May 23, 2006. Brooke had been staring at the calendar for at least ten minutes. She couldn't believe that today was Lucas' birthday. She didn't want to believe it. It was only 9:15 AM and the phone had already rung three different times. Each time it was someone different on the other end. First it was Peyton, then Rachel and the last one-the one Brooke really wasn't looking forward to today-was Haley.
"Brooke are you coming over to Karen's today?" Haley asked.
"No. It's too much. I'm sorry, Haley. Tell Karen I love her, I just can't do it. Not today," Brooke replied hoarsely.
"Please? Just for a little while."
"I can't. There's something else I need to do."
"Okay. But call me if you need anything. I can come hang out with you for a while or I can send Nathan."
"I'll be okay alone. Bye Hales."
"Bye Tigger."
Brooke put the phone down and kept staring at the calendar. As she sat there staring, Brooke let her mind wander back to before Lucas was dead.
Brooke and Lucas were lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Lucas was rubbing the back of Brooke's hand with his thumb. Neither of them said a word for a good ten minutes until finally, Lucas couldn't take the silence any longer.
"I'm gonna make you my wife someday," he said simply with a smile.
"What did you just say?" Brooke stammered.
That was the last thing she had expected to hear him say to her. Not that she didn't love it, it had just caught her completely off guard.
"I'm gonna marry you, Brooke Davis. You're the only one I could ever love."
"I love you too Luke."
"So, what do you say? Will you marry me?"
"I'm not saying yes til I see a ring."
"I figured as much. That's why we're going ring shopping. Come on."
"You can't be serious. Luke, we're only 17."
"Oh but I am, Pretty Girl."
"Oh god, you are serious."
Lucas nodded as he stood up and then offered Brooke his hand so she could get off the bed too.
Brooke's hand flew to her mouth as she realized the ring she had been wearing was the one she picked out that day. She couldn't help but laugh despite the tears that were now in her eyes. Brooke thought back to how she had tried everything to make Lucas give her the ring that day but he wouldn't do it.
"Okay, you have the ring. You can ask me now," Brooke said as her and Lucas left the mall holding hands.
"No I can't," Lucas replied.
"Why not?"
"You're expecting it. I'm gonna ask you when you least expect it."
"Please, Luke. I wanna wear it. It's pretty."
"Like you. But no."
"Please?"
"No. I told you, I'm gonna ask when you don't see it coming. By the time I ask you won't even remember I have the ring at all."
"I'll never be able to forget that ring, Broody."
"We'll see about that."
Brooke reached up to brush the tears away. He had been right, she had forgotten about the ring. Even when Karen gave it to her Brooke didn't remember that she had been the one who picked it out.
"You were right, Broody. I forgot about the ring. I can't believe I did that. I'm sorry you were right," Brooke cried.
She grabbed her keys and purse and left the house. She had been telling the truth when she told Haley she had to take care of some stuff. Brooke's first stop was going to be the cemetery. She had a card for Lucas and she didn't see any reason not to take it to his grave. It was still his birthday even if he was dead. Brooke had taped something inside the card, it was a sonogram. Apparently she was pregnant but had been so grief stricken that she didn't think twice about how sick she had been feeling for the past two months. That was, until she started gaining weight out of nowhere. Along with the sonogram, Brooke wrote a message in the card for Lucas. It read:
Broody,
Happy birthday baby. You would have been 18 today. I miss you so much. I would have told you sooner but I only just found out myself. I'm pregnant, there's a picture of our baby in here for you. You'll never be alone now. Our baby can watch over you when I can't be here. I love you. Happy birthday, Daddy.
Love,
Cheery
Brooke also wrote "Gift from Heaven" underneath sonogram. When she reached the cemetery, Brooke saw Karen, Keith, Haley and Nathan walking away from Lucas' grave. She held the card tightly in her hand as she walked toward them, her attention focused solely on reaching Lucas' grave.
"Brooke," Karen said softly.
"Hi," Brooke replied meekly.
