this bed with a source of warmth a hand's touch length away. Especially with the source so willing.
Swallowing her guilt, and what she imagined to be Inuyasha's protesting scream, she moved closer to Kouga. Kouga alerted at her movement, glancing up just as her hip bumped his. Even from under the sheet wrap, her skin tingled at the contact, like she'd touched his bare skin. Glints of surprise settled into curiosity, if she judged the purse of his lips right, the spread in his bright pupils. Gaining control of himself, he laid his hand on Kagome's forehead.
"You are still ice."
He drew the hand away and Kagome inwardly grumbled as the cool air replaced the warmth. At least their hips still touched since he'd made no move to actually part from her side. With another swallow, she grounded her side even closer to him. Kouga audibly gasped, remained still. Kagome was red as a burning coal and kept her eyes straight forward, studied the walls.
"The boys told me you made these." She said, propping her chin towards the wall carvings.
Kouga's body, tight with every second they touched, relaxed a little. He looked around at the art, then pointed out a drawing of a pack of wolves. They ran in loose formation, a larger, sleeker one in the lead.
"I created that when I became Wolf Prince of the Eastern Mountains. One of my proudest. We took a run in celebration, a full day and night across the countryside. I'd hardly had the energy to carve it after all that running, but I wanted to capture the details as they were fresh."
His gaze settled on his walls, thoughts gleaming across his eyes.
As she gradually unthawed, with Kouga's hip pressed against hers, Kagome's heart even had a chance to melt. She wondered what significance the other scenes he'd carved had, what each made him feel.
"You're an artist," Kagome said.
Like caught, he glanced between Kagome and the carvings.
"Uh, you really think so?" He asked.
"Of course. They're so detailed... lifelike. Each drawing looks like it'll jump right out of the wall at me."
A light sheen of pink touched Kouga's face and he cleared his throat.
"That means a lot to me," he said, voice gruff.
Kagome smiled a little, turning her face to allow him space to recuperate. She had to admit; it was pretty cute, the proud and loud wolf demon becoming embarrassed by her words. Now he knows how I feel. Moonlight gaped across her from the open, night-exposed ceiling as she raised her next toward it. When Kouga finally recovered, his face followed where hers looked to. Awareness snapped in him.
"Of course." He loosened from the blankets, climbing out of the bed.
"What is it?" She sunk lower into the furs, missing his warmth already.
"The ceiling. It's open and chills you even more. I will have it closed." With hands to hips, he howled out three rhythmic calls. His voice echoed against the gray blue stones walls, exploded into the night air. Within minutes, male faces appeared in the opening.
"What can we do for you, Kouga?" one called.
Kouga motioned.
"Seal the rock tight. Let no cold pass through."
The men caught sight of Kagome, bundled in the bedding, and from the slinky looks they exchanged with one other, she knew exactly what they were thinking.
"Sure thing, Kouga" One said. They let out gruff chuckles as they pushed the stone barricade over.
Kagome bit down on her sheepish smile. She supposed any man would assume their leader was ready to do something with a woman in his bed. And she was too cold to try and correct their thinking. Her teeth chattered and as the moonlight disappeared, the husky glow of the wall fires looked dewier. Even in the cold, she liked the moonlight. It always served to calm and clear her mind. Especially sleeping beneath them with Inuyasha watching from the nearest tree.
And there he was again, poking sadness in her chest. But at this moment, the feelings refused to linger.
For Kouga stared at her, all male and present, and his burning gaze was warmer than Inuyasha's moonlight could ever be. And without the wolf prince in bed beside her, all that chill that had started to thaw was crawling back. Fast.
Kouga crouched next to the bed again and slipped inside. He moved close to her again, but as before, did not touch her. Kagome's legs shook from beneath the blankets, but it wasn't the sort of chill one got from cold air. Taking a deep breath, she let the words out.
"I have agreed to let you warm me." She said. She gave herself no time to chew the words, fearing she would swallow them and she was too, too cold for that.
"Agreed?" Kouga asked. He tapped his thigh with long, tanned fingers. Kagome watched, and when she glanced away from the movement and into his face, she noted a hint of a smirk on his lips.
"Yes…" she raised an eyebrow. "Objections?"
Kouga laughed.
"Oh, no. none at all. It is just…" he sent her a half-lidded that made her heart pound in anticipation. "If I accept your offer, I will warm you in my way."
Kouga's fingertips tapped his lap again. Up down, up.
