Chapter Nine
Suppression, Ignoring - Tomato, Tomahto
(Kimmy)
"They're late."
Rolling my eyes, I stretched my legs out in front of me. "Give 'em a break, Kenzie. They're early every other day."
Mickenzie, in all her orangey, fake tanned glory, shot me a dirty look - although to be honest, she was so tangerine it looked more like a constipated oompa loompa grimace than a sneer. "Can it, Kimmy. They're the Captains, for God sake. They're not supposed to be late to their own practice. They're the ones who set this shit up."
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the tanning bed this morning," Emma muttered beneath her breath.
"If they're not here in five minutes, I'm out," Ainslee whined, running a hand through her white blonde, board straight hair. "I have stuff to do tonight."
"Cut 'em some slack, Ains," I said restlessly, bouncing the new volleyball on my knee - their disrespect and impatience were annoying the crap out of me today - more so than usual. "I don't know why you're bitchin' Ainslee, or you, Kenzie. They don't threaten to bail out on you guys whenever you show up ten minutes late to practice - they just ignore it and make you both do double laps. Deal with it, Princess."
Ainslee and Kenzie shot me twin scathing looks, but the other girls on the team laughed - I grinned. Hey man, I couldn't help it! What would you do if two whiny little wieners kept bitchin' and moanin' about two of your buddies? I hope you'd be like me and tell those bitches off! Especially if said buddies weren't even here to defend themselves. I swear, this team and their cattiness was going to be the death of me.
Well, alright - that's not a fair statement.
The majority of this team was actually a bunch of really wicked, really awesome girls. Well I mean, aside from Mickenzie Moeglen (the day-glo orange, Barbie doll), Ainslee Peloquin (who looked like a Husky with pee-snow colored hair - pissy locks and a pissy attitude, IRONY!), Ashlee Klumper (the 'oh-my-GAWD-I-chipped-my-NAIL', head up her ass, self-proclaimed future Ms. Top Model [but trust me on this one - besides long ass legs this girl had nothin' on T. Banks]) and Natalie Martins (she was dumb as a fuckin' post, not much else to say about her). Besides them, our team was totally steller.
Next to me on the long, wooden bench, plopped my bestest friend in the entire world, Lindsey Thomas, who just also happened to be another team mate of mine - we were meant to be! Soph always called the two of us Team Refried Rice - Lindsey was tall and mocha, an elegant Spanish beauty. Me? I was short, tiny n' Asian. When we were on the court together, there was no way the opposing team would get a hit on us - neva! For some strange reason, from the moment the two of us met, we just totally meshed. I still don't know why, the two of us were polar opposites, I swear to ya. Maybe it's cause we have the best cuisine of all cultures in the world? Maybe for what I lacked in skin pigment and height, she made up for? I guess we'll never know - all that mattered in the end was that the adorable, coffee skinned Amazon sittin' next to me was the fabbest in the land. She grinned at me, that awesomely wicked smile lighting up her face, then she threw a long, dark arm around my shoulder.
"Lighten up, Kimmy," she yawned loudly, knocking her head gently against mine. "Give Ains a break, she's sooooo tired. She was reeeeally busy last night - she had a bunch of bars to go to, a whole bunch of tequila shooters to down. Someone's got a killah hangover."
Ainslee opened her mouth angrily, but Natalie moaned loudly and cut her off miserably.
"I have one too!" she whined, flashing her pointer finger over towards Lindsey and I on the bench. "It reeeeeally hurts."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, frowning at her hand that was now shoved directly in my face - ewwe, God only knows where this finger had been.
"My nail," Natalie sighed, puffing out her bottom lip in blank-faced misery. "It's all hungover."
"Your nail is hungover?" I asked. "What, your nail went bar hoppin' last night?"
"Understandably leaving her brain at home," Emma mumbled - Meagan swatted her on the head.
"I tried to cut it with scissors," Natalie sighed, ignoring the rest of us. "But it's still on there, all hungover and stuff."
The team exchanged puzzled, irritated and slightly grossed out glances amongst ourselves. Ainslee rolled her eyes, Meagan and Kenzie both laughed loudly. Jenn shook her head angrily - see, here's the thing - the majority of us on the team could deal with Nat and her no-brain. We'd just sort of become accustomed to it. Jenn? Well. Not so much.
"Are we getting funding for her or something?" Jenn asked aloud, incredulously. "Is someone like .. sponsoring us for putting her on the roster? Seriously? Or was I just not informed that I'm on the Penn State Special Olympics Volleyball Team?"
"I don't get it," Natalie said blankly, still waving her gimp finger and 'hungover' nail in my face. "We're going to the Olympics? Why? Does Harlow know?"
"That's a hang nail," I sighed, ignoring her incredible stupidity - it was hard, but over the years it became easier to just disregard her idiocy rather than linger on it. "Not a hangover, Nat. A hang nail."
"But it's hanging over my finger," she said, bewildered.
It was a ridiculously hard concept to grasp, wasn't it?
"Did someone drop you on your head when you were a baby, Natalie?" Lindsey asked politely, and I gave her a sharp jab in the side. "Sorry Kimmy. But .. it's just .. come on. Seriously?"
"I was so proud to have been accepted to Penn State," Emma sighed, looking at Nat sadly with her dark brown eyes. "But now ... doesn't seem like such an accomplishment."
"Ow," Natalie sniffled, poking at her nail wearily. "I hate hangovers."
Kenzie groaned, and stomped at the ground irritably. "I can't even deallll with this shit right now! Seriously, they've got like two minutes, or - "
"Or what, Kenzie?"