Brooke really wasn't sure what to say next. She knew she couldn't ask Karen how she was doing. The answer was obvious just knowing the significance of the day. The pain was etched in Karen's expression like stone. Brooke didn't dare mention the baby to Karen, not today. She knew it was going to break Karen's heart as it was, there was no need to add to the pain of the already agonizing day.
"Come to the house later. We're going to watch some home movies of when Lucas was a little boy," Karen said hopefully.
"I don't know Karen. I'll see if I'm up to it," Brooke answered as she kicked the dirt in front of her.
Karen nodded. She had suspected Brooke might not be so eager to join them after Haley told her of Brooke's plan to spend the day alone. She could only hope that Brooke would change her mind.
Just then, Haley and Nathan walked over to join Karen, Brooke and Keith. Brooke felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and stomped on when she saw how red and puffy both Nathan's and Haley's eyes were. If she couldn't go to Karen's for herself or for Karen, she should go for them.
"Brooke," Haley choked out.
The two girls embraced in a tight hug as tears from both their eyes. Nathan stood back a minute before walking over and wrapping Haley and Brooke into a tight embrace and cried with them.
"I miss him so much," Brooke cried.
"We all do Brooke. We all miss him but he would want us to be happy. He wouldn't want us to cry for him. Not today. Not on his birthday. He would want us to celebrate his life and who he was," Nathan said softly as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
"I know. But it's hard not to. Every bone in my body wishes I could smile at the memory of Luke but I can't bring myself to do it. I've tried so hard but it doesn't seem to matter. The tears just keep coming and overpowering my ability to smile through the pain. I've never felt so shitty in my whole life. Not even all the times Luke kissed Peyton behind my back."
"Of course this hurts more. Because you wanna know something. If it didn't hurt more I'd be worried that something was really wrong Brooke," Haley said.
"No, there's something you don't understand Hales. Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"
"Of course."
Nathan, Karen and Keith left the girls alone and went back to their cars. There was obviously a need for Brooke and Haley to have some time alone, just the girls. None of them except for Brooke had any clue as to why she needed to talk to Haley alone. As they walked along in silence Brooke was worried about how Haley was gonna take this. She knew that telling Karen first would have been the right thing to do but Brooke couldn't make herself do that.
"Brookie, what's going on?" Haley asked worriedly. Brooke had asked to talk to her alone but she wasn't saying anything. It had to be something big but how big, Haley had no idea.
"I'm pregnant," Brooke said just above a whisper.
Haley stopped dead in her tracks. Her worst fear for Brooke had just become a reality with two words. Brooke was pregnant and Lucas was dead. She couldn't imagine what Brooke was feeling. In fact, other than upset that Lucas would never see his child, Haley wasn't even sure how she felt about Brooke being pregnant. But she did know if Lucas was still alive, she would have beaten him up for getting Brooke pregnant in high school.
"Haley?" Brooke asked timidly, "say something. Please."
"I, I don't know what to say. This is the last thing I expected you to say," Haley answered honestly.
"The whole thing shocked me too. I just found out last week when I went to the doctor's office. Apparently I'm already four months pregnant."
"Oh god. You were pregnant when Luke got shot. Brookie, this must be so hard for you. I'm so sorry you have to do this without Luke."
"Me too, Hales, me too."
"Well I know you didn't come here to talk to me so I'm gonna let you be alone. Call me later and please think about coming over to Karen's. It might be good for you," Haley said as she pulled Brooke in for a hug.
"I'll think about it. Bye Hales," Brooke replied as she broke the hug.
Haley gave a small wave goodbye before turning to leave the cemetery. Brooke watched for a minute before making her way toward Lucas' grave. As soon as she sat down, there were tears in her eyes. This was going to be a lot more difficult then she had planned on. Especially since she had yet to say anything and she was already in tears. Carefully she propped the card up against the headstone next to the one that was definitely from Haley.
