Twi-foolery
(Mackenzie Brooks as a pissed off Bella Swan)
God Rob Pattinson was an asshole. It was lucky that he was attractive and had a charming English accent because there was nothing else about him that was remotely pleasing. He seemed more annoyed than relieved that another real life person was trapped in the Twilight world with him. Then again, I probably was a disappointment. All the good looking actors involved in the film were here except for Kristen Stewart. No wonder my presence pissed him off. Still, did he have to be such a prick?
Robward, more like Dickward.
Regardless, I was stuck in this fuckery with him, for better or worse. I waited nervously in Bella's bedroom, hoping that the bastard would show. Soundlessly, he appeared in the window, and I almost peed myself out of fright. That asshole probably startled me on purpose. I rolled my eyes, struggling to remember the earlier resolve I made to try to get along with him. It would make things a bit easier.
"Thanks for, er, coming," I said, stumbling over my words like a prize idiot.
"Not to mention saving your life," he added smugly.
Total Dickward.
"So, Bobby, got any ideas on how to get us out of here?" I asked, wanting to get on with the conversation.
He had to know more about Twilight than me. Surely, he would have some idea of how to get back to our respective real lives. His jaw tightened at the sound of my new favorite nickname, bringing me a small amount of joy.
"No," he growled. "But use your Twi-knowledge and maybe you'll think of something."
"No can do, Robbie-Rob." I tried a new moniker, but didn't like it as well. "I wasn't lying when I said I hate Twilight."
It was the absolute God's honest truth.
-%-%-%-%-
(Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen)
Was she serious? Had she actually never read the books nor seen the movies? I heard people like her existed but thought such individuals were mythical creatures.
"Shocking, I know?" she said sarcastically. "I'm sure it must be difficult for you to believe that not every woman's fantasy revolves around you."
"Not really. I'm just surprised that you're a Twi-tard," I answered without missing a beat.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, almost too loudly. Okay, my remark was low, even for me. I couldn't help it though, Mackenzie was just plain maddening.
"Look, let's not waste time fighting, alright?" I gave-in first, knowing that if one of us didn't cave our bickering would escalate into an all-out shouting match that resulted in waking up Chief Swan. Fantasy world or not, I didn't need any trouble with the law.
"Agreed. Since we already went through what happened before we got here, maybe we should talk about what's been going on since we've been here," she suggested.
"Alright," I agreed. "So, everyone thinks you're Bella?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Duh."
She rolled her eyes, and I tried to keep my anger at bay.
"What I meant to ask is, are you really like Bella? Do you have her memories or find yourself saying or acting in a way that isn't quite typical of yourself?" I asked between clenched teeth.
"Now that you mention it, yeah," she seemed surprised. "I've been clumsier than usual, and when people asked me about life in Phoenix or how my mother is doing, I just somehow knew. But I don't bite my lip or whine about wanting to be a vampire, if that's what you're asking."
"I thought you said you didn't know anything about Twilight?" I accused. Her face flushed a light pink. I made the arrogant Mackenzie Brooks blush! She didn't miss the smug smile that spread across my face, and I didn't hide it.
"Fine, I skimmed the books… and saw the first movie, okay?" she admitted bitterly. "But I swear, I swear, I hated them and didn't bother seeing that New Moon or Eclipse crap!"
"Ha," I laughed aloud. "Fair enough."
Her confession was enough to satisfy me for the rest of the night.
"Let's get back on track, okay?" she tried to change the subject. "Have you been acting like Edward Cullen?"
Shit. That was a question I didn't really want to answer. How could I admit that I'd given into my vampiric instincts and drank blood… and liked it! I just nodded, hoping we would move on.
Recognition of what being like Edward Cullen meant came over her.
"So that means that you…"
"Yep," I interrupted.
"…and you…"
"Yep."
Silence.
"Damn." She almost looked like she felt bad for me, something I hadn't expected.
"Pretty much," I said. "Moving on?"
"Definitely," she agreed. "Do you think there are others like us?"
"No," I quickly answered. She looked at me with a quizzical brow. "Mind reader, remember?"
"Oh, right," she replied. "So, what do we do now?"
"As much as it will kill you to do it, I think we need to play along," I told her.
"What? Hell no!" she refused, almost too loudly. I heard Charlie grunt in his sleep, and then his snores persisted.
"What's you're problem?" I asked, frustrated by her unwillingness to cooperate.
"My problem? Are you mental? There is no way in hell I'm going to let some vamp trio try to sniff me out!" she hissed. Shit, I'd forgotten about James, Victoria, and Laurent.
"We can avoid them since we know when they're coming," I answered, hoping we would be able to bypass that part of the Stephenie Meyer's story.
"And then what, Bobby?" Mackenzie asked cruelly.
"Don't. Call. Me. Bobby." I seethed while narrowing my eyes at her, hoping to get my message across loud and clear.
"Fine, Robert," she bit. "Do you think we'll magically be transported back to the real world once Twilight plays out? Because I have news for you, there are four books, count them, four! And if you think I will play along as Bella Swan, becoming entangled with psycho Italians, falling in love with an emo vampire suffering from suicide ideation and letting him impregnate me, you've got another thing coming!"
"Whoa! Who said anything about impregnation?" I said the last part in a whisper. She opened her mouth to object, but I cut her off. "I don't have the answers, alright? But as far as I can tell, the story keeps playing regardless of what we want. At least we have the advantage of knowing what's coming so we can maybe fend off the bigger catastrophes. And, if you think you can keep your hands to yourself, I think we can avoid anything that would result in you becoming knocked up!"
Mackenzie looked absolutely irate. I liked it.
"Robert Thomas Pattinson," she repeated my name as if she were my mother scolding me.
"Yes?" I answered haughtily.
"You suck!" Her retort was lame and made me chuckle.
"Well, Kenzie, I am a vampire, it's kinda my thing." I stretched my arm behind my head and winked at her while she stewed.
I had no idea how long we would be lost in Twilight but at least now it would be fun.