BUSSSSS-TED!
The team turned to the doors of the auditorium, and saw Harlow and Sophie making their way towards our scattered little cluster on the opposite end of the gym. Sophie was looking coldly (although, I think that might've just been her face - I really wasn't sure anymore) at Kenzie, while Harlow trailed behind, looking slightly dopey and .. Natalie-esque. Quite unusual for our normally alert, bee-ah-yew-tee-full Captain - it kind of looked like she'd been clubbed over the back of the head, her movements and facial expression slightly groggy. There was a backpack slung over her shoulder, and a new volleyball tucked under her arm as she walked with a cheerful little bounce in her step behind Soph.
"Or what?" Sophie repeated, glaring at Kenzie and dropping her own bag down on the ground in front of her. "I'd apologize for being three minutes late, but you're pretty unapologetic with us when you're fifteen minutes late. So suck it up."
Mickenzie sniffed haughtily, and turned her head stubbornly. "Whatever."
Sophie cast one more dark look at Kenzie, ice blue of her eyes burning, before turning to the team tiredly. "To the rest of you, my apologies. Traffic's a bitch and Harlow drives like an old woman. We missin' anyone?"
"Nope, all here Cap'n," I said with a salute (I only do it because it drives her nuts, not gonna lie).
"God, Kimmy, for the millionth time, just call me Sophie," she said irritably, and I laughed. "You make it sound like I'm Captain Crunch."
"It's cause you'rrrrrre, Great!" Natalie said with a happy, hollow little laugh.
"That's Tony the Tiger," Jess said, puzzled.
"Oh where?" Nat asked, looking over both shoulders.
"Gawwwwd," Lindsey moaned, slapping a hand over her face.
"Excellent," Sophie muttered absentmindedly, pulling out her clipboard and shaking her head. "Nat's having an 'on' day."
Sad, but true.
"What's up with Harlow?" asked Ashlee, frowning over at Lo - the team turned to look at her.
Harlow's face was slightly blank, but there was a happy little ghost of a grin on the blankness. Her face was oddly vacant. She blinked, and looked over at the rest of us at the sound of her name. "What? Sorry .. what?"
"Harlow's having a Natalie day," Sophie sniffed, not even peering up at her best friend. "Don't mind her."
"You have a hangover too?" Natalie asked sympathetically, and Harlow frowned in confusion.
"A what?" Harlow asked. "Hangover? No .. what? You have a hangover, Nat? Again?"
"A hang nail," Lindsey clarified. "She's just .. nevermind. Don't even ask, Lo."
"Wasn't gonna," Lo said simply, with a content little smile.
Ash was right, there was definitely something different about her today, that was for sure. I just couldn't put my finger on it ..
Regardless of how long you'd known Harlow, talked to her, seen her, whatever - on occasion her beauty still kind of struck you silent. Today, it seemed, was just one of those days. Not just for me - for the entire team. We were all kinda staring, mouths gaped and eyes wide at her - how horrifically awkward, haha!
Her face was glowing, bright and brilliant. Her hair was bouncy and shinier than normal, her skin radiatingly beautiful. Her usual easy grace was replaced with this bizarre, almost floating step, and her eyes were dazzling.
But there was something else about her today that was striking, and for once it was not just her face or body. There was something else, something brilliant, something so wonderful and happy, and I just couldn't put my finger on it.
"She looks like a million bucks," I muttered to Lindsey.
"Naw man," Linds whispered back. "She looks like she just got the best lay of her life.
BINGO.
That was totally it! The bounce in her step and brightness in her appearance was something only a really killer sexy-time session could do - ow owww, Harlow V! Oww-freakin'-oww!
Sophie snapped her clipboard closed, and cleared her throat irritably.
"We're going to do some laps to start off," she said, ignoring the groans from Kenzie and Ash. "You bitch about them, then you can do double - so can it. Then team up, in pairs, and start spiking drills."
"How long do we do those for?" asked Meagan, stretching her thin arms above her head.
Sophie looked over at Harlow for an answer - Harlow was staring cheerfully but blankly at the opposite wall, chewing her lip happily. Sophie clicked her tongue in irritation, turning away from her stupefied best friend.
"As long as I say keep going, you keep going," Sophie said grumpily, shaking her head. "Stretch, Harlow and I have to set up the net. When we're done, I'll blow the whistle and you can start your laps."
"How many?" Jess asked.
"However many you can do in ten minutes. Harlow will keep track of time," Sophie said.
She turned to the absentminded Lo, and snapped her fingers. "You got that?"
Harlow blinked and looked over at Sophie, flabbergasted. "Yeah? Sure .. yeah, sure."
Sophie growled. "What'd I say?"
"I .. I don't know, but I agree," Harlow said, with an apologetic little grin - even in her dopey stupor, she was sickeningly adorable.
"You're an idiot," Sophie said blandly.
"I know, sorry," Harlow said dreamily. "Whaddya want me to do?"
"The net."
"Okay."
" ... NOW, HARLOW."
"Oh gotcha."
Lindsey and I exchanged cheeky, deeeevious little smirks. Oh, this was going to be an excellent practice! Harlow and Sophie set off for center court, Sophie walking quick and furious, Harlow lagging behind, and practically floating along in all her hard-bodied glory. Lindsey jabbed me in the side, and nodded towards them.
"C'mon," she muttered.
In all of our sneaky, subtle sleuthness, we stretched and limbered and arched our little selves over to the closest we could possibly get to center court. Harlow was unfurling the net cautiously, Sophie was dragging the pole to it's set hole in the floor.
