Fenris tried to be less of an ass to everyone during their remaining days of travel. He even attempted to strike up pleasant conversation with a few of them. The Chargers had stories of battles they'd faced. And he and Iron Bull swapped a few stories of Seheron. He even apologized to Varric, who simply waved him off like he was used to his random outbursts.
Dorian, of course, was the exception to his efforts. But the mage had finally learned to stay out of his way, so the trip was fairly pleasant for both of them in that regard.
Mostly though, he kept to himself, his mind wandering to Hawke and wishing there was some way they could travel faster. Griffons would have been ideal.
At last, they reached Adamant. The sight was more underwhelming than he had imagined. What once might have been an impressive fortress now lay in rubble – the Chargers having torn it down thoroughly months ago. It was difficult for Fenris to imagine any battle having occurred to here, let alone one where Hawke and the others had fallen into the Fade.
Inan circled the rubble before deciding where to open the rift. She wanted to be as close to where they had originally fallen into the Fade as possible. This, she theorized, would ensure they found Hawke in the fastest way – assuming she hadn't wandered from the fear demon's domain.
It was all guesswork – guesswork that Fenris wasn't too happy about. He just wanted to get into the Fade and find Hawke. Wasting time to be precise about the rift's location seemed unnecessary. Just when he was growing so impatient he didn't think he could hold his tongue much longer, Inan declared them ready.
Fenris joined Inan, getting off his horse to stand beside her with Varric and Dorian. Iron Bull and the Chargers stood back a ways. They would remain outside of the rift and bring an end to any demons that wandered through.
Inan smiled at the Bull. "Not coming in this time?"
Bull gave a respectful nod. "Once was quite enough, boss."
She winked at him, then took a deep breath. "Here goes."
She raised her hand and the mark sparked. Fenris wondered if it was as painful as it looked. Then the air in front of them ripped open and spread apart – a green tear in the fabric of the world.
Inan took one last look at Bull and the Chargers before leading the way inside. Fenris followed. For an instant, nothing by bright green filled his vision. And then he was on the other side and the familiar landscape of the Fade greeted him.
"Hawke!" he shouted into the expanse.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," said Varric from behind him.
"The demons probably know we're here." Inan said. "I'm not sure yelling hurts us. Come on." She led the way forward.
Fenris didn't know how she could possibly know where she was going. And perhaps she didn't. The landscape of the Fade twisted and turned in every direction. Jagged rocks reached toward them like clawed hands, and a constant mist floated at their feet. At times they descended into caverns where only a single path was open to them. At others, the Fade stretched out before them, seemingly endless. Inan rarely hesitated. She just kept them moving forward. Perhaps that was the only thing she could do.
"Wait." Said Varric, holding out an arm to stop them. "Listen."
They were in an open area, like a rocky plain, though cliffs rose on either side of them. And something was coming toward them, giving off the sound of a hundred footsteps.
"Demons." Inan sighed and readied her staff. "I hate spiders."
As Fenris raised his sword, the mist at his feet rose around him and changed to a dense fog. And through the fog he could just make out the oncoming shapes of figures he knew from a nightmare in his past.
They were not spiders.
Even after the battle ended and Inan explained the demons were different for everyone according to their fears, Fenris was still shaken. How could Hawke have survived in this place for so long? He knew she'd faced endless waves of demons, and if they all carried the face of nightmares… He was certain he didn't want to face such fears again, yet Hawke had over and over.
He needed to get her out of here.
"Hawke!" He took up shouting again, hoping that she might hear him and head their way. He didn't even want to consider the infinitude of the Fade and the possibility that Hawke may have wandered beyond their reach. He would find her and he would bring her home.
They faced more demons on their search. And Fenris was just wondering how long they'd been in the Fade and if maybe this was hopeless after all when they crested a hill.
Hawke was standing in the valley below, her sword swinging madly at the demons surrounding her.
Fenris nearly tripped over himself as he fled down the hillside. When his feet found solid ground, he charged forward. He swung his sword, slashing straight through the first demon he encountered. Then he turned, putting his blade through another. He fought until at last the creatures were gone and he and Hawke crossed blades amidst the madness.