"Happy birthday, Broody. I hope you're having a blast up there. Wherever you are. I wish you were here so we could celebrate together. But so much more than that I wish you could be here to see our baby. I promise to tell the baby stories about you every single day. Just because you're gone doesn't mean our child can't know Daddy. I'm hoping the baby is a boy and that he grows up to be just like his daddy. But you know what? I'll be happy no matter what because this baby is ours. I'll always have a piece of you. In my heart and in our baby. Haley knows about the baby but I'm not sure what she thinks. I haven't told your mom and Keith yet. I can't do that to them today. That wouldn't be fair. I'm probably gonna have to tell Nathan tonight so Haley doesn't beat me to it. If she hasn't already, I hope he takes the news well. The same with your mom and Keith. I don't wanna tell my parents but it might be the only way they'll agree to let me stay in Tree Hill," Brooke said as she took a deep breath before continuing, "Oh yeah, I haven't told you about that yet, have I? I was so excited to tell you about the Classic that I completely forgot. Anyway, my dad's being transferred to some office in Georgia. I don't wanna leave. My family is here. My life is here. You are here. There's nothing they can do to make me leave this all behind. Tree Hill is my home. Not some crap town in Georgia. There's no possible way I could ever leave Tree Hill. Even when I threatened to before I knew I would never go through with it. I just needed an out. I thought I could run and make myself forget you're dead if I wasn't in Tree Hill but that'll never happen. I can never forget you, Luke. I love you so much. I know you can hear me, wherever you are. We'll be together again someday. Make sure it's nice when I get there. Happy birthday, I love you," Brooke said as tears were cascading down her cheeks.
She kissed her hand and placed it on the headstone before standing up to leave. Looking up to the sky Brooke couldn't help but smile when she spotted a rainbow. It was hard dealing with Lucas being dead today but that made Brooke feel like maybe she could handle it. Maybe. It was still early so there was plenty of time for a change in attitude. As Brooke was getting in her car she saw Mouth and Rachel walking hand in hand toward the entrance to the cemetery. Mouth looked like he was crying and Brooke felt awful for him. Rachel looked like she was trying to keep herself from crying while she tried to console Mouth. Deciding she couldn't watch anymore, Brooke started her car and drove off. She didn't realize where she had driven to until she found herself standing on Karen and Keith's front porch. Nervously Brooke reached over to ring the bell.
She was beginning to have thoughts about waiting to tell Karen and Keith about the baby. Especially now that Haley knew. Just as Brooke was about to give up and go back to her car the front door opened. Brooke smiled weakly at Nathan who had opened the door.
"Hey Brooke. Come on in. Everyone's in the living room," Nathan said with forced enthusiasm.
"Brooke. Oh I'm so glad you're here. Haley told me you didn't think you'd be joining us today. But I knew you would," Karen said as she smiled at the girl who walked into the room behind Nathan.
"Actually, I came over to tell you something," Brooke said nervously.
"What is it? Oh please tell me you're not leaving town. That would break my heart."
"Oh god no. I could never leave Tree Hill but my parents are trying to make me move to Georgia with them. However, I'm not going. But that's not what I wanted to say."
Brooke glanced over at Haley who smiled at her. She took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak again. The closer she came to actually telling them about the baby the more she wasn't sure she was ready yet.
"Brooke, what is it?" Keith asked gently.
She took another deep breath and out came the words.
"I'm pregnant."
The entire room was silent. Brooke looked around at everyone and she wasn't surprised to see they all had pained expressions on their faces. What surprised her, however, was that the only person with tears in his eyes was Nathan. He walked over to Brooke and hugged her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"What for?" Brooke asked, completely confused.
"That you have to go through this without Luke. I'll help anyway I can. That baby is my niece or nephew and I want to do something for you. Luke would help Haley if the situation was reversed."
"Thanks Nate."
"You don't have to thank me. You're a part of this family and family sticks together. Well, unless you're my parents then you drive your son out at 16. But that's so not the point right now."