" - seriously don't know why you're going again," Sophie said, that already cold voice even icier - yowza.
"You don't have to know why," Harlow's soft, smooth voice said calmly, unbothered by the chill in Soph's tone - her warm, soft-spoken nature always seemed to neutralize Sophie's freezing bite. "I had a good time. I'm sorry you dislike that fact. But I did."
"I don't dislike it," Soph argued. "I just think you're making a mistake. That's all."
"I'm well aware of where you stand on this topic," Harlow said, evenly as always but firmer than usual. "It's just another date, Soph. It's not a lifelong commitment, it's just one night."
"Well it better not interfere with volleyball," Sophie said darkly. "We've got games, you know."
"Obviously," Harlow said, unraveling the last few feet of the net delicately. "It's me who reminds you of when the games are, anyways. Don't even pull that."
Sophie shook her head, the ice blue of her eyes cold and focused. She propped the pole into the socket in the ground, and cranked the lever.
"I wish you'd just be happy for me," Harlow said softly, holding the frayed ends of the net loosely in her hands. She looked so small, cross legged and staring uneasily up at Soph.
"I am," Sophie said, but her tone said otherwise.
Harlow looked at her sadly, the brightness in her round eyes wavering for a moment. Sophie caught her gaze, and narrowed her almond shaped eyes.
"Really, Lo. I am," she said, this time a little more sincere. "I'm just surprised, that's all."
"I know," she said quietly. "I am too. But I'm happy, along with that surprised."
Sophie sniffed coldly, but nodded. "Just be careful, Lo."
Harlow smiled, looking cheerfully up at Sophie's cold face - this was probably as close as she'd ever come to getting Sophie's seal of approval. "I will. Hey, you wanna know what we did, Soph?"
"No," Sophie said firmly. "No, I don't."
"You'll think it's adorable!"
"No, I won't. Don't want to hear what you and Ghost Boy did."
"But you'll be sooo happy for me!"
"No."
"Dontcha wanna know?"
"No."
"I'm gonna tell you anyways," Harlow said happily, jumping to her feet and hopping over merrily to her best friend - Sophie groaned. "We went to a bakery, Soph, it was so much fun, we got cinnamon buns and hot chocolate and we talked for two whole hours, Sophie - that's like a hundred and twenty minutes or somethin'!"
"Not listenin'," Sophie said, turning and walking over to the far end of the court to grab the second pole. "Not listenin', don't wanna know, don't want the dirty details, don't want - "
"We kissed, Soph, right on the lips! RIGHT ON THEM SMACKERS," Harlow squealed, clutching her chest in mock excitement. "We were in his car, it was so nice .. he smelt like Old Spice. That's my favorite smell, Soph, my favorite! When we kissed I could smell it, super strong! Hey! Wanna know what his lips felt like? Wanna know? Huh? You wanna, you wanna know?! I'M GONNA TELL YOU ANYWAYS."
The two of them wandered farther off into the corners of the gym, out of mine and Lindsey's hearing range. We turned to each other, mid stretch, and grinned.
"Harlow and Ghost Boy!" Lindsey hissed, a bright smile on her dark face.
"His name is Ryan," I corrected quietly, excited at the prospect of Harlow and her new man love. "Ryan Buell."
"So .. she'd be Harlow Buell," Lindsey said thoughtfully. "That's cute. I like that."
"You think they hard banged?" I asked.
We looked over, and burst out laughing at the sight of Sophie dragging a pole miserably across the gym, and Harlow hopping around excitedly, dragging the net behind her like some kind of cape.
" - wanna know what his cheeks felt like? Wanna, wanna, Soph, you wanna know?"
"No."
"I'm gonna tell you anyways!"
"I'm going to clock you in the head with this pole."
"Speaking of pole!"
"SHUT UP, HARLOW, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, OH GOD, EWE."
Needless to say, neither Lindsey or myself could stop laughing all of practice - and neither, apparently, could Harlow. The smile, the glow the cheer - it stayed on her face the entire time.
Maybe we don't give Ghostbusters enough credit? They seem to be quite the little heart stealers.
(Katrina)
"RYANNNNNN. RYAN. JESUS CHRIST, RYAN!"
"Whaa - what? What? Sorry, what?"
The team looked over at him, perplexed. We'd been here for fifteen minutes - literally, only fifteen freakin' minutes, and this was at least the tenth time he'd zoned out on us. Eilfie waved a hand in front of his face, and glared at him in annoyance.
"Nice of you to join us," she said bitterly. "What are you doing?"
"Just ... just sittin'," he responded lamely.
"Clearly," Heather said, with a note of obviously forced irritation (Bless her little ol' heart, but she just could not be irritated to save her life - she could not pout her way out of a paper bag, let's be real here). "We're trying to go over this case, Ry. You alright?"
"Fine," he said thickly. "I'm good. S'allgood."
"He's been like this all day," Sergey said crossly, shaking his head. "He took a shower this morning. Yep. Fully clothed. Boxers, socks and an undershirt, I saw him go in like that and saw him come out the exact same - except completely drenched. Know what else? He was buttering his hand this morning. His hand. No. I'm not even joking. His toast was in the frickin' sink."
"Thought it was the toaster," he mumbled dreamily.
I frowned, and looked at our dear Boss closely. Less than a day ago, he'd been a mopey, pit of depression. Avoiding eye contact, snapping at everyone. And now, literally only about twenty four hours after that, here he sat -
dopey, cheerful and smiling.
Guys were so weird.
"Are you high, Ryan?" Josh asked incredulously. "You're acting like you're completely stoned."
