Chapter 10: Power Undone

In which Rumple has difficulty accepting his loss of magic and Emma the opposite

It's night, but Rumple is wide awake. He cannot sleep in this hospital, with all the strange noises, bleeping machines and faraway footsteps. Belle had gone home. She had stayed at his side for several nights, but he had told her to get a good night's sleep for once. Truth is, he wanted to be alone for a while to think everything over.

He had been dead. Really dead. Belle had kissed him awake, but his power was gone forever. It would take time to get used to that situation. He remembers how much he had hated feeling powerless. Absolutely hated it. Of course, his wealth would continue to provide some influence, but still…

He wonders about who to blame. Henry, for throwing the dagger? Belle, for believing nonsense? Regina, for imprisoning Belle? Milah, for leaving him? Hook, for taking her? The Seer, for scaring him into desertion? Hordor, for taking children for the battlefield? The Dark One, for his treachery? His father, for his legacy?

Or maybe, just maybe, himself? For not stopping Belle, for teaching Regina, for choosing power over love on several occasions? For deserting Baelfire, for sending Belle away? He doesn't know the answer. His body hurts. His heart was in a bad state. The doctors said his heart belonged to an old man and that he should start behaving accordingly.

With his power gone, he is an old man. A cowardly one at that. He's afraid of the future. What will life have in store for him? How will he face it, without magic to support him? Will he ever see his son again if he needs magic to find him? He doesn't think Regina will be very keen to help. There's also the matter of Emma. Emma and her magic. So powerful she can even wake the dead, without much effort. She may be harmless for now, but if she reaches her full potential that could easily change.

Rumple feels as if he is staring into the abyss. He has to learn the hardest lesson of all. Letting go. Trusting others. Having faith instead of control. He sighs. This is not going to be easy… Worried and worn down, he finally falls asleep.

Regina was pleased with herself. She had been head-to-head with Emma and had won. Well, somewhat. The argument had been quite intense but it had been good to clear the air. They would never be friends, but were willing to try to be cordial for Henry's sake. These last days had shown all three of them that they were condemned to each other. She and Emma had discussed some issues in regard to Henry, and as a result Henry would now be staying one night a week at Regina's. It wasn't that much, but it was a good start and made her secretly hope for more.

Henry and Regina also had had a heart-to-heart conversation. Regina had been glad, as well as a little taken aback, with his honesty. It was distressing but very necessary; she knew that much. He was having mixed feelings; both anger and guilt being very prominent. Henry wanted to give her another chance, if she could give him the same. Regina was more than willing to accept that offer. Perhaps her love for him would no longer be one-sided?

Belle walks through the long hospital corridors. She has brought homemade cookies for Rumple. He hates hospital food and asked her to smuggle some in. "If the doctors don't kill you, the food will," he had said yesterday. He talked quite a lot, too much the nurses thought, but not about the important stuff. He hadn't mentioned the dagger, or his death, or any of it. It reminded Belle of her time at his castle. Avoiding the painful, making jokes instead.

She ponders on a plan to break this impasse. There must be a way to get him to open up about everything that had happened. Belle desperately wanted to discuss the past few days, or maybe even weeks, herself. So much had taken place, in their relationship, and at the well. "Your cookies!" she greets him. "You're a lifesaver, Belle," he replies happily. "You think so?" she asks, wondering if this can be the beginning of a more serious conversation. He picks up on her altered mood. "Well, yes, of course. I mean... true love and all that… But.." he doesn't know how to bring this up; she will probably become angry. "But, what?" "It's just…hard, you know. For me to be like this, to live like this.." "Like what?" Belle pushes him. "You know." "No, tell me." Belle can be just as stubborn as him if need be.

"I cannot even remember living without magic. I do actually remember those days, of course, but I don't know how to live without it anymore. It's been too long ago. I don't know how to…" His voice trails away. "But you lived without magic during the curse, surely, you can remember that?" Belle tries to make him see sense. "That was different though, I still had power, and plenty of it. Nobody had magic so it didn't matter. And I didn't know who I was for most of that time anyway." Belle is at a loss for words. She never really understood this all consuming thirst for power. Heroism, that was what she had longed for.

"But, but, I'm here. We're together, shouldn't that be enough? Why can't that be enough for you?" "It is, it should be, I don't know…" "Rumple, you know what power and magic have cost you. Really, when all is said and done, you should be pleased! And, and grateful." "Grateful?!" he scoffs, "grateful?" "Yes, you know why? Because you never, ever in a million years, would have given up that power yourself. Every time you were tested, you failed! But now, this time, you didn't have to do it yourself. Someone did it for you." Belle falls silent after her sudden outburst.

"You wanted the dagger too," he rebuffs weakly. "Not for power, just for peace of mind, I guess," she admits, feeling ashamed. "I might need magic, to find Baelfire. How am I going to find him otherwise?" "Is that what this is about?" "Mostly, I suppose… And about control, and weakness, and distrust…" he continues anxiously. "We'll find a way, ok? I promise," Belle says soothingly. "Yes, but you can't, now can you?" He is not so easily persuaded. "We won't have any power, neither of us." "There's more to life than power, you know, I've never had any power and I lived a nice life," Belle uses herself as an example. "Only if you don't count all the years you've spent in dungeons or padded cells," he argues. "Totally powerless." She chooses to ignore his last remark. "Surely, we can have a great life together, you must see that… You'll have me to lean on."

Emma is driving home. She had just visited the convent to talk to Mother Superior. Mary Margaret had advised her to, because she was so freaked out about the whole magic thing. It had been quite an enlightening visit, as one would expect from a visit to a spiritual place. Some of her worries had been taken away, others, alas, had surfaced. Apparently, there was a lot more to it than she knew beforehand. Mother Superior had been quite clear and firm in her assertions. Emma thought this a bit annoying. But she needed all the help she could get, and the other two options for knowledge of magic, Regina and Mr. Gold, did not appeal to her either. Mother Superior had advised her not to use it lightly, or without supervision. She would be glad to assist if she wanted to learn, or if she simply had further questions. Emma mulls the whole thing over during the short drive.

"So glad to be home again," Rumple sighs as he settles down in his favourite chair. He has just come home from the hospital. They had kept him for a few days to monitor his heart. A pacemaker would not be necessary for now, but he needed to take it easy for quite some time. Belle was feeling awfully guilty about the whole thing ―him being in such poor health due to her actions that is, not his loss of magic; she was thrilled about that and not very good at hiding it either― but Rumple had been trying to get that thought out of her head. The last thing he needed was a depressed Belle.

"Anything I can do?" Belle shouts from the kitchen. "Yes, I'd like that map from the river and the lake. I want to plan a trip." "But the doctor said…" "Nonsense, a trip is just what I, what we need. Going fishing is one of the most relaxing things I can think of." "Could we go somewhere near a beach, so we can picnic, or sunbathe?" "You can sunbathe, or swim. I'm fishing." The thought of being out on the water again, fresh wind on his face, no bleeping machines or complaining doctors, fills his heart with joy. Belle at his side, or in his sight. What more could anyone want, really?

Out in the forest, near the well, a hunter is looking for prey. Something shiny catches his eye. He takes a look and it turns out to be a dagger. A broken one, but the blade is still sharp. Maybe I can make a hilt for it, he thinks. It seems to be made for cutting meat.

AN: That was it. I hope you all enjoyed it!