"Fenris!" she cried in surprise.
He dropped his sword and took her into his arms, barely willing to believe that this was real this time. But she felt real, her hair smelled real, and as he kissed her, she tasted real. And as he held on to her, his hands grasping as though to test that she was not a figment of his imagination, he no longer cared that they were in the Fade or that they had an audience.
Hawke was alive. And she was in his arms. And he was not losing her again.
He breathed her name as he held her, and she gave a strangled laugh as though she was in the same mixed state of disbelief and relief that he was.
"This is all very touching," came Dorian's voice, breaking into the moment. "But perhaps we should save the reunion for later. Like, when we're safely out of the Fade."
Fenris want to punch him, but as he pulled back and looked into Hawke's face, he knew the mage the right. The sooner they left this place the better.
Hawke, at least, insisted on kissing him once more before letting him go. Then she gave his hand a squeeze. "Let's get out of here."
He nodded in agreement and released her fingers only so he could pick up his sword from the ground.
Hawke strode to Inan and shook her hand. "Thank you for coming."
"Of course." Inan said. "I'm only sorry we couldn't get here sooner."
Hawke gave a nod and then dropped to her knees to give a shaken Varric a proper hug.
In no time, they were underway again. It proved much more difficult to retrace their steps as Inan paused at every crossroads or fork and consulted with Dorian over which way they thought they had come.
"How have you been surviving all this time?" Varric asked Hawke as they walked.
"How long have I been trapped?" she asked him.
Varric scoffed. "Months, at least."
"Months?" she looked puzzled.
"Does it feel like longer?" Fenris asked her.
"Yes," she said. "And no." She paused. "I don't think I've slept enough days to be here for months."
Varric threw up his hands. "It's the Fade. I'm pretty sure there aren't 'days' here. You've probably wondered around for hours before sleeping from exhaustion."
"It's certainly felt like that." Hawke admitted.
"What did you eat?" asked Varric, full of questions.
"There's these green… things," said Hawke. "It's like… I don't really know what it's like."
"You don't know what it is and you just ate it?"
"I was starving," she told him. "Come to think of it… I feel like I've been less and less hungry the longer I've been here. Less tired too."
"With the food available in this place, I'm not surprised." Varric said. "You're going to have to tell me everything when we get out of here."
"I'm not sure this is a story you want to repeat, Varric." Hawke said.
Their conversation fell silent, and Fenris took Hawke's hand. He was certain if he never heard of the Fade again, he'd die happy. If Hawke ever did tell her story, he hoped he didn't have to listen. He was eager to be out of this place and forget all about it.
They faced more demons as they traveled. This time, Fenris charged eagerly into the fray, determined that nothing would stand between him and the way out.
At last, they found the rift. Hawke gave a sigh of relief beside him, and her paced quickened. They all stopped before the rift, and Dorian gave a sweep of his arm.
"After you," he said to Hawke.
She smiled and nodded, then stepped through. Fenris went after her.
For a moment, his vision was all green again. Then he was back in the Western Approach with Hawke and the Chargers scattered in front of him.
Hawke turned to him and smiled. And then her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
"Hawke!" Fenris ran to her, catching her just before she hit the ground. "Hawke." He shook her to no response. And then her body started convulsing and… was she phasing in and out?
"What is happening?!" he shouted over his shoulder at Inan, Varric, and Dorian who had appeared behind him.
None of them offered any answer. Fenris clung to Hawke even as he knew she was slipping through his fingers. He was going to lose her all over again.
And then Dorian's voice rang out. "Get her back through the rift. Now!"
It was the only option available to him. Lifting Hawke from the ground, he charged back into the Fade. The moment he reached the other side, Hawke's body weight returned to his arms as she solidified. The convulsions ended instantly. But as he laid her on the ground, she didn't open her eyes and he wasn't sure she was breathing.
"Maker, please." He breathed. It couldn't end like this. He couldn't have come this far only to lose her again. He didn't even understand what had happened.
He took her hand and brought it to his forehead as he bowed his head to his knelt knee. Praying was the only thing he could think to do.
If he'd looked behind him, he would have seen Inan watching the scene with a hand to her mouth. Varric had brought a fist to his and was biting down on a knuckle. Dorian simply stared with his lips slightly parted.