"I'm not," he said, shaking his head - his cheeks were rosy, his face was glowing, but he definitely didn't look baked.
"Then what's up with you?" I asked, frowning at his absentmindedness. "You go from angry, angsty moper to happy, cheerful dope in a matter of hours."
"Nothing," he said again. "S'nothin'."
"Was he like this yesterday night?" Heather asked Sergey, a little concern in her timid voice.
"He wasn't home last night until late," Sergey said simply. "Elevenish."
"Where were you last night, Ryan?" Eilfie asked, but his eyes had rolled away from the table once again, small smile flickering lamely on his face.
"Not again," Josh mumbled.
SMACK!
"Ow!"
"PAY ATTENTION, YOU TIT," I yelled.
He rubbed his head, and shot me a dirty look. "I am, I am!"
"Where were you last night?"
"Home," he said.
"No you weren't," Sergey said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I went to bed at ten, and I heard Xander at 11:00 barking."
"Oh, right," Ryan said blankly.
"Where were you, then?" Heather asked.
"Stella's," he replied.
"Why were you at Stella's?" I questioned.
"Got sm' nice cinnamon buns, there."
We all frowned at him, and his cheeks burnt red. He shrugged his shoulders, and looked down at the file in front of him. "Laura Peever, eh? Where's the case location?"
"You were at Stella's all on your own?" Josh asked him shrewdly.
"Says Laura Peever," Ryan said dumbly, pointing down at the case file.
"STELLA'S THE BAKERY, RYAN, THE BAKERY YOU WERE AT LAST NIGHT," I said loudly.
"You don't have to yell," he said uncomfortably, squirming in his chair. "I can - "
"It was Harlow, wasn't it," Eilfie said calmly, looking hard at Ryan with a little twinkle in her eye.
He opened his mouth once, closed it, opened it again, and his face broke into a brilliant grin. He groaned, and slapped a hand over his face, hanging his head in embarrassment.
Sergey frowned and looked at Eilfie. "You're good .. how'd you know that?"
Heather squealed in delight, clapping her hands together joyously. "Oh, you guys hard banged, didn't you!"
Ryan laughed, the redness in his cheeks only intensifying. "No, no no - we just went for a hot chocolate and a late night snack."
"Late night snack as in your peni - "
"Gross, Heather!" Eilfie moaned.
"Hey, it's just a question."
"How'd it go?" I asked, ignoring their disgusting Ryan Peen talk - I'd grown used to it. "How'd that happen? I thought she kind of .. spazzed, and that was the end of it."
"She came into the class yesterday night, after you guys had left and apologized for freaking out, which she didn't have to do," he said simply. "And .. she asked me out sometime, and I asked if she was busy that night, and she said no .. and that's that."
We all stared at him shrewdly - he laughed, and raised his hands. "Honestly."
"You didn't knock some serious boots?"
"No."
"She didn't invite you up to her place?"
"No."
"She didn't offer to go dow - "
"HEATHER!"
"Sorry!"
Ryan laughed, shaking his head. "No, no .. none of that."
"You totally kissed her," Eilfie said, smiling smugly at Ryan.
Once more, he opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and another smile, bigger and brighter than the last, split across his face.
"How do you know this?" Sergey asked Eilfie, awed.
"You kissed her!" Josh said, excitedly.
"Oh my God!" I gasped, trying but failing miserably to hide my grin.
"Kiss as in face kiss, or - "
"Heather, don't finish that sentence," I said, with a shudder. "Seriously. Just don't."
"It doesn't matter," Ryan said. "We had a good time. That's .. that's all that counts."
We were all silent, and Ryan looked nervously between us. "Okay. So. Laura Peever case. Can anyone tell me the location - "
"Were her lips soft?" Heather asked interestedly. "They always look soft. Were they soft?"
Ryan blushed, but went on. "It's a local case, isn't it? I thought I read it was only an hours drive away - "
"Did you initiate it?" Josh asked. "Or was it like a mutual smooch? Or was it more than a smooch?"
The pink turned to red. "If that's the case, we probably won't need everyone to go down there, we could even bring Chip before he goes back to - "
"Was there boobie grabbing?" I asked. "Did you go for a full scoop?"
"What did her hair smell like?" Eilfie asked. "Did you run your hands through her hair, Ry? Was it soft?"
"Did you do the face hold? Or did she do the face hold? Did someone hold someone's face? It's so romantic when that happens .. "
"Did she do the inner thigh rub? That's a racy move, but she seems like a racy girl .. "
"Did she do the light kiss, or were you guys hard smoochy smoochy?"
"You better not have tried to stick your tongue in there, that's so bad for first dates."
"You drove her home, right? You didn't make her walk."
"Did you hug her? We like when you hug us."
"Stop, stop," Ryan said, the red now a violent crimson. "Enough, seriously ... no more."
He sighed, and we all bit our tongues.
But to our surprise, he took a deep breath, and grinned. "But, since you are my best friends .. very soft, mutual smooch, no breast grope, coconuts, I felt it and it was soft yeah, she did the face hold, there was no thigh rubbing, there was hard then light, no tongue, I drove, no hugs."
He exhaled, and slammed his pen down on the table. "Fuck this, I can't read a case file right now."
"You didn't embarrass yourself with her, did you?" Josh asked worriedly.
"No," he denied. "I don't think so .. it went pretty smoothly, I think."
"You didn't bring up your Peter Pan Halloween Costume phase, did you?" Heather asked. "That's something that should never be discussed. Even if you guys end up married. That could be irreconcilabe difference number one on the divorce sheet."
He blinked, and gnawed at his bottom lip. "Nope, didn't mention it."