Be still, oh stupid heart, Kagome chided. Her pulse was ramming up, playing the game of how fast blood could race through her body and make her tingle all over.
"And what's your way?" she asked, though she had a pretty sharp guess.
Kouga missed no beat; he flipped the thick wrap of furs from Kagome's shoulders. The cold exposure had no chance to settle for she was already between his arms, his chest against her back.
"This," he said, shifting so her body buried deeper into his lap. His breath fanned over her still damp hair. "Is my way."
Color powdered Kagome's cheeks, her breath escaping faint and quickly. She didn't move, forgot how to speak. His legs fully encased her own, bare skin pressed against her covered legs.
"Objections?" Kouga asked, lips paused at her ear.
Kagome's breath hitched, but finally, she breathlessly answered him.
"None at all."
Kouga's laugh rumbled through her chest. He seemed to enjoy that she threw his words back at him. The vibration of his laugh tingled straight to her toes. All the awkward or embarrassment that should have made her weasel from his arms faded away, for she couldn't get over his warmth. The ice of her skin rushed away at their constant touch, as if she was standing under direct ways of sunlight. As the heat seeped into her bones, she audibly sighed.
"This…this feels so nice," she said.
Kouga bent in a little more, wrapping his arms tighter over her form.
"I agree." He said.
"I meant the heat," she said, rolling her eyes.
He shifted his face right beside hers, waiting until they caught eyes.
"So did I."
His face disappeared into her hair as he inhaled it, so deep that the pull of air in his chest quivered against her back. Her moist strands softened under the release.
"You smell so rich and sweet. Like exotic fruit. I have always wondered about that."
"Oh…" she said, clutching a lock of her hair between a finger, not sure how to explain. Of course, it could just be something unique about her, why she smelled different. Then again, it could be because she was from a future several centuries before his. And how did a girl explain that? Inuyasha only believed it because he'd been there.
Kouga took her hand in his, pulling it up until she felt the warmth of his breath on the fingertips. Her heart paused, expecting his kiss to moisten them. Instead, he turned her hands over, palm up, as if exploring, inspecting. She twisted in his arms, curious as to what he'd see…
And realized her movement brought her flush against him, breasts against bare chest. He noticed too, for he paused in his inspection of her palm, his eyes drifting down to hers. His pupils flared with color, alertness.
There was a pause of seconds where no one seemed to breathe. They stared at each other, her hand still cradled in his palm, hair drying in soft black layers.
Why aren't I turning away? She asked herself. Why do I not want to?
Her heart didn't pang with guilt either, for though his eyes flared with intensity, he did not push, did not try to persuade her to do anything. He didn't prod about the past or about her feelings. He just shared a world of thoughts in that gleaming reflection. Asked nothing in return.
He gave his warmth, his stories, his bed. He tried to know her, but didn't demand her secrets. She recalled how in the hot springs earlier that day, he'd tested the waters with her but pulled back when she told him no. Recalled how he asked her to sit with him at dinner, didn't tug her there as if entitled. Sure, she still sensed he felt some possessiveness of her, but he was giving her choices. Letting her make the calls. She liked that.
"Thank you," she said, a sigh in her voice. Before he could respond, she placed her head against his chest. His breath etched, but after a moment he loosed her hand from his.
"Anything, Kagome."
Her eyelids lowered from the slow roll of his voice. She meant to say more, that she didn't mean just for warming her up, but for understanding. For offering her a place in his home and his heart, even if it was just companionship. Thank you, Kouga…. So many words hung just at the tip of her tongue, but her eyelids hung heavier.
…
By the time Kagome opened her eyes again, soft daylight had spread over the room. She lay on her belly, spread out like a gliding falcon. Softness clutched her chest and she felt warm, but not as warm as last night…then her brain took a moment to register what had awoken her in the first place.
Someone knocked at the door, female voices muffled through the stone. She raised her head, brain still fuzzy with sleep. The room looked just as she remembered. Stone furnishings, royal looking pillars, the lifelike wall carvings. The only different from last night was that a warm man held her in his arms. Now there was no one.
Hi guys! I'm so thankful for all of you taking the time to read this. It is very encouraging to see a new review and story favorite and alert. To answer some more questions, I plan on updating When Will You Love Me? next week (fingers crossed, I've been loaded with homework lately!) so sign onto the alert if you're interested in that piece. If I don't update that piece next week, then expectantly the week after. Either way, I hope to update either this story or WWYLM next week. Maybe both if I get more control of my school duties.
Well, enough chatter from me! Hope you enjoyed.