Brooke couldn't help but smile. She had been so afraid of how Nathan was gonna take the news and so far he had been the only one to say anything. Keith was the next one to hug Brooke. She buried her face in his chest and let the tears she had been holding in with Nathan slide down her cheeks.
"Nate's right. You're a part of this family and we will all help you anyway we can. To start with, we need to make sure you stay in Tree Hill. I don't want my grandchild to grow up hundreds of miles away," Keith said, followed shortly with, "I shouldn't be saying grandchild. I'm only 40."
Brooke couldn't help it. She had to laugh at that. A few minutes of silence passed before anyone said anything. This time it was Karen who spoke up. Brooke drew in a breath nervously.
"You're going to be a wonderful mother," was all Karen could say.
She didn't want to say that it was disappointing or that it hurt to know her son would never know he had a child of his own.
"Thank you," Brooke said as she made her way toward Karen and hugged her tightly.
After the two separated Haley walked over and gave Brooke a hug of her own. She couldn't believe her two best friends were going to have a baby and only one of them would ever know the child. Thinking about that broke Haley's heart. She knew that Lucas had wanted to have a family with Brooke someday and now he had one and would never even know it. All because Jimmy Edwards had to bring a gun to school and kill Lucas.
"Luke, I'll take good care of your family for you. I love you buddy," Haley whispered so only Brooke could hear her.
"Thank you Hales. You don't know how much I love you right now," Brooke said softly.
"Does it rival your love for my brother in law?"
"No. Not even close."
"Then I think I do know how much you love me."
Brooke shoved Haley playfully as she stuck her tongue out at her friend. She was beginning to think being with her family was better than being alone on Lucas' birthday. Suddenly it hit her. These people were her family. Not the two people who called themselves her parents. They didn't know anything about family or what it meant to be one.
"Brooke?" Haley said.
"Huh?" Brooke replied.
"We're gonna start watching some movies. Karen wanted to know if you would like to join us?"
"You know what? I'd love to."
Haley smiled as they linked arms and went back into the house and into the living room. Brooke had gone out to the porch to be alone before but she was ready to go back in the house. They each sat on the floor on either side of Nathan. He reached his arms behind him to pull them into a hug. Both girls rested their heads on Nathan's shoulders and waited to be greeted with images of a young Lucas. Little did they know that wasn't what they were about to see. Karen pressed play on the remote and suddenly the five of them were looking at a 17 year old Lucas.
Brooke's eyes were locked on the tv. She could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes as the tape played. She remembered the day perfectly.
Brooke had just come back from spending the summer with her half-brother, Ryan, in California. She didn't want to go but when her dad threatened to cut her off financially if she didn't, she agreed. The whole time she was out there Brooke moped around and missed her boyfriend. She was so excited to see him today. More than that, she couldn't wait to be in his arms and feel safe again. Brooke scanned the crowd of people waiting for family and friends. Her eyes lit up when she spotted Lucas standing against a wall, smiling at her, with a bouquet of white roses against his arm.
"Broody!" she squealed happily as she ran into his arms, completely oblivious to the fact that she crushed the flowers.
"Hey Pretty Girl. I missed you," Lucas said as he kissed her hair and breathed in her shampoo.
"I missed you too. Hey, what's your mom doing with that camera over there?"
"Huh?"
Lucas turned around to see his mom holding a camera with one hand and waving with the other.
"Hi, Mom. You're crazy. You do know that don't you?" Lucas asked all the while grinning.
"I love you too Lucas," Karen laughed.
"Aww, Luke, let your mom be. It's cute. Someday when we're old and our children have moved out on their own, we'll watch this and laugh about it," Brooke said.
"Sure we will."
Brooke reached up to wipe the tears away. As hard as it was for her to watch that and without Lucas, she was glad that Karen had done that. She looked down at the floor for a minute only to have her head pop right back up when she heard a young Lucas screaming for his mommy. A smile spread across her face as she watched Lucas, who was about five, running away from a little girl Brooke was sure was Haley, who was making kissing noises and chasing after him. Brooke looked over at Haley to make sure she was okay and was relieved to see there weren't any tears.