"Oh God," Eilfie moaned. "He so did!"
Ryan shook his head, opened his mouth, then closed it again, before turning a bright, strawberry red. Serge turned to Eilfie, mouth agape.
"How do you do that?!"
(Chip)
"I'm just so, so, so sorry, Harlow - I just .. I feel awful. Just ... awful."
"For the millionth time, Chippers - no big deal."
"I've just felt terrible, this whole time, I just ruined your first date together ... me and my big mouth. So stupid .. "
"Accidents happen," she said simply. "I think you're more torn up over it than Ryan or I were combined. And I told you, we've more than made up for it."
"Still," I said guiltily. "I just .. I'm so sorry."
She shook her head, and waved a hand dismissively. "Stop it. No more. It's over. Water under the bridge, and all that jazz. On to happier things, Chipster!"
"I'm still sorry."
"I love your sweater!"
"You can forgive me?"
"Your face is so wonderful."
"Even though I'm a complete nitwit?"
"Rainbows and sunshines and stickers!"
"I get it, okay okay," I laughed.
She grinned at me from across the counter as she bustled back and forth, grabbing mugs from the dark, wooden cabinets, pulling the milk out of the fridge, grabbing stir spoons for the tea. Her thin body moved noiselessly across the oaken linoleum. Dark hair pinned up messily, long legs clad in baggy grey sweatpants, no makeup to speak of. Her skin was sun kissed bronze, smooth and sublime. I knew it was her, knew it was the Harlow I'd met so long ago - but it was still almost unbelievable.
That young, ugly duckling I'd felt so terribly for was this near-illusory, beautiful swan that was the envy of girls everywhere. Accomplished, brilliant, attractive, athletic and talented. If I hadn't known all the dirty details of her sordid past, I think I'd really, truly hate her guts.
But naturally, I mean that in the best way possible!
"Your apartment is absolutely gorgeous, Harlow," I said dreamily, looking around the spacious kitchen.
"Thanks Chippy," she said cheerfully, her voice still lush and warm with the same exact eloquence she'd had even all those years ago. "I love it. It's home. An actual home."
"Weird to say that word, isn't it?"
"I never have before in my life."
I smiled, almost pitifully. "First place you could call home in years,huh?"
"First place I could call home ever, actually," she corrected softly, popping the milk back into the fridge. "How many sugars in your tea?"
"One heaping," I replied. "How long have you been in here?"
"A little over four years," she responded, bopping the fridge door closed with her foot. "First big purchase of my life. Well. And last, now that I really think about it."
"Ahh, you're just frugal, that's all. Nothin' wrong with that."
"I think cheap is the word we're lookin' for."
We laughed, and she passed me my steaming mug from across the dark granite counter.
"We can go in the living room if you'd like," she said contently, picking her own mug up daintily between her small hands. "It's comfier than the bar stools in here. They're more for decoration anyways."
"Sounds great," I said, following her strong form out of the room - my stomach flopped cheerfully as I got an overwhelming whiff of coconut and vanilla. "It's so orderly in here."
"Thanks," Harlow said, running a hand through her dark hair. "I can't stand things being out of place or dirty - it drives me crazy. I swiffer this place like five times a day, it's a bit OCD of me."
"Same girl I remember," I smiled, as we padded down the hardwooded hallway back to the living room. "Did you decorate the place all on your own?"
"Not really," she admitted, her barefeet making even less noise than my sock clad ones. "It came all newly renovated and re-decorated when I moved here - that's what kind of sold me on it. I don't have a good eye for that kind of thing - I actually envy the people who're just born with natural decorating skills. Basically, I just built the bookshelves from K-Mart kits and pulled almost all the furniture out of Salvation Army dumps. Some stuff I stole from my best friend's house, some stuff I found at random garage sales around the state. That's about all the work I've put into the house - done more bad than good, I think, not going to lie."
I laughed at her honesty, as we plunked down on opposite sofas in her spacious living area. I perched my mug on the arm of the couch carefully, and settled cozily into the plush cushions. "Well I'm impressed - it's amazing for a bunch of stuff you pulled out of a second hand store garbage heap - you may be hopeless with a hammer but you seem to be a dumpster diving prodigy. I, for one, am impressed."
She plopped into the opposite, steel grey couch and grinned over at me, raising her mug thankfully. "Cheers to being reno-tarded!"
I laughed, and took a sip from my cup - light was pouring into the living room, illuminating the little glass ornaments and lamp shades strewn around the room. It was with great sadness that I noticed the real bareness of the home - beyond the bookshelves and paintings and nick-nacks strewn around the apartment. There were no pictures of friends or family anywhere in the area - none on any of the side tables, nor on the walls or bookshelves. The only faces were on the covers of her novels, or on the television or on the scandal sheets. The home was full, that was a fact - but it was full of items, not of memories. None I could see, anyways.
"It reminds me a bit of the apartment I first moved into," I said - the emptiness and memoryless walls depressed me, I tried to rid them from my mind.
"Yours was too big, obsessively tidy and neighbored two old people, too?" she asked, with a laugh.
"Naw, but mine had a spirit in it too," I said, with a little wink.
She chuckled softly, warming her hands against the outside of her mug.
"The minute I walked in here I sensed a presence," I said, looking around at the bright walls. "Although, I'm sure you already knew that."
She sipped her drink gingerly and nodded her head, small smile on those plump lips. "I figured it out fairly quickly."
"You talk to it?" I asked, straining my mind. "I can't really contact it .. blocking me out, I think."
"She's shy," Harlow said simply, cradling the mug in her hands. "Doesn't really like to communicate very much."