But for Fenris, there was only him and Hawke and his bargaining for her life. He would do anything, anything at all, so long as she lived. He would trade places with her, if he had to. But he'd be damned if he accepted the possibility of walking out of here without her.
Amidst his mutterings, he heard Hawke take a breath. As he looked to her, her eyes opened.
He lifted her shoulders and pulled her into his lap. She looked up at him in confusion. "What happened?"
Fenris turned to Dorian.
The mage jumped as though he hadn't expected the question would be put to him. He cleared his throat. "In my country, we sometimes keep spirits as servants-"
Fenris rolled his eyes. "Do you pay them?"
Dorian paused. "Slaves, then." He corrected. "But to keep them from returning to the Fade, they have to be bound to something. If that binding breaks... well, they start convulsing and fading in and out – like Hawke did."
Fenris turned back to Hawke, just as confused as he had been before Dorian had answered.
Inan's voice sounded behind him. "Fenris, you might want to-"
"Wait a minute," said Hawke, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "What are you saying?"
Fenris looked to Inan who exchanged a glance with Dorian. "When we were in the Fade last time," she explained. "We met the Divine, or more a spirit impersonating her."
"This is ridiculous." Said Hawke. "I'm not-"
Fenris stared between the two of them. He was reaching the end of his limits. First he'd thought he was going crazy, then Inan convinced him Hawke was in the Fade, and now they were trying to tell him she wasn't Hawke at all but a spirit pretending to be her? He couldn't take much more of this.
"There must be something..." He tried.
"The spirit," said Inan. "Seemed to know everything about the Divine. I'm not sure..."
Fenris turned back to Hawke, and her eyes searched his face just as his searched hers. He refused to believed it. He simply refused. He did not come all this way and been through all this crap for nothing.
His mind scrambled for something, anything he might be able to use to prove that this was the woman he loved. "The demons," he said at last, looking at no one but Hawke. "They're different for everyone. What do they look like to you?" If this wasn't Hawke, surely a spirit wouldn't see the same creatures she would.
"They're undead." She told him. "Because..." Her gaze faltered. "Because of my mother."
Fenris turned to face his companions. Surely that was good enough.
But they didn't look convinced, and it was varric who said, "If a spirit has been watching Hawke, they might have known..."
Fenris couldn't believe this. There had to be some way to determine... He turned back to Hawke, who wasn't looking at any of them. Her gaze was on the ground, her expression a mix of confusion and grief. He lifted her chin so her eyes met his. He was not giving up on her.
"What do I see?" he asked.
"Yes..." came Dorian's voice behind him. "Spirits are single minded. If one of them wanted to impersonate Hawke, they would have focused singularly on her. The details of Fenris' life would be irrelevant."
Fenris barely heard Dorian's words. His attention was fixed on the woman in front of him. At his question, her expression fell, the confusion and sadness vanishing from it. Then her eyebrows knit together as she stared at him as though the answer might be written somewhere on his face.
For a few horrible seconds Fenris feared she wouldn't be able to answer. And then her brow softened with her widening eyes.
"Fog warriors." She said. "Oh, Fenris!" She threw her arms around him.
After his initial shock, he let out a sigh of relief and returned the embrace. "It's Hawke." Nothing could convince him otherwise, and if anyone else tried to suggest it, he vowed to silence them personally.
Pulling back from the embrace, he kissed her. She returned the gesture in earnest, and Fenris returned to not caring at all about who might be watching. Though, at some point he realized Dorian, Varric, and Inan were discussing options behind him.
"Could we bind-?"
"Would she last long enough outside of the Fade?"
"We don't even know if binding will work."
"It's too risky."
"What about-?"
Fenris stared at Hawke, his hand on her cheek, and he realized that she had been in the Fade for too long. The Maker only knew what she'd eaten while here. And she had said she'd felt less and less tired and hungry. Physical beings weren't meant to exist in the Fade. And it seemed the more time Hawke had spent in the Fade, the less of a physical being she had become. If they tried to take her from the Fade, there was no telling what would happen. If she stayed...
"I'll stay." Fenris said.