"I always knew you had a thing for my guy," Brooke teased.
"Shut up. I was only five. And besides that, he always told me that he was gonna marry you, even when we were little. I used to laugh at him but that all stopped last year. You've always been the girl for him," Haley responded.
"Wait a second. You're the one being teased and I'm the one crying. How is that fair?" Brooke asked as she wiped her tears away again.
"That's what you get for teasing me." Haley stuck her tongue out at Brooke who did the same in retaliation.
The five of them sat in Karen and Keith's living room for most of what was left of the day watching the tapes and crying. Even Nathan who didn't usually cry was sobbing when they decided to stop watching the tapes. It was only making them miss Lucas more than they already did.
"Dan doesn't even care," Nathan said suddenly as he continued to cry, "His first born son is gone and he doesn't care. The bastard actually scoffed and called me a baby when I told him what we were doing today." Nathan continued to cry while the girls held him. It broke their hearts to see Nathan falling apart but at the same time they were so relieved to see him let go of his emotions.
"I'm sure he cares Nathan," Karen said softly.
"No. He really doesn't. I heard him tell some city worker or something that he's glad that Luke is dead. How screwed up is that? His first born son is dead and not only does he not care but he's glad. He told the guy that now that Luke is "out of the picture" he can focus solely on helping me. With what I couldn't tell you because if that asshole thinks I'm gonna let him help me with anything he's sadly mistaken. If I didn't have the greatest wife in the world I would kill the bastard and gladly rot in jail for it. I hate him. I wish he was dead!"
"Baby, it's okay. You know Dan's an asshole. He thinks he's glad that Luke is gone but deep down, somewhere in that pitiful form of a man is a heart and in the depths of that heart he wishes he still had both his sons," Haley said softly, hoping that wouldn't upset Nathan anymore.
"I don't think so Hales. Sometimes I think he wishes he didn't have either one of us. We're just pawns in his game. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of him!"
"Nathan stop that," Brooke said feeling herself getting angry. Not at Nathan, but at Dan for making Nathan so upset.
"Stop what? Stop crying because my "father" is an asshole and doesn't even care that my brother is dead? Shut up Brooke! Don't tell me what to do."
Nathan jumped to his feet and stormed out of the house. He slammed the door behind him and the picture of Lucas and Brooke that was in the living room on top of the tv fell to the floor, glass shattering everywhere.
Brooke felt tears welling up in her eyes. She looked at the mess on the floor and the tears slid down her face. Her dreams of life with Lucas were as shattered as the picture frame. Slowly climbing to her feet, Brooke mumbled goodbye as she left the house. Blinded by tears Brooke jumped into her car and sped toward her house. She wanted to go somewhere that Nathan wasn't gonna be. Right now she was mad at him for screaming at her. Sometimes it seemed like Nathan forgot that other people missed Lucas too and that they were emotional too.
Brooke saw Peyton sitting on the hood of her car in the driveway and she groaned. Great, she really wanted to just be alone and now she couldn't even do that.
"Hey buddy," Peyton said as she jumped down from the hood of her car.
"Hi," Brooke snapped.
"Whoa, what's wrong?"
Brooke walked into the house and Peyton followed right behind her. Brooke didn't bother stopping to acknowledge Peyton's presence. She just kept going until they were in her room. Determined to get Nathan's screaming out of her mind Brooke grabbed her copy of the sonogram and shoved it at Peyton wordlessly.
"I don't get it?" Peyton said as she stared at the picture.
Brooke shoved a finger at the picture pointing to the patient's name. Peyton followed Brooke's finger and her eyes widened as she read "Brooke Davis". Looking up at her best friend questioningly, Brooke just nodded.
"Oh god, Brooke. Come here," Peyton said as she opened her arms.
"Peyton what am I gonna do? I can't do this alone. I need Luke," Brooke cried in Peyton's arms.