I smiled. "You ever talk to her?"
"On occasion," she said, nestling back into the gigantic pillows behind her. "I don't talk to spirits if I can help it."
"Why?" I asked, frowning. "You're so good at it .. you can hardly ignore them forever."
"I sure can try," she sighed, looking drearily out the great, full length windows to her left.
"You were always keen to talk to them when I knew you," I tried, folding my left leg over top of my right.
"I was six," Harlow said simply, with a small smile. "You're keen to do a lot of things you normally wouldn't be when you're six years old."
"That's true," I said, thoughtfully. "But you always enjoyed it. Or, seemed too."
She nodded. "Things change, though. It's not the coolest thing in the world when you're fourteen, going through puberty, and being made fun of for Seeing them on a daily basis. People can pass them off as imaginary friends when you're young, but in high school ... not so much."
"Ahh," I sighed. "It was a social decision."
"Sort of," she agreed. "Let's face it, Chippy. It's basically social suicide to see ghosts."
"Not to everyone," I argued lightly.
"No, not everyone," she agreed again. "But the people who are down with Mediums in high school aren't really the kind of people you'd want to be associated with. Sort of the .. weird, Occult practicing creeps. Or pre-Columbine psychos. Or .. future Marilyn Manson wannabes. I preferred to just be a wallflower - better to fade into the background than stick out like a sore thumb. I was pretty good at hidin' in the background, not to toot my own horn or anythin'."
"I find that hard to believe," I said, looking at thoroughly - very hard to believe. "When did you, er .. grow out of your .. uhm .. you know, your - "
"My ugly as sin phase?" she asked, then laughed. "I still looked like a lanky, oddly shaped little boy until I was about seventeen. Then I grew these suckers," she pointed at her chest and laughed. "Skin cleared up a bit, I filled out more and my head grew into my nose."
I laughed loudly, trying to shake the pre-Model Harlow out of my head - God, she really had been quite the sight. "So after high school."
"After," she said, smiling. "I just kind of floated along through the upper years. I was no popular, modelesque beauty. But I wasn't as lame as they thought the chess club was. I was kind of a reclusive, library hermit. Besides, I was never anywhere longer than two months, so no one ever really bothered with me."
"But you didn't bother with anyone either," I said. "Things might've been different, Lo .. "
"I still would've seen dead people," she said, and we laughed. "In all seriousness, though. I think it was in my best interest to just .. ignore it. Ignoring it has done me more good than bad."
"You're holing it all up, though," I argued. "You're suppressing it - that can't be good for you either."
"I'm not suppressing," she denied. "I'm just pretending it doesn't exist."
"Suppressing," I said.
"Ignoring," she said.
"Suppressing."
"Ignoring."
"Suppressing, ignoring. Fine line, Lo."
"Tomato, Tomahto."
"You're still so stubborn," I sighed, with a smile.
She smiled over at me, and shrugged those slender shoulders. "Suppressing (as you call it, anyways)has done me no harm."
I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Then tell me something."
"Anything."
"You can honestly say that it hasn't gotten worse over the years?" I asked.
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Ignoring it - the spirits - for the past, what .. 14, 15 years? It hasn't say .. intensified, some of the feelings you get?"
She chewed her bottom lip obliviously. "I don't know."
"Don't lie, Lo," I said comfortingly. "It's been harder to deal with since you started ignoring it."
She looked at me thoughtfully, then dropped her eyes down to her mug. "Well, it's never been easy."
"But it's harder now, isn't it?"
She nodded her head, tapping those long, thin fingers against the smokey grey of her cup. "A little."
"Little?"
She peered up at me, shamrock iris' sparkling and shrugged. "Lots."
I nodded, understandingly. "You can't ignore it, Harlow. It's like an .. infection, sort of. You get it, you sort of deal with it for a bit. What happens if you ignore it?"
"It spreads," she said. "Gets bigger."
"Gets worse," I corrected quietly. "Until you've ignored it so much, for so long, it gets to a point of no return. You can't do anything to fix it, even if you wanted to. You've let it go unnoticed for too lengthy a time."
"It's being psychic, not Gangrene, Chip," she said, with that same cheeky little smile she'd always had.
I waved a hand at her, and she laughed.
"It's not unbearable, though," she said breezily. "I can manage it."
"Can you turn it off?" I asked. "Tune it out?"
She shook her head. "No."
"What happens if you try?"
"Nothing," she said simply.
"How's it gotten worse?"
"They're just .. getting louder," she said, wincing a bit. "More of them are malevolent. Angrier. More can see me now, know that I can see them. It feels like some days, they're taking over."
"Taking over what?" I asked gently.
She blushed and smiled in slight embarrassment. "My brain."
I smiled sadly and nodded. "It's overwhelming, isn't it?"
She nodded. "Honestly Chip .. it's starting to affect my schoolwork and Volleyball. I'm so focused on ignoring them, sometimes I lose track of what I'm supposed to be paying attention to in the present."
"That'll never do," I said thoughtfully. "You've got to get a hold on this."
She sighed. "What can I do? Fat chance I'll ever be okay with it, or come to terms with it. It's just something I've got to deal with, on my own .. I've got to learn to balance the two."
"What, ignoring spirits and paying attention in class?" I asked. "Well first off, that's not even doable. It's hard enough to pay attention in a University level course, nevermind when you've got long since deceased spirits yelling at you. And second - I keep telling you, it's not going to get better. It'll get worse before better. The more you ignore it, the worse and more severe it becomes."
She frowned. "Well what should I do? Because as of late, I seem to have run out of ideas."
"You've got to let it out!" I said enthusiastically, and she laughed. "No, really! You've been given a gift for a reason, Harlow. I always say, God doesn't give you more than you can handle!"
"Well I've made it through Nia Vincent, Foster Care and High School," she sighed, taking a sip from her mug. "But I owe that to no one but myself. Sorry, Chip."
"Regardless of where your beliefs lie," I said calmly. "You have this gift for a reason. You need to use it to the best of your ability. You need to help. You need to manage this thing, so it doesn't start managing you."
"How do I do that," she said simply, looking at me curiously.
"Well that's what we have to figure out," I said, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "You definitely don't want to just ... embrace this thing? Let it out there?"
"No," she said firmly. "Absolutely not. Wallflower, Chip. I strive to be an inconspicuous introvert."
"Right," I said, laughing mentally - the day Harlow was able to be inconspicuous was the day pigs would fly.
"I talk to the girl in my apartment sometimes," Harlow reasoned. "That's good, right?"
"Does she need help passing on?" I asked.
"I don't think she really wants to," she said.
"Well ... it's not exactly aiding a spirit if they're content with where they are," I said, slightly apologetically.
Harlow sighed, but her eyes lit up a second later. "Well, there's an old ghost man in the elevator all the time, Clancy. I talk to him. Does that count?"
"Do you try and help him pass on?"
"Well ... no, I get him to press my floor number's button."
"Then no, Harlow. Not really."
"Dammit."
An idea popped into my head, and I clapped my hands in sudden excitement - Harlow jumped about a foot into the air, looking at me wide-eyed.
"You just about scared the crap out of me," she said.
"You see dead people, Harlow."
"Yeah, at least I can see them. It's your sudden bouts of applause that catch me off guard."
I laughed, but propped myself up excitedly on her couch. "No jokes! I have an idea!"
She leaned forward with interest. "Lay it on me, Chippers!"
"Come with me on Friday," I said. "Ryan's got a case about an hour away from here - "
"I don't want to be on TV," she cut in, shaking her head sadly.
"It's not for television," I said. "It's just a case they're doing off camera. Lady needs some help, he needs me to go do a Psychic walk-through. Come with me!"
She looked at me warily. "I don't know, Chip .. "
"What's the matter? It's perfect!"
"I've never done a walk-through before," she said, uncomfortable. "I don't know how."
"You walk through and just tell us what you sense, or feel," I said. "It's easy, Harlow. And you're already a natural."
"But I don't sense or feel anything," she said, matter-of-factly. "I just talk to them. That's all."
"Then talk to them," I said, waving my hands. "You're not going in there to impress us with your walk-through skills. You're going to help try and solve the mystery of why this woman is being harassed, and why this spirit won't pass on. It's not about your level of confidence. It's about helping people, doing what you were born to do and given a gift to do, and relieving your poor ol' noggin of some of that Medium tension."
She frowned. "I don't know, Chip .. "
"It's not going to be on camera. It's going to be me, you, Ryan. That's it."
I saw a pink creep up to her cheeks at Ryan's name, and I squinted my eyes shrewdly. "Why so pink?"
"What?"
"You blushed when I said Ryan."
"No I didn't."
"You're doing it now!"
"I'm just hot, that's all!" she said, as she fought an embarrassed grin spreading on her face. She groaned, burying her head in the couch cushions.
I roared with laughter. "You like him, don't you! You like Ryan!"
"I didn't say that," came her muffled voice.
"You're not nervous to do the walk through, you're nervous of what Ryan will think!"
"Not, not, not," she mumbled.
"C'mon Harlow," I reasoned, setting my mug down beside me. "What do you have to lose? Ryan won't judge you. I sure as heck won't. There's nothing to lose here, except the weight of those spirits on your shoulders."
She didn't move for a minute, but slowly, pulled her head from underneath the pillows and looked at me irritably. Her hair was ruffled, mouth down-turned - but eyes bright with thoughtfulness.
"Okay," she said, after a few silent moments. "Alright."
"You'll come?!" I asked excitedly. "You'll do it?!"
She nodded, and looked at me worriedly.
"If Ryan wants me to. If not, then no, it's fine - there's other ways I'm sure I can deal with this," she said.
"Oh I'll call him as soon as I get back to the hotel!" I said joyously, bouncing merrily in my seat. "Of course he'll want you to - two Mediums on one case! God, he'll be in his glory!"
"Definitely no cameras or anything?" she asked worriedly. "Just me and you and Ryan?"
"Just the three of us," I confirmed.
She took a deep breath, exhaled, and turned her anxious eyes up on me. "Okay. Yeah, okay. If you think it'll help .. "
"What do you have to lose?"
"I'm weighing those options out in my head right now, as a matter of fact."
"You don't come, the only thing you'll lose is your sanity."
"Oh God, that's loooong gone."
I smiled. "You're sane as anyone, Harlow. This will help. You'll get a bunch of this repressed ability out - you'll feel so much better. Huge weight lifted right off your shoulders!"
She nodded, fingers steepled in front of her. They fell tiredly onto her knees, and she nodded again. "Okay. If it'll help, yeah .. let's do this."
Authors Note: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, WHOOOOO WHOOO!