"You're not gonna do this alone. You'll have me, Hales, Nathan, Keith, Rachel, Mouth and even Ryan would help you."
"No! I'm not telling my brother. Are you crazy? He'll tell my parents."
"Brooke, you have to tell them. If you don't you'll end up in Georgia, alone and pregnant. Please, tell them. Or tell Ryan and let him do it."
Brooke stayed in Peyton's arms as the tears continued to fall. Suddenly, she was angry at Jimmy, Lucas, her parents, Nathan. Anyone who had done her wrong. She was even a little bit angry at Peyton but not too much because she was there for her.
"I hate you! Oh god I hate you. How could you do this to me? You died and left me here to take care of a baby alone. Why couldn't you live? I thought you loved me Luke! Damn it, I hate you," Brooke screamed as she pulled away from Peyton and began throwing things around her room.
Peyton watched as Brooke completely fell apart. There was nothing she could do for her in that moment that would take away the pain or the anger. And it hurt Peyton to know that. All those times Brooke had been there for her and held her when she cried and she felt completely helpless watching as Brooke fell beyond her reach.
"I hate you! Do you hear me Lucas Scott, I hate you! You left me with this baby. I don't even want to be pregnant. I can't be pregnant but you never thought about the consequences. Now I have to face them alone. I hate you so much," Brooke yelled as she threw a hair brush at the mirror.
Peyton jumped as the glass shattered. Brooke didn't even seem phased by the mess she was making. Suddenly Brooke smiled as the sunlight came through her window a reflected off one of the shards of mirror. Brooke grabbed it up and ran to the bathroom. Peyton followed behind her and tried to get into the bathroom but discovered that Brooke had locked the door.
"Open the door, Brooke," Peyton pleaded as she knocked.
"No. You can't save me Peyton. Lucas was supposed to save me, always and now he's gone. I can never be saved again," Brooke cried as she sliced the piece glass across her wrist.
"Brooke, please. Don't do this. You were doing so well. Let me in. I can save you. Please, just let me in."
"No. Don't you dare do that Peyton. Don't you cry just to make me let you in. It's not gonna work."
"Brooke! Stop. I know you're hurting and you miss Lucas terribly but think about the baby. You don't wanna hurt the baby. Do you?"
"No."
"Let me in."
Brooke sighed as she unlocked the door. Peyton pushed the door open and her eyes watered instantly when she saw the trail of blood on Brooke's arm and the puddle on the floor. She grabbed a towel and pressed on the cut, when she did that Brooke winced.
"Ow! Peyton what the hell!" Brooke cried.
"I'm sorry but I'm not gonna watch you bleed to death," Peyton said as she continued to press down to stop the bleeding.
This is not how I was supposed to spend my day. I should have been the one to die Brooke thought as she sat there with Peyton putting pressure on her arm.
"I should have been the one to die," Brooke whispered almost inaudibly.
"Do not say that! Damn it Brooke, I'm serious," Peyton yelled. She hated when Brooke got this way because talking to her was almost impossible but there was nothing anyone could say to make her give up. Brooke was her best friend and you just don't give up on your best friend.
"Why? It's true. Nobody would care. Everybody thinks I have this perfect life because my dad's got money. Well maybe they should try living in my shoes for a day. Then they'll see just how shitty life is for me."
Brooke ripped her arm away from Peyton's grasp and left the bathroom. She dropped to her knees in the hallway and sobbed. Peyton came out of the bathroom when she heard Brooke sobbing. When she saw that Brooke was in the hallway, Peyton got down next to her and held onto Brooke's shaking frame.
"I love you, oh god, I love you. Why can't you be here with me?" Brooke cried as her body shook with sobs.
"It's okay Brooke. Just let it go," Peyton whispered as she held her and kissed her forehead.
And there you have chapter 10. I'm sorry it took so long but my computer is in full on "jack ass" mode. Haha! Not fun. Anyway…let me know what you think.