Ooooh, hello my fabulous reviewers! I apologize for the horrendously long update, I have no excuse this time - I've simply been drinking and partying and working, and have been neglecting the story :( Sorry! BUT, here is a fresh new chapter, hope you like it, love, want more of it, and all that fun stuff! 15 REVIEWS THIS TIME. You guys never fail to amaze the living poo out of me, really. THANK THANK YOU YOU THANK YOU! Especially to you fab fifteen;
lindzxhatter: aka, my wife. your reviews never fail to make me squeal and giggle! HOW I LOVE THEE. you are adorable. OH. happy valentines day, wifey! i decided i'm gonna go and buy you a fleece onesie with my sexy face printed on the front. i hope you like it. because even if you don't, you HAVE to wear it, or no more chapters. bahaha, BLACKMAIL.
PureAngelEyes: ohh, thank you so much! i love when people pick out their favorite parts of the story, then i know for sure what i need to add more of, haha. i loved your review, thanks a million, bud! and i'm glad you like my long chapters :)
rosecoloredskies: thank you so much! you love this story? well i love YOU for reviewing! thanks bud! i'm glad you like harlow, it's always really scary introducing a new character in fanfic, because you love them, and you want everyone else to as well, so i'm glad she's got a bit of fan following now, haha! thanks so much!
protozoa-weirdness: bahaha, i'm totally gonna rip off your review - i liked it, i loved it, and now i want some more of it. you are fabulous!! thanks for the review!
ashleymaria: awwe, you are the sweetest! you've been reviewing since day one, and i love you for it :) hope you're feeling better!! thanks doll!
TJToxic614: oh i'm so glad you got the humor in my "you're my new seaman" joke, most people would be like *typing letter to fbi's sexual assaulters list*. i'm just creepy, but i swear i'm cute too :D thank you so much for your review, i'm glad you like me and harlow and ryan! I LIKE YOU TOO. and lo does as well. and i'm sure ryan buell is also a fan. thanks! :)
kcollins: bahaha, i was jealous when i wrote that part too, don't worry! i read stories on here sometimes, and i'm like "efffff this, I'M BETTER FOR RYAN THAN HER" *sobs*. and then i too, remember it is only fan fiction. and i get super embarrassed, haha. thanks for the review!
ferret nin: your review was a frickin' novel - I LOVED IT SO MUCH. you are epitome of fantastic reviewer, because you're detailed, you give me constructive criticism and you review EVERYTIME. i. adore. you. don't you worry! there will be more ryan teasing in upcoming chapers - oh god, a LOT of ryan teasing, don't even worry! tell me what your story's called again, i'd love to check it out!! thanks so much for the review, you're a ridiculously sexy ball of reviewer. love it/you!
voll3yg1irl: hahaha, man, i'm canadian, so going to idaho would've been AWESOME. especially since i like potatos, and i'm pretty sure idaho is known for their potatos and shat. love it! i'm comin' next time, i fit impressively well into any small conpact suitcases :D thanks for the review, i'm glad you liked the kiss, haha! and thank ya for the opinion on chad, i'm glad i'm not the only one who's fond of him :) he's gotten a kinda shitty review on the PS boards, i feel bad for him :(
runningtoxstandstill: i don't think i have ever met anyone via internet who is as crazy and hyper as you - and i looooove it, hahahaha! so funny! thank you for your insane, exclamation point, smiley faced filled review - it was amazing! hahahah, love you!
SurriB: say whaaaa! you're in the army? i'm sorry, i'm a little slow (i'm a hard city girl for EVA, i don't know much about anything, haha). USAF, that sounds dangerous and impressive and a little bit sexy, too ... be careful!! i'm glad you enjoy the background and slightly disturbed psychology of harlow - but lemme just tell ya, you ain't seen notttttthin' yet! it gets crazier, haha. thank you so much for the review! i always love when i see a new review from SurriB, cause i know it's gonna be killer :D oh. and. ps. koalas, are raunch. pandas? CUTEST THINGS IN THE WORLD. you're a panda hater, shame on you! pandas will rule this earth one day, with their cute little faces and chubby little bodies! *SQUEALS*
Aangs fangirl1214: eeeep! i didn't even think it was possible, but every review from you keeps getting better and better and better! i truly am your number one fangirl. i think i'm going to make a career of following you around everywhere carrying a large, white poster board with your name on it. that's how absolutely fab you are, i love it!! thanks so much for the review, i'm glad you liked their kissy kissy :)
Purple With A Purpose: bahaha, i can't believe you're actually IN peter pan! oh god, i really hope i haven't ruined the magic of it for you, but i don't know .. i could just see ryan as like, a little boy, refusing to wear anything except his sparkly, harlequin green peter pan outfit, and shouting "i'm never gonna grow up! neverrrrr! NEVER EVER EVER". it makes me laugh everytime, bahahaha. BUELL MAKES ME DROOL, i really have to get on those! we could make a fortune! thanks for the review, it was absolutely wonderful :)
heyymelx3: as if you live in state college! FIND HIM FOR ME, HEYYMELx3, FIND HIM. hahaha, if i were there, i would spend every waking hour hunting him down. i would create my own society, 'find ryan buell'. do it! i'll fly down there and join you, haha. thanks so much for the review, glad you like the story!
sorry the author's note is so blahhh today, i'm feeling kinda crummy and unenthusiastic, and i'm not sure why? probably all the drinking. damn my life, and my being 18! it's the roughest age known to man. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! i'll get started on the next one asap, don't worry :) i hope you guys have a fantastic weekend! OH, and that you had a good valentines day :) what did YOU guys do for the holiday? i bought a shitton of peanut m&ms, and i ate the whole thing while watching love actually.
*sigh*
FABULOUS WEEKEND.
love you guys to death! thanks for the reviews, and please, feel free to click the review button right below and leave me another one, cause i love 'em, and they inspire me to type faster and harder and better! have a good one, guys!!
love